Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to CSI: Miami, and there's no use trying to take me for money. You'd come away quite empty handed.
A/N: This just popped up after my mother told me about a foster family in her neighborhood during the fifties. My other story, "Evenings with Lenny", may have to wait till after the LSAT on Dec 5th for an update. If you're interested in reading it please go to my profile. One warning: It's a long read, going on 75,000+ words.
Civil Service
Service is the rent we pay to be living. It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time.
-Marian Wright Edelman
Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
-C.S. Lewis
Miami-July 2019
Ryan Wolfe whistled along to the radio as he drove his service SUV through the muggy streets of Miami. There had been a time, a few years back when he would have been driving a Hummer home and feeling very South Beach while doing so. The Miami Dade Police Department had once issued Hummers to the Crime Lab as service vehicles, and Ryan, as a CSI, had been expected to use them. As a young, single man in Miami in the Noughties he'd taken advantage of his job's vehicle perks with gusto, but no more. The recession of 2009 had heralded the end of the Hummer. It had not been fiscally, or environmentally responsible, not to mention physically possible once the brand collapsed, to drive a Hummer for nearly six years.
The new service vehicle was a Ford. It was decided that American civil servants should drive American cars. More specifically, those American vehicles should be energy efficient hybrids. Ryan had sat on the departmental purchasing committee that decided to offer the lab's vehicle contract to Ford and not General Motors. They were both American companies which needed support after a financial crisis, but Ford, in the committee's opinion made better hybrids for the amount of money paid.
Ryan had never expected to make those kinds of decisions for the Crime Lab, nor had he ever expected to care about administrative issues like purchasing and finance. But then, he hadn't expected to get old either. Not that his current age of thirty-eight was old, but it was pretty senior in cop years. He'd been wearing a badge since he was twenty-three, and this year would mark his fifteenth year of service. After such a long time at the same job, in the same place he figured most people would be doing management level work by now. Still, it caught him off guard that he, the once misunderstood loner of his team was now the most senior, after Horatio and Tripp, of them all.
This was attributable in part to Ryan's considerable expertise and experience, and also in part to the fact he was the only member of his original CSI team left in active duty. Once Eric had left the team seemed to spring a leak. Ryan often thought of it as a hemorrhage that couldn't be stemmed. Calleigh had done her best to continue on without Eric. She'd maintained the steely, Bullet Girl façade for three long years before calling it quits. The remaining team members had watched her fight a losing battle to find the relevancy in her work in the wake of such a personal loss. It turned out that even for someone as dedicated as Calleigh the work wasn't enough if it came at the expense of love.
In 2012, at the age of forty-three, she accepted an early retirement package, and ran with it straight into Eric's waiting arms. They took to a life on the road together, learning and exploring all the way. Ryan received periodic postcards from them that he used to wall-paper his work locker, and anchor him when things got tough. Every time he thought he'd had his worse, or last day on the job, he would open the door and stare at the photos of Eric and Calleigh. Seeing the happy looks on their faces would remind him that while there was still much left for him to do, there was life after the work was finally over, and it was good.
Jesse had followed shortly after Calleigh, but not by choice. Ryan braked for a red-light and used the time it gave him to collect his emotions. He always got mad when thinking about Jesse. The damn man always had to play the hero. He could never leave well enough alone. He'd been running from something when he'd joined them, and as the years passed Ryan felt it made Jesse too reckless. He was quick to protect others, but could not afford himself the same kindness. It had saddened, but not surprised Ryan, when Jesse died alone, in the dead of the night, after having pursued a dangerous suspect without back up.
The lights changed to green and Ryan proceeded on his way, just as the department had despite its HR losses. Walter had decided to concentrate on becoming a CSI after being initiated into field work by Jesse and Ryan. The younger man had been a level one CSI for several years now and was about to be promoted to level two. Michael Traverse was still at the lab, but he no longer worked in Trace. Instead he was acting Director of Administration and Communications for the entire Crime Lab. If you had to tell the press something bad, it was best after all, to tell them in a posh British accent.
Horatio was still active and fighting retirement at sixty. The good people of Miami had relieved him of his direct supervisory position at the Crime Lab however, by electing him Under Sheriff. His former duties were now split between Ryan and Tripp, who had also made Lieutenant, albeit several years before his partner. Natalia, Ryan believed, would still be working at the lab if it weren't for her late in life miracle. When Calleigh left, in favor of love, it had caused everyone on the team to stop and reflect for a moment on what was important. If Calleigh, the most dedicated of them all chose love, what did that mean for the rest of the workaholics she left behind? Natalia and Horatio had drifted together shortly after Calleigh and Eric's first postcards began arriving in the break room.
