ANOTHER FAILED ROMANCE
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, it's characters or Queen's masterpiece, 'The Show Must Go On'.
Summary: What had gone through Jesse St. James' mind on that historical morning of Funkification? Is he really the monster everyone painted him out to be? Whatever happens, his smile still stays on because he asks the same question as the rest of us. What are we living for?
Pairing: St. Berry. Goodness in every drop.
Author's Note: This idea really actually stemmed from a dream, to be honest. I woke up, thinking to myself "What was Jesse thinking right before Funkification? Did he consider the consequences? There must be a reason to why his showface kept slipping after 'Another One Bites The Dust' and during the dreaded egging". He was in a dilemma. He was dying inside, ready to just break down there and then. And I felt the need to answer to this and provide some justice to his character. And what better way to show it than through a Queen masterpiece, 'The Show Must Go On'? It is clearly a Vocal Adrenaline thing, the song describes perfectly the torturous dilemma Jesse went through and I believe he would be able to pull it off. Hopefully, this piece goes out to any and all Queen fans as an homage to the great Freddie Mercury.
Jesse, if there's something wrong, you have to tell me. – R.
He read and re-read the text message for what must have been the hundredth time that day. Rachel had sensed his distance from her and knew something was up. She just couldn't place her finger on what.
Jesse grimaced and snapped the cellphone shut angrily. How could he tell her? He wanted so much to... to warn her. He didn't care for the rest. Why didn't he just tell her to skip school for the day? Because he knew she was the main reason they were going after 'New Directions'. They wouldn't stop until they destroyed the heart of the said glee club.
He had cursed himself for allowing his emotions to appear to the surface so carelessly. His teammates noticed that Rachel affected him. Often he'd find himself mending his bruised knuckles to the background noise of Shelby's scolding and nagging. She'd go on about how him having injured hands didn't exactly allow much lifting to be done on his part when their choreography came into play. So, he could just kiss his solo goodbye. As if that'd ever happen.
Sure, punching walls didn't exactly prove to be the healthiest therapy around... but, he found himself grow more and more in need to release his frustrations on something. See... Jesse St. James always knew where he was headed. He had a clear-cut vision and he had goals. He wasn't going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that.
So, being pinned between his teammates, his ambition and... Rachel... he never thought he'd find himself in such a situation. It wasn't part of the plan. The plan he had formulated ever since pre-school. Falling in love was never supposed to happen... at least until he had achieved everything he knew he wanted.
But then Rachel Berry happened. And that changed everything.
Pocketing his cellphone, he leaned his head back against the wall. He was seated at the side of the stage, by the left exit as opposed to his favorite spot at the center. No, this "upcoming performance" was not one he wished to have a lead in.
But, he was Jesse St. James. He was either the lead or he was out of there. Funny enough, that was a condition he himself had solidified years ago.
Jesse rested his elbows on his propped up knees as he gazed stonily out to the empty Carmel High auditorium as the opening score of a Queen classic resonated through him. His lips parted.
"Empty spaces – What are we living for?
Abandoned spaces – I guess we know the score..." his smooth, rich vice filled the emptiness around him as he peered ahead to nothing at all.
"On and on!" Jesse stood up, shutting his eyes tiredly.
"Does anybody know what we are looking for?" shaking his head, the seemingly broken man who really was still just a boy, turned to exit stage left.
He was met with the hustle and bustle of backstage as he continued his paces.
"Another hero – another mindless crime,
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime..."
He wove through the stage workers who crowded the area, running around with their clipboards and such. Some were busy with transporting wooden planks for the set. Things went as if in slow motion for Jesse as he ducked to avoid getting hit by a rogue wooden plank.
"Hold the line!" he continued, shifting to allow a tiny stage director to run past and order the painters to finish up with the background.
"Does anybody want to take it anymore?" frowning, Jesse squinted at an obstacle in his way.
They were posters of previous shows Carmel High had produced, which hung loosely from a string overhead. Most of which featured him as the male lead. Enraged, he tore through them.
"The show must go on!
The show must go on! Yeah..."
As a flurry of West Side Story (Tony), Romeo and Juliet (title role), Cats (Rum Tum Tugger), Spring Awakening (Melchior), and The Phantom of The Opera (Raoul... though, he really wanted to play the title role of the tortured soul at the time) and more posters flew around him, Jesse had ripped a poster of We Will Rock You that covered the mirror behind it.
He stared at his somewhat distorted reflection, breathing a little heavily.
"Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking..." watching his handsome face, he was slightly alarmed by the empty, lost expression prominently featured on it. He had to look away and keep walking.
"But, my smile, still, stays on!" Jesse lifted his chin slightly as he felt his heart twist at the area he was approaching.
It was the dancer's bar. Before he had joined New Directions, he and Rachel had secret rendezvous here. Because a) it was secluded and rarely anyone bothered to warm up for practice backstage and b) Jesse never really could escape the said practices, hence was confined to the compound of the auditorium. So, they'd run off together every once in awhile to meet here.
Jesse's brow creased as he could practically see the two of them, laughing and huddled by the bar.
"Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance," he sang, having an out-of-body experience as he relived the memory of Rachel and him right there.
