Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. Characters are property of J. K. Rowling, and the song, Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk, belongs to Trace Adkins. Other than that, read, enjoy this silly one shot, and review!
Your Badonkadonk
Hermione sat in her favorite place at Hogwarts, crying. The place was fitting; she was sitting underneath a gigantic weeping willow tree she was fond of. It was just a comforting place for her. Draco Malfoy's words still stung her, even though the git himself was gone.
Worthless Mudblood! You shouldn't even be here. You're parents are muggles for Merlin's sake! It'd be to our advantage if the Dark Lord would kill you and all the other mudbloods here at Hogwarts! You think people really want you here, Miss Know-It-All Granger? he had sneered. Well, they don't, not even Dumbldore, even though he acts like he wants you here. Everyone hates you, Granger. Why don't you just disappear? Or maybe you need some help. I'd be glad to offer some. Anything to get a hunk of worthless, ugly slime like you out of here, Mudblood...
Her tears coursed down her cheeks even harder. It wasn't her fault she had muggle parents! Why did the purebloods think they were so much better than her, anyway? She clambered to her feet and started the long walk back to the school for dinner. She had always secretly thought she was at least pretty if not attractive, and just never admitted it. Was she really that ugly? Did people really hate her, was she just fooling herself?
Behind her she could hear someone singin a song, just loud enough for her to hear. She could see it was Harry Potter, and he was doing the most ridicilous dance ever with an imaginary partner, presumably her. As she made out the words, she was first horrifed and then embarrassed. As her parents were muggle and both listened to a lot of country music, she knew the song and what it was about; a female's ass.
Turn it up some
Alright boy
This is her favorite song
You know that, right
So we play it good and loud
She might get up and dance again
Aw, she put her beer down
Here she comes, here she comes
Left
Left
Left, right, left
Whew!
Hustler shootin' eight ball
Throwin' darts at the wall
Feelin' damn near ten feet tall
Here she comes Lord help us all
Ol' T. W.'s girlfriend dun slapped him out his chair
Poor old boy boy it ain't his fault
It's so hard not to stare
At that honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make you wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And oo-ee!
Shut my mouth
Slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy
How'd she even get them britches on?!
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
(Aw, son of a-!)
Now honey you can't blame her
For what her mamma gave her
It ain't right to hate her for workin' that
Money maker
Band shuts down at two
But they're hangin' out 'til three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave!
With that honkey tonk badonkadonk
A keepin' perfect rhythm
Make you wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And oo-ee!
Shut my mouth
Slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy
How'd she even get them britches on?!
With that honkey tonk badonkadonk
(Awwww, that's what I'm talkin about, right there)
(Ha-ha!)
We don't care about the drinkin'
Barely listen to the band
My hands start to shakin'
When she gets the urge to dance
Drivin' everybody crazy
You think you fell in ove
Boy you better keep your distance!
You can look but you can't touch!
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make you wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And oo-ee!
Shut my mouth
Slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy
How'd she even get them britches on?!
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Yeah
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
(That honkey tonk badonkadonk)
That's it right there boys
That's why we do what we do
It ain't for the money
It ain't for the glory
(That honkey tonk badonkadonk)
It ain't for the free whisky
It's for the
BADONKADONK!
(That honkey tonk badonkadonk...)
Her cheeks flamed a brilliant red and she was irrationally mad at him. Why was he singing that at her? Instead of yelling at him, she asked him a question.
"What are you doing here, Potter?" she asked coldly. If her tone had been any colder, another ice age would've started right them and there.
He knew she was pissed, because she never called him by his last name, not ever.
"Well, I was trying to compliment your butt," he replied.
"And you were singing why?"
"Because you won't let me compliment you; you just storm away. This got your attention, didn't it?"
"Yeah," she admitted reluctantly. "But why the hell were you doing that terrible dance?'"
"It was only terrible because I didn't have you to dance with," he said, dodging her question and grabbing hold of her.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she shrieked.
"Dancing with you."
"Oh really?"
"Yes really."
"No way!"
"Yes way."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"Cause I said so."
"Potter!"
"Granger."
"Potter!"
"Nice to know you know my last name."
"Potter, I hate you!"
"Aw, that breaks my heart."
"Why?"
"Cause I love you."
"You WHAT?!"
"I love you," Harry repeated impatiently.
"Damn you, Harry!"
"Why?"
"Because you're only try to piss me off."
"Am I suceeding?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, I really wasn't trying to."
"Yeah right."
"Admit you like me and you'll gladly go out with me."
"No way!"
"Yes way."
"No, Potter."
"Yes, Granger."
"No way!"
"Yes way."
"No!"
"Yes."
"No!"
"No." (Harry, in case you're wondering)
"Yes!" (Hermione, in case you're as confused as she is at this point)
"Ha! So you admit it, Hermione!"
"That was so cheating!"
"No it wasn't."
"Yes it was!"
"No, it wasn't. You had freedom of speech just like I did."
"Yes, it was! You aren't supposed to say what I'm saying!"
"Really?"
"Yes really!"
"Then I won't." Harry leaned towards her to kiss her, but was stopped by her outstretched hand.
"WHAT do you think you're doing?" she asked in an angry tone.
"Kissing you."
"Kissing me?"
"No! That girl behind you!"
"What girl?"
"I was being sarcastic, Mione."
"Mione?"
"Yeah, you."
"No, my name happens to be Hermione Jane Granger."
"So?"
"Potter!"
"Granger."
"Potter, I hate you!"
"Granger, I love you!"
"Fine! I'll go out with you!" Hermione shouted and stomped off to dinner, not waiting for Harry.
"Finally!" Harry muttered and flopped down on the grass, dead tired. Maybe he would just stay here for a while...