In a village full of shinobi, peope tend to talk.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto characters or world or anything related to it except this plotline.
Kotetsu and Izumo
"Oi, Izumo?"
"Hm?"
"You know that schoolteacher – Iruka Umino?"
"Mm-hm."
"Izumo?"
"Hm?"
"Is it too much to ask for you to look at me when I'm speaking and give me responses with actual words?"
"You bastard! I just organized those!"
"Pick up the papers later – I wanna talk to you about something before anyone else gets here."
"What?"
"You know Iruka Umino?"
"You already asked me that."
"I didn't think you were actually listening."
"I am a shinobi – I can multitask. Anyway, yes, of course I know him."
"You know that Kakashi guy?"
"You mean Kakashi Hatake, the copy-ninja?"
"The one and only."
"What does he have to do with Iruka?"
"I think he has a crush on him."
"Iruka has a crush on a high-level jounin like Kakashi? That's gotta be rough."
"No, stupid. Kakashi has a crush on our fellow chuunin."
"You're full of it, Kotetsu. I don't know why I listen to you."
"Just – "
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting my paperwork finished before Genma shows up. Tsunade always sends him with more work for us."
"But – "
"Shut up."
Genma and Raidou
"Mission report looks good, buddy. Though I wish I could say the same for you."
"Shove it, Genma. It's been a long week."
"Really? Then, I think I have something that could take your mind off it."
"You're on duty, Genma. You are not sneaking off to have sex in the closet."
"That's not what I was talking about. Though if you were up to it…"
"Which I'm not."
"Fine. Then, c'mere."
"What?"
"Closer."
"Stop pulling! This is as close as I can get without getting my eye poked out by that stupid thing!"
"Well, I don't want anyone overhearing."
"You are aware that there is quite a line behind me…?"
"Let 'em go to Iruka. Everyone likes him better anyway. Which is actually the focus of what I have to tell you."
"Iruka?"
"More like the person who likes Iruka."
"Intrigue. Someone I know?"
"Someone everyone knows… but doesn't really know."
"Don't spout riddles at me today, Genma. My head hurts."
"Kakashi."
"Very funny."
"What makes you think I'm joking?"
"Why the hell do you think Kakashi, of all people, has a crush on Iruka? He's not exactly Mr. Emotional Attachment."
"Which is why it's so fascinating!"
"Ok… let's say you're not just trying to screw with my mind – "
"I'm not."
"And you honestly think Kakashi has a thing for Iruka - "
"I do."
"Explain to me why."
"I couldn't tell you what goes on in his mind… though you gotta admit – Iruka is rather attractive."
"No, moron. I mean, tell me why you have this notion in your head about Kakashi liking Iruka."
"Oh, that. When I came in this morning, Kotetsu told me – "
"You actually listened to something Kotetsu said? He's probably the screwiest chuunin in the village! He's always spouting nonsense just to get a reaction out of people. I mean, you've seen how he torments the genin. He actually gets giddy when it's time to proctor the chuunin exam."
"I know. And at first I didn't believe him. But he just kept talking about it… and… I dunno… the stuff he said actually made sense – all of it! It was… amazing actually…"
"Genma…"
"No, really! Listen! Have you ever noticed how Kakashi always – and I mean always – hands in his mission reports to Iruka and Iruka only?"
"Nuh-uh..."
"Well, other than the ones he has to hand directly to the Hokage, yeah-huh."
"Really?"
"Yes! Every single mission report since Kakashi quit ANBU bears an acceptance signature by one, Iruka Umino."
"Seriously?"
"That Kotetsu does spend a lot of time with the paperwork – I think he would know."
"Ok, fine. But Iruka is always in here when Kakashi drops off his mission reports. Maybe Iruka is just always the only one open to receive his reports."
"Exactly. Iruka is always here when Kakashi drops off his reports. Or… is it that Kakashi will only drop off his reports when he knows Iruka will be here…? Huh? Huh?"
"I… never really thought about it that way."
