Jayne's spiritual laxatives
Summary:The title says it all really…
Disclaimer: I don't own it, and after reading this story, you'll be glad of the fact.
The night before...
'I'm not taking any discussion on this, Jayne your staying on board.' For once Mal had found a well paying job. The only problem was took itthem deep into, "unfriendly" Alliance country. Not a problem for Mal, not when the pay was so good. And after his crew had spent the last month living off rations and his ship was running on fumes. No this would be a good job, for them nice clean honest work.
A simple enough job to. Take items A to location B and receive payment. Easy money, as Badger had said. Only like all things in Mal Reynolds life it wasn't simple easy money. The planet they had to deliver items A to had certain unresolved issues with Jayne Cobb. Something about the local town sheriffs twin daughters, a horde of family yard animals and a ping pong table.
'But Mal they got food here! And it's been weeks since we've had anything to eat!'
'Which they ain't going to be inclined to share with any of us, if you show your face.' Mal sighed. 'Now I'm not for minding what you did on this here rock and if you want to keep the particulars too yourselves. I'm actually kind of thankful for the fact. But the word is that these folks won't take too kindly to your presence so your staying onboard!' Mal ordered.
'Mal we gotta nothing to goddamm eat on this here boat of yours! You going out to there to get yourselves some eating food! A man got to eat! Mal and I'm a man!'
'I had keenly observed that fact. But you should be able to take care of yourself for one night, beside someone's got to watch the preacher, he was looking a might bit pale then I imagine a man's suppose to.' Mal raised his eyebrow, and Jayne looked disgusted.
'Mal I can't cook! I don't know nothing about no goddamn kitchen! I' am a man! Goddamit!' He plead again. 'You'll regret this!'
'Then be one and take care of yourself for one night! Now I'm leaving my boat in your protection for one night, I expectit returned in the morning in a fine and responsible working order.' And with thatMal and his group left for the nearby town on foot.
The cargo bay doors shut out the light and Jayne's friends. The distance sound of a man retching was the only sound left in Serenity after that.
The next morning…
'Oh man I swear, I could not eat another bite!' Wash proudly declared as he wheeled the mule into Serenity's bay. The cargo bay doors were wide open and the bay was filled with the dry desert air.
'They were certainly hospitable bunch.' Mal added as he closed up the rear hatch. Inara and Kaylee just slipping in-between the closing doors.
'Come on don't be shy lady's! Time to get back on the road again. Badger owes us a nice fat pay check, so what's say we go and collected it!' The captain clapped his hands together. Then the doors closed. And the Captain Reynolds was introduced to Serenity's newest permanent resident.
'Now what the hell is that? Kaylee!' The shiny mechanic turned a bright shade of crimson, as she pinched her nose.
'I didn't do it Captain!' She turned away embarrassed.
'Mal!' Inara slapped him on the arm. 'How dare you accuse a lady for something like that! Oh god! What is that!' She shrieked as she pinched her nose.
'I wasn't accusing anyone of anything! I was asking if this smell might be something we should be concerning ourselves with!' He yelled twisting his nose harder trying to block the smell out. 'Something in the atmospheres? Kaylee?'
'Captain…' Kaylee turned towards him looking a mean shade of green, holding her nose.
'I need some air.' she said shakily clutching her stomach.
'I' am opening the door! Wash! Hold off on that there departure. I don't think none of us are in a hurry to-' Mal turned a twisted the lock in the control panel. The outer hatch slowly lowered. And the inner doors just started to part. Unfortunately the mechanism was too slow for Kaylee's impatient stomach. Kaylee's overly filled stomach emptied it's self…over Captain Reynolds boots.
'Oh good god! Alright everyone out!' Mal hit another switch and a second later an emergency alarm echoed through Serenity.
Inara guided Kaylee out through the hatch as the poor mechanic gagged in the airlock.
'Zoë! Wash! Doc! All of you out and someone grab the shepherd and Jayne! I'm expecting to hear some good explaining for this odour!' The captain shouted over the Commsystem. There was no answer. 'What the hell! Zoë! Wash! Get out here!' The sick drenched captain barked at the refectory.
'Someone help me!' A strangled cry came from Zoë in the refectory.
Inara looked at Mal 'Mal I think you should go!' The companion gestured towards the refectory door on the other side of the cargo bay.
'I ain't going anywhere near that smell! It might be dangerous for me!' He said pleading cowardice.
'Captain I need help! That useless husband of mine has passed out on me!' Mal looked at the door and then back to Inara, wincing under her scolding gaze.
'Oh you're such a hero! Look after Kaylee.' she sarcastically ordered him. Adding as she pushed pass him. 'If you can do that.'
'What! Hey I heard that!' She disappeared into the depths of serenity, without another word. Leaving Mal with the ailing Kaylee. She straighten herself up and dizzily threw herself at Mal.
'I'm Sorry Captain, I didn't mean to ruin your shiny shoes.' He wrapped his arms around her hushed her.
'Don't you worry about them, dry them out, be good as new aft-' He didn't finish. Kaylee emptied the remnants of last nights feast down Captain Reynolds front. Expect now she got a good portion of his brown coat as well as his shoes.
He threw his arms wide and backed away form her. 'That's just great.' He sighed exasperated.'Mal!' Inara was back with Zoe and an unconscious Wash wedged between them. Both women looking furious at him.
'What did I do!' He said defensively. As the two women dropped the unconscious pilot down to rest.
'All I ask you too was look after Kaylee!' She pointed towards the retching mechanic laying on the dustbowl floor.
'That was an accident!' He shot his hands skywards in frustration. 'What in the verse did you do to my ship Jayne Cobb!'
So that's all i wrote what you going to do? Well one idea is you leave a review and me and the plot bunnies will get a cracking a.s.a.p. as soon as i catch somemore.