James grinned broadly to himself at the thought of the guys in the suffocating silence of McGonagall's room, dutifully writing out line after line of : "I must not set off boxes of Filbuster's Fireworks in the Great Hall, as it endangers the health and safety of myself and the students around me." It was perhaps one of McGonagall's worst punishments, and the others had been heartily pissed off that James, who has seen McGonagall coming and hidden under the table at the last minute, had narrowly missed receiving the same fate.
The memory of Sirius mouthing a most violent curse as he saw McGonagall sweeping toward them through a mist of stars and sparkles made him give a sudden snort of laughter. Ignoring the startled looks two first years gave him as he passed them by, he flopped into an armchair by the fire. It was 7:30 in the evening, and he had nothing to do. This was a first for him. Stretching his arms above his head, he flung his feet onto a table and idly scanned the room around him.
His heart seemed to miss a beat. Lily Evans was curled in an armchair, engrossed in a magazine, about five feet away from him.
James's arms remained above his head, frozen in the act of stretching them. A hot flush had risen in his face, his luck rendering him temporarily speechless.
Somehow, he knew not how, he had sat down beside Lily Evans, his private love obsession for the past, oh, several years.
And she was on her own.
And he hadn't even tried to do it.
He suddenly became aware that he was sitting with his arms still stuck straight up in the air, and hastily pulled them down. Shyly, he looked into the fire, then glanced over at her again. Her head was bent, dark red tendrils of hair falling into her eyes, her legs curled up underneath her. She looked so relaxed, so utterly absorbed in her reading that James thought it rather a pity to disturb her. In fact, he found himself wondering how long he could get away with just sitting there staring at her, but then instantly dismissed such an idea. He could stare at her any time. Now he had found her on her own. He had to seize this opportunity!
"Anything good in there?" he asked casually, and Lily started violently, the magazine almost falling out of her grasp. She looked up at James in shock.
"Where the bloody hell did you come from?"
James grinned. "Well, see, it all started with my mum and dad…" He paused, mentally whacking himself around the head. Lily rolled her eyes and made to turn away from him, and his heart sank in disappointment. Leaning forward slightly, he repeated, in the least 'I'm-a-big-headed-prat' voice he could manage, "So, is there anything good in there?"
Lily looked at him rather suspiciously, then held up the magazine for his inspection.
James squinted slightly. "I Slept With A Giant, And Now I'm Pregnant!" He blinked in surprise. "Holy shit, that woman must have a huge–" He halted abruptly, taking in Lily's raised eyebrows. " – um, ego…"
Lily flicked over a page, then held it up to the light again. A vast woman with an even vaster bump smirked at the camera. James shook his head in amazement.
"The hell kind of magazine is that? Cross-Species Monthly?"
"Close," Lily said, idly flicking to the next page. "It's TeenWitch Weekly."
"Ah!" said James wisely, despite the fact he had never so much as heard of it before. Finding himself at a loss for something to say, he said desperately, "Is it – uhm – a good magazine?"
Lily glanced up at him. "Why, thinking of buying it?"
"I am, in fact," James said seriously. "It all sounds too much to resist."
She smiled reluctantly, and James beamed. "I wouldn't advise it. This magazine has to be the biggest pile of crap I've ever looked at."
"Why are you reading it, then?" James asked curiously, deciding not to say that he thought stories of sleeping with Giants sounded rather interesting to him. Lily uncurled her legs and slung them over the arm of the armchair. Her skirt hitched up rather high on her leg when she did that, James noticed with interest, and felt rather disappointed when she tugged it down again.
"It's just something to do."
"You've got nothing to do?"
Lily laughed bitterly. "I've got everything to do. I've got that huge essay from McGonagall to get done, but I would actually rather shove my wand up my nose than do that, so…"
She let the sentence hang. Silence fell between them as James considered her words. He glanced at her wand where it lay innocently on her stomach, and tried to picture it dangling from her dainty, perfect nose. He couldn't resist. "Let's see it, then."
She met his eyes with a frown. "What, shove my wand up my nose?"
He shrugged. "Yeah."
Her eyes widened. "No!"
