Two heads were hanging in well deserved contrition as a blisteringly long lecture continued to screech around the sterile room. Neither reprobate had seen the usually chipper Ducky this angry in a very, very long time. Tony had long since given up trying to calm the agitated M.E. and had wisely submitted to the dry verbal tirade that he had to admit he deserved, and judging by Tim's silent acceptance, he couldn't deny the damning extent of their folly either. The two were standing to attention in front of Ducky's favourite autopsy table with the doctor pacing furiously up and down in front of them, gesticulating more and more wildly as time meandered on. Whatever relief either had felt at being caught out in breaking every rule in the book during the week Gibbs was out of the office was all but gone. However painful a scorched behind was, it was quickly paling in comparison to the pain of the seemingly never ending reprimand.

"You two gentleman surely know that Jethro may have left you Anthony in charge, but he also asked me in no uncertain terms to keep an eye on things in his absence?" Both nodded mutely. That was standard procedure where Gibbs was concerned. Not that anyone ever minded, Ducky generally had a very avuncular supervisory approach. Until now. Until he had unfortunately walked in upon a no rules, no holds barred bout of fisticuffs between Gibbs' junior and senior agents. Rising tensions between the two had spilled over during a routine squabble about sandwich ownership and Abby's lab had played host to the disgraceful departing from the standards Gibbs had drummed into his team. Separated with surprising strength by Ducky's hold on the scruff of their necks, they were mute with shock as they were hauled off to autopsy. Five minutes of enforced medical inspection and two nose bleed cessations later, and the lecture had begun.

And only continued to blossom.

Such was the longevity that neither Tony nor Tim had the opportunity to check their on-silent cell phones as they normally would, with the religious reverence that Ducky and his generation detested. So neither agent saw the missed calls from Gibbs, nor the voicemails that accumulated quickly. Both were too busy staring and looking away from Ducky in equal measure. It was only when he had nearly lectured himself hoarse that both heads snapped up in shock, mouths dropping agape in incredulity at the resolved pronouncement that hung in the air. Tony recovered first, but only just. "Sorry…Ducky, I'm not sure I heard you right?" He glanced at Tim and cleared his throat nervously. "What did you just say?" Drawing himself up to his full height, the doctor showed no signs of correcting his speech.

"You heard me just fine, Anthony," he bristled, "As no doubt did you, Timothy."

Tim couldn't help but baulk in that moment. "Ducky," he blurted out anxiously, "Not that we don't respect you and everything, because we do. But you can't…we don't….it's not…." He glanced hopelessly at Tony who looked just as helpless as he did. "Gibbs wouldn't like it," he finished and even though his voice wavered, he was confident in that moment. "Gibbs wouldn't like it at all. Can't we just wait for him to come back?" Beside him, Tony gave a supporting nod which only served to sour Ducky even further.

"Do not dare to presume to tell me what Jethro would and would not like Timothy, he and I were friends while you two prodigies were still at your mothers' breasts. Now, although I am partial to the odd bout of repetition, I will not repeat myself on this matter. Do as I have bid you please and do it now. Let us get this unpleasantness over and done with as quickly as possible." He levelled a disappointed glare at the pair of them and they shuffled on the spot. "You know full well it is nothing that Jethro would not do were he here. Now, if you please, turn and bend over the table. The both of you." Tony and Tim merely stared at each other in horror, standing motionless. Truthfully, Ducky had threatened them both with a "clip round the ear" more times than they could remember but this was something entirely new and it was horrifying clear that Ducky was entirely serious. Both boys' were suddenly acutely aware that the electronic doors were ajar and stationary. Anyone could just walk in or by and see their proposed fate.

They both respected the hell out of Ducky. Saw him as a kindly uncle, or whatever. But this? This was something neither of them had seen coming. Sure, they had screwed up and broken one of Gibbs' most sacred rules and yes, they fully expected to cop the consequences for their faux pas. But from him, not Ducky. Both their mouths ran dry as they watched the desperately sad looking doctor stride to the corner of the room, move a wheeled bookcase to the side, and extract a thin, wispy cane. The fact that the medic was British was never more apparent than in that moment and all of a sudden, Jimmy's reluctance to sit down for the entire duration of the recent team BBQ made a hell of a lot of sense. Tony went whiter than white and took an instinctively protective step in front of McGee. "Ducky…c'mon man, I get that Jimmy is Jimmy to you but we're….we're Gibbs'….don't do this, please man…."

Landing to a slow halt in front of them, cane in hand, Ducky merely shook his head sadly.

"Over the table gentlemen, now, if you please."

With despairing glances, Tony and Tim moved slowly and in tandem. Their respect for the doctor was far too real and far too ingrained to refuse. Both took a deep breath as they turned and draped themselves over the shiny surface, the cold metal pressing against both of their stomachs. Far from strangers to the unorthodox methods of Gibbs' correctional tools, both were feeling incredibly out of sorts. Tony bit his lip as he felt Ducky move to stand behind him first and place a soft hand upon the small of his back, the place where Gibbs' much gruffer hand usually rested. It felt so alien that he felt the beginnings of real panic begin to stir within him, so much so that he baulked against the gentle restraint. "Easy Anthony," Ducky murmured with sheer sadness dripping from his words, "Don't fight what you know deep down you have only yourself to blame for." The room was suddenly filled with the gentle tapping of the wiry wood against Tony's slack clad behind, before the air was sliced with the arch of the cane speeding upwards.

But the logical and corresponding downwards crack of the first lick never came.

Gibbs' eyes were filled with ice as he caught and held Ducky's wrist in a vice like grip, having materialised as he always did, from the shadows. His voice had never been more terrifying and all three occupants of the room, even though two were staring unseeingly into their own stainless steel reflections, knew he was dangerously enraged. Not even when Ducky visibly winced at the bone crushing hold did Gibbs relent, if anything, he held the wrist tighter still, his teeth grinding together with shocked ire.

"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing to my boys', Dr Mallard?"

….

A/N: Random Two-Shot

…