Disclaimer: Check the Paramount and Grub Street Production lists. If my name isn't there, its safe to assume that I don't have any claim.
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Author's Notes: This is a slightly AU fic. I think that Claudia and Jonathan are probably about 14 and 13 respectively. And I'm not a doctor, so please don't criticise the complete lack of medical terms and knowledge in the story.
"Everything that lives...."
By Elaine
"If my heart had wings, I would fly to you.
And lay beside you as you dream."
"If my heart had wings." Faith Hill.
"I don't regret anything." The words came from Niles, harsh: low and softly spoken. Daphne pressed his hand to her lips.
"Shh." she said, the tears rolling down her face. "Don't talk."
Niles smiled, even through the pain. "We knew this was going to happen." he said simply.
Daphne nodded, unable to speak.
It had been 15 years since Niles's last heart bypass operation. Six months since Niles had walked in, his face ashen. Daphne closed her eyes and remembered the fateful conversation that brought them here.
"Niles, what's wrong?"
Are the children here?" he asked, distractedly.
Daphne shook her head. "No, Claudia and Jonathan are at friends. Niles, what's wrong?" she repeated.
"I went to the doctor's today." He said calmly, surprising himself.
"Oh. What did he say?"
Niles sat down on the fainting couch and patted the space next to him. Daphne sat down willingly.
"They found a problem with one of the valves in my heart. The one I had repaired."
Daphne felt her face drain of all colour. "What kind of problem?" she whispered, reaching over to hold Niles's hand.
"It appears that it's started to malfunction. That my body is fighting it."
"Ok, so now what happens. Do you have another operation?" Daphne asked, her medical training taking over.
Niles looked at her for the first time since he had walked into the house. His tear filled, cornflower blue eyes said everything.
Daphne shook her head in disbelief. "No." she murmured.
Niles nodded, unable to speak for the lump that had coalesced in his throat.
Daphne stood up and began pacing the room. "It's been 15 years Niles! Surely they can do something! Anything!" She threw her hands up in pain and disbelief.
Niles enveloped her, holding her until the tears came. "I thought the same thing, but..." He trailed off, unable to say the words out loud.
"How long?" Daphne asked, her voice muffled against his chest.
"They don't know." Niles replied quietly. "It could be a year, it could be six months."
Daphne's breath caught in her throat. 'six months'. Is that all? Is everything, is all this going to vanish after six months. Will I not have this in six months? she wondered, feeling Niles's heartbeat through his shirt and pulled him closer to her.
"What do we tell the kids?" she asked, pulling her mind back to more practical subjects.
"I don't know." He laughed, sharply, mirthfully. "I don't think they include this in many psychiatric books. At least none I've read." He added.
"Perhaps we should just tell them the truth." She replied simply.
Niles took a step back, and looked at Daphne. "Are you sure?"
She nodded, her coffee coloured eyes filling with tears as she imagined the conversation.
"Yeah. We raised our children to be honest. If we're not, what kind of example are we setting?" she asked rhetorically.
Niles nodded. "Yeah." he sighed. "You're right."
Daphne smiled wickedly. "I know."
Niles caught her smile and responded in kind. "I love you, Daphne Crane." he said softly, tenderly.
"I love you too, Niles." She replied, and claimed his lips with her own.
Daphne stirred, and eased the kinks out of her back. She looked down at the bed and saw Niles sleeping peacefully. She reached out and brushed the hair off his forehead. The blonde had faded to a soft, pale grey. Daphne laughed to herself. At least he hadn't lost his hair like Frasier had. There were more lines than Daphne had remembered, and she reached out and softly traced a new line that she was sure she hadn't seen yesterday.
'Please, she thought. Let me remember him like this. Peaceful. Sleeping. Let me remember him as he was. So full of life, so full of love. Don't let me remember the hospitals, the tests, the pain, the pills.' And she raised her eyes heavenward and prayed to anyone or anything that may be listening.
The door opening tore Daphne away from her plea. She turned to see Claudia standing in the doorway.
"Hi."
"Hi." Daphne replied, quietly.
Claudia walked in and closed the door silently behind her. "How's Dad?"
