I was alone. All alone. Empty inside. It was exactly 2 days ago since my life scattered, since heart ripped into pieces that now seemed so far away for being replace. It was all my fault. Though to those outside it was his. I made him leave me, I did something; and here's the thing I have no idea as what I did.
He said it was him. That he needed to grow and see change, see the world. He said he couldn't have anyone dragging him down, no matter how much they meant to him, no matter how engraved they were in his heart. If that jerk even had a heart. But I so miserably still love him. I know what you think " you still love him, after he stomped on your heart, after all the promises."
Here's your answer! Yes, yes I do.
Idiot is what your probably screaming at me. Cause I know that's what my head is screaming at my heart. But I can't help it, three years of my life, my love, my time, my trust. Taken away from me in a flash, an instant that hurt so much, I think I'm numb. The tears have stopped running down my cheek, I don't think I have any more, I want to continue crying, but can't, They won't come. Flashbacks running across my mind, the last as painful as the new one showing itself, stabbing my heart again and again, mocking me as my inter demon smiles wickedly at my pain, enjoying every second of my crumbling world.
I have a headache, my heart and head throbbing at the some fast pace. I look broken and I feel it too. To the eyes of others, they see a broken girl, with tear stained cheeks, her eyes are red, bloodshot even, her mascara and eyeliner, are now covering her face, smeared. They wonder what happened and question if a girl who looks so broken, ever had a happy moment in her life. They question and wonder, and yet they do nothing but walk away, leaving the broken girl even more alone. They forget her as if she was never there, as they should, why do you have to worry about some stranger, when your life is at the happiest? Answer is you don't, but if you do, bless you!
My head is spinning, I don't know where to go, do I go home where I'll still be alone in the dark. Is it better than being here at the beach, cold, holding high heels in one hand and clenching my heart with the other?
Honestly I don't know but right now I don't care I already tried sleeping here, unable to fall asleep with images of his lips, smile, eyes, and lastly is whole face, one that at least in my eyes resembles a god's face, appears as if imprinted in my brain.
I'm home, but it doesn't feel like home. It feels empty, huge as if there just to much space, it feels dark, alone, cold. I head to the shower, not attending to do anything but clean my face.
I let the water hit my bare body, not caring enough to take a real shower. The hot water should be burning my face, but I'm too numb to feel it. I stop the water, get wrapped in my towel, dry myself and get dressed. Not caring what I'm wearing, I make my way to the kitchen not hungry, but dying of thrust. As the water makes it's way down my throat it hurts, but it's the good kind of pain. I lay down on the couch, to worn out to go upstairs. My heart is restless, my brain flooding of memories to painful to relive, but my eyelids are heavy and closing, the outer rim of my vision begins to blur, last thing I notice, it's 3:15 in the morning.
There's a ringing in my ears, to distant to be close, but to loud to be imagined. I open my eyes to find it's 4:32am, only an hour of sleep. I hear rain drops hit against the window, coming down hard. The ringing goes off again. I get up, and make my way as best as possible to the door. I open it, my eyes take a minute to focus and when I see the figure for who it truly is, I instantly think my eyes are deceiving me because there in front of me, is him.
We stare at each other for what seems forever, both looking at the one we lost, but only one of us saw it coming. He clears throat and runs his left hand through his brown wet hair.
" Uh, C-can I come in?" he asked in a nervous tone.
I open the door wider and move aside, nodding my head, showing no emotion.
He comes in and makes his way to the living, which he was so familiar to.
He sat down and stared up at me, I stay standing leaving distance between us.
"H-how are you?" he asked in a whisper.
" Just tell me what you want and leave!" I answer coldly. He winced at the hostility in my voice. Good.
" I, um, wanted to apologize, I'm sorry and I made a mistake. I want you back, I meant what I said , I want to see the world, but I want you with me by my side." he explained "I can't live without you, these past days have been horrible, please I'm sorry and I miss you!" he added to his speech in a whisper as tears made there way down his cheek.
"How do you think I feel?" I said barely using any volume, it was a miracle he managed to hear me. "You broke my heart, for nothing, without any warning, and now you ask for my forgiveness!"
He tried to answer but I needed to get my opinion out, before I let love for cloud my judgement. So I cut him off.
"How do I know you won't do it again if I forgive you?"
"I promise I won't" he pleaded
"Your promises mean nothing to me anymore Shane." I said cold, again.
He got off the couch, and started walking toward me, his arms ready to make contact. With every step him took closer, I took a step back. It didn't faze him that I was adding distance, he continued to come closer. He took another step as I step back, only to have something block me from stepping away from him, it was the wall.
I froze, he was so close, he was a head taller than me but I still felt his warm breath against my face. He gently grabbed my arms, but with enough force so I couldn't get away. I was avoiding his gaze on my face knowing that if I looked into his deep brown eyes I would cave and melt. I closed my eyes as he touched my cheek, using his thumb to gently rub it. It sent tingles down my spine. I could feel his hot breath against my ear, whispering in his sweet velvet voice, to open my eyes. I didn't, instead just leaning toward his touch on my cheek.
" Please open your eyes Lils." he pleaded in my ear.
I opened them, only to have them reveal the object of my affection in front of me, nose to nose, his lips lightly brushing mine. My breathing hitched, my heart aching to seal the deal. I knew right then and there, that he telling the truth. His eyes never lied. He pulled my face closer, leaving a small, soft kiss on my lips, only to have him deepen and strength it as he felt me kissing back.
Letting go of every pain I felt, right then and there, as he held me, kissing me as if he had never kissed me before. I let my heart win, drowning the screams of my mind, telling me to push him away. Call me an idiot, quite frequently, I don't care.
That's when I felt a slight moisture going down my cheek. They came back. The tears had returned. Just like he did.