"What if I told you I'm falling for you?" he had her boxed in against the wall as both his hands were placed against the bar on each of her side. She still had the rose he had given her moments ago pressed against her nose as her eyes lifted to his. "What would you say?" he whispered, feeling a playful smirk tug on one corner of his lips.
"Another heartache..."
She stared at him, a flicker of hope within her dark brown orbs before she pushed his chest coyly. "I'd ask you to quit being silly," she murmured, laughing softly. He barely budged, staring down at her, his smirk transforming to an honest smile. A smile he reserved only for her. "I'm not," his voice was a deep timbre as he held her gaze.
"Another failed romance," Jesse didn't know whether to smile or wince, remembering what had happened next. She grinned beautifully before throwing her arms around him, meshing their lips together in a passionate kiss. The image faded into nothingness.
"On and on!
Does anybody know what we are living for?"
Jesse knew that after today, more and more of these images were to fade. As much as he desperately wanted to cling on to every shred of their moments together, he knew that he wouldn't have a right to.
After today.
And thatrealization made him die more and more inside.
Jesse turned a corner and walked up the staircase that kead to a catwalk overhead.
"I guess I'm learning,
I must be warmer now..." he sang, finding an odd peace from the emptiness of the area. It wouldn't last long.
"I'll soon be turning round the corner now..." Jesse walked on, ignoring the long way to the ground floor if he had missed a step.
He stopped at the double doors that lead to the onstage-second floor. The similar one used for the balcony scene in their Romeo and Juliet production.
"Outside the dawn is breaking," he eyed the light that shone through the cracks of the doors as he stood there.
"But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!" Jesse gripped the doorknobs in each of his hand as he inhaled sharply, clenching his jaw tight. This was it.
He burst through the doors, greeted by the bright lights of the center stage. Just moments ago, the same place was dead and empty. Now, with him standing on the second tier of the stage, overlooking the rest of 'Vocal Adrenaline', the room was pulsating with life and anxiety over what they were about to do. They joined in the chorus with Jesse.
"The show must go on!
The show must go on! Yeah!" his face contorted passionately as his eyes remained vacant while staring straight ahead. He felt his eyes burn as he continued the song (which he thoroughly assured himself were just the effect of the spotlights).
"Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking..." he gripped the railing before him, betraying a shred of doubt as his head bowed hesitantly.
"But, my smile, still, stays on!" Jesse forced himself to look up, trying to put his emotions in the back of his mind.
At that, he strutted down the staircase that had wheeled out before him as the song went into an instrumental bridge. Taking his time descending, he put on a showface for his teammates who eyed him warily, still unconvinced. Yet, they found comfort in the expression on his face. Apparently, they mistakened the look of anguish for "determination".
"Yeah! Oh, oh, oh!" Jesse sang, his voice resonating powerfully amongst the heavy instrumentals of the song.
He stopped just by the lone microphone stand at the front and center of the stage as the lights shut off, except for the one spotlight on him.
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,"
Jesse held the microphone in place with one hand as the other held the stand; the effect of the lyrics took a toll on him, causing his eyes to flutter shut whilst shaking his head.
"Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die!"
He could see her clearly behind shut eyes. The way she'd smile after he kissed her, the dreamy look on her face each time he whispered sweet nothings into her ear, the musical quality to her laughter, the way her eyes lit up each time he met her, the way she ran her delicate fingers through his hair whenever he needed comforting...
"I can fly, my friends!" he belted out, almost losing himself in the music before his eyes snapped open to reveal the reality of the situation. That those moments were about to be ripped from underneath him and Rachel. And there was nothing he could do about it.
"The show must go on! Yeah!
The show must go on!"
The rest of Vocal adrenaline joined him in the chorus once more as the lights came back on with more flourish, almost explosively. Jesse walked downstage as the rest followed him from behind.
He found himself in the center aisle, numbly continuing to saunter forward towards the double-doored entrance of the auditorium. Deftly grabbing the blue Vocal Adrenaline jacket that laid atop one of the seats, Jesse venomously continued to sing.
"I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!" his voice easily overlapped the background vocals of his teammates in perfect harmony as he slowly put the jacket on over his black V-neck tee-shirt and pants, completing the ensemble that clearly showed which team he was a part of. The team he was the leader of.
Jesse struggled to maintain his composure as each step he took drew him further and further away from the happy ending that was never meant for him and Rachel together.
The entrance doors opened and he stopped as daylight washed over him. The rest of the team looked to him expectantly.
Do or die?
"I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!"
Jesse was hesitating as he maintained his position, standing there as he lifted his eyes to the sky.
"On with the...
On with the..." his teammates sang, pushing for him to make the next move, the only move, as he remained silent.
His lips finally parted once more.
"On with the show!" Jesse belted out with such power and dynamicism, it rendered him to screw his eyes shut and tilt his head backwards on that last long note.
Breathing heavily, he walked out with 'Vocal Adrenaline' trailing after him, ready for the next course of action to be taken. 'New Directions' funkification and to tear down the only one he'd ever come close to loving more than life itself. He was to destroy his soul.
"The show must go on..."