Meanwhile, in the Mountain of Justice…
The Young Justice team was enjoying another episode of their favorite TV show, Blue's Clues.
"The clue is right there! How do you not see it?" Superboy screamed at the TV, visibly enraged. Suddenly out of the blue, Wally was struck with a stroke of pure conversation genius.
"Hey, guys remember when M'gann almost died, and it was ALL Aqualad's fault?"
"OMG! Yes, I hate that guy!" they all exclaimed.
"I'm right here. Wait, are you guys still talking about this? I thought you guys were over this shit!" Aqualad began to shout, standing up to face them, "Know who else almost died? TWICE? Yeah, that was me. Know who did not care the first time? M'gann. Know who did not care the second time? ALL OF YOU GUYS!"
"Kaldur, Superboy was in pain!" M'gann replied, rolling her eyes in an exasperated fashion.
"Oh, my Neptune!" he screamed, "Superboy is nigh indestructible! Shut up, you Martian whore! We all know that you just wanted to have creepy mind sex with Superboy. By the way, we know you are doing it right now, so STOP!"
M'gann's face turned a nasty shade of green-red as she blushed furiously.
"What? No, I do—"
"SPACE STRUMPET!" he interrupted, in a manner very uncharacteristic of him.
"Hey, back off, man!" Superboy shouted, taking a menacing step towards him.
"You know what, go run and cry to your mother. You know, Superman? Oh, wait, I forgot, he doesn't love you."
At this, Superboy curled up into a ball on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably with M'gann attempting to console him. Robin watched this exchange with wide eyes and then turned to Kaldur.
"Hey, Kaldur are you okay? Calm down."
"No, I will not calm down! You all deserve this. You know, Robin, why don't you just go back to being Batman's bitch? Okay?"
Robin's jaw dropped and he took a shocked and hurt step backwards, greatly resembling a wounded puppy.
"Holy shit!" Wally gasped, in a very feminine, high-pitched voice.
"Is that all you can say, you inarticulate sea sponge?" Kaldur shouted quite unnecessarily, muttering the worst Atlantian insult imaginable, "You keep saying that you are smart and good with science, but I am pretty sure that that is all a lie because you still do not remember to zip up the fly of your suit. Yeah, there is a fly on your costume, and no, it is still not zipped up. Oh, and M'gann has been mentally banging Superboy this entire time. Know when to give up."
Sheepishly, Wally reached down and zipped up his newly discovered fly. Artemis snickered at this.
"You know, what, Artemis? You are not ALLOWED to laugh at that, okay?" He screamed, pointing a menacing finger towards her face, "When you joined, everyone hated you, EXCEPT FOR ME! I was like, 'No, I will give her a chance, you know?' But no, the second there was any doubt about me you turned on me and threw me under the bus, YOU RAGING DYKE!"
"What?" she replied, wide-eyed with surprise, "Where did that come from?"
"Hey, I'm pretty sure she's straight. Artemis, prove it and make out with me RIGHT NOW!" Wally exclaimed, attempting to both intervene on her behalf and get some much needed action.
"Screw you guys, I'm leaving," she said turning towards the door. Once she reached it she turned and shouted, "Tôi ghét tất cả các bạn. Một lời nguyền về gia đình của bạn cho mười lăm thiên niên kỷ. Chết tiệt bạn tất cả. Bạn có thể bắt viện trợ từ ma quỷ, cho tất cả các chăm sóc tôi."
Superboy gasped girlishly as she stormed out, understanding her words, but Aqualad, unfazed, replied, "Yes, indeed, you blonde, Asian hooker!"
"Whoa, what the hell did I miss?" Red Arrow inquired, completely bewildered, passing her on her way out.
"Get the hell out, you soulless ginger!" Aqualad screeched, so angry that he referenced an internet meme, "By the way, your PMS-ing is getting old. It's time for you to get off your man period and make up with Green Arrow. It is NOT his fault that he's drunk all the time; alcoholism is a DISEASE!"
"Whoa, I do not know what is going on here. I'm just gonna come back later, kay?" Red Arrow asked warily, while raising his arms defensively and taking a cautious step back.
"Kaldur, Kaldur, calm down, man! What the hell is bothering you?" Robin asked worriedly, once again trying to calm his friend down, this time actually worried for his friend's sanity.
"All of you whiny children!" he screamed in response, "I HATE YOU ALL!"
"What?" Wally asked, confused by the fact that someone could ever hate him.
"You can all just go to HELL! I will crazy murder you ALL! If you guys want to grow a pair and act like mature heroes; I will be in Atlantis, winning back my hoe ex-best friend from my girlfriend-stealing manwhore ex-best friend, Garth. Aqualad out, mofos."
At this he stormed out, and the others remained silent, still trying to process what had just transpired.
Hours Later…
The GODDAMN-BATMAN walked in and stopped, caught off guard by the lack of childish banter that usually occupied the Mountain of Justice. He turned a corner to find the entire team, sans Artemis and Aqualad, curled up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth.
"What the hell happened here?" He questioned, his composure momentarily compromised.
…
The only response he received was a collective shudder.
Just a few notes from me and my super-mega-foxxy-awesome-hott (don't be concerned; I like men) co-author iwishtobelovely:
1: Okay, we realize that it's just 'Mount Justice' but does 'the Mountain of Justice' not sound ten times more epic? Same goes for 'the GODDAMN-BATMAN' in lieu of just 'the Batman.'
2: Here's the translation of Artemis's Vietnamese rant: I hate you all. A curse on your family for fifteen millennia. Damn you all. You can catch aids from the devil, for all I care.
P.S. Don't you just love how Aqualad responds without skipping a beat, despite having no clue what she said?
3: We here in this amazing duo that has yet to be given an epic name have nothing against lesbians. Just throwing that out there, because of my little 'RAGING DYKE' comment and the 'liking men' comment. Don't flip out on me.
4: We are also not racist. Kay maybe a little bit. Okay, not really, but still.
5: For those of you who do not know, strumpet was Shakespearian for hooker, so yeah...