A/N: So I finished Clockwork Princess and I realized that I still felt incredibly sad. Usually I can just get over it, but this was taking days, still pulling at me. So I sat down and wrote an ending after the end of the book in which the three main characters can meet again together, after all is said and done.
Everything was so fuzzy, like a camera lens that couldn't find its focus. There was incredible warmth, too, like being wrapped in a thick blanket, or lying out in the summer sun. William Herondale never thought death would be so… Comfortable. Or that of the people he had held dearest to him during his lifetime, that he'd be the first one to breathe his last breath on earth and expire. He'd always thought he'd be following his parabatai into the afterlife, not that he'd be resting his head on the shoulder of his Tessa, who had never aged a day past eighteen, and clasping the hand of his lifetime brother, who had also ceased to age when he'd preserved his life by taking on the runes of the silent brothers.
But they had been with him until the very end, he remembered. The brother of his soul playing the flashbacks of their lives together back to him in the most wonderful song Will had ever heard in his life, a lullaby that had soothed him into his final sleep, and the tears of his beautiful wife splashing onto his frail cheek. He'd never wanted her to cry when he had to leave her, never wanted to cause her that pain. Some very human part of him had hoped that death would pass him over as it would for Tessa and Jem, but if it was the price he'd had to pay for a life of beauty with her, he supposed he'd do it again given the chance.
There was nothing there that he would have traded for, with the exception that Jem have been given more time with him. The boy who had saved his life so long ago had still been the most important person to him next to Tess and the scarce time they'd had would probably have never truly been enough. "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride, If turnips were swords I'd have one by my side .If 'ifs' and 'ands' were pots and pans, There would be no need for tinker's hands!" The words reverberated in Will's consciousness. It was an old saying from a Scottish book he'd read while he was alive, and he felt himself amused by the fact that his dead consciousness was still prone to turning to book quotes in times of reflection.
Eventually the indecipherable space around Will began to clear like mist receding from his vision, verdant grass appearing beneath his bare feet and extended into gently rolling hills as far as the eye could see, giving way only to a lake of the deepest shade of blue. When he looked up, he could see a beautiful sky above him, but something about it seemed strange, ethereal even, and he noticed that at the edges of the landscape in front of him seemed to dissolve into the same misty substance that seemed to have been clouding his vision before. Enthralled, Will slowly found himself drifting towards the azure water, so still that it was like a giant looking glass.
Curiously he peered over the reeds around him into the still waters because he simply had to know what a ghostly version of himself would look like. He was shocked to find that he was in the guise of a teenager again, the same person he'd looked like when he and Jem were still bound together by their parabatai rune, when Tess had found her way into their lives and provided the last spark Will needed to truly allow himself to live again. He was dressed in dark trousers and suspenders over a white collared shirt, which only made him look younger.
He'd been so old when he'd died, he'd almost forgotten what being this young was like, except perhaps when he and Tessa used to reminisce, and when he'd look at her and realize she barely looked any older than she had back then. A wild emotion took ahold of him for a moment as he suddenly began to hop and skip and do all sorts of tricks and movements that hadn't been on his list feasible physical activity in years. He laughed wildly at himself, feeling momentarily as if he were experiencing some sort of high, and realizing that being dead certainly wasn't seeming as horrible as the living had made it out to be. But oh, to be young again! One more "Woop!" escaped his throat before he could stop himself, and he found himself laughing with a cheerfulness he'd acquired later in life, an attitude that had come to replace his self-sabotaging nature that Tessa and their children and extended family had managed to take away the need for. The only thing that had seemed to be capable of dimming that happiness a little bit was that Jem could not be a part of that.
To be certain, Will had always known about the rules that prevented Silent Brothers from being a part of the lives of normal people. It had hurt to consider how lonely his parabatai must have been, trapped in that life until a cure might one day come, and the fact that the transformation into a silent brother had taken away some of the humanity that had once been there, trapping his Jem behind a wall of glass, even though he'd been there for him when he needed him the most. That this was the only large piece of his life that had been forced to the wayside; a piece he felt the absence of for the rest of his days. But it was better for Jem than having died early on. Better that he had the chance to live the rest of his life as a healthy man someday. And that perhaps if life was kind, he could love Tessa for him someday because he no longer could, and she could be there for Jem when he came back to the world of the living and Will could not be there physically to ease the pain he knew Jem might feel at the lack of his parabatai by his side, the same way he himself had suffered.