"See? I couldn't make this stuff up."
"Actually, you could. But still…"
"Pretty mind-boggling, huh?"
"As mind-boggling as it may be… it's still not concrete proof."
"Alright then – let's put it to the test. Kakashi took a mission last Monday. His report was due two days ago, but this is the first day Iruka's been in. I bet you that Kakashi shows up any minute now."
"That's a lame bet."
"I'm not finished. Look behind you."
"Yes, I know my ass is nice. Could you try to stay focused?"
"Nobody is behind you anymore. They've all moved over to create a line in front of Iruka. Now, when Kakashi walks in, I want you to step aside so it looks like I'm open. And I bet you half of next week's paycheck that Kakashi will still stand in that horrendously long line rather than come to give his mission report to me."
"I dunno, man. That is a ridiculously long line. I'm surprised Iruka hasn't noticed what you've done and thrown something sharp at your head yet."
"He's in work mode. So, you game?"
"Deal."
"Da-da-da-daaaaaa! Speak of the devil!"
"Wow… yep – there he is."
"Now scootch. I have to look open."
"See? Here he – oh… no – he went to the end of Iruka's line."
"Told you."
"Maybe he just didn't see you."
"I'm waving my arms like an idiot, Raidou."
"Well, you are on his left side… he can't see all the way over to the left with his right eye. Plus he's reading his book."
"Kakashi can see everything, no matter how far to the left it is or how engrossed he is in his book. He's ignoring me on purpose."
"You're just twisting evidence in your favor."
"I'm not twisting anything! The damn man is ignoring me, and you know it!"
"Whatever."
"Seriously! Now wait and watch until he gets up to Iruka. I guarantee you, he'll put his book away."
"Yeah right!"
"He will! And he'll start smiling and acting like more of a social retard than usual."
"I'm leaving, Genma."
"No! Wait! You have to watch and see for yourself!"
"I'm not waiting that long – especially since I think you're just bullshitting."
"Raidou!"
Anko and Ibiki
"What are you so huffed up about? This is usually your favorite part of the exam."
"I know… I should be enjoying the little brats trying to make their way through the forest. My mind is just elsewhere."
"Like…?"
"Don't try to use your mind voodoo on me, Ibiki!"
"I wasn't trying to mind voodoo anything, Anko. I was simply asking a question."
"Heh… sorry. It's just… I mean, you saw the whole fight between Kakashi and Iruka at the exam meeting, right?"
"Everybody saw it. And everybody heard about the fight after the fight. And people are actually still talking about it. I don't understand why, though."
"That's because you may know the human mind better than anyone, but you're basically clueless when it comes to the human heart."
"You're the only person who can actually confuse me, Anko."
"Before that fight, it was so obvious that Kakashi and Iruka had feelings for each other."
"Is there anything that comes out of your mouth that isn't completely insane?"
"Oh, come on, Ibiki! Everybody was talking about it! All the chuunin… all the jounin… how on earth did you miss the gossip?"
"I guess I had more important things to worry about."
"Anyway, after that fight, it's pretty obvious that they won't be getting together any time soon."
"They didn't seem to be getting together before the fight either."
"But they were inching closer every day! And now… well… Iruka came in earlier to ask if he could be the one summoned from Team Seven's scrolls… and it really hit home that he doesn't trust Kakashi anymore."
"You sure he ever did trust him?"
"You're so unromantic. Go away."
"Fine."
Asuma and Kurenai
"Hey, Asuma - you know what I was thinking?"
"I couldn't even begin to fathom."
"You know Iruka Umino?"
"The chuunin schoolteacher?"
"That's the one."
"Yeah... what about him?"
"Don't you think he and Kakashi would make a cute couple?"
"No."
"You didn't even think about it."
"I didn't think it deserved thinking about."
"And why not?"
"I honestly didn't think you were serious."
"Why would I joke about that?"
"Because it's absolutely ridiculous?"
"Why?"
