Author's Notes: First of all, about copyrights. The characters of this story are not of my creation. They were created by Yoshihiro Togashi's imagination and inspiration, and I write about them just because I like writing. I don't want to earn any money with it, so, please, don't sue me...
My first language isn't English. This fic was originally written in Portuguese, because I'm Brazilian. I can't guarantee a 100% accurate translation, but the "feel" of the story is here! ^_^ Because of the Portuguese original, too, some terms have have been translated as in the translated anime, such as Makai, Ningenkai, etc.
This was my third fanfic. It isn't totally romantic, but I just can't run from it! ^ . ^ The story is from Yu Yu Hakusho, after the TV series and after the movie too, if it makes difference. There's no references to the manga, because I had not read it before I wrote this.
These musics inspired me through the fic: "Flowers Blooming in the Church", from Final Fantasy 7; "Kouisuru Kanransha", from Cardcaptor Sakura Movie 2.
Synopsis: It's a lonely day. Yukina brings back good and bad memories, and thinks about her future and the people around her.
Innocence, Sweet Innocence - The Snow Lady's Memories - by Alandria
It's a beautiful summer morning. The wheather is warm, and the sky has few cluouds. I fell good... but, sometimes, I think if I am right feeling this way.
I was born in a country of ice and snow, in the Dark World. I was born to live in the cold. I was born to witness an icy and rigorous world, without facilities, and with a lot o cruelty around me. It wouldn't be strange to me if a normal person would call me a demon. In the deepest of my heart, I think I was born exactly to this: to be another demon in the Dark World. A demon without a evil soul, but, yet, a demon.
At the start, I had my mother sacrified. I even remember her face - I was too small for this. And, since I was little, I carry with me the fate of having a sinful mother. At least, it was what the elder was saying all the time. I don't believe my mother commited a sin just for giving birth to a boy. My brother I've never met.
Yes, indeed, my opinions confuse me. Against the law of my people, I respect my mother and my brother. Unlike other women I coexisted with, I don't think all men are cursed. On the contrary: there are good and bad men. And I don't believe that just being born is enough sin to my brother.
But... from where do I come with these conclusions? I'm intrigated.
I, who came to the world to love the snow, love the sun and the birds chirping in the morning. I, who was raised to follow laws, disagree with them. I, who was supposed to hate my brother... have searched for him.
I have searched for my brother. I've searched for someone who would be carrying my mother's tear with him. Under all the disaprovment looks, I left. I travelled through the Dark World, and to the Human World. I suffered a lot with that. I was abducted, mistreated and explored by greedy souls. After I found myself free, I resumed searching for my brother. Would he, by any chance, be walking amongst humans? I never discovered this, because I never found him.
Instead, I've met many peoplein the Human World. Friendly people, some of them smartier, some of them more welcoming, each with their own qualities. Men and women. My friends.
Now I'm living with Master Genkai, and I have to thank her for her kindness and hospitality. Although I know that, even for a person that strong, It's hard to be a lonely person. Loneliness turns into something terrible to anyone, sooner or later. Even when someone loves to live alone, there's a moment in which that one needs company. I feel that I am helping. To know that I'm necessary: there's a good reason to keep living. And here, in this beautiful place!
Now and then, we have guests - and that's great! It doesn'n matter from which world our friends came: they're always welcome here.
Koenma-sama doesn't come here much often, but always brings news. I like to talk a lot with Botan, when she comes hwith him. Always so full of energy... sometimes I envy her. I've always found myself too fragile. I wonder if that's because of me staying in a world that's not mine? Well, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't be happy in the Dark World anymore, specially after knowing that my brother isn't alive...
Kurama was who told me that. In a certain day, he came here to tell me this. He said it was Hiei who found out. Ah, Hiei! He was always like a mysterious guardian angel. He was willing to tell me, but had to stay in the Dark World. I've heard he's fallen in love. I hope he's happy! After all he had done for me, I have to find him and thank him for that. And, according to what Kurama told me, he will come here someday to see me - and give me my precious gem back. I will be waiting. Oh, and I have to remember to thank the patient Kurama, too, who had to come here to help his friend with the message.
My brother's death is a great reason to cry. But only five precious gems arrised on the day of the news. Why didn't I feel more sad? I don't feel sadness anymore. I have a weird sensation. It feels like... I miss him. It's like my brother is watchhing over me all the time. Sometimes, I think of him and smile. I feel his happiness, even not knowing him. But why that?
I feel confused. The weather is wonderful outside, and even then I don't feel like appreciating it today. The nature around me normally brings me much peace. But, in this day... I don't know, I must have been too much in thoughts...
Probably, it must be only this feeling of longing. Or, perhaps, I miss company. I know I don't look like the most lively person, when there are people who jump and play and laugh. But I like to be with that kind of people. To see beautiful things, to run, to smile... none of these are the same thing when I do them alone. Of course not.