"Sleeping." Daphne said simply, not willing to give a voice to Niles's dying.
"Do you mind if I stay for a while?" she asked.
Daphne shook her head, "No," she replied, and Claudia sat on the other side of Niles's bed.
The resemblance between the man lying on the bed and the girl holding his hand was unmistakable. Claudia was definitely Niles's daughter. Her build: slim, tall, through to the blonde hair that sat swinging on her shoulders through to the crystal blue eyes that she looked at the world through.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked, her voice breaking the silence.
"I was thinking about the day your father told me about this." Daphne answered, waving her hand in the direction of the bed.
"Yeah." Claudia said understandingly.
The two women who Niles Crane would have willing gave his life for, sat together, both thinking, and waiting. And praying.
Claudia's mind flashed back to six months previously. Before all the pills and her father's weight loss and countless hospital visits. Back to the place where all this began.
Claudia walked into the house and felt the tension immediately. She may have looked like her father, but her sense of foreboding and instinct she inherited from her mother. She walked into the den next to Niles's study. She saw her mum quickly wipe her face.
"Mom, Dad. What's wrong?" she asked.
A look passed between Niles and Daphne.
"We have something we need to tell you." Niles said calmly. "Just wait until Jonathan gets home."
Claudia opened her mouth to say something, but then she looked at them both and saw the pain and fear on her mom's face and simply said "Ok."
Jonathan walked in twenty minutes later. The absence of noise was oppressive.
"Hey Claud." he called out, walking past his older sister. "What's going on?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. But Mom's been crying and Dad doesn't look much better. They want to talk to us."
"Ok." and they made their way down the stairs together.
"Mom, Dad. What do you want to tell us?" Jonathan asked.
Daphne opened her mouth to speak, but Niles's hand on her arm silenced her.
"No, my love. I'll tell them."
Claudia glanced over at her brother and he looked back, his face reflecting hers. Puzzlement and fear written across them.
Niles began to speak, a strange detached voice issuing from his mouth. He knew what he was saying, but it was as though something -or somebody- else had taken over his body. Niles had always wondered what it would be like to step outside of his own skin and see and hear himself. Now he knew.
"Can you remember your mom and me telling you that I had once underwent heart surgery?"
They nodded. "It was before I was born." said Claudia.
Niles nodded. "Well, I went to the doctors today, and it appears that...." his voice trailed off as Niles reclaimed his own flesh.
"What, Dad?" Jonathan asked.
Niles swallowed and closed his eyes. "It appears that the valve has malfunctioned."
"So they can fix it, right?" Jonathan asked sensibly.
Niles looked at his son, but it was his daughter who realised it first.
"No." A voice said, coming from Niles's right. He looked across to see Claudia shaking her head in disbelief. "No." she repeated, more forcefully.
Jon looked over at his sister and realisation dawned. He repeated his mother's earlier question. "How long?"
"About a year, six months." Niles replied quietly.
"Six months" Jon echoed and the tears fell, hot, silently on his face. He could see his sister out of the corner of his eye, her knees pulled up to her chest, hugging herself and rocking slightly.
Niles walked over to Claudia and sat next to her, saying nothing. Jon shifted position, sitting the other side of his father. Daphne moved, sitting next to her son. Creating a line, creating a physical barrier to the demon that had taken up residence in Niles's heart. They all sat like that, in silence, until time ceased to have any meaning.
Claudia woke up suddenly and looked down, remembering that day.
Niles stirred in his sleep.
"Dad," she said softly. "It's me."
"Niles smiled. "Hey Claudia."
"Hey. How are you?"
"Tired." Niles said, sighing, fighting the urge to slip into unconsciousness again.
"Yeah."she said softly. "Dad, can I ask you something?"
Niles nodded and opened his eyes. Blue met blue and connected.
"Why did you give up all the pills, the tests?" she asked.
Niles closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. "Because I didn't want you to remember me like that. Because it may have been another three months, but it would have been time spent with me too drugged up to realise what was happening to me. I couldn't let that be the last memory you have of me. All drugged up and unaware."
Claudia nodded in understanding. "I wouldn't want to remember you like that, either." she admitted softly.
