It was one o'clock in the morning in Hollywood, California. Famous film director James Cameron was drunk as hell. With his drunkness, he began eating everything that came his way, including some already-chewed-gum, Starbucks cups, Lindsey Lohan and lots of shit like that. But eventually, he came upon this pile of mushrooms. These weren't any ordinary mushrooms, they were shrooms. He scarfed them down, and started seeing things, including these blue cat people.
He woke up with a hangover the next day, but remembered this vision of the blue cat people. He wrote it down and sent it to his producers. They must have been drunk as shit and accepted the idea, and this, is the story, of Avatar.
Ok, so this handicapped guy named Jacob Sully got onto this giant spaceship thing. He witnessed a pizza being burned in the oven (which turns out to be his brother, hehe, sucks for him). They land on this planet thing with all these machines and shit, and they were mining for some metal that apparently was worth billions of dollars. Problem was, the biggest supply was under this big ass tree were all these little blue cat people live.
These people speak like Chinese or Japanese or Korean or Mandarin or Spanish or some language like that and have big ears that stick up like cats. They also have this white tree that looks like a coral reef that apparently is filled with the souls of the cats the Chinese have cooked up. The tree "talks" and apparently they can be one with nature and share energy with the soil and stuff like that. They're basically hippies, without the pot and the obsessive music festivals. But really, that's all hippies ever do, smoke pot and listen to music, some way to change the world, huh you hippie fags. Anyway, they all live in this tree like the size of a freaking hippopotamus on acid and steroids and shit like that.
But them living there is causing problems. There is this metal crap that is worth more than Mitt Romney's car elevator under the tree. So the earth people send this Jake Sully guy (disguised as a blue cat person) to make friends. They are a simple people, so he learns to bond by running through forests, shooting giant Gingrich-like monsters, riding dragons and singing kumbaya around a fire while doing rain dances, even though rain doesn't exist in space, damn idiots.
So the earth people get fed up with Jake becoming friends with the savages, and prepares to destroy their tree. So they enlist the help of Kim Jong Un, who only screams "JA VOM MI SENG GO TEN TO TA" (GIVE ME THAT CABBAGE YOU PRICKS). They launch some nukes at the tree and it collapses, destroying the soul tree and killing all of the little blue cat people.
So we don't know how completely fucked up James Cameron was the night he made Avatar, but he must have been completely and totally totaled. So James Cameron made millions, and I am stuck here writing these god-dammed fan-fictions. *Takes a swig of whiskey to calm nerves*