"Oh, come on, Kurenai! Those two hate each other."
"They do not."
"They don't mesh well."
"I think they would make a cute couple."
"Oh no."
"Oh no, what?"
"You've fallen into the mode, haven't you?"
"What mode?"
"The beginning of relationship mode where you figure you're so happy being in a relationship that you want to share that happiness with everyone else by setting them up."
"Of course not!"
"Right."
"This has nothing to do with any relationship mode! For your information, I've been contemplating those two together for a long time - before you and I were ever together!"
"Well, stop contemplating it - we're not playing matchmaker. Especially not to those two."
"I wasn't thinking about playing matchmaker! I never said I was! I was just thinking about how those two would look cute together - in a theoretical way."
"It would never happen."
"How come?"
"Have you ever been around those two when they argue? You start thinking some end-of-the-world cataclysm is about to befall us all."
"Oh stop."
"One time, they were in the middle of the market arguing - not even shouting, but arguing in deadly low whispers - passersby still made a 10 foot radius around them because they could just feel the doom."
"They probably just didn't want to get in the way."
"They were terrified."
"Iruka and Kakashi don't always argue. When they actually have civil conversations with each other, they're very pleasant - they smile and everything."
"The only time those two are able to have a civil conversation is when they're talking about that Naruto kid. And face it - that's also the thing that starts most of their fights. It's a double-edged sword."
"You ruin all my fun."
"Hopefully not all of it."
"Pervert."
"You're the one thinking about Kakashi and you're calling me a pervert?"
"Shut up."
"You started this conversation."
"Well, now I'm stopping it."
"Because you're angry?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you've just completely dashed all my fantasies!"
"See! Even when they're not actually around, those two can start fights! All you have to do is mention both their names, and it's like their spirits possess two people and make them bicker at each other."
"Ok – we're officially done talking about this."
Tsunade and Shizune
"They're getting out of hand."
"Who?"
"You know who."
"There are so many whos you could be talking about right now."
"Those two."
"Lady Tsunade, you've really got to be more specific in a village full of crazy shinobi."
"I'm referring to the jounin and the chuunin who can't seem to get enough of each other – and not in a fun, sexual way either."
"Oh – those two."
"Yes. You know, at the beginning, I just ignored it, figuring it was something that started long before I came along, so why should I try to understand and fix it? But it's just getting worse every day! And it's starting to affect both their performances, as well as others'."
"Is it that bad?"
"After their last fight, Kakashi wouldn't take a mission for almost three weeks, because he refused to enter the mission room."
"Couldn't he just go when Iruka wasn't there?"
"I dunno. Even when they're fighting, Iruka is the only one he trusts with his missions. That man is so damn quirky."
"Indeed."
"Anyway, I finally had to pick up a mission and call him in personally just to get him to do something. It was ridiculous."
"Well, you know Lady Tsunade…"
"Hmm?"
"Oh, never mind – it's silly."
"Oooh, no, Shizune – you don't get to do that. Tell me."
"Well, it's just… I was just hearing some things around the village. Some people are saying that 'those two' actually have feelings for each other."
"What!? Shizune, that's crazy – how can you believe such fluffy mission-room gossip? That was probably just cooked up by some bored chuunin, who proceeded to spread it around the village just to rile people up."
"It was just what I heard, Lady Tsunade."
"Look, no one likes a steamy shinobi romance more than I do, but that one's just way off base."
"Sorry I brought it up."
Naruto and Sasuke
"Hey, dumbass."
"I'm not a dumbass! And what?"
"What do you think about Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei?"
"What do you mean?"
"Exactly what I said, idiot."
"Stop calling me names! And explain what you said! I have no idea what you just asked."
"What do you think about Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei?"
"Well… Kakashi-sensei's a pervert… and Iruka-sensei buys me ramen."
"No, you naïve blockhead, I mean what do you think about them together?"
"Together? Like on a mission or what?"
"No, as in if they were going out... you know – dating."
"WHAT!?"
