Disclaimer: Although no one on this website owns anything, and I don't see why we have to do this… very well. I don't own the characters, etc.

Keep in mind this is a parody. Shut up. I like 'em.

DUNGEON HALLWAY

Snape walks down the hall. Bouncing happily. Doesn't sound like him, does it.

Snape: Tee hee. I banged a sixteen year old. Tee hee.

McGonagall: WHAT?

Snape: Go to hell.

The pair stop to observe Harry Potter darting around the halls.

McGonagall: (slowly) Harry? ...What are you... doing?

Potter: I'm being terribly original and sneaking out of my room at night!!! HA.

McGonagall: Harry... I understand your noble intentions to cause... some kind of mischief I imagine... but we just sent everyone to their rooms five minutes ago. It's only 8.

Potter: I know! Isn't it wonderful!

McGonagall: What could you possibly do in five minutes?

Snape: Have faith, Minerva.

Potter: I... don't know. Yet. But I've got a cup and a piece of string.

Snape: And I have confidence that you will find a way to USE that cup and piece of string for mischief.

Potter: (crying) No one has faith in meee.

Snape: (gently) That's because you're 16 years old and someone still has to sit with you to make sure you spell your name right on your assignments.

Potter: My name does too have E's at the end!

Snape: No it doesn't.

Potter: Does!

Snape: (louder) Doesn't.

Potter: DOES.

Snape: DOESN'T!

Potter: D-

Snape: (strangles Harry). "YOUR NAME DOES NOT HAVE TWO E's AT THE END! AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, THERE IS NO X IN HARRY!"

McGonagall: (Wrestles Snape away and drags him down the hall) Easy, easy there, big fella.

Potter: (skitters away to find someone to conspire with)

Snape: Well, off he goes.

McGonagall: We're all so proud.

Snape: Um. Actually. I've got to, uh, go. Important potions things going on. Brewing. That's the word I was looking for.

McGonagall: Can I help?

Snape: (considering)... no. No you cannot. (shudders and walks away)

-------------------

30 MINUTES LATER, SNAPE'S ROOM

Snape: (grunting)

Hermione: (growling)

Dumbledore: (munching)

Snape: (pauses) Hermione... do you hear that?

Hermione: Grr. Um. Yeah. What is that?

Snape: (whispers) It could be the power trying to come back on.

-Jurassic Park reference. Forget it-

Snape throws back the covers revealing Dumbledore lying on his side, eating lemon drops.

Dumbledore: I'm just so happy for you both.

Snape and Hermione scream.

Dumbledore: Ooo. That's hot.

Snape: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Hermione: HOW DID YOU CRAWL IN HERE WITH US WITHOUT US NOTICING?

Dumbledore: Magic, and you were distracted. Lemon drop?

Hermione: (reaches out, smiling) Yes please!

Snape: (knocks the lemon drop out of her hand) Don't. You don't know where he stores them.

Hermione: (confused) What do you mean?

Snape: That robe has no pockets.

Hermione: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Dumbledore: Ooo. That's hot, too.

Snape: GODDAMNIT, GET OUT!

Dumbledore: Well, alright. That doesn't mean I won't still be watching, though.

Hermione: If this continues, I'm going to need either a bucket or toilet soon.

Dumbledore: (looks to Snape with watery eyes) Do I have to leave?

Snape: (gags) Yes. God, please, get out. This doesn't work for me if I don't think it's forbidden.

Dumbledore: (sighs and climbs out of bed) Fine. Be that way.

Dumbledore walks to the lamp by the dresser, takes off the shade and places it over his head.

Snape: That's not going to work.

Dumbledore: If I leave, can I take this lampshade?

Snape reaches down and grabs a shoe.

Snape: If you're not gone in 10 seconds I WILL throw this at you.

-Silence-

Snape: Damn it. Take the lampshade, then.

Dumbledore leaves it on his head and walks out the door.

Snape: (turns back to Hermione) Where were we again? Oh yes. Uhhhh.

Hermione: Grrrr.

-LATER-

Hermione is finishing dressing. The training bra gives her some trouble, so she decides to skip it. Not much use for it at this point, anyway. Snape is sitting at his desk, writing in his diary.

Snape: Of course. This makes perfect sense. Being a double-agent spy, and a solitary, private person, why wouldn't I be writing my every thought down in this apparently obvious diary?

(The diary is covered in pink fuzz and proclaims in glittery puff-paint writing: SNAPE'S DIARY)

Hermione: Um. And why would you say that aloud, as well?

Snape: Exactly. Because I hate logic.

Hermione: Or you've finally gone insane.

Snape: This is possible, as well. The strain on my mind from the constant prying of a murderous lunatic and Voldemort has surely driven me mad.

Hermione: (backing to the door) Well then. I leave you to it.

Snape: I'll be molesting... visiting later.

Hermione: (bumps into the door and scrambles to open it) Mhmm. See you then.

Hermione slips through the door quickly and shuts it behind her.

Snape: (to himself, grinning) I really did mean molesting.

Dumbledore: (from under the bed) I knew it... mmmmm...

Snape's head whips up and he glances about suspiciously.

Snape: FREEE CHO-CO-LAATE!

Dumbledore begins shaking under the bed.

Snape: FREEEEE CHO-CO-LAAAATE!!

Dumbledore rolls out from under the bed and is quickly hit with a freezing charm. Snape grabs his feet and drags him slowly to the door.

Snape: (muttering)...always hiding in here ...tricky bastard to keep out ...could set up little mousetraps with candy perhaps...

He finally manages to drag Dumbledore out of his chambers and into the hall.

Snape slams the door and goes about preparing Hermione's potion for their super secret forbidden rendezvous in the teenager's bedroom.

------------------------------------------ Will Be Continued -----------------------------------------

Actually I don't know whether to keep posting or not. Let me know. Remember- I have an ego to feed.

Also, as a side note, yes I'm disgustingly addicted to SSHG. This is just boredom run amok and stabbing me in the brain.

THANKS TO SPACI88 FOR HER ENCOURAGEMENT AND IDEAS

-Vilest of Worms