Fog loomed over the arctic north. A towering, dreadlocked man beat up a local poacher. The sleek figure of a red dragon flew off in the distance. The man turns to look. "Perfect," he grins.

Meanwhile, on the dragon, a talking donkey and the ogrelord, Shrek, were being their usual selves. However, given the fog and the grey skies, Donkey felt a little...off.

"Ummm...Shrek?," whimpered Donkey, terrified, "I'm not sure about this. Maybe we should go back." Shrek shrugged the words off. "Oh come on," responded the ogre, "Doan tell me yer afraid of a little fog..."

"Oh, its not the fog," snarked Donkey, before going into a panicked state, "I just dont like the fact that were flying a dragon over a freezing ocean of water!" "Donkeh, look out!," yelled Shrek, with a suddenness enough to terrify Donkey into making Dragon dodge the oncoming poacher's net.

"GAAH! HELP ME! IM GONNA DIE! AAAAAA! SHREEEHHK! HELP!," wailed Donkey, as Dragon landed on a huge viking boat. The dreadlocked man approached the dragon, smirking. "This is just what I needed to build my Dragon ARMY," spoke the man coldly, "Now, hand him over..."

"Who teh Hell are you?," demanded Shrek, approaching the man in rage. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?," screamed the man, "I'M DRAGO BLUDVIST, THE DRAGON GOD! YOU WILL BOW TO ME, OR DIE!"

"Oh come on," said Shrek, backing off into a nearby ale keg, "can't we just settle this ogre a pint?"

Drago obviously did not like the sound of that. He pulled out his staff, and roared to the heavens. A Bewilderbeast appeared. Shrek laughed. "Laugh now, but remember: I CONTROL THE DRAGONS!," bellowed Drago.

"Okay den, laddeh," mocked Shrek, finishing off an unfinished pint of ale, "COME ON!" Shrek immediately smashed a huge hole into the ale keg, causing many of the poachers to slip around. Drago curbstomped them. Shrek, once pumped up to kick Drago and the Bewilderbeast's sorry asses, looked on with disgust.

"I've seen crazy kings before, y'know, Harold, Lord Farquaad, you name it, but this is just WRONG," rambled Donkey, who was at Dragon's side. "I'd have to agree," said Shrek, giving a half-hearted chucke.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?," screamed Drago, viciously punching Dragon. Dragon cried in pain. Just then, a wave of sheer, uncontrollable anger hit Donkey like a penny dropped from the Burj Khalifa hits a passerby. "YOU! HIT! MY! DRAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!," screamed Donkey, in a roar that terrified even the ogrelord himself. Donkey immediately mule-kicked Drago.

Drago was sent flying all the way to the other side of the ship. Shrek followed in pursuit. Donkey stayed behind to cry with Dragon. It was definitely not their day.

Drago sat himself up from his crashed position, as Shrek loomed ogre him. "PLEASE," wailed Drago, humbled, "Don't kill me! I'll do ANYTHING! ANYTHING!"

"I'm sorry, laddeh," said Shrek confidently, shrugging off Drago's sudden bout of cowardice, "but yeh time here is OGRE." Shrek immediately pulled an onion out. Smash Mouth's song "Allstar" began to play in the background. Drago cowered in terror. "Geez, Drago, grow some LAYERZ," snarked Shrek.

Shrek immediately shoved the onion down Drago's pathetic throat, getting his hand all the way into his esophagus. He planted it there, as if Drago had bubonic plague, and readied his right fist. Drago shuddered.

POW.

Shrek punched Drago in the mouth, causing the onion to explode. Drago's head came off, rolling to the ground. Shrek, finding no use for a severed head, flung it into the ocean, never to be seen again. Shrek roared in triumph. The Bewilderbeast nudged Shrek lovingly, and he promply petted the creature. "Don't worry, lad," said Shrek softly to the beast, "You can come to my swamp."