Much to Horatio and Natalia's great surprise, and eventual joy, their new found love had resulted in a change of life baby. Now Horatio Caine, the man Ryan had always thought would be a lone wolf, rushed home everyday to see his girlfriend and their six year old son Evan. Natalia had never returned to the lab after her year of maternity leave. She was a feminist, and she loved her work, but she'd never expected to be a mother, and after getting a second in chance in life she wanted to make it count. Natalia now spent her days being Super Mom to Evan and Horatio's son Kyle.
The one constant in Ryan's professional and personal life was Maxine Valera. She still worked in the DNA lab, although in a senior management position, and she'd even agreed to marry him five years ago. Their home life was blissful, except for one small, but significant snag. Try as they might they were unable to get pregnant. Valera and Ryan had submitted themselves to every test, no matter how humiliating, and yet the doctors could not tell them why they were infertile. They has heard it all, perhaps Valera was too thin, or too old to conceive. Maybe Ryan's work was too stressful and affected his sperm count. Whatever the reason, their reproductive organs seemed to function properly, separately but not, together. The doctors called it "idiopathic infertility", and told them it was more common than most people believed.
Because there was no discernible reason they could not conceive, the fertility doctors they saw argued that medical intervention could, theoretically, help them get pregnant . Ryan and Maxine had sat down with brochures and information on state of the art fertility treatments and tried to decide what they were going to do. After an evening spent coming to grips with medical jargon, and discussing whether or not they could afford the $20,000 a try price of invitro-fertilization, they'd tossed aside the brochures and made their own plans.
"I don't want to sound cheap when I say this babe," Ryan said after struggling through another pamphlet full of big words and photos of smiling, white babies. "But, there's got to be a better solution than this. I mean, I want us to have kids, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes, but honestly Max, $20,000 a go?"
Valera sighed and picked up her abandoned coffee cup and took a sip. "No, I agree Ryan. They say we can't have kids, but then they say we can with their help. I'm all for scientific advancement, and if some couple wants to go through all this for the sake of having a baby that's biologically theirs, more power to them. But, God Ryan, there's so many unwanted kids in the world. Maybe we could just keep trying on our own, if there's no identifiable reason why I can't get pregnant, and put ourselves on an adoption list. What do you think?"
"That you are the most selfless and beautiful woman I've ever met," he said kissing her on the cheek. "And that I completely agree. There's got to be a kid out there that needs a home and would like to live in ours. How hard does this have to be?"
Ryan chuckled as he made a left hand turn and thought about the use of famous last words. How hard could it be indeed? Plenty hard they'd found out once they had made inquiries into adoption. It turned out helping an unfortunate child took hours, even days of red tape, visits from social services and having every detail of your life picked over and weighed by a social worker. Ryan knew that all of this work was deemed to be in the best interest of the child, but he also knew, from his own work that the state, given half a chance would make even the simplest task difficult and paper based.
Of course, it wasn't as if they weren't good candidates for adoption, though Ryan's job had been brought up as a possible road block. It had taken everything in him not to wring the neck of the twenty-two year old, yellow and newly minted social worker who read over his file then looked up to say, "You do very dangerous work Mr. Wolfe. It might be that your wife is left alone to raise any potential adoptee alone". Fifteen years in the service of his city and state, and that's what it came down to? Ryan had simply smiled and stretched the truth a little. He told her that given his age and years of service he was mostly doing administrative work now, not chasing down the criminals with Patrol Officers.
This seemed to placate their case worker and they found themselves added to the Florida state's adoption list. Being added was only the first step, however, and Maxine and Ryan soon realized that it might be years before they were offered a child and by that time social services may deem them too old to raise small children. In order to speed the process along they listed themselves as willing to take any child who needed a home, regardless of age or situation. This helped, but they had yet to be selected from the pool.
Their lawyer suggested they might consider becoming foster parents. They would not get to keep the children they fostered forever, but they would be able to help them immeasurably by providing a stable home when needed. Ryan and Maxine had conducted another decision making summit on their couch, and after much deliberation they agreed to take their lawyer's advice. They'd keep trying for baby, stay on the adoption list and make their home open to children in need. Surely, such efforts would result in a child, theirs, or someone else's, taking up residence in their home.