But there was nothing he could really do, now that he was in the realm of the dead, if that was where he really was. He had found his way back to the great glassy lake and he peered down at his reflection again. With a start, he noticed that something was missing from the image staring back at him that he hadn't noticed when he'd looked before. There were no marks. He looked at his skin, searching for any trace of the old scars from the marks that he'd worn as a shadow hunter for almost his entire life and was shocked to find that his skin was unmarked, as smooth and clear as a baby's might be, unmarred by a life of fighting and sacrifice and of the vows he'd made to heaven. It was a completely foreign body to him without those runes and their remnants. No memories marred his skin… Dread clutched Will's consciousness for a moment and left him stunned as he quickly unbuttoned the shirt he was wearing, nearly tearing off the buttons in his haste… But to no avail. Above where his heart would have been beating, were he still living, was skin that was just as soft and unmarked as the rest of himself.
His parabatai rune was simply not there, as if it had never been.
Where joy had overtaken him before, a feeling of inextinguishable anguish had overtaken him and he slumped to his knees in the grass his eyes closing around tears. Vaguely, some part of his consciousness found it strange that he was still experiencing sensation at all, but it was something he couldn't process at the moment. He had no idea how long he stayed like that; time was not a factor in this place it seemed, but eventually a voice broke into his reverie.
"You don't take anything but memories with you when you die, you know." Will froze at the sound of that voice. One he hadn't heard since the early years of his life and believed he'd never hear again until he was, well… Dead. But truly it couldn't be. "I knew I'd find you here, Gwilym."
Slowly Will lifted his head, his eyes traveling slowly upward, not believing that he'd truly be seeing her again, but it only made sense that she'd be here since they were both now dead. A strangled sounding "Ella," was all he could manage as he stared at her. She didn't look a day over fourteen years old, the age she was when she had died. She was shorter than he was now, which would have been comical in different circumstances, and her raven hair curled elegantly about her face and down her back over the lovely blue silken dress she wore, which matched her eyes, in the same ringlets he'd remembered from being a boy. Her eyes, full of amusement, met his when he finally had the courage to meet them, but he was amazed to find them full of incredible love as well. Love he didn't feel as if he deserved, even after all this time. "Ella, I-"
"If you're going to grovel at my feet because you feel responsible for my death, please spare me, Cariad." To hear Ella's voice again, the Welsh accent in every word and the term of endearment she used to use for him when she was still living did something to Will, something that almost sent him back into the spiral of angst he'd been succumbing to earlier. When his face dipped down to break eye-contact with the girl in front of him, Ella reached out, putting her small but firm hand under Will's chin and guiding it back up to get him to face her. "Gwilym," she said, in the tone she used to use to get him to listen to her. "There is nothing to be done about the past or how I died. You didn't know any better and I would gladly give up my life again in a heartbeat if it meant that you got to live a good life."
Will couldn't help himself. He was back to being the little boy he'd once been, reduced to tears and hugging his sister to him with reckless abandon. "I'm so sorry, Ella… I'm so sorry…" His voice was a pained whisper.
He felt her arms go around him and one of her hands moved in soothing circles on his back as she used to when he'd gotten hurt, had a nightmare, or gotten terrorized by rogue ducks as child. She murmured soothing phrases in Welsh into his ear until he was calm again. When his tears were dried and he was restored to a semblance of his teenaged self again, Ella took his hand and led him up one of the hills that surrounded the glassy lake they'd been near, finally stopping at a rocky outcropping near the top that was suitable for them to sit on comfortably. "Come, Cariad, and let us talk. I know you must have many questions."
Too many questions bubbled up into Will's mind as he sat, unable to take his eyes away from his sister for more than a few moments. She met his expression with a raised eyebrow as if challenging him to decide on something, anything to say. He sighed and finally asked, "Where am I? Am I in heaven?" He felt dazed as the question left his mouth. It was all so strange. Where were the angels? The pearly gates?
