Title: ...Stealin' ur TARDIS
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I only wish I were British and I owned them.
Author's Notes: The girls wouldn't leave me alone.
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"You know," Sarah Jane commented idly as she watched the Doctor cajole Mickey into a drinking contest, "I think we need a Girls' Day Out."
Rose lifted her glass in a salute. "Wouldn't mind a vaca. After battling Daleks and Cybermen and those...whatever they were this afternoon...we do deserve some time off." She rolled her eyes. "We were supposed to be on our way to Florana. 'Stead we end up here, helping you lot."
Gwen and Tosh looked mildly affronted and Sarah elbowed Rose none too gently.
"Not that it wasn't fun!" she hastened to add.
"Never got to Florana last time I traveled with him," Sarah remarked.
"We never get anywhere we mean to go."
"Still, at least you get to travel through time and space," Tosh said. "We're usually stuck at the hub. Not that going after aliens here on Earth is boring, exactly. But sometimes..."
Gwen snorted. "The day Jack gives us vacation is the day we know the apocalypse has arrived."
Sarah shook her head. "Honestly, we should just take the TARDIS and go. We could be back before they even noticed we were gone."
"Do you really think we could?" Rose asked as she eyed the Doctor speculatively.
"Wouldn't be too difficult. I've helped him repair it often enough that I know how to operate most of the controls."
Gwen and Tosh looked at each other warily. "You're putting us on, Sarah?" Gwen said slowly.
Sarah looked over at the boys again, most of whom were well on their way to being inebriated. Even the Doctor—who normally held his liquor quite well, but was currently drinking shot after shot in an apparent attempt to give himself severe alcohol poisoning—was nearly smashed. "If we could get their keys, they'd have no real way to stop us."
"So we'd just, what? Pop off somewhere for the day? Where would we go?" asked Tosh, who seemed to be warming to the idea.
"We could always go to Florana. According to the Doctor, they've the best beaches in this galaxy. A day spent working on a tan sounds gorgeous to me," Rose replied.
Gwen was still hesitant. "I thought you said the TARDIS never gets you where you mean to go. How do you know we wouldn't end up on an ice planet somewhere?"
Sarah laughed. "We never end up where we mean to go because the Doctor is usually too busy fiddling to actually drive. If he paid attention once and a while, we'd probably have a higher success rate."
"You're sure you know how to drive it, yeah?" asked Rose.
"Pretty sure," Sarah said. "And we can always refer to the manual if we get stuck."
"The TARDIS has a manual?" Tosh's eyes gleamed with anticipation.
Sarah looked at each of her friends in turn. "So, are we agreed? We'll nick their keys and borrow the TARDIS for the day?"
"I'm in," said Rose.
"I can't wait to get a look at that manual," Tosh replied.
Gwen sighed. "I'd look pretty silly staying behind. And a vacation does sound nice."
Sarah grinned. "Brilliant! Now, getting the Doctor's key should be easy. He's taken his jacket off so Rose can grab it while he's not looking." Rose nodded. "So who's going to volunteer to distract Jack so I can get his?"
By silent agreement, Tosh and Gwen played rock, paper, scissors to see who would have the honor. Gwen cursed silently as Tosh's scissors effectively cut her paper to shreds. "You all owe me for this."
"Just make sure he's distracted." Sarah wiggled her fingers. "I've more than a little pick-pocketing experience. Should be simple."
After obtaining the two keys, the four women headed out of the bar one by one, so as not to attract any undue attention. Within minutes they were piled into one of the Range Rovers and headed back to Torchwood-3's underground base.
"Still can't believe we're going to do this," Gwen muttered as they made their way through the halls towards the TARDIS.
Sarah fished out her key and opened the door, ushering them all inside. Gwen and Tosh, who had never actually been inside the time machine before, gaped wildly.
"Theoretically, I understand the physics of it. I think. But I can't believe I'm actually standing in a ship that's probably bigger than the entire hub and yet still fits inside a wash closet," Tosh said.
Rose shrugged. "You get used to it."
"Tosh, let's find the manual," Sarah said. "Wouldn't hurt for a little refresher course."
"I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing!" Gwen said.
Sarah waved a dismissive arm as she pulled Tosh in the direction of the library. Rose grabbed Gwen and led her towards the kitchen. "I've had an idea for a little art project. I'll make a cuppa while we work on it."
An hour later, Rose and Gwen's sign hung neatly on the TARDIS door and Sarah and Tosh had finished skimming the manual. As they were preparing to leave, a commotion in the hallway caught their attention. Sarah hastily switched on the monitor and they watched as the Doctor, Jack and Mickey came to a halt in front of the blue police box.
Through the door, they heard three expressions of disbelief. All four women laughed wildly. Sarah, who was the first to get herself under control, stuck her head outside. "I thought the sign was pretty clear."
The Doctor glared. "Sarah."
"Oh posh, Doctor. The girls and I are just going to take it for a small spin. Back before you know it! You boys have fun getting rid of that Weevil infestation!" she grinned as she slammed the door.
"Sarah Jane Smith! Rose Tyler! You cannot just...just hijack my TARDIS!" The Doctor's incredulous tones sent Rose and Sarah into another round of laughter.
"Sure we can," Rose told him nonchalantly. "We're about to. And don't bother looking for your keys. We stole them while you were all getting sloshed. Toodles!"
Jack seemed to take pity on the Doctor as he looked straight into the monitor and said, "Gwen! Toshiko! As your commander, I order you to come out of there!"
Tosh waved the others off and went to the door. "Oh, come off it, Jack! You just wish you'd had the idea first!"
Gwen finally got into the spirit as she added, "Don't worry, Sarah and Tosh are pretty sure they can pilot this thing better than you can, Doctor!"
They shut the door for the last time. "Ready?" Sarah asked.
The others all nodded and she motioned for Tosh to pull the dematerialization lever while she arranged the coordinates. The central column ground into gear with its usual whooshing noise.
By the time they landed, they had all changed into bathing suits the TARDIS had so helpfully provided. Rose slid a pair of sunglasses onto her nose as she opened the door onto a sparkling, sun-lit beach. "Shall we?"
Sarah, Gwen and Tosh followed her eagerly. It really was going to be the perfect vacation.