Ryan parked his car in the driveway next to his and Maxine's reasonably sized home and smiled ruefully. He could hear the commotion coming from within the house already and he wasn't even out of his car yet. He nearly laughed at his and Max's early naivety. They had worried at first, that there would not be enough foster children in the system to go around and that they would face another dead end. It turned out however, that many children needed temporary shelter from bad situations and now three children, all siblings resided in their filled to capacity home.
Ryan pushed open the front door and met the wall of sound head on. The youngest of their alternative family greeted him first. Three year old Luciana rushed down the hall towards him, and clad only in her underwear took on the stance of a tiny Sumo wrestler before launching herself two feet into air and screaming. "Happy birthday Ryan! Happy, happy birthday!" She then tore back down the hall towards the kitchen squealing all the way.
Ryan followed her into the kitchen at a more sedate pace, and found Maxine and Luciana's older sister, ten year old Pilar, mixing up icing for what he could only surmise was his birthday cake.
"What's all this?" he asked while leaning in to peck Maxine on the lips.
"Well, we figured we should all acknowledge the fact you're getting over the hill somehow. I just thought cake might be the least cruel way." Maxine replied with a saucy smile.
Ryan simply raised his eyebrows at her. "Is that so? Well, never forget dear wife, you are older than me. Four years older than me to be exact. So, if I'm now two years away from forty that makes you what?" Pilar had begun to giggle at his comic line of questioning. "Any ideas Pilar? What's thirty-eight plus four really long, old years?"
The young girl who had come to think of herself as his daughter in a different way went back to stirring the icing. "It makes forty-two, but that's okay because Maxine looks really young and pretty."
Maxine beamed at Pilar. "Thank you sweetie. Hear that?" she asked looking at Ryan. "I look young and pretty."
"I can't argue with that." Ryan said trying to stick his finger in the icing for a taste.
Maxine swatted his fingers away with her spoon before continuing. "Besides, not only am I young and pretty looking, but no one has told their daycare provider that my beer gut makes a nice place to nap."
"That is a low blow Maxine!" Ryan tried to sound indignant, but he was smiling too hard at the memory of Luciana's first week at daycare. She had started attending a pre-school/daycare program the past fall and was enjoying it immensely. Her first week had nearly ended in tragedy however, due to an art assignment. Each child had been asked make a picture of their parents, and say one thing they loved about them. Luciana had burst into tears at first because she didn't know her real father, and she'd been removed from her mother's care. Ryan and Maxine were the only stable parents she'd ever known, but she didn't call them mommy and Daddy. After the daycare staff had managed to calm her they'd explained to Luciana that lots of little girls and boys had different kinds of families and she could draw whoever she wanted to.
Luciana had settled on drawing Maxine and Ryan, because she'd only been a year old when she first went to live with them, and had only vague memories of her mother. Once her crayon facsimiles were complete she was asked to provide a loving statement about both adults. Luciana had thought hard for several seconds and then burst forth with, "Maxine smells nice and hugs me when I'm sad. Ryan plays with me and his belly is very soft and I take naps on it when we watch cartoons".
When Luciana had come home and proudly displayed her masterpiece to both of them Ryan had been slightly mortified at her description of him, but he'd hid it well for her sake. Once Luciana was asleep Ryan had stood in front of the fridge marveling at how awesome it felt to be loved by a child, but also feeling a little down about his physique. She wasn't wrong, age, and long work hours had put some meat on his mid section, and he did enjoy cartoons, it was just hard to hear that someone else had noticed his weight gain.
Maxine had found him staring at the picture and easily deduced what he was thinking about. "She's only three years old you know. She has no concept of weight or body image. In fact, I think we can take from this that Luci likes your belly," she argued while wrapping her arms around his personal shame and muzzling into his back. "I do to."
Ryan turned around and smiled down at her. "Thanks. But, maybe I should join a gym. I mean, you're still all hot and stuff," he mumbled while wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her head.
Maxine smiled into his neck. "Yeah, but remember I'm apparently barren, and you still love me."
"Maxine," Ryan began sternly and pulled away to look her in the eyes. "The doctors have no idea why we can't get pregnant, there's no evidence any of this is your fault."
"I know," she conceded. "But me blaming myself for it, is just as silly as you making a big deal about your weight. I love you either way."
"Good, I'll keep that in mind. But, I may lay off the morning Danishes with Tripp."
Maxine snickered and they both turned to gaze at Luciana's drawing once more. Ryan kept his arms around his wife as he murmured, "You can really see the artistic genius begging to get out."