"I was reading yesterday. I forget what it was. But I think a poet said that 'time was a predator that stalked us all our lives.' Claudia said into the room.
Niles nodded, "Yeah, I've read that somewhere."
"But there was somebody else in the story who said that time was a companion who taught us to cherish each moment as it would never come again." She looked down at her Dad. "I don't know which one to believe." Claudia said quietly.
"Maybe they're both true. Maybe its the Predator that teaches us to cherish every moment." Niles replied quietly.
Claudia sat back in her chair, still holding her Dad's hand and realising where she was, and how little time was left. "Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Maybe you're right."
"Claud." Niles's voice was quieter, weaker now. "Need to sleep."
"I know, Dad." She said, getting up from her chair. "Sleep well. " and she closed the door behind her.
Jon reached his sister's side as she closed the door.
"Dad's sleeping." She said in response to his unanswered question.
"I know." Came the reply. "He slept all day when I sat with him yesterday. Claud" Jon asked, "how long?"
Claudia shrugged her right shoulder. "Not long." she replied.
"That's what I thought too." Jon said. "Do you want a drink. I'll make it."
Claudia sighed. 'Yeah," she said, smiling slightly. "That sounds really great."
And Jon walked into the kitchen, Claudia following him.
Claudia's words became prophetic.
Daphne awoke later that night, a nightmare gripping her soul. "Niles" she said into the blackness. She grabbed her robe from the door and practically ran the three steps that separated the two bedrooms.
"Niles" she repeated, as she walked into the room and sat down.
"Hey my love," Niles's voice came out of the silence, quiet, weaker than hours before. "Did you have a nightmare?" he asked.
Daphne nodded. The fear gripping her heart and soul at the same time.
Niles smiled slightly and reached for her hand, tracing his finger along her wedding ring.
"Do you know what I was dreaming about?" he asked softly.
Daphne cleared her throat and mentally steeled herself for what Niles was about to say.
"No, what?"
"About how we got together."
Daphne laughed. '"Really?"
"Yeah. I still remember it so clearly. Every smell, every word."
Niles closed his eyes and went back. Back to Frasier's apartment and almost 20 years earlier. His voice came out of the darkness.
"It was Eddie." he said quietly, the random thought passing through his head.
Daphne smiled. "Yeah, wasn't he depressed or something?" she asked, trying to remember.
'"Yeah, or at least that's what Dad thought. He hired a dog therapist."
"I remember. All of us got depressed. What was it your Dad said, if you're going to kill yourself...."
"Don't use poison or an axe." Niles finished. "How on earth did he think of that one?" He laughed.
"I really don't know." Daphne replied. "What about Roz. I guess her boyfriend won't be dropping out of college."
Niles smiled., thinking about Roz and the day she married Todd. "I guess not."
"It was something so simple that cheered Eddie up." Niles said, trying to remember.
"A barbie doll." Daphne supplied. "But I seem to recall that it was home baked cookies that made us all happy."
Niles nodded. "Yeah. I love warm, home baked cookies. Always have. Ever since Mom made them for me one night."
"I had said that you were probably depressed about your failing marriage to Maris, but you weren't, were you?" Daphne asked, knowing the answer in hindsight.
"No, I wasn't. I think I stopped feeling guilty then. Having feelings for you whilst I was still married to Maris."
"And then I looked around at one point during the night and realised I couldn't see you." Daphne said easily, remembering.
"I was on the balcony. I had to get away from Dad and Frasier. I knew it was you before I turned around."
"How?" Daphne asked.
"Obsession." Niles replied simply.
Daphne laughed at the double meaning in that one word. "Yeah."
"I asked you if you had any regrets." Niles said.
"I remember. I thought you were talking about Maris. Then I realised you weren't." Daphne said softly. She held Niles's hand that had been softly stroking her arm.
"No, I wasn't." Niles answered. I was talking about me. About you. About us. And if such a thing would ever exist outside of my head.
Daphne sat as Niles fell silent and both of them remembered an earlier time and a conversation that took place on a cold, starlit night.
"Hello Dr Crane." Daphne said as she walked out onto the balcony.
Niles didn't look around. "Hello Daphne."
