I remember the day I met the other Titans. I had just left Batman to try going solo; Starfire was nothing more than a threat before we got to know her. She was angry, she couldn't even speak English before the 'passing of knowledge' and she was destroying a large part of the city to get the hand cuffs off.
I met Beast Boy officially first, then Cyborg. We were hiding behind a bus, about to try a three vs one fight with Star when the giant Raven appeared, blocking our path. We all heard a voice and turned around and there was Raven, she was a bit smaller then she is now, with her hood up and only a bit of her face on view.
She still fights like that; I don't think there are many villains that have actually seen her face. Mumbo, Mother Mae-Eye, Red X, Slade, Trigon, maybe a few others. We have obviously. I don't understand how her hair is purple but it does suit her.
I tried staying away, but I can't help but try and protect her. Catching her when she falls, saving her from her dad, subtle things that I hope she remembers gratefully. She's saved me a few times, and she's been in my mind. I don't actually know what she calls it, but I refer to it as a bond, one that is formed and never broken.
I tried staying away, Starfire was a good distraction. She was fun, bubbly and she can keep you occupied when she isn't cooking her inedible tamaranian food. She's everything Raven could never be which is why I don't understand how they came to be such good friends. I guess being the only girls on the team does that to you. But no matter how hard I tried, whenever I was with Starfire, I couldn't help but feel guilty about Raven.
How she would lock herself up in her room and stay there as much as she could meditating and reading one of her many books. Maybe that's why Malchior left her heart broken worse than any of us could. He used her loneliness against her.
She was depressed after that for weeks. She wasn't talking to anyone and she wasn't leaving her room, not even for food.
It sounds bad now but we all thought she had done something stupid, her room was deadly silent and she had sealed all the gaps with her powers so that Beast Boy couldn't sneak into her room again.
The mood in the Tower was really bad after that, it was heavy and depressing.
Then a few weeks after the incident, I found her meditating on the roof, with a cup of tea. I left her and went back to my room silently, not quite sure whether she had heard me or not but I was secretly thrilled. She was walking around the tower by then, but at strange times like in the dead of night or when we were all out. I'm guessing it was so none of us ever saw her properly; only through the CCTV cameras hidden around the tower.
She started walking around a bit more and would enter rooms even if she knew we were there but she wouldn't engage in any conversation. We were really careful about what we talked about around her, just in case something bad came up and history repeated itself. It didn't.
About a week after I found her on the roof, she appeared for breakfast, and even ate some food.
Everything went back to normal, but through our bond, I knew she was still really upset but she had perfected the art of an emotionless expression and she showed no emotion through her eyes. It was like she had her own special mask.
She still hides behind it now, there is only me and Starfire who have been allowed to see the emotions in her eyes, and it's a VERY short experience, but it proves how much she trusts us.
The first time I saw it, I wasn't meant to. It was on her birthday, when she woke me up from her time spell. It was the first time I ever saw an emotion in her eyes; it was a mix between Joy and Relief. The barriers were up after about 5 seconds but it was enough to prove that she does feel, no matter what Beast Boy says. He should know, considering he was the first of us to go to Nevermore, even if it was accidentally.
I wish it was me who went to Nevermore, not Beast Boy but I can't go there. She locks the mirror away now and she changes its hiding place every few weeks so Beast Boy can't find it again.
I could ask her, but if she gave me the cold shoulder I'd feel awful. I hated it when she wouldn't tell me about her past, what was wrong on her birthday, why she didn't want a party, stuff like that. I wish she would. She's my best friend, and I like to think that we are the closest on the team, even closer the Beast Boy and Cyborg, they argue all the time anyway, Tofu or Meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Sometimes I don't blame Raven for not wanting to eat with the rest of us at meals. I go out when she's on the roof with my cup of coffee and sometimes a cup of herbal tea for her if I know she's been out there for a long time. Sometimes she ignores me, but more often than not she stops meditating and talks to me.
We talk about everything, well almost everything. She knows I don't like talking about Red X, Slade or my family, and I know that she doesn't like talking about her father, Slade or her past.
Well I thought she didn't like talking about her past, but over the last few months as we have gotten closer she's told me parts of her life on Azarath, her mother and Azar, her sort-of guardian that taught her about her powers, and how to control them and her emotions.
Afterwards she either joins me for breakfast or I join her in meditation. If I do, I don't say anything, I just listen to her, her voice is calming enough. Most people say that her voice is monotone and empty. They lie. You can hear the emotions if you listen carefully enough. I do and it's like a second nature to me now.
I can hear every emotion and I know little things about her, like how she waits for her tea to cool before drinking it.
How she always brings The Book of Azar into the main ops room. How she secretly leaves her room in the middle of the night to go and look at the moon and stars. How she burns incense in her room, and that's why her room always smells like violets and lavender.
Another thing most people don't know is that her favourite colour is purple, and in daylight, her blue walls are actually a deep purple colour. Most people don't know that she reads famous series' like the Harry Potter books, Percy Jackson, even the Hunger Games are in her room, but they're well hidden behind her Edgar Allan Poe books or under her bed.