Maxine laughed even louder this time.
"No, I mean it," Ryan said with mock seriousness. "The radical use of crayons, the rebellious decision to not color inside the lines, it all speaks to the presence of untapped talent. For instance, my eyes are not anywhere near my face, but you know they're mine."
"It is pretty perfect, even if I do have three arms." Valera admitted.
"Oh, no babe, that's not your arm, I'm pretty sure that's a leg, or a tail, either way, pure genius."
Back in the present, Luciana the artistic genius was tearing around the kitchen screaming as she went.
"Any reason she's nearly naked and losing her mind?" Ryan asked.
"She's been 'helping' to make the icing," Maxine said using air quotes.
Pilar rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and helping means she's just been eating icing sugar when we're not looking."
"I figured nearly naked was the best option because I knew she'd wind up covered in whatever we were baking and it's so hot out today," Maxine offered in way of an explanation.
Ryan watched the toddler as she made running turns around the kitchen. Her hair and face were indeed full of icing sugar and chocolate batter. The mess extended down her torso and arms to culminate in sticky fingers. "Maybe I should take her out in the backyard and hose her down. She can run off some of her excess energy too."
He noticed the look Maxine was giving him. "What? She loves it, I'll just set the spray to gentle or mist. It's not like I suggested using a water canon on her."
"Alright, but be careful. I'll call you when dinner's ready."
Ryan walked over to where Luciana was dancing in place to her own private soundtrack. "How about it Squirt?" He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. "You wanna go have a water war in the back garden?"
"Yes!"
"Alright, let's go get your bathing suit," Ryan put Luciana on his shoulders and turned back to his wife and their other girl child. "You want to join us?" He asked Pilar.
She made an exaggerated thinking face for several seconds. "Well….okay! But, only if you don't need me?" she said tugging on Maxine's shirt.
"I'm okay sweetie, you go play."
"Alright! Let me get my bathing suit!" She said tearing off towards the stairs that led to second floor.
"Hey, hey wait," Ryan called after her and removed Luciana from his shoulders. "Take Luci with you and help her get into her suit. I'll see if Guzmaro wants to get in on the action."
"Come on Luci!" Pilar cried and beckoned her sister from the hallway. The younger child took off running and they both made a noisy progression up the stairs.
Ryan followed them, again at a slower pace, and they were already in their bedroom chattering away when he made it to the top of the stairs. There home contained only three rooms, so Luciana and Pilar shared their living space. As the oldest and only boy Guzmaro, aged thirteen, had his own room. Ryan knocked on Guzmaro's door before trying the knob. It was, to his surprise, locked.
Ryan knocked again. "Hey buddy, it's me. Can I come in?" Ryan and Maxine tried to be cognizant of the newly teenaged boy's need for privacy.
"Hold on! Just a minute!"
Ryan could hear scuffling, and the sound of objects being tossed around. Thirty seconds later Guzmaro opened his door just enough to stick his head through. "Hey Ryan, Happy Birthday! What's up?"
Ryan narrowed his eyes at the oldest of what he considered- in his heart of hearts- his children. "Nothing. Me and the girls are gonna have a water fight in the back yard. Do you want to join us?" His eyes landed on Guzmaro's cheek. A piece of novelty tape was stuck to the young man's face. "There's um, there's tape on your face."
"Oh, yeah, thanks," Guzmaro replied absent mindedly. "I'll get that off in a second. I'm doing something right now, but I'll be finished in like twenty minutes. I'll come out if you're still there."
"Okay," Ryan drew the word out for several seconds and resisted the urge to question Guzmaro further. He remembered his and Maxine's promise to be firm, but fair guardians.
"Cool." Guzmaro slammed the door in Ryan's face and effectively ended the conversation.
Ryan shook his head and made his way into the bedroom he shared with Maxine. He walked over to his chest of drawers and drew out an old t-shirt and shorts that he didn't care about getting wet or torn. He shucked off his work clothes and pulled on his shorts. He paused before donning his shirt and risked a glance in the mirror. What he saw there satisfied him. He'd decided after walking by Luci's drawing everyday for a week last fall that he would join the gym. Not just for cosmetic reasons, but because he realized that now he had people who were counting on him in the future to be around. He didn't want to go out like a punk from a self- induced coronary.
