Disclaimer: If I owned StS, Seiya/Saori would be official!! But since it's not, that means I don't own them...
Author's note: YES!!! I did it!!! A Saori introspective fic!! Finally! I have a Miho, a Shaina and now a Saori! I love all three female characters, but you all know I think Seiya/Saori belong together. 'Course, that's just me! So this is Saori thinking about Seiya and it's a tiny, tiny bit angsty and very romancy (is that even a word?!) so I hope you guys like it! Anyway, R&R!! You know I LIVE on reviews guys!
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I hate him!
By Lilas
I hate him!
There. I said it! It wasn't so hard... Right? I really do hate him... I do! I don't care if my heart says I don't, I do hate him! I despise him! I want him to die! No... That isn't true... I don't want him to die. I don't want him to suffer either. I want... I... I want him to love me.
Yes... I, Saori Kido, little brat and bitch that tormented my adopted grandfather's hundred children is in love with one of them... And it had to be him! It couldn't have been someone easy to fall in love with, like Jabu... No, it had to be the one that hated me the most; that wanted to see me bleed to death and die slowly and painfully while he laughed his head off...
He probably doesn't want that to happen, although sometimes I have my doubts, but I can't help but feel somewhat depressed. What's a girl in love to do? Of course, it really doesn't help that I'm supposed to be this stupid virgin Goddess from Olympus and have a bunch of weirdos chase me around and what my head cut off. That most likely makes him hate me even more... After all, he has to save me because I'm a helpless idiot who needs 24/7 supervision...
Maybe that's why I hate him. He's just so selfless and caring about everyone's health around him that I can't help but look up to his bravery and courage and wish to be like him. I mean, he can fight, he can run, he can jump... He can do anything in the world! Anything except maybe love me. But I don't blame him... After all, I was the one who whipped him because he wouldn't play horsy with me.
Gods, what kind of idiot was I?! Why did I have to go around and make his life miserable?! I have no one but myself to blame if he never looks at me the way I want him to look at me. But he could try to forgive, if not forget... I know forgetting what I did in the past isn't easy but I was young and immature as well as selfish. And Gods was I jealous!
Jealous of who? Of him! Who else? He was the only one who dared stand up to my totalitarian rule and I envied his courage... I wanted it so bad so I could free myself of my grandfather's imposing rule on my life... But I could not have it, and that thought had made my blood boil in my veins and a sort of hatred for him to grow. And it grew with every defiant look he gave me from the corner of his eyes, with every knowing grin that lit his face, with every word that he spoke...
It eventually got to the point I couldn't stand seeing him and I'd make myself learn his schedule in order to avoid him. I guess he realized what I was doing though... He started changing it on purpose so he'd bump into me and pretend to act nice for a couple of seconds before shooting me a dirty look... But I couldn't do anything about it, and I guess that only made my hatred for him grow even more...
But I could no longer bring myself to insult him, to have Tatsumi beat him... I couldn't because I knew that would only make him irritate me more and would lead to me having him beaten more and more to the point I'd probably have killed him, and I couldn't bring myself to kill him. He was what I saw as courage at that point in my life, and as much I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to kill Courage.
So I continued on with my life, trying to avoid him as much as possible while he somehow found a way to confront me in the halls, no matter how hard I tried to evade him...And then, one day, he was gone. Just like that! He'd been taken to Greece and that same day, I realized I loved him. I was seven, but somehow, I just knew; and I knew it was wrong... So I tried to ignore the need in my heart to see him shoot one of his dirty looks at me.
But after six years of denial, I couldn't help my happiness when Tatsumi announced he was home... Home to me, even if I knew he hated me with all his heart. And Gods did I wish he didn't hate me! When I saw him standing in the doorway that day, I felt my heart skip a beat and fly out of my chest... He was even more daring than before! And the look he gave me when he saw me took me back to the times when we were children...
But there was something else in those eyes that had not existed before, when he used to glare at me and wish his looks would kill me. There was a deep hurt in them that I had never imagined Courage could have.... The way he looked at me was so similar, yet so different from the way he used to look at me before. I was frightened I had lost my rival, my hater, my love...
Jabu and he had gotten in a fight that same day and I was thrilled when he punched a hole in the wall! I know I should have been mad, but I couldn't help it... That was when I realized he was still the same young boy that had left this house six years before to train to protect his Goddess...
We've been through a lot already, him and me... From jumping down cliffs to walks in the park, we've done it all... All but kiss. Well, if that Amazon hadn't stopped me, then that would have been in the 'Done' list, but I have yet to taste his lips. My birthday is coming up soon... I wonder what the chances are he remembers. He always remembered before...
He used to put some sort of plastic bug in a little paper wrap and give it to me... It'd scare me and I'd scream like there was no tomorrow and he'd just stand there, hugging his childish sides and laugh like a maniac until Tatsumi showed up and took him to the cellar where they beat the boys up. I never liked it much when he was beaten. That meant I wouldn't see him for some time because the wounds had to heal, and quite frankly, it frightened me he would die from it.
But he didn't, and I'm glad... More glad that I can express. After all, now I'm able to go down in the living room and gaze at his form watching television on the couch while relaxing between battles... It's hard to imagine that little boy and then him, this handsome teenager seating in my living room, watching morning cartoons with a laughter you could swear had to belong to someone no more than seven!
I guess that's why I like him. No matter what, a part of him never aged... Never grew from the selfless little brat that used to stalk me in the halls to make my days a living hell and a dying heaven... Never aged from the caring boy that, no matter how mean they were, always gave me a present for my birthday and seemed to know when things were wrong... Never changed from the boy I realized seven year ago I had fallen in love with and still am now...
Maybe I'm still jealous. I think about that a lot and I think that's the answer. I'm jealous of him... I'm jealous of his friends, of his courage, of his love... I'm jealous that he still has the friendship of that girl and the new bond he created with his half brothers... And I'm jealous of his power to pretend nothing ever happened between us when we're with the others and his power to show he still holds a deep hatred for me when we're alone...
And even if it hurts me deep inside and I lie in my room at night, crying myself to sleep because I can't bear the pain of loving him... I still will. Sometimes, I wish I didn't love his smiles, his hair, his eyes, his lips, his body... Sometimes, I wish I didn't need to hear his voice, his laughter, his shouts... But I need them. I need them as bad as I need the air I breathe every second or so...
I guess that could be a reason...
I guess that's why I hate him.