The Contest
Hikaru gracefully stroked his twins face. "Kaoru, it drives me crazy… the way your face looks when we're…" blush "Hikaru don't say stuff like that in public!" and then quieter, "I'm embarrassed about stuff like that…" The girls being hosted didn't have to take long to fill in the blank. The twins had become better and better at alluding to dirty things without actually saying anything. One of the great host club mysteries was whether any of it was true. Hikaru and Kaoru didn't feel any inclination to divulge the information. Any guest that had the guts to ask got a juicy, yet completely non-concrete answer.
On this particular day, Haruhi happened to be walking by followed by Tamaki who was whining about something. "But Haruhiiiiii! I never even got to SEE the pictures Kyouya had for that contest!" "I was mad in the first place that you had a CONTEST to see what I was scared of! Why would I care if you got to see some pictures?!"
Meanwhile, Hikaru was practically laying on top of Kaoru, much to the pleasure of the guests, talking about what they would try out later. They'd secretly invented a conversation about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that was made to sound like innuendos. Kaoru could be heard whining, "If you accidentally spill then its so sticky and you have to wash everything…"
Haruhi's attention span broke just then. She walked up to the back of the couch the twins were laying on and said, "You wanna know what? You're probably referring to a sandwich or something random, and people just suck it up! It would scare me more than anything if I ever found out that even 10 of what you say is true." With that, she stormed off, apparently sick of everyone at the moment. Luckily the guests had been diverted by Hunny's offer of cake and miraculously heard none of what was going on.
After giving Tamaki the "way to go, idiot" stare, Kaoru said, "Sounds like a challenge. Did I hear you refer to the contest to scare Haruhi?" "Yeah," Continued Hikaru, "No one ever won that, did they? Only Kyouya the pervert has ever seen those pictures."
"You two are in no position to call anyone else perverts!" Tamaki shouted, in defense of his friend Kyouya. "And anyways, YES. That contest… is technically still going on. AND! I have a plan!"
Both Hikaru and Kaoru cocked an eyebrow at Tamaki and continued listening. Out of earshot of the guests, he explained. "Kyouya told me that he'd still give us the pictures if we could really get her to admit something scared her. Now, if we all go in it together, we can get the pictures, and just make copies for each other!"
The twins perked up. Neither of them particularly cared about Haruhi's Middle School pictures, but getting the pictures seemed like a challenge and an awfully big diversion to their usual boredom. "What's the plan?" They asked.
"The plan is simple." He grinned. "We just have to make it look like you two actually sleep together. Then she'll be freaked out, and Kyouya will have to give us the pictures!" He grinned at his genius until he saw glares coming from both the twins. "What…?" He started to become unsure of himself. "You don't actually DO that, right?!" After a long awkward silence, Hikaru spoke softly. "That's the best thing you could think of?" Kaoru frowned and said, "Maybe we don't wanna follow your stupid plan." Tamaki scrambled. "B-but if you don't then… then… I'll… I'll NEVER get to see Haruhi's pictures! And you won't either!!!" He pulled out his infamous puppy eyes and began moping in the corner. The twins both sighed. Kaoru had pity on him and said, "How did you think you were going to go about making her think that, anyways? Haruhi's really perceptive when it comes to these things… we would never have fooled her."
Tamaki perked back up at the question. "It all begins with a trip to KARUIZAWA!" And somehow, they all got sucked in…
Conveniently, there happened to be a two week break from school happening just then. So, a couple days later, they were all in Karuizawa, enjoying the sun. Haruhi of course, was working for Misuzu, the okama friend of Haruhi's Dad, who was like, TOTALLY in on the plan.
The first part of the plan was something to the effect of having Misuzu give them tips on how to do it just as Haruhi was walking by.