"Oh, don't act so shocked – it's kinda obvious."
"What's obvious?"
"That they probably have a thing going on."
"EWWW!"
"What? You think it's gross cuz they're both guys?"
"No! I think it's gross cuz it's Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei!"
"What's so 'ew' about that?"
"It… it's just… wrong."
"Well, I'm pretty sure it's happening, whether you think it's right or not."
"You're so full of it. Iruka-sensei would never want to have anything to do with that pervert! Especially not now. They may have gotten along ok in the beginning, but they've been fighting and picking at each other for the past few months now. Even I can see that."
"I think you're wrong."
"I think your keeping your feelings inside all the time has finally made you snap."
"You really don't find it at all plausible?"
"If plausible means what I think it means… then no."
"Any particular reason?"
"Jeez, and you call me the moron! I just explained that they're always fighting!"
"Just because two people bicker in public doesn't mean there's not more going on there."
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing. It means nothing. I don't know why I even bothered starting this conversation – you're such a moron."
"But - !"
"No, forget it. We're done here."
Sakura and Ino
"Hey, Ino-pig."
"Billboard brow – what's up?"
"I heard something interesting today from Naruto."
"Really – something interesting from that idiot?"
"Well, he is a loudmouth so when he gets ahold of gossip, it's usually pretty interesting to hear what he just spills without thinking about it."
"Alright, so what'd he spill?"
"Something intriguing about Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei."
"What? Like how they're always fighting? That's old news."
"No – he said Sasuke was saying stuff about how he thought they were dating."
"What!?"
"I know! That's what I said!"
"Like, real man-on-man action!?"
"That's… totally not what I was thinking…"
"Did he give any juicy details?"
"Details?"
"Please, girl, you know what I'm talking about!"
"Uh… no… no details."
"You know, I just got a new camera – "
"Oh, god, I think I'm gonna be sick."
"What? You're the one who brought the whole subject up!"
"Yeah, cuz I thought it was ridiculous! I didn't think you were gonna go on some crazed man-porn kick."
"Ok, ok, fine, I won't talk about the camera anymore."
"Thank you."
"But why do you think it's ridiculous? I personally think those two would be hot together."
"Well… I dunno… I mean, think about it. They're so different. Iruka-sensei's so organized, Kakashi-sensei is usually sloppy and late. Iruka-sensei is decent and respectable, Kakashi-sensei… well, you know, he's a pervert."
"Well, you know what they say – opposites attract. I think it makes perfect sense for those two to be together."
"Are you saying that because you really believe their personalities are suited for each other, or do you still have creepy fantasies spiraling through your head?"
"Hmm…"
"I don't think I want to talk about this anymore."
Iruka sneezed… then sneezed again.
"Bless you – twice."
The chuunin shook his loose brown locks in an attempt to clear away the post-sneeze jitters. "Sorry, I don't where that came from. I don't think I'm getting sick – it's the middle of summer."
"Well, you know what they say – when you sneeze, it means someone's talking about you."
Iruka sighed and swung himself out of bed.
"Hey – where you going?"
"To close the window – it's getting chilly." But the tanned man didn't slide the window down right away. He gazed into the night for a moment contemplating the other's words. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised…"
"Hm?"
"What you were saying before – about someone talking about me – I wouldn't be surprised. People tend to talk about me a lot lately – talking about us actually."
Kakashi stretched and let both of his exposed eyes drift closed. "So what?"
"Doesn't it ever bother you?"
"Should it?"
Iruka shrugged. "It just gets annoying to hear the snippets of rumors – people talking like they think they know us…"
Kakashi sat up and held out his arms invitingly. "Who cares? They're just people."
The brunette laughed and slammed the window down. "Cryptic and completely unhelpful… yet so observant and true at the same time." He hopped back into bed and into the silver-haired ninja's arms. "It's why I love you."
Kakashi tugged the chuunin down to the pillows with him, kissing him softly. "No more talking…"
Iruka happily complied.
DixieGoddess