Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor the songs that are featured.
Summary-He visits her everyday, watching her spend the rest of her life in a hospital bed. And he goes home everyday, snorting cocaine with a new woman with green eyes and a pink wig whose name in this game is Sakura.
Right now I'm all alone
I feel my time has come
Embrace the ending
I cannot take this pain
I cannot take this shame
Save us from ourselves
Embrace the Ending - Mushroomhead
Because
He visits her everyday, bringing flowers and a desperate smile.
She can tell that he's not ready to let her go, or ever will be. Even though her grave was all ready in the cemetary and she had a few more days left to live-according to the doctors, that is. He denied it, refused to accept it and stayed by her bed side, holding her hand while she stroked his cheek as he lay his head on her stomach.
His smile... his broken, desperate smile. It's still so lovely and even though it's broken, it's for her. And he doesn't smile for any one else because he can't smile for anyone else. It was always meant for her. She should know that because she means so much to him and she's the only person in the world that he'd willingly sit next to in a blank room that reeks of medicine all day and he loves her, loves her, loves her so fucking much that it pulls at his heart and makes him cry out in agony because it also hurts so fucking much to love someone that is dying. Dying...
He'd do come to her again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day and the next day and the next... Day.
Days. That's all she had. Days.
A single tear escapes his dark, black eyes. She doesn't feel it-the medicine makes her so numb. She feels swollen and almost dead, because she is. She really is. But he continues to see her like this everyday and it breaks her heart because she's unable to make herself look pretty.
So she apologizes. Apologizes for making him stay in this hospital room, for being so weak, for not being able to be pretty for him. He only wipes away her tears, eyes flashing red, and whispers, "You shouldn't apologize for anything, love. You are more beautiful than anything." She doesn't smile, doesn't blink, just reaches out with a trembling hand. He takes it and presses her cold fingers against his cheeks, relishing the touch of her skin to his. No one feels the way she does.
And he thinks that it should be him apologizing for making her stay in this hospital room, for not being strong enough for her, for not making her feel beautiful because she is. She is...
"Are you going home soon?" she whispers, her fingers twitching against his cheek.
"Yes." he breathes, unable to think completely clear because she feels so nice and so comforting.
She only asks because she knows the games he plays at night. He only does it because it makes it seem like she's alive. Like she's the one engaging in these unspoken activities with him. Like she's alive and well and loving him all night. But she only does that from a distance while he takes a woman home with him.
"Okay..." she whispers. He takes her hand from his cheek and presses the top of her hand to his lips, and then her thumb, index, middle, ring, and little finger. Then he smiles his desperate smile and she smiles her broken smile.
He gets up and tucks her in, pausing to gaze into her eyes. Those pretty, pretty green eyes. She whispers, "I love you." and the conviction of her words strikes through his heart with such a heavy blow that his knees almost give out. Then they do and now he's kneeling beside her bed, holding her as close to him as he can without hurting her and cries cries cries.
What's with these drugs we do?
I know you're in the news
You know I'm in the news
Let's just forget our names and hope that we don't catch the blues
Addict. Addicts. - Trophy Scars
"We're going to play a game." says Sasuke, getting up from the bed to make his way toward his dresser.
The girl on his bed is brunette with green eyes. She's short with peach-colored skin and Sasuke thinks she's the closest chick he's picked up that resembles Sakura. Of course, Sakura is much more lovely and paler (and amazing and stronger and kinder and-), but he'd never find someone as perfect as Sakura. Never.
He pulls open a drawer, pulling out a wig-a pink wig-and tosses it toward the waiting girl. She catches it, giving him a confused look. "Put that on." he says, and she does. Don't want to upset Sasuke, does she? Of course not, because she'll be his loyal toy for tonight, and she knows it's only tonight.
Sasuke rummages around in the drawer a second more and pulls out a vial of white powder. He pours a sufficient amount into his palm and inhales deeply. His mind is in a haze a few seconds later. He caps the vial and turns toward the girl, who now has the wig on.
Oh. Oh.