However, one thing the twins hadn't planned on was for Misuzu to give them ACTUAL, very GRAPHIC sex tips. After about five seconds, Kaoru was blushing, and Hikaru had a nosebleed. Then Hikaru started blushing from his tell-tale nosebleed. THEN Haruhi walked by. Misuzu continued his instruction without even noticing Haruhi. "…And you slather it all over, make sure there's plenty, now. That way you won't hurt later. Of course, it'll always hurt when…" Haruhi stopped and stared at the scene. She decided to be kind and come to their rescue. "Misuzu-senpai, I think these two are too innocent for this type of conversation." Misuzu stared at her for a moment before recovering his act, and saying, "I suppose so... but they asked." Haruhi just gave them a weird stare and said, "Do you guys have some sort of weird obsession about lube or something?" She decided that they must just find the word funny.
Plan one. Foiled. Tamaki cursed from behind the curtain. After Haruhi left, he came out and groaned at them. "How could you guys screw that up so bad?!" Kaoru scowled, and Hikaru said, "Hey… Tono, let me tell you all about how to use lube, so next time you sleep with Kyouya, you'll know what to do." Tamaki blushed a thousand shades of red. "O-O-OBVIOUSLY THAT'S RIDICULOUS. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT EVER?!" It was obvious to both twins that Tamaki had never slept with anyone, much less that it would be Kyouya, but they didn't mind torturing him a bit. "Maybe you know how we feel a little bit now?" Tamaki nodded sorely.
Plan two. Make the twins room next to Haruhi, and they'd pretend to make noises during the night.
So that night, Kaoru checked his watch. "Midnight. Seems like as good of a time as any." Hikaru nodded. "Okay. Go ahead." "What? Why me?" Hikaru stared at his brother like this should be obvious. "You're the one most commonly perceived as the uke." "So I should be the one making noises?!" Hikaru nodded. "Yep." Kaoru gave Hikaru the most pitiful, I can't believe I'm doing this pout, and began to yell. "Ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhh!" Hikaru stifled a giggle. "That sounds like I stubbed your toe! Haha." "Well!" Kaoru pouted, "Not like I have any practice! And besides," he blushed, "According to Misuzu, it could be painful for all I know!" Hikaru blushed too at the memory of the conversation. "Okay, I'm sorry…" Kaoru proceeded to try again. "Ahhhh?" "Its not a question, Kaoru…" "I didn't mean it to be. This is harder than it seems." They pondered how it would sound and Kaoru decided, "Hey, how about I howl like a coyote? We could tell everyone that you like it when I do that?" Hikaru had a very visible nosebleed just then. Not because he liked coyotes, but the fact that Kaoru had suggested something like that. "Uhh. Okay?" Kaoru hopped out of bed and cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Ow ow, awhoooooooo!" Hikaru sat on the bed giggling.
Suddenly, the door flung open revealing a very angry, very sleepy Haruhi. She stared at Kaoru standing up and Hikaru sitting on the bed. "Are you two enjoying this or something? Go to bed!" With that she slammed the door and left.
Plan two. Foiled. "Geeze, does she fear nothing?!" Hikaru complained. To their surprise, Tamaki rolled out of their closet hidden inside a mat and moaned, "Geeze Kaoru! Even I can make proper sex noises!" Hikaru glared and said, "Why don't you tell us about what kind of sounds Kyouya makes at night?" Tamaki whimpered and shut up.
Plan three was to have Haruhi walk in their room in the morning to serve them breakfast, and them to be sweaty and in bed together.
Tamaki stood giving orders. "More jumping jacks! I want both of you really sweaty!" Kaoru groaned, "Tono, I really don't get why were becoming this sweaty…"
Haruhi, ahead of schedule, walked into the room 15 minutes early, and saw Tamaki telling them to do jumping jacks. "What the heck? Morning exercises? In your boxers?" Tamaki, for lack of better excuse, nodded sheepishly, slightly embarrassed she'd seen him in his own boxers. "Meh, rich people have so much time on their hands, its amazing…" She left the breakfast and walked out.
Plan three foiled. Tamaki had nothing bad to say cause he was still as red as a lobster.
Plan four was just like plan three, only it'd take place at lunch, and Tamaki wasn't allowed to be there.
