So, I totally struck out. Like, goofed it. Completely wrecked my chance. I really tried to be prepared, too. I wore my lucky Aquaman T-shirt that I got on ebay, and my black converse. I looked good. But of course his girlfriend was there, screwing up everything. I'm telling you. That chick really irritates me. The guys in his band weren't even talking to her. They didn't even seem to like her. Jamie Bochert, you are the Yoko of Pagoda.
Anyway, when I first walked into the bar, I saw the drummer, and I knew I was actually right in the same room as Pagoda. I was in spitting distance of MP. I felt like I was gonna hurl. I felt dizzy. I wished I had brought my Murder by Numbers fan fiction with me to really impress the hell out of him.
My little cousin and I got seats at the bar, and before I knew it, MP was sitting right next to us, and Sarah was just shooting the shit with him. About freaking Dawson's Creek, for Christ sake. I couldn't believe it. Jesus.
He was just as beautiful in person. He is without a doubt the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. I just ache for him. To see him in person was so sad. It was so sad because he was just so beautiful it hurt. It hurt so bad to see old MP there, sitting at the bar, autographing my CD for me because Sarah asked him to because I couldn't even form words to speak to the guy.
The band was just ok. Jamie Bochert sang a song with them and played keyboards. I thought she sounded like a dying goat being sodomized by a date rapist. But that's just my opinion. MP obviously loves her. They have been together for a wicked long time. He'd have broken up with her by now if he was gonna.
After the show, I saw him put a coke can down on a chair. An empty coke can. I took that mofo. I took it and stuck it in my pocket. Very seventh grade, I know. I have no shame. And then after that, I went over to him. He was breaking down his shit on the little crappy stage at this dive bar they were at. I walked up to him and I told him that I liked the show. He said "thanks." And then I made my big move.
I said, "If I were Jen, I never would have let Henry go to football camp without telling him how much I loved him. I thought Jen treated Henry rotten."
MP looked at me like I was a total loser. It was one of the most awful moments of my life. It really was. It was then I realized that I would never make out with Michael Pitt. No matter how badly I want to. Because I'm a loser. And even if I wasn't, his skinny model girlfriend will always be there to screw it up for me.
I love you, Michael Pitt. She is one lucky woman.