I know because one time when I was walking back to my room after training, her door was open and as I walked past they were on her bed, her hood was down and she was reading one, the fifth I think.
Before I had a chance to move she looked up, I quickly raised my hand to look like I was going to knock on the door. I got the door slammed in my face then I heard a smash. I knocked on the door, and she opened it so I could only see half her face.
Anyone else would think her eyes were empty like usual but I could see a flicker of fear in them. I didn't know what to say so we just stood there in silence. I looked down, embarrassed, and I could feel her glaring at me. I looked back up and to my surprise; she opened the door wider and gestured for me to go in.
I walked in and saw the books were no longer there and sticking out of her bin was part of the vase Starfire gave her for Christmas, the pink one with smiley flowers on that didn't fit in her room but she kept on a small podium anyway.
That's another thing about Raven, even if she doesn't show emotions she always considers other people's emotions. I guess it helps her being an empath and all. Sometimes I wonder how she survives when people are especially angry or sad.
Anyway I walked in her room and just stood near her bed awkwardly. After a few minutes she spoke. "Are you going to sit down then Boy Blunder? Or just stand there until I kick you out for wasting my time?"
I went and sat on the edge of her bed, she had her hood up, unlike before. I waited and she spoke again. "So, care to tell me why you was stood outside my room watching me read?" I looked at her and sighed. I knew that she would probably just torture me if I didn't tell her soon. I thought she would stay near the door but she came and sat next to me, there was a gap but I knew she didn't like people very close to her. I sighed and then started to explain.
"I was going to my room and I saw your door was open so I looked in, sorry." I looked back up at her and recognised what she was doing instantly.
She was scanning my face to see whether I was telling the truth or just lying. She reached a conclusion and mumbled an apology; I'm guessing it was for slamming the door in my face. Now I knew that she wasn't angry I made the risky decision to push my luck a bit. "So... I didn't know you read the Harry Potters."
I held my breath, and waited for something to hit my head. When it didn't come I looked at her.
"They're some of the first books I bought on Earth, they're easier to read then the Book of Azar and since it has something to do with magic, I read them quite a lot."
I tried to think of a good thing to say but came up blank. I asked a question instead. "What language is The Book of Azar in? Because, and don't tell him I told you this but, when Beast Boy tried reading it over your shoulder he said it was all symbols and nothing with understandable so." As I was speaking she got up and crossed the room to a small bookstand that she kept that particular book on. She picked it up and re-sat next to me. She opened it in the middle where her bookmark was. "It's in Azaranian, it's actually really easy to understand if you take the time to learn it. It's my first language but I still don't understand everything in it." She sighed.
From what I know now, it's all she has to remind her of Azar and Azarath except the memories so I can see why it frustrates her.
Anyway, I had the perfect idea, so I could spend more time with her and she might open up to me a bit more. "Why don't you teach me? It's looks interesting and it would be good for to have something to think about while no villains have been plotting something." She smiled at me, not a smirk; she gave me a genuine smile and nodded.
It was silent for a minute. "So when do you want to start?" I smiled at her. I knew this was a good idea, I could spend more time with her and no one would suspect a thing. After all, Starfire taught Raven AND Cyborg how to speak Tamaranian, so they couldn't object to me learning Azaranian, could they? I got up to leave but before I got to the door she spoke again. "Robin?" I turned around.
"Yeah?" She stood up and walked over.
"One, don't tell anyone that I have the Harry Potters," I nodded and smiled, "And two, I already knew that Beast Boy reads over my shoulder. He doesn't really hide it." I smiled then left.
That was a few months ago, she was right. Azaranian is easy to learn but you need to concentrate or else you can make a mistake and it could end up changing a sentence completely.
Raven talks to me a lot more now, and sometimes she lets me read a bit of the Book of Azar. She watches me and makes sure I don't damage it in any way.
So far I haven't left a mark and she actually seems impressed when I give it her back. It is quite hard to understand it, but it is a really good book.
I don't read it in the main ops room of course. As much as I trust Beast Boy, I know he would steal it, just to see how far he can push Raven.
No, I read it in her room after she's finished teaching me some more Azaranian.
We meet on the roof at 3:00 a.m. and then go down to her room, normally after getting her a tea and me a coffee. We finish at 5:30 then I go back to my room while she goes up to the roof.
It's the same schedule every day but it isn't boring, because I'm learning more about Raven every day.
It didn't take me long to realise I was falling in love with her. Raven, the feared half-demon. My best friend.
I don't know how she feels but my love for her is growing each day, and it will never die. Our bond is stronger than ever now, and I hope it stays that way.
If I told her and she didn't return my feelings then that would probably destroy our bond and our friendship, and I wouldn't survive if that happened.
It's better to keep it hidden and let it glow faintly in the dark and see what happens. If she returns my feelings over time, then my life will be complete.
But for now, just spending time with her, learning more about her and catching a glimpse of that perfect smile, that she never shows around the others, is enough for me to say with all my heart that I, Richard Grayson love Raven and I always will forever.