Haruhi was supposed to bring them lunch, so both of them did a whole lot of sit ups. When they heard her walking up the stairs, they hopped into bed and wrapped their arms around each other. This was the desired effect right? Sweaty and in bed together. Kaoru buried his head in Hikaru's chest and closed his eyes as the door swung open. Too bad it ended up being Kyouya, who had no idea what they were doing or why. "Ew. Do that on your own time. You're supposed to be hosting the guest panel right now." Both Hikaru and Kaoru turned bright red and obediently got dressed to go host. "I can't believe Kyouya saw us DO that." Hikaru groaned as the door shut.
Later the twins explained to Tamaki, "This seriously sucks! There is no way we can ever get Haruhi to believe we actually do things together. Meanwhile, we're just embarrassing ourselves by trying." "Yeah." Kaoru piped up, "The game's done. We're not interested anymore." Tamaki protested until Hikaru angrily said, "I have a better idea. Why don't we make it look like you and Kyouya sleep together? That'd be twice as shocking, right???" Tamaki turned red several times over and scampered off.
With the help of Misuzu, Haruhi broke the news to Tamaki that she'd known about their plan the entire time, because Tamaki was just that predictable. "Its blindingly obvious that absolutely none of what they say is true. If it was, they'd be using it to market themselves, and they certainly wouldn't be blushing at Misuzu's explanations."
Meanwhile, Hikaru and Kaoru finally had some time to relax and enjoy Karuizawa. They entered a private solarium (sun room) with a giant hammock and a small smoothie bar. It was really warm in there, so they both stripped down to their boxers. Hikaru decided to make them both strawberry smoothies, but when he went to the machine only a tiny bit came out. "Aww man!" Hikaru downed the whole mouthful of smoothie as he hopped into the hammock, which naturally pushed their bodies together. "Hey!" Kaoru pouted, "I wanted some of that!" Hikaru tried to mumble through the liquid, "But there was only one gulp." Without even thinking twice about it, Kaoru licked the strawberry smoothie Hikaru had on his face. Suddenly they heard a terrible yelping noise behind him.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Haruhi yelled from the doorway, standing amidst the pile of shed clothing, "What are you guys doing?" She began blushing furiously. Both of the twins just stared, not knowing how to react as they'd never witnessed Haruhi blush before. As it dawned on them, both broke out into cat-like grins. "This means we win the contest huh?"
Haruhi, not wanting to lose on a fluke, and doubly not wanting someone like Hikaru or Kaoru to have middle school pictures of her, said, "Not unless Kyouya can guarantee that this wasn't a fluke!" "Fine by us." The twins agreed.
Haruhi, still blushing slightly, accompanied by the twins found Kyouya who was attending some guests that had come to Karuizawa with them. "Kyouya-senpai, we need to talk to you for a sec." Kyouya nodded and excused himself from the guests for a moment. "What do you guys want?" He got to the point, not pleased about being taken away from the guests. Haruhi stuttered, "I just need you to verify that this was a fluke." Kyouya, finally understanding what she meant said flatly, "Haruhi… I'll just say this. You don't wanna know what they do on their spare time. Or time that they were supposed to be hosting." Kyouya gave the twins a glare that told them there'd be hell to pay later. Haruhi's heart sunk, not wanting to think of what the twins would do with her pictures in their hands. "Kyouya, you've got to be kidding me, you've never seen proof." Kyouya frowned at her and shook his head. "This conversation is over." He shoved the pictures into Hikaru's hands and excused himself saying, "I have guests to attend to."
Haruhi pouted and stalked off, leaving the twins to browse through the pictures. Just then Tamaki walked into the room. "Hey Tono." The twins grinned simultaneously. "We thought of a contest for you to earn these pictures." "What?!" Tamaki sputtered, "We were supposed to split them. SPLIT!" "But you haven't done any of the hard work." Kaoru explained. "Yes," Hikaru continued, "In this contest you convince Haruhi that you and Kyouya are sleeping together." Tamaki blushed a thousand shades of red. "But that's so embarrassing!" The twins slapped high fives. "Payback is sweet."