It would be nice if Keiko could come here, bringing Yusuke with her, like always. According to what Master Gentkai said to me, they are still together, hapilly. They plan to marry, but it's just too early... how old are they? Seventeen? Eighteen? They have many things to do before that. If they really love each other, it will not be a problem. They say that love can do miracles. And this is a mistery that it's not me who will solve.
Yusuke found out he was a son of the darkness, after many incidents. He was born and reaised as a human, but now, in his veins, runs blood from the Dark World. He went there, fought against many demons, but now he's back to the Human World, to live together with the girl he chose. I wonder if he feels like me: a demon amongst humans? He's much the same in his character and personality. He matured a little through the years, but he's still a very lively person. Anyone who doesn't know him, would never imagine his past. He looks like a human, but he's not one. Not anymore. But... I wonder why not?
What is "to be human", after all? It's simply have the Human World as native land? Yusuke have this...
There are many cruel humans in this world. Certain evil things I would prefer to never know they exist. Even not belonging to the Dark World, some humans kill, hurt, torture, abuse others... weaker, helpless people. There are that ones who do anything for money. This is the worst human weakness. Sometinmes, I wonder why money, amongst humans, is more desired than the power itself. They say money brings power. Yes, maybe this is the reason. With money, a person with bad intentions controls and harms. Even I know that. Cruel men control others with the power money gives them. A power that they don't deserve.
But there are people even more evil. These people kill and hurt others for mere pleasure. It's the most cruel side of humanity. And it exists, unfortunately.
The Human World can be very beautiful, but it also can be a injust sea of blood. And people who make it a place so scary must not be called humans. There are people native from the Dark World even more "human" than these people that, inside, are real monsters.
Of course, I'm not rejecting my kind. The gift of just being born, doesn't matter where, is priceless. I was born and I still live, and just for that I thank. It doesn't matter from which world I come, after all. I was in the Human world that I found my place. A place where I can live, surrounded by care and justice by my friends. The love from my mother, that I never had... I found it accompanied by the ones who like me. I can be not-human, but I sometimes, feel like one. And I fell happy. I think that, in the end, this is what matters.
My life will be long and full of discoveries. I discovered a lot about myself today. Through the years, I'm learning the value of friendship. There are so many important things to learn! I wonder there can be something even more important then that to be discovered?
People talk much about love. I the Dark World, it exists, but they say so little of it... Demons don't seem to like too show love. They say it's a weakness. But I've saw many people get from that strange feeling a immense and incredible strenght, capable of take care of the most impossible missions. Probably, demons love in secret. And humans... well, sometimes.
In this world, people give more value to feelings of loving. Most mothers love their children. The work from each day is made with love by many people. The lives of those who love seem more complete, happier. At least, it's what it seems from the outside, when I see the smile lovers like Keiko and Yusuke share.
I've heard that no-one lives without love. To love someone must be ver important... I wonder if it will happen with me someday? I like my friends, but love must be something more intense. I don't know much about it, nor I have courage to ask about it. All I 've learnt about that was observing, slowly. Noticing the behavior changes in those who love.
Some people become more lively, and other people get themselves a little mixed up with that feeling. To get mixed up... that's a expression that reminds me of someone. He's a little mixed up... can I say that on the good side?
My friend Kuwabara seems to be always be that way. It's logical, not any person can be serious all the time, and are diversities like these that make this world a place so beautiful. And he's one of these humans with a kind heart. Although he makes everybody laughs, he now the exact time to show responsability and courage. He's a very honored young man, too. According to the human possibilities, he's very virtuous, the same way as my other friends, but in a more energetic manner.
And he's always kind to me. I don't know if he's trying to substitute the brother I lost, or if he does that by mere goodness. The only thing I can see is that he helps me with a new bright on his eyes. He does that with such fascination that his face turns a little red. Or, perhaps, his effort helping other is so big that he always has a fever because of it? I'm afraid that he will never tell me that. If he is happy being useful to others, I will not refuse his help.
You can hardly tell, but Kuwabara is kind of shy, sometimes. I'm always suprised to see how he's shy when talking to me. I think this is what makes him to mix-up things.
But, thinking again, it's not with anyone hwe fells that way...
It usually happens when he's...
...with me...
I wonder if there's something special with me?
I wonder if he...?
Maybe...?
...
Ah, how I'm silly! Look at what I was thinking! I think I must've had too much thought today, I must be too confused. It will take a long time so I can comprehend everything (or almost everything) around me, but, until there... I can only imagine...
And another day passes...
Here it is! A short fic to those who can't read my long fics, and to those who like shounen anime (it was my first work with one). I hope you like it! ^_^
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Alandria
April 4th, 2001.
Translation date: July 27th, 2003.
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