Desperate

by sxpernatural

Takes place after Road Trip (9x10). Sam does not survive having both Crowley and Gadreel inside of his head. It's up to Dean and Castiel to try and bring Sam back, while simultaneously fighting both Abbadon's army of demons, and Bartholomew's army of fallen angels. How far will they go to reclaim what was once theirs?

1. Chapter 1

"Sammy?" I whispered, clutching his body to me. I let one tear escape. I felt it roll down my cheek, slowly at first, but then with more force. It gained speed, sliding around the outline of my nose, down my lips, and finally off my chin. I rubbed the heel of my hand ferociously into my eyes. I would not cry. I did this to him. I let Ezekel-Gadreel, whatever- inside him. It was my fault he was dead, and I would bring him back.

Crowley said he could fix Sam, that he could get Gadreel out. Too many minds in one body. It destroyed him. It destroyed him and Crowley and Gadreel got away and Sam… no. I refuse to believe it. Sam was not dead, not permanently. There was an answer out there and I would find it.

"Cas!" I screamed, although he was standing right behind me. He knelt down beside me, and I felt the smooth material of his godforsaken trench coat sliding across my arm.

"Dean," he began, in the voice that was both rough and smooth at the same time. The voice that seemed to hold the answers to all the worlds' questions, yet, simultaneously, in that moment, sounded as desperate for answers as I was. He cleared his throat. "Dean," he continued, "I'll try but…I don't know how much I can do. I've never seen anything like this attempted before. An angel and a demon, simultaneously sharing a host. We knew it was dangerous. I don't know where to begin. I-I'm sorry Dean."

I bit my bottom lip until I tasted blood, enjoying the pain. Enjoying being able to feel.

I closed my eyes so not to look at Sam's… body. I couldn't bring my mind to think the word corpse. I couldn't associate it with my Sammy. Body I could deal with. Body meant hope. Body meant life. Body meant coming back. But corpse? Corpse was used for the disintegrating. For those who have been with the ground for so long they become one with it. I would never use that word for Sammy. Ever.

"Just try. Try something." I tried to scream the words, to let out all the frustration I had in them, but they came out as barely more than a whisper. "Just promise you'll try," I said to Castiel. And with that, I laid Sam's head on the ground, got up, dusted off my knees, and walked away.