He'd been working out and it showed. Of course, he'd never have six pack abs again, but he also wasn't sporting a spare tire anymore. Last week Luci had patted his stomach during their weekly cartoon session and asked, "Where your belly go, Ryan?" He'd just grinned like a fool and replied, "It's where did your belly go, baby girl. Where did it go?"
Ryan threw his t-shirt on as he heard the noise level rise in the girls' bedroom. He'd found in his two years as a foster parent that noise levels were directly correlated to impatience on the part of children. When they got bored they got loud. When they were quiet, it was time to go looking for them, because something had gotten their attention, and nine times out of ten it involved being up to no good.
Ryan walked briskly into the girls' room. "Are we ready to go?"
They nodded and made noises in the affirmative so he herded them out the door and down over the steps. Once they hit the back garden he relinquished any control over their behavior and let pandemonium reign. First, he chased the girls with the hose, and then they chased him. Eventually Guzmaro made his way into the back-garden, and they engaged in a Boys versus Girls water war. Then, as Ryan had suspected would happen, all of the children turned on the one person who represented parental authority and drenched him.
Maxine interrupted their horse play with a shout from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready! Time to come in!"
Twenty minutes later they were all dry and sitting around the dinner table enjoying the one dish Maxine had always been good at; tacos. She figured it was just as well she excelled in that one area. Tacos tended to be kid approved food. She made sure to give Luci soft shells though, because the youngest of their brood had yet to master the concept of hard shell tacos. Currently, Ryan was helping Luci to build her supper.
"And what aren't we going to tell Bubbie Wolfe when she calls to wish Ryan a happy birthday?" He asked while helping Luci pile cheese onto her taco.
"I don't know!" Luci cried happily.
Ryan made a pretend scowl face. "Yes you do. Remember we don't tell Bubbie we had tacos, because…" He trailed off and looked at Luci expectantly.
Her eyes suddenly lit up with realization. "Cause, dey not ko-sher!" She squealed triumphantly.
"That's right!" Ryan yelled back just as enthusiastically. "And we don't want to make Bubbie mad!" He cried in the same sing- song voice. "You wouldn't like Bubbie when she's mad!"
Valera made a frustrated noise and mumbled something under her breath about old bats and how marriages to Mexicans weren't kosher either but he'd managed to pull that off with or without Bubbie's approval.
Ryan left Luci to her own devices long enough to turn around and face his wife. "It's only because she's gonna call Max. Just like every other birthday I've ever had. She's my Bubbie and she's 87. She's stuck in her ways, which means yes, she expects me to keep kosher and we can't change her. I would like to remind you that I am infinitely patient every time your abuelita asks me where my Jew gold is."
Guzmaro let out a loud bark of laughter and nearly choked on his dinner. "Excuse me," he said and recovered himself. "It's just that Jew gold is pretty funny."
Ryan picked up his own taco and took a huge bite. "Not after the first three insinuations it's not," he garbled through a mouth full of food. "Then it just gets old."
"Ryan!" Maxine pointed at his full mouth. "Manners," she said testily nodding her head toward Luci.
"Oh, right, sorry." Ryan swallowed his food before continuing. "Luci, honey, what I just did was wrong. You shouldn't talk with your mouth full. Chew it all carefully first and then speak. So that's two lessons tonight. Don't tell Bubbie Wolfe we ate tacos and don't talk with your mouth full. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she replied nodding her head. Then she paused for several seconds as if deep in thought. "Does Bubbie Wolfe know where the Jew gold is?"
Ryan and Maxine both dropped their food and stared at her. They quickly looked at one another and tried to come up with a parenting plan telepathically. Luckily, Guzmaro was three steps ahead of them.
"Luci," he said and waited till he had his youngest sister's attention. "You can't ever ask Bubbie Wolfe about Jew gold. That's a mean thing to say to someone who's Jewish. And Bubbie Wolfe is Jewish. It would make her sad if you asked her that. So try to remember that, okay?"
Luci nodded solemnly at her older brother. "I will."
Ryan exhaled a long breath and looked at Guzmaro. "Thanks for the save buddy. Good job."
Guzmaro beamed with momentary pride and returned to his dinner. When everyone finished eating Maxine gave the kids a conspiratory look and said, "I think there's something in the kitchen that needs to be brought out".
"He already knows about the cake," Pilar said disparagingly. "Stop being a dork Maxine."
"Yeah Maxine," Ryan said teasingly. "Stop being a dork."
"I'm not being a dork. And, he only knows it's a cake, he doesn't know what it looks like yet," she said and stuck her tongue out at the four of them. "So, I'm going into the kitchen now and anyone who wants to help me can come too or stay here being no fun."