"No, Will, not heaven yet. This is Limbo, the dimension where the dead go before they move on. Usually those who come here do so because they are waiting for someone." Her lips quirked into a smile for a moment as she looked away from him, out into the valley below the hill to the still lake and the green hills that rose beyond it, the strange hue of the sky, which didn't seem quite like Will had remembered the sky to be when he was living. "This place looks like the Wales of our childhood, does it not? I'm not surprised you would have chosen your place of waiting to look like this."
Will's brows furrowed at this information, but relief coursed through him when he realized he had the chance to wait here for Jem, just as he'd once promised when they had been together last, alive. "So, I'm in Limbo because I'm waiting… But what are you doing here, Ella?"
"I was waiting for you, Cariad."
Will was shocked. "For me? But why?"
Ella smiled, if a little sadly. "When I got here, I was confused, lost. I didn't know I was dying until I suddenly had no time left, and when I realized that I was suddenly dead, I worried. About you, Mam, Dad, and Cecy. But you especially, because I knew what it would do to you. That you would think it was your fault."
"But it was my fa-"
"It was an accident, Cariad, and I chose to protect you. I would have never forgiven myself if you had been the one to die instead. I saw Mam and Dad when they passed through. They told me about how you left, believed you were cursed. But the last time they had seen you, you were happy. I was so relived. Now come, Gwilym. Tell me about the life my little brother lived."
And Will told her. He told Ella of the few years after her death that he'd spent learning to become a shadowhunter and pushing everyone away because he believed the demon who had killed Ella had cursed him, and that it would be his fault if others died because he loved them. He told her of the boy who had saved him from utter despair, a boy who was slowly wasting away physically the same way he himself was wasting away inside. How he had saved him from that, and helped him through is continuing fear of ducks. How the two of them had stumbled upon a lost little American girl who turned out to be the love of his life. How they had fought together and laughed together, until his soul brother was taken away from him to become the thing that would preserve him until he could be cured of his illness and live the rest of his life. How before that, they had both discovered that they'd fallen for the same girl, and how she was nearly taken away in their fight against the man bent on visiting evil on the nephilim.
He told her of afterwards when Tessa agreed to marry him and how he was the happiest man alive, and how they'd had three children and how their best friend had tried to be there for all of the important times in their life together, even though he couldn't really be more than a scarce visitor. He admitted how much that had hurt, despite that small happiness that had been allowed to them. He told Ella of Cecily and who she grew up to be, that she'd married Gabriel Lightworm, sorry, Lightwood, and how he'd harassed them relentlessly about it because it was his job as a big brother. He told her about growing old, and that it had secretly frightened him to become so weak in his old age, to be the shadow of the strong young man he had been, the person he resembled now again. Finally, he told her about his death; that it had been peaceful, and that he'd died in the arms of his wife, while his best friend had played for him, then taken his hand while he left.
Ella regarded him silently for most of his story as he shared all of her memories with him, though at times she would emit a, "You didn't!" or a "No! Did it really?". During the sad parts she'd held his hand as he told her, and he'd smile ruefully. But when he was finished, his sister flashed him the most beatific smile and had simply said, "I'm satisfied now that you did not live your whole life burdened with the guilt of my death. You had so much happiness for all the pain you went through, Will." She rose to her feet then and looked down at him, the smile on her face peaceful. "I am satisfied now, and so I must go."
"Go? Where?" Will rose to his feet too, startled by Ella's declaration.
Her smile remained peaceful as she replied, "Onwards. To cross into the next life, finally. I would ask you to come with me, but you have others to wait for, Cariad. Wait for them." She put her hand on his shoulder at his stricken expression and reached around to rummage in her dress pocket for a moment. Finally she withdrew her hand and placed a handkerchief into Will's hand, which was wrapped around something hard. He moved to unwrap it immediately, but Ella's petite hand came up and rested on top of his. "Wait. Wait until I'm gone."
He nodded numbly, and bent forward as Ella's hand came up behind his head and guided it down so she could press a kiss to his forehead, the same way she used to when they were young and she sought to comfort him. He had no words as he watched her withdraw from him and turn away, gliding down the hill with grace.
"Perhaps I will have the honor of knowing you again in a different time, Gwilym." Her voice carried back to him like the caress from a breeze and he watched her silently as she walked towards a place where the mists billowed against the boundaries of the dimension. Then, without any preamble, the mist suddenly parted and the distant figure of Ella disappeared through the opening, but not before turning and waving up at him. He waved back, but she was already gone.