For a second he really thinks it's Sakura. The girl didn't just place the wig on her head. No, she actually stuffed her hair inside, hiding all her brown hair within the pink wig. Her eyes are green, shining, and she's gazing at him with lust. He doesn't know what his expression looks like.
Sasuke walks slowly toward the girl, reaching out to touch the tips of the wig. His mind is hazy, and god, she looks so much like Sakura, he wonders momentarily if she'd smell like Sakura too.
He places a knee on the bed and leans toward her, touching her cheek now. She doesn't smell like Sakura. She smells like Chanel No. 5. Huh. Her perfume is a reminder that she isn't Sakura and that he'll never have Sakura the way he's about to have this woman. "Tonight your name is Sakura."
Then he kisses her the way he'd never kiss Sakura, he touches her the way he'd never touch Sakura, he rips her clothes off the way he'd never take Sakura's clothes off, and god, he screws her the way he'd never screw Sakura. He's rough and angry, sad and desperate. He doesn't know if this girl beneath him feels it, but he doesn't care. These feelings aren't meant for her.
And he doesn't even know her name.
It's such a tired game
Will it ever stop?
How will this all play out
of sight, out of my mind?
Crying Shame - Jack Johnson
"Sakura..." he moans, holding the nameless brunette under him tightly. He knows she's not Sakura, but it's the closest match he'd ever get.
All his feelings flooded inside him, bursting from his mouth in the form of sobs. He's crying again, and he realizes he's never let anyone seen him cry besides Sakura. But right now, he doesn't care. The girl doesn't move until his grip on her waist loosens and she sits up.
She stares at him in awe. A sexy, strong, supposed-to-be stoic man like Sasuke is crying. Crying over this girl named Sakura. And then she realizes she was pretending to be someone else. This game Sasuke calls "Fantasy" is all over a woman named Sakura.
She touched the wig unconciously, which was now lopsidded from their quick romp. She immediately regrets doing what she did. This man is so broken, so miserable over a girl with a pink hair. And then she wonders vaguely if this Sakura had green eyes.
"Who is Sakura?" she asks slowly, softly.
Sasuke continues to sob and doesn't answer after a few minutes of sob-filled silence. "She is my love." he whispers, his face crumbling again as a new wave of sobs racked his body.
"If she is your love, why am I here?"
Sasuke is silent for a moment, looking up at the woman. Suddenly, the woman is on her back again and her shoulders hurt from the force of Sasuke's hand pressing hard against them. His eyes bleed red, spinning tomoes. She is suddenly scared for her life.
"You are here because you're a whore." Sasuke seethes, pressing harder on her shoulders. She yelps in pain but Sasuke doesn't stop, he squeezes her shoulders so hard, she thought she heard the bone snap. She cries for him to stop, but he doesn't think he can.
This girl isn't Sakura.
He takes one hand off of her and rips the wig off. "You aren't Sakura!" he yelled and he almost punched the girl. What the fuck is she doing here? She isn't Sakura! Why isn't she Sakura? Sasuke screams and gets off the girl, clutching his head.
The girl, scared and crying, rolls off the bed and gathers her clothes, sprinting out of the room.
"Sakura!" he screamed, more tears escaping his eyes. He looked up to the ceiling, letting himself fall on the bed.
"Don't leave me..."
All the time I wake, you're still on my mind
We were on our own almost all the time
She'll step away for just a second or two
and I close my eyes and I'll think of you
Gasoline - The Airborne Toxic Event
He forgot to see her today.
His mind was still so hazy from the drugs and heavy from his grief, that it didn't occur to him that it was the next day. He just laid naked on his bed, dirty from his sex game that he thought he had just a few minutes ago. The sun wasn't shining through the blinds and it was raining. He thought it was still night.
He sat up and walked toward his bathroom. When he looked in the mirror, he was shocked. His eyes were red, his hair was a mess, lipstick was smeared on his lips, he stank of Chanel No. 5 and tears stained his cheeks. He washed every inch of his body.