Pilar and Luci both jumped out of their seats and chased after Maxine. Luci threw a "Cover you's eyes, Ryan!" over her shoulder.
"It's cover your eyes sweetheart. Your eyes!" He called back to her. "Guess it's just you and me." He said to Guzmaro.
"Uh, actually, I have to, uh, go to the bathroom real quick," Guzmaro said shiftily and ran up the stairs.
"Okay," Ryan said to Guzmaro's now empty seat. He could hear slamming and banging in the top part of the house, but the noise wasn't coming from the bathroom area. The investigator in Ryan knew Guzmaro was in his own bedroom, apparently throwing things around.
He didn't have time to dwell on the teenager's behavior however, as Maxine and girls returned to the dining room with his cake. Maxine set the cake on the table and started to light the candles.
"I couldn't fit thirty-eight candles on the cake, and I didn't want to set off the smoke detector," she joked. "So, I just put three on one side, and eight on the other. I hope it suffices."
"Whatever works my forty-two year old wife," Ryan retorted.
Valera just gave him a smile and continued lighting the candles. "Guzmaro!" She called out to the oldest child. "We've got to sing Happy Birthday!"
"Coming!" he yelled racing back down the stairs. He stopped in the entryway and proceeded into the room with his hands behind his back.
"What have you got there buddy?" Ryan asked.
"Never mind. You have to wait till after you blow the candles out."
"Okay, but I might need some help." Ryan pulled Luci onto his lap and drew Pilar closer. "Think you guys can help me?" He got nods and grins in reply from both girls, and after a rousing round of "Happy Birthday" all three of them blew out his candles.
After the candles were extinguished Guzmaro pushed his way towards Ryan and held out a small package.
"What's this?" Ryan asked.
"I don't know," The teenager was looking at his shoes. "Open it or something."
Ryan looked at the poorly wrapped present. The tape around the edges matched the tape he'd seen on Guzmaro's face earlier that evening. So this was what he'd been up to. Ryan tore the wrapping off the gift with gusto and opened the box that was revealed to him. Inside, wrapped amongst tissue paper was the ugliest tie he had ever seen. It was perfect. Ryan had never felt more like a father than at that moment. That's what being an official Dad amounted to; getting ugly socks and ties every year, on every occasion, from your children. His own father had an extensive and garish collection.
"Thanks so much. Is this from all of you?" He asked glancing at all three children.
"Yes," Pilar said shyly. "But, Guzmaro paid for it."
Ryan's smile grew even bigger. Guzmaro, the oldest, got the most allowance out of all three children. He and Maxine had wanted to teach the kids the value of a dollar so Guzmaro received $10, Pilar got $5 and Luci stuffed her $3 a week into a pink ceramic pig for safe keeping. Ryan imagined his foster son saving up his money and then deliberating over ties, all for his foster father's birthday and he felt tears come to his eyes.
"You like it?" Luci asked from her place on Ryan's lap. She had noticed the water in his eyes.
Ryan sniffed loudly and tried to marshal his emotions. "Yeah, baby girl, I do. I love it. Thank you very much for the great present." He leaned down and kissed her temple. "Come here you two," He indicated to the older kids. "It's my birthday, I get hugs."
Moments later Ryan found himself at the center of a group hug involving all the members of his family save Maxine. When he looked up at his wife she was standing over the cake, with a knife in her hand and looking like she was going to cry her soul out at any second. Ryan tried to catch her eye, but could not. Instead he extricated himself from the child pile up on his chair and said, "Hey everybody, I think Maxine needs a birthday hug too."
She looked at him and her face seemed to plead for mercy, but it was too late. The children were coming towards her and she was forced to put on a happy face and accept their hugs. She wrapped her arms around each one in turn and to Ryan it looked like she might never let go.
But, she recovered, and he loved her for it. "Okay, everyone, now that the presents are open it's time for cake." Her statement was met with howls of agreement from Luci, and all three children took their seats at the dinner table once more.
The rest of the evening went by without a hitch. Maxine and Pilar cleaned up from dinner, Ryan went over Guzmaro's home work with him and Luci was occupied with some crayons and construction paper until bed time. Bubbie Wolfe made her annual birthday call, and no one, not even Luci mentioned tacos or Jew gold.