"I love the starlight." She said, looking up towards the sky.
"Me too." Niles admitted. "I keep trying to recall the names, but I keep forgetting them." He laughed.
"I don't know them at all. I just know I like nights like this, when it seems that the whole world is asleep and you can just claim it as your own." Daphne said, looking out at the city.
"Yeah."
Then Niles grew thoughtful. "Daphne, can I ask you a personal question?" he asked, turning to face her for the first time.
Daphne nodded. "Of course."
"Do you regret anything in your life?" Niles asked.
Daphne looked past Niles and thought about everything. Leaving home, working for the Cranes. Clive, Joe. "No, I don't." she replied after a moment. "Do you?" she asked, looking at him.
Niles nodded, shocking himself. "Yeah I do."
Daphne blinked in surprise. "What?" she asked. Then she stopped. "Sorry, that's probably far too personal."
Niles shrugged, half aware of the irony of the situation. His regret was sitting next to him.
"No, it's Ok." he said, and sighed heavily. "There was someone else." he said simply.
"Before Mrs Crane?" Daphne asked.
Niles smiled, his lips quirking upwards. "No, during my marriage. But nothing has ever happened. I don't know if it will." He said.
"You've been thinking about somebody else." She said, surprised.
Niles half laughed at Daphne's simple sentence. "No, I fell in love with someone else."
Daphne blurted the question out before she could stop herself.
"Who?"
Niles faced her, and felt his heart race in his chest, breaking its way out of his chest.
"You." he mouthed, drowning in her coffee coloured eyes.
"Me?" Daphne mouthed back, pointing at herself in surprise.
Niles nodded, unable to speak. After 6 years, there were no grand gestures, no speeches. Just one simple word and a declaration.
Then he realised that there was something wrong. The silence. Why was there silence? Why wasn't Daphne saying anything?
"Daphne," he called out tentatively, reaching for her. "I'm sorry." He said, realising that he had said too much. That the situation wouldn't exist outside of his own dreams.
"What for?" Daphne asked. "Saying it, or keeping it a secret for so long?"
Niles ran his hand through his hair. "Keeping it a secret." He replied truthfully.
"So am I, Niles." she said softly.
The word broke into Niles's heart. "Did you just call me Niles?" he asked.
Daphne smiled and nodded. "You don't mind, do you?"
Niles shook his head, a smile forming. "No, no. I don't."
Daphne reached her hand out and crossed the divide. Holding Niles's hand as it reached for her. That was the beginning. One word, and one gesture.
Daphne shook her head mentally, bringing herself back to the present.
"Six months later we were married." she said quietly, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Hey," Niles said, reaching up and crossing the divide that separated them. He wiped her tears away, smiling as he felt her skin on his. "Don't cry." He added unnecessarily.
"Sorry" Daphne whispered.
"Don't be." Niles said, his voice growing weaker. "I have no regrets. I have had you in my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. I saw my two children being born, knowing that I was their at their birth as I was at their conception. I have seen them grow into intelligent, brilliant young adults. No, I have no regrets."
Daphne smiled. "Nor do I. You see, the gods created someone for me. Someone who has the soul of a poet and the heart of a lion. And I pledged my life to his."
"In this world and the next." Niles finished, completing their unofficial wedding vows.
When Niles next spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.
"My love, "
"Yes."
"Stay with me." Niles said.
"Ok." Daphne answered, about to stand up to get the blanket from a chair. Niles grabbed her hand before she could move.
"No," he said, softly. "Here. With me." and he pointed to the space in the bed.
Daphne nodded and gulped. She realised what Niles was saying, even if he didn't say it aloud. The unspoken rule was about to be shattered.
"Niles, are you sure?" she asked. 'please say 'no' she thought. Please say that I'm wrong. That it's too soon. It will always be too soon.' she thought.
"I'm sure." Niles whispered.
Daphne pulled back the bedcovers and spooned herself against Niles. They fitted together, perfectly. No disjointed limbs and awkwardness.
Daphne awoke suddenly and reached for Niles. And she placed her hand on his heart and felt him softly fade away.
She started crying then, silently, in her heart. In her soul. She doesn't know if she will ever stop.