When he got out of the shower, which he took for probably an hour, the rain stopped and the sun was shining. Shocked, Sasuke ran to his bedside table. The clock was broken. Cursing, he grabbed the remote and flipped on the tv to channel 52 and looked at the time. 4:56 p.m.
Oh God.
Frantic, he dumped his drawers open to find a fresh pair of clothes. He just realized he didn't do his laundry in a while and he meant to do it last night. All his clothes were dirty and there was no way he could see her wearing dirty clothes with the filth of whores he brought home for the past 2 weeks. He was so frustrated and angry he could almost scream.
He quickly threw some of his clothes in the washer and waited.
He sat in front of the tv for almost 2 hours waiting for his clothes to be clean.
Your lungs have failed and they've both stopped breathing
My heart is dead, it's way past beating
Something hard must've terribly gone wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
A Boy Brushed Red, Living in Black and White - Underoath
He felt drained.
Every ounce of faith and hope that he had left was beginning to fade away into oblivion. And he felt so guilty for losing track of time. That was the only time it happened in the two and a half months she was locked in this hell hole. He knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life-the rest of her life.
When he got there, she was knocked out. She didn't even move the entire time he was there, and he never left her side for the few hours he was there. He was so goddamn worried about her. He feared that she'd never wake up. That he'd never see those beautiful green eyes, or hear her melodic voice, or feel her move her finger across his cheek again.
He sat beside her, stroking her hand. The only sound was the echoes of her respirator beeping in the silence. It was so sad and pitiful to see her this way, relying on a machine to breathe for her. Sasuke closed his eyes and wished with every bit of his heart that as long as he was breathing, that she was too. Because there is absolutely no way he was going to continue breathing without her. He kissed her thumb, his lips lingering on her skin.
The door cracked open to reveal a tan face, blue eyes and blonde hair. Naruto.
Sasuke didn't turn around to acknowledge his presence. Naruto placed a hand on his shoulder for a brief second before letting it go limp on his side. Sasuke didn't even blink when Naruto suddenly fell on his knees and buried his face in Sakura's bed sheets, his sobs echoing loudly in the was-silence.
She was dying even faster.
Maybe it'd take days, hours, or even minutes. How ever long it was, Sasuke wanted to bathe in her existence. Tentatively, Sasuke turned his head to look at Naruto, whose shoulders were shaking so furiously it moved the bed.
"Stop crying." he managed to say firmly, but Naruto's crying didn't seize. "I said, stop crying." Sasuke feared if Naruto didn't stop crying now, he was going to start crying again too. No one else knows how much pain the two feel. But, Naruto wasn't the one whose entire being depended solely on this girl that was dying in the hospital bed. Naruto wasn't the one who visits her everyday and sits in silence with her for hours. Naruto wasn't the one desperately, completely, and painfully in love with her. Sasuke was, and dammit, he almost wished he wasn't, because maybe he wouldn't hurt so much.
"I can't take it, Sasuke." Naruto managed to say between sobs. "I don't think I can handle another friend dying. Especially her."
"Idiot," Sasuke seethed, trying not to squeeze Sakura's hand. "How the fuck do you think I feel?"
But I'm really feelin' like the sunshine is shinin' right down on my face
and I'm runnin' with the best of them oh, of the change
I'm lovin' but I'm feelin' like shit and I'd never leave you for that
Never leave you dyin' alone
Falling Away - Crossfade
When she woke up, Naruto was gone. Sasuke nearly broke down again, begging for her forgiveness. She just smiled, brushing it off. "It's okay." she said, stroking his cheek with her colder fingers. He smiled grimly, blinking away his tears.
"I missed you." she whispered, smiling. He was so happy to see her eyes again, even if they dulled a shade or two. No matter. It was still her eyes and he loved them.
She smiled, "Where were you?" she managed to say, almost coughing. He frowned, pressing a finger to her cheek almost playfully.
"Don't speak." was all he said, thinking about how he should answer. "I lost track of time." he finally said, sorrow filling him because how irresponsible he was for losing track of time. The fucking time! She could've died and he wouldn't have known it until he got there!
She nodded, squeezing his hand as a gesture of comfort. Silence.
The silence was thick, heavy on his shoulders. He had no idea what to say. He knew that she might have a guess as to why he was late, but he also knew that she wouldn't say. She didn't want to upset him, and that in turn upset him because he was never too sure about what she was thinking. She was easy to read, but it was always assuring to hear her say something. Anything.
She sighed.
"I don't like what you do." she whispered, wincing. He stared at her, a bit shocked. "It kills me knowing I can't be the one loving you throughout the night."
His hands, which weren't holding hers, clenched tightly into fists. "You know it'd be you if it were possible." he whispered, seething. He was angry at himself for betraying her every night with multiple women. She understood to an extent. But he was also angry at her for falling victim to the Master of Disease. She should have known better. She should have known.
But she didn't. And even though the master is dead, the disease didn't die with him, like everyone had hoped.
"You shouldn't have gone." he said, glaring at her. She flinched at his anger. "I fucking told you not to go!" he yelled, standing up. The chair toppled to the floor with a bang.
He stared at her, glaring with tears in his eyes. This was the first time, he and she realized, that he was yelling at her for that stupid mission. But now.. it's like he's blaming her for putting the both of them through Hell.
"The rest of your team died, Sakura! And you're laying in your death bed, about to die the same fucking way they did!"
His Sharingan activated, bleeding red. She didn't say anything, too shocked to defend herself right away. Tears ran down her cheeks.
He sobbed, burying his face in his palms, still standing. "Sasuke... I... I had to go. No one else could take him. You know that." she whispered, reaching out toward him. He didn't move when her hands found the fabric of his jacket and pulled weakly. She pulled again, coaxing him toward her.
"I go home every night-" he started, slowly nearing her, "-with a woman whom I dress to look like you." his knees touched the side of the bed. "And I do drugs, to make that façade seem real." he bent down, his fingers touching the side of her cheek. She looked up at him, gazing at his face as myriads of emotions showed itself. His lips barely touched hers. "I don't want to go home every night thinking about how tomorrow or any day after could be your last." he finished, pressing his lips against hers in an agonizingly slow but incredibly sweet kiss.
He pulled away to whisper, "I love you so much." He let her go and stood up straight, but still staring down at her.
"Come back!" she called as he turned to leave. He didn't listen, just continued to walk away from her. "Back to me!" she pleaded, reaching out.
He turned around, looking as if he was trying not to cry and glare at her. "Dammit!" he said dejectedly, "You come back to me."
And then he was gone.
Out on the walls, sounds of banging
It's constant coming from your head
And desperate the calls came in ringing
from those wanna wring your neck
Our Swords - Band of Horses
He was doing it again.
Another green-eyed woman, panting under him with the pink wig splayed around her head. The cocaine worked harder tonight, making everything hazy and causing hallucinations. He was almost positive this one was Sakura.
But Sakura's voice wasn't annoyingly shrill. Her chest wasn't flat, her skin wasn't tight, her eyes weren't just one shade of green and she didn't wear make-up. This all seemed so wrong... But it also lessened the pain. Just a little.
He rolled off the girl once he was done, staring at the ceiling. Her pants filled his ears and then she was touching his arms, sliding her hands across his chest. "Again." she whispered, her breath too hot and dry against his ear. He sat up, shaking his head. The no-name woman's hand was still on his chest, rubbing in a circle. Sasuke ignored her, thoughts of Sakura filling his head immediately.
He turned his head slightly toward the girl. The wig was forgotten on the bed, messed up from their session. He scoffed, shaking her off and getting off the bed. "Leave." he said, pulling his pants on. He tossed her clothes to her. He went back to the bed and grabbed the wig, running his fingers through the locks.
Sasuke turned toward the woman, whom was pouting while pulling her thin dress on. There were light brown stains on it and a rip on the end. What a whore. He walked over to his dresser and put the wig in the second drawer. Suddenly, thin arms wrapped around his torso. He froze.
"How 'bout you n' me go on a date?" she drawled, kissing the back of his neck. He grabbed her arms and pulled them off of him and took a step away from her.
"I said leave." he repeated firmly, glaring at the woman. Her mouth dropped in disbelief.
"This was a one night stand?" she shrieked, her fists clenched at her sides. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He grunted in approval. He then felt a dull pound on his chest as the woman repeatedly hit him. If that's what she's doing is called. "You asshole! I thought we woulda started a good relationship!" she yelled, continuing to pound on his chest. He sighed.
"I'm gonna tell my father and he's gonna strip you of every penny! I'm gonna-ah!" she was cut off when Sasuke grabbed her arm roughly and dragged her to the door.
"I don't know what else you were expecting." he began, dragging her downstairs while ignoring her screams of protest. "But if you really thought I wanted a relationship from you then you really are a pathetic whore." he opened the door and shoved her out.
He ignored her screaming threats and went back to his room for a hot shower.
These lonely eyes are letting go of pain
So if I die,
let my blood leave a stain
Elysian Fields - Casey Frazier
When Sasuke got to the hospital the next morning, she was dead. Tsunade was trying to revive her, while the other nurses gave up on her after a few minutes of useless healing. He tried to revive her too with CPR, saying, "C'mon, baby, wake up. Let me hear your voice. Let me see your eyes. Let me feel your heart beating again. Please, Sakura, wake up!"
And he never got to apologize for their last encounter. He was torn, completely shattered, absolutely broken and miserable and dead. Not physically like her, but close enough.
Come back to me, she said. And, oh god, he should have. He should have.
He loved-loves her so very much. His heart swelled and bled for her, loved her, died for her. And now there's nothing.
"This isn't her." Naruto said as a means of comfort. But there was no comfort. Sasuke cried over her lifeless body, hugging her to him. But like Naruto said, this isn't her. This was her vessel and she isn't inside of it anymore. Perhaps she was in Heaven, or watching him cry over her in her ghost form in the same room. Maybe she went to the afterlife.
Whatever (or wherever) that may be.
If only sorrow could build a staircase
Our tears would show the way
We would climb our way to Heaven
And bring him home again
Suicide Season - Bring Me the Horizon
On her funeral, the sky cried.
It's strange how that happens. The sky cried for the third. The sky cried for Asuma. The sky cried for her comrades that died from the same disease-Hinata, Ino, and Yuri, a male medic skilled in combat. But for her, the sky really mourned for her.
Rain. Thunder. Lightning. Dark clouds and a dark sky.
She, the strongest of the medics, survived the disease a full month longer. Sasuke wished she overcame it. But now, with her gone, he felt lost. All the feelings that accumulated during her sickness dissolved on the day of her death, and now he was just a shell.
Empty.
Loneliness escalated to a whole new level.
The piercing radiant moon,
The storming of poor June
All the life running through her hair
Approaching guiding light,
Our shallow years in fright,
Dreams are made winding through my head
Spiders - System of a Down
Sasuke couldn't handle it anymore.
Life was just too miserable and lonely to live anymore.
He knew he was the last Uchiha, but not for long.
He knew Sakura was going to die any day, so he planted his seed inside the last woman he bedded.
She carries his child, even if she doesn't know it right now.
Before he took his last breath, he made a wish:
That, wherever he ends up when he dies, Sakra will be there too.
Dog. Rat. Pig. Rooster. Tiger. Dragon.
His body erupted into a painless fire, disintegrating him entirely.
And only ashes were left.
Watching, bring me to my knees
Waiting, I am your disease
Lover, set my sympton free
Covered, you won't feel a thing
This is the the virus, the virus of life
Virus of Life - Slipknot
Now you're probably wondering who the Master of Disease is.
He wanted everyone to suffer like him. He, who suffered from cancer, blood disease, and various physical disabilities. He, whose forbidden ninjutsus consisted of unfamiliar diseases that invaded the body and could never be cured.
Medics from many shinobi nations attempted to kill this man. Many lacked skill in combat, so were killed instantly by infections.
He was a deadly man, but not deadly enough when he met his demise by Sakura's hand.
But by then, her teammates and she were already infected.
You know the rest.
I hope you all liked my new one shot!
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