"Why not? You've finished with TeenShit Weekly, haven't you?"
Lily looked outraged. "Potter, are you actively encouraging me to stick my own wand up my nose?"
Deadpan, James raised his eyebrows at her. "I thought you said you'd rather do that than Transfiguration?"
"Well yes!" Lily snapped, "But only as a last resort!"
There was a beat of silence.
"A last resort?" James repeated curiously. "A last resort after doing what?"
Lily's face had turned a light shade of pink. "Well – after – checking my hair for split ends, say."
"Your hair looks fine to me." Perfect, actually.
"Or – or – doing the dusting or something."
"Doing the what?" James held back the snort of laughter battling to break free. "Lily, I'm hearing excuses, but you know what I'm seeing?" He leant forward confidentially. "I think you're just too chicken to do it."
Lily's eyes turned to ice. "Say that again."
James examined his nails nonchalantly. "I think you're too scared of looking stupid, that you'll damage your perfect Prefect reputation…actually no, scratch that." He met her eyes with a wicked smile. "I know you're too scared."
She sat staring at him in cold silence. Her hand had moved unconsciously toward her wand, and was fingering it slightly. "You think I'm scared to look stupid?"
"Well…" James paused reflectively. "Yes."
"I bet you wouldn't do it."
"How much?" James asked at once. Lily put her head on one side, considering him. "Go on," he egged her on, "Just how much do you think my dignity is worth?"
She grinned. "About two knuts."
"You're on." James bent down to fish in his bag and, feeling the smooth, supple wood of his wand brush his fingers, slid it out. His stomach suddenly lurched with butterflies when he realised Lily's eyes were fixed keenly on his face, and he knew he had her undivided attention.
Even though this has to be the world's stupidest way to get her attention…
Brushing that particular thought from his mind, James held up his wand for her inspection, feeling ridiculously as though he was performing a circus act for her. "Which nostril would fit best, d'you reckon?" he asked seriously, and Lily slid half-way off her chair, balancing one hand on the carpet to get a good look up his nose.
"The right one."
"Alright," James said, resting his wand on his upper lip. "Drum roll, please." He smiled as Lily obediently started 'drum-rolling' her hands on her thighs, then took a deep breath.
Then he pushed his wand, his wand who had been with him for the past six years, who had fought against enemies and defended him from friends, up into the murky regions of his nasal passage.
And surprisingly, it hurt quite a bit.
Lily's mouth hung open as James concealed his wince of pain. "You look," she said critically, "Like a prat."
"Your turn," James said firmly, not letting go of his wand. Lily looked incredulous.
"I can't believe you."
"I'm not taking this wand out of my nostril until I see that wand up that cute nose of yours."
As though in a dream, looking as though she could hardly believe what she was about to do, Lily lifted her arm and rested her wand on her upper lip. "I'm only doing this," she said reluctantly, "Because I don't think anyone in the whole word has ever said what you just said, and I doubt there ever will be."
And without further ado, she took a breath, clenched her fist onto the edge of the armchair, and lightly poked her wand into her nose.
There was a long moment in which they both sat, regarding each other, holding their wands in their nostrils in silence.
It was odd, James considered, that even with a seven inch wand jammed into the delicate realms of her right nostril, she was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
Lily's clear green eyes were gazing quizzically at him. "Can I take this thing out my nose now?"
James opened his mouth to answer her, with every intention of saying that she looked damn attractive with her wand up her nose and she should really consider doing it more often, when a shadow fell over his face.
Looking up automatically, his face fell as the person he least wanted to see at that particular moment stared down at him.
"James," Sirius said, looking completely revolted, "Why the hell do you have your wand jammed up your nose?"
He looked over at Lily, who simply stared back at him, her face expressionless. Then simultaneously, they both pulled their wands out in one swift movement. James's nose even squelched a little.
"Trust me, mate," James said finally, "You needed to be there."
0o0o0o0o0o0
Well. I have absolutely no idea how that came about.
Review if you've never read a fluffy fic where James and Lily voluntarily shove their wands up their noses before…
And do tell me what you think and all.
Love and peace xxx