The family came together at the end of the night for some pre-bed television, but Pilar abandoned the couch in favor of joining Luci in the corner with her crayons. Periodically, they called for their brother to come help them and whispered furiously amongst themselves. Whenever Maxine or Ryan inquired about their drawing they were told to stay away and divert their eyes. Both parents followed the rules barked at them out of bemusement more than fear.
Eventually, Guzmaro took leave of them all to chat on the computer in his room with friends before bed time. When he left, his sisters stopped drawing, and folded up their master piece. They hid it behind their backs as they approached the couch.
"We made you another present!" Pilar announced happily. "Go ahead," she whispered, and nudged Luci who came forward with a large piece of construction paper in her hands.
"What's this?" Ryan said and waggled his eye brows at her.
Luci's only response was to giggle, so Pilar explained for her. "We wanted to make you something because Guzmaro paid for the gift. It's a birthday card!"
Ryan feigned great surprise for their benefit and accepted the card. "Wow! This looks amazing you guys. Can I open it?"
Both girls nodded yes. Ryan and Maxine each took an end of the card, and looked inside. It was a riot of color and drawings, except for in the middle, where in shaky handwriting Pilar had written a short birthday message. Ryan surmised that Guzmaro must have been helping with the spelling and grammar all those times the girls had yelled for him, because the writing style employed was far beyond the written capacity of a three and ten year old.
Happy Birthday Ryan!
We want to say a big thank you to you and Maxine for taking care of us. We really like living with you and doing fun things like going to the park and having water fights. You and Maxine take really good care of us and we hope that we get to celebrate many more birthdays with you both!
Love,
Guzmaro, Pilar, Luci
Guzmaro's signature was written in his tentative, but improving cursive, while Pilar and Luci had carefully printed their own names. Ryan didn't need to look at Maxine to know she was crying. One of her tears had landed with an audible splash on the card.
"Why you crying?" Luci asked. She was afraid she'd done something wrong.
Maxine tried to respond, but she only cried harder. Ryan rushed to reassure the two young girls in front of him. "Sometimes sweetie people cry when they're happy. And right now Maxine is very, very happy." He looked pointedly at his wife. "Aren't you Maxine?"
She nodded her agreement, but continued to cry. Ryan figured the only way to save face was to remove the girls from the situation. "Tell you what. This has been such a great day, and this is such a great card, how about I read you guys a story before bed. That's a good end to a good day, right?"
"Yes!" Luci cried, clapping her hands. Her momentary fears were completely forgotten.
"I guess so," Pilar mumbled. At ten, she was not so easily fooled as her baby sister, but she also knew compliance with their rules was the only way to get information out of adults after the fact.
Ryan led both girls up the stairs and got them settled in their respective beds. He spent the next hour reading them story after story in a pathetic attempt (in his mind) to placate any remaining worries they might have. Finally, even Pilar seemed to be back on board and in a jovial mood, so he read one last story and then kissed them both good night. He dimmed their bedroom light and reiterated his thanks for the wonderful gifts and promised to see them in the morning.
He returned to the living room to find Maxine sitting in the dark clutching the card Pilar and Luci had made to her chest. "We have to tell them Ryan." She murmured hollowly.
"I know Max. But, not tonight. Tonight wouldn't have been the right moment. Not after they'd gone through all this trouble for my birthday."
Maxine sniffed and looked away. "When's going to be the right time? It's been a week since we got that phone call Ryan. If we keep waiting for the right time, she'll be here on the door step to take them away before they know what's going on."
Ryan sat next to her on the couch and pulled his wife into his arms. "We knew this day might come Max. It was almost guaranteed. They told us it would only be temporary when we agreed to be foster parents."
"I know," she said and started crying again. "But, but, I hoped, I mean, it's been two years. Luci was only 14 months old when we got her. I thought maybe she'd never want them back. It's been two years Ryan."
"I know babe, I know. I was there." His own heart was breaking but he had to be strong for Maxine, for the kids. "Esperanza says she's clean now. She completed rehab, she wants her kids back."
Esperanza Torres. Despite being Guzmaro, Pilar and Luci's biological mother she had only existed on paper to Ryan and Maxine. Until, one week ago, when the children's social worker had called to inform them that Esperanza had finished her court ordered rehab program and gotten a job. She swore she was better, and that she'd never neglect her children in favor of drugs and boyfriends again.
Maxine snorted. "She's clean hey? Again? What is this like the fourth time in two years she's been to rehab?"
"Yes, it is, but she stayed this time Max."
"I don't care!" She cried, getting up from the couch. "How long Ryan? How long till she's out there at all hours selling herself for drug money? How long till Luci isn't getting fed, Pilar's playing Little Mother and Guzmaro's not showing up at school because he's working illegally down at the docks?"
Ryan put his head in his hands. "I don't know Max. Maybe that won't happen this time."
"And if it does? What then? They'll just give them to another family! We might not even be considered for their placement Ryan! The whole system is so fucked! Why not send them back to a home they're used to?"
"Maxine," he reached for her hand. "You have to calm down. Come here, and sit before the kids hear you. Guzmaro's still awake." Ryan pulled her down next to him. "We have two weeks. She can't take them till the first of August. Tomorrow, we'll sit them down and explain to them what's going on."
She looked straight ahead instead of meeting his eyes. "And then what Ryan? What if they hate us? What if they don't want go back to her, and they think we're abandoning them?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. I'll call Moshe tomorrow and see if we have any legal legs to stand on." Moshe Sigler was their expensive, but crafty lawyer. "If they adamantly refuse to go back to their mother there might be something he can do for us. We've had them two years now, and if they'd been orphaned we'd be able to put a bid in for adoption."
"They aren't orphans."
"No, but if there's one thing I know it's that the law works in mysterious ways." Ryan said and kissed her hand.
Maxine withdrew her hand as if he'd bit her. "You mean nice, middle class people like us with the money for a lawyer can often railroad over the hopes and dreams of a poor, Cuban women who's had a hard life."
"Jesus Maxine," Ryan ran his hands through his hair. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Five minutes ago Esperanza was the worst mother in the world in your opinion."
"She still is," Maxine snapped. "But, but," she burst into fresh tears. "She's their mother and I'm not."
"I know babe, I know." Ryan pulled her into his lap and she rested her head on his knees. He ran his hand through her hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner. "We'll tell them tomorrow. And, then see what their reaction is. We'll make it very clear that we don't want to give them up, but the law says we have to. We'll explain to them that it's a good thing that their mom straightened out for them, it shows she cares. We'll let them know they can always count us to be there for them, even if they don't live with us. And, I'm going to get each of them a pre-paid cell phone."
"What for?" Maxine mumbled from her prone position.
"Just in case. Just in case she hasn't changed. That way if there's any trouble, or they need us at any time they can just hit speed dial and reach me. I don't care how long it takes to explain speed dial to Luci, by the time she leaves this house she'll know how to get help no matter where she is."
"Okay."
Ryan sighed and continued to play with Maxine's hair. It was obvious he was going to have to take charge of the situation and allow Maxine to follow his lead. She couldn't be objective about the three young people upstairs who she thought of, despite having no blood relation to them, as her own children. Ryan loved his kids just as much. He thought of them in those terms, "his kids". He called them "my kids" when he bragged about their accomplishments at work. But calling them, "our kids" didn't make them his and Maxine's children in a legal sense. Nothing would, short of adoption, and that couldn't happen unless Esperanza relinquished her right to them. Ryan loved his kids, and he wouldn't give them up if he had a choice, which is why he understood why their mother could not. It was going to be up to him to strong, and offer guidance in the coming weeks to his different, but loving family.
"We could just pack up and leave." Valera's voice sounded miles away in the dark living room despite her close proximity.
"What?" Ryan knew he had heard her clearly, but that was the only word he could formulate in response.
"I said we could leave. Just leave Miami and take them with us. You know they won't be safe with her. But, we're never going to get them back either."
He didn't want to admit to his wife how often his thoughts had strayed down the same path in the last week.
"We can't Max."
"I know."
"It's not who we are."
"I know." She laughed bitterly. "We're good people. We're foster parents. We're dedicated civil servants."
"That's right."
Ryan could think of nothing else to say. There was nothing else to say really, not until tomorrow when they would talk to the children and Moshe. Maxine was correct. They were good, law abiding people who worked for the public service. It would be against their nature to break the laws they'd spent years upholding. The only thing they could do was face each day until August 1st like it might be their last with the kids forever. Everything else was in the hands of the system they'd worked their whole careers to serve. They could only trust in it to protect the best interests of their children, and all partied involved. Trust, that was all that was left now; between them and their children, between them and Esperanza, and between everyone involved and the justice system. Ryan prayed Lady Justice was truly blind to bias, and that her scales were balanced and true, because she was the only one who could give them recourse now.
Government is a contrivance of human wisdom to provide for human wants. People have the right to expect that these wants will be provided for by this wisdom.
-Jimmy Carter
Fin.