Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters, that belongs to stephanie meyer, that lucky girl. x.x

It might take me a while to put up chapter 3, sorry.

:)

be patient!

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Chapter 1

~BPOV~

I woke up with a startling shock. My forehead was dotted with sweat. I went to the bathroom and quickly washed it off. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was hyperventilating, and I had a terrified look in my eyes. "Breathe, Bella", I muttered to myself.

God, I'm helpless.

These nightmares… they're terrible. There's nothing that scary in them, but there's simply nothing at all. To me, they're the scariest things. This all started six months and 13 days ago. The day he left  No Bella! Don't think of him.

As if on queue, my heart started aching. A dull ache, a small reminisce of how much I missed him. A hole in my heart. I slumped to the floor, holding my ribcage, trying to breathe. Whenever I think of… him… Ouch. Another ache.

Pools of sadness lapped at my heart.

I flinched with a sickening sob, remembering how he… let me go. The tears started pouring, again. They start whenever I remember those words. "I just can't love you anymore. I mean, I'll still care for you, but… not like that." I silently bawled when I remembered those cruel, heart-wrenching words.

God, I'm still helpless.

I manage to pull myself off the floor and look in the mirror again. As usual, I look dead. I nearly laughed. I'd much rather be dead than live through this… this… this… agony. Every single day after that day, whenever I had to wake up, a slash to my heart. Whenever I had to breathe, there it was again, a slash to my heart. Now my heart is an unidentifiable mess of slashes. My life is incomplete. My life is… gone.

Slash, slash, slash.

I drag myself back to bed and slip into another horrifying dream, wishing I would just be gone in the morning. Gone from school, gone from life, gone from… Bella.

The lapping pools turned into a wide ocean.

As I slipped into unconsciousness, I let the lapping waters of sadness swallow me up.

~EPOV~

Bella. My meaning for existence. My meaning forever. When I had to leave her… that was agony. These last six months were terrible.

More than that, they were horrifying, slashing, disgusting, cruel, murderous.

There wasn't a word for how horrible it is.

I can't do this anymore. I can't stay away from her. Her beauty haunts me every night.

Even though I can't sleep, I seem to have nightmares.

I have to hide from my family, too ashamed to show my face.

Every day I remember her warm skin,

the electricity running through my veins whenever I touched her,

her milk chocolate eyes,

her rose petal blushes,

her creamy skin,

her silk, mahogany hair,

her wonderful floral scent,

the taste of her lips,

no, the taste of her blood and flinch in pain at my greediness.

I remember why I left her now.

But, can control myself now.

Leaving her has taught me so many things about what I did wrong.

I know now.

I just can't stay away.

I have to come back.