A/N: This is the first re-written chapter for Excruciating Love! Thank you for taking your time to read this! I hope it's better than the first time, haha! (it really should be, if not, gomen, I did my best)

Love could be excruciating, especially with this guy. She was lying close to him, due to his small one-man-bed. He was letting his guard down in front of her, which was a surprise to her. When the sun was up, and everyone was awake, he wouldn't even give her proper answers to anything, and a conversation couldn't even be led without a threat with Mugen. But, there was a whole different side to him that no one saw except for her. It was at night, when everyone else was sound asleep, resting for the next where another day of endless war would begin. He would go as far as to embrace her – snuggling and cuddling – even. He could act around her like he acted around Mugen. She was too precious to lose. If she woke up before him – which really was a rare occasion – she could see the difference. His undisturbed muscles, his half-opened mouth and his closed, relaxed eyes, would change into one of a frown; his lips were tightened into a thin line as if sewed together, his eyebrows furrowed giving him wrinkles, and stern, cold gaze emitting from his dark, mystic eyes, showing no signs of the earlier nightmares, the shaken, the cuddling. She was painfully in love with this man, no matter how stoic he seemed to others. Everything about him was unbelievable painful to her – his past, his present, and his future – just as much as her own.

"You really should stop staring at people while they sleep, you fucking idiot.." Kanda snarled in a husky, tired voice at Mei, who snorted in surprise. She hadn't known that he was actually awake, as she had studied his porcelain face, deciphering every last detail of it into her fleeting memory.

"Who said I was staring, you asshole?" Mei snapped back at the bluette, obviously annoyed by the fact that he had caught her in the act.

This was how their conversations went if they weren't making love. Or, you could call it what you needed, but Mei would never call it "making love" – not out loud, that was for sure.

No one knew about the relationship between the two exorcists, Mei and Kanda. But no one would guess it anyway – except for Lenalee, but Mei had also suspected her for reading minds once. She clearly knew a lot about them, since they were her precious "family".

Mei loved Kanda, and his love could pierce through her at the weirdest of times. Loving a jerk definitely wasn't easy. Kanda shuddered slightly, and Mei had a inner dialogue if she should close the window – but he was perfectly capable of doing that himself, right?

Kanda was eyeing the two swords that were thrown on the floor, Mugen and Aiden, who were mingled in with scattered parts of their uniforms. Without thinking, he pulled Mei closer to himself, feeling her warm skin meet his. He would never admit this out loud, but it would be agonizing to lose her in battle. What was he supposed to do, whom would he have left if she senselessly left him alone in this world? Mei had never said the word "I love you" out loud to him, and he, never to her. He didn't even know if their relationship was even based on love, or the craving of some kind of twisted human contact. He cared deeply for her – maybe even more than that person, but at the same time, she could piss him off in a matter of seconds. She was a jerk, but she never really left his mind, and by the end of the day, he could always determine that she was still in his mind.

He was well aware of the fact that Mei had been staring at him, taking in every detail about him, he could sense it long before he had said anything, and he also knew that she was thinking about things she shouldn't.

She had fallen asleep after he had tugged her in carefully, an almost inaudible hummed lullaby escaping his lips while he was stroking her brown hair. She was going on a mission tomorrow, and that was probably what had influenced their extra foul moods, the angrier intercourse and the additional midnight thoughts.

The sun hit Kanda's face but he was still looking at Mei; he wanted to memorize her face and the charms. Who knew sunlight could be this destructive?

Mei let out an exaggerated, sarcastic sigh as she closed the last button of her uniform. Kanda was sitting on the bed, crossed legs, and that recognizable frown, letting out a click of his tongue. Kanda was stubborn as ever, and it made Mei click her own tongue in annoyance. She was going to miss that stubbornness, but right now it was just annoying. She wrapped Aiden around her waist, and looked at Kanda.

"I'm leaving now you know, you fucker. Care about saying goodbye?"

"Tch. Why do I need to? You'll be back in less than a week or so, right?"

"Isn't it nice to know that if I died, you had at the very least said goodbye?"

"You won't die."

She just sighed before she bent down to him on the bed, leaving a small, innocent peck on his lips. This was out of character for her, and Kanda raised his eyebrows in slight confusion. Something more suitable as a "goodbye" from her, would be a smack to the cheek or a fist to the stomach.

But Mei surprised him to no end. She was, indeed, a jaded person. When they were kids, and he saw her sleep on their missions, he could see how she let her guards down, and how she actually relaxed around people. But as she got older, with more scars on her body and her soul than one could count with their fingers, he could see that she kept distancing herself more and more, her sleep deprivation making her mood even more intolerable.

It was only after their minor mingling between the bed sheets and the silent (hummed, of course) lullabies from Kanda, that she had started to get a better sleep again.

Kanda was thrown out of his thoughts when he felt a gentle hand stroke his cheek and a soft voice whispering, "Kumoi made it very clear that I had to be ready as soon as the sun had set. So I have to go now, okay?"

He looked at her, with a slightly surprised glance. Why was she so calm and collected? And not to mention, gentle? He smirked.

"You really should take it easy, midget. You'll be back before you realize it."

A/N: So there it is! I hope you're satisfied, and find this better! (If you're one of those who read the story before, too) I would really appreciate it if you left a review for me, both cons and pros! Thank you! c: