Hello people, I wish you'll enjoy this fanfiction. I may write more if you like it, so review !
MONDAY
This Monday was a quiet day at the Hellsing's manor. Quiet day meant no freak raping and killing in England's streets. So it meant no mission. And no mission meant no killing. And as far as we all know, no killing meant a bored Alucard.
Everybody knew, even the fresh new recruits after a few week, that whenever the elder vampire was bored, he was up to nothing except pissing off anybody that would cross or not his way, in short words he used to piss anyone. That's also why when in "quiet" days, nobody dared wandering in and around the mansion. Indeed nobody wanted to have Alucard bugging him. Integra and Seras were quite aware of the situation as they were his master and fledgling. There was only one exception to the indubitable cosmic law that pushed Alucard to kick the joy of the living (or undead) out: Walter.In fact he was the only living being on the world that Alucard dared not to frankly bother. Understand by that that he never dared to pull down Walter's pants in public as he used to do with nearly every of the other residents. With Walter it was more a matter of mental pissing rather than crappy (dirty?) tricks whishes embarrassment was the main goal.
Ho yea, Alucard enjoyed laughing at people he just embarrassed. Sometimes they even thought that he was enjoying that way more than killing.
Especially the day he asked his fledgling to come along with him to Integra's office and coldly said pointing at her with a melted expression of laughter and disgust: "She's the one who knocked over the ashtray in the drawer."
Seras expression's was priceless this day. It was something between "WTF?!" and "What did I do???"
It became even more priceless when Integra pulled out her handgun and aimed at them. Obviously it only startled Seras. Alucard stood still as he was quite accustomed at this. But for the Police Girl it was a real shock to see her master's master point a gun at them. Anyway the two vampires stood so close to each other that it was impossible to say who's forehead was about to get filled with silver bullets.
As a matter of fact the ashtray that Alucard had obviously (willingly?) knocked over was still containing embers. As a consequence it started a fire in Integra's desk. Thankfully the expensive polished back oak desk was retaining the fire inside the drawers saving the mansion form wider scale Alucard's handmade disaster. The main fuel to this fire evidently being the paperwork she's been doing over the three last weeks Integra was in the worst anger she could possibly ever had.
So they stood there, in front of Integra's smoking desk. Staring at each other from each of the dimensions of the room, the air became tense and tenser. A maniac grin appeared on Alucard's face as he was delighting at this masterpiece of art he had done. Pissing off his master and scaring her fledging at the same time! Alucard had always thought that his high level nut breaking was comparable to some kind of art.
At this moment Integra's suspicion was confirmed, it was Alucard, that very nut vampire who did this.I can assume that you know well enough the concrete continuation of her thought.
A few gunshots and screams later. Alucard and Seras came out of the office as Integra was still barking very non-catholic words to them. Seras was thoughtless. Her master was laughing. "Harwaharwaharwaharwa"
His laughter's and words sounded strange to Walter. They sounded strange until he crossed them in the main lane. Indeed Alucard's deformed face explained it all. "Lert's gow tho teh bashment Polish Girlf".Walter just continued his way to Integra's office bringing her midnight tea. A tea that for sure was made with very expensive high quality premium Ceylon leaves, in a few words one of the most tasteful tea that could be made on earth. Everything would go back to normal as tea had the amazing property of calming Integra whatever annoyed her. So everything would be fine for the rest of the day except the thing that the elder vampire found wistful the fact of stalking in the kitchen last night. He was used to do that in order to pilfer a few blood packs when he was hungry. But that time he found wistfull to switch all sugar boxes with the salt ones.
A few minutes later loud voice resounded from the top of the manor down to the ears of the vampires now at their basement.
"ALUCARD!!!!!!! COME IN MY OFFICE NOW YOU FILTHY PIECE OF VAMPIRIC $H1'#4 ! ยป
Arf... Master did another foolish thing..." Seras thought with amusement.
"Well Police girl, I suppose I won't be having fun with you tonight! Said the joker to the fledgling.
She blushed at a heathen thought although Alucard would certainly picked it off.
Alucard chuckled and phased in Integra's office to receive his punishment.
At that time in Integra's office ,Walter, still confused about how he could have served salt instead of sugar understood it all when he saw Integra stabbing Alucard's stomach with the nearest sword around.
Sorry if my English grammar killed your brain, but I'm French. Like pip, and so pip will certainly come in the action if I decide to write more of it !