Warnings: This series is a time-travel fix-it. I solemnly swear that there is an actual fix-it, with years of therapy and happy endings for (almost) all. This story, however, is not that. Multiple, major character deaths, references to PTSD and suicidal thoughts, some moderately graphic descriptions of violence and fighting-related injuries.

There is also a brief, non-graphic reference to the off-screen sexual assault of a minor character in the second chapter.

It's disorienting, being dead. Kakashi can sense, distantly, his own body, which is in much better condition than he last left it. But mostly he feels a sensation of otherness, stuffed into a mind that isn't quite his and is already occupied besides.

What is this?

Kakashi hadn't thought to prepare some kind of explanation, which in retrospect is deeply stupid.

He imagines how he would react to a sudden intruder in his mind, and can feel an eerie echo as the exact same thoughts go through his younger self.

I'm, uh… you. From the future.

Ridiculous.

Kakashi sends a few images, of Naruto and Sakura, happy and grown, in that brief time between Naruto's return to the village and… what came after.

What was that?

You don't want to know.

There's a sensation of suspicion.

Kakashi searches through his memories, trying to find one that isn't too painful to share. There aren't any, so he just sends the first one that comes up.

It's his last memory of Gai.

There's a brief mental silence, and then he feels the sensation of movement, very peculiar in his current disembodied state.

He thinks he hears a faint okay before sensation comes back full force, and he's very occupied with drawing air into his lungs and releasing it.

He should probably be worried at how easily he consigned himself to oblivion, but he has more important things to focus on. The future of the world, for example.

He throws the blanket aside, and it's not his old shuriken-patterned one. Actually, he's on a futon, not a bed, and come to think of it, this isn't his apartment. Where the hell is he?

He rolls over, intending to stand, but instead he lurches into the wall, barely missing braining himself on the hard wood. What's going on? Was there a problem with the transfer? He should have known it was too good to be true, a miracle jutsu at just the right moment…

A lamp flickers on. "Sensei!"

His muscles refuse to cooperate, and he only manages a sideways view.

There is Sakura, silhouetted in the doorway and looking impossibly young, her long hair framing a round, expressive face. A child's face.

Kakashi can't breathe.

"Shh, it's alright," he hears, some undetermined length of time later. An unknown woman is supporting him through his fit of hyperventilating.

"Everything's okay," Sakura says, voice quavering.

It's the fear in her voice that reminds him that he needs to get a hold of himself. This Sakura doesn't have the experience or confidence to handle herself, let alone anyone else, in an emergency.

This isn't the first time he's had a panic attack, and he has a few tricks still. He deliberately thinks of nothing, certainly not Sakura so small and vulnerable beside him, or the awesome weight on his shoulders, or his physical debilitation. He counts, and he breathes, and he makes his body obey him.

He looks around, and a lot more time has passed than he realized because it's natural sunlight filtering through the windows, and he's pretty sure it was night when he woke up. Or maybe he was just mistaken about that.

He finally gets a look at the woman supporting him, and he has absolutely no idea who she is, so there's no help there. Once she's sure that he isn't going to fall on his face, she retreats to another room.

Sakura is giving him a look that is so transparently hopeful that he has to look away.

"Not to worry," he says, smiling at the worn but well-cared for tatami floor. "It's perfectly normal."

He starts to reach for her, to ruffle her hair, and remembers the last time he touched her, the missing flesh and the wet warmth as she bled out in his arms.

He freezes.

She sniffles. "We were really worried, sensei! Chakra exhaustion is very serious!"

Well, that explains what's wrong with him. He felt so much better in general that he didn't immediately recognize the symptoms.

Unfortunately, identifying the ailment doesn't really narrow down the possibilities. The number of times he's come back from a mission with chakra exhaustion is—was—a village-wide joke. But Sakura knows him, so this is after Team—

He automatically stops himself from thinking the term, having erased it from his vocabulary long ago, but that's going to get strange fast, since—that entity—exists in this time.

But although he can recognize the logic in letting go of this particular habit, he can't make himself accept it. After a few moments' struggle, he abandons the exercise.

He'll leave that particular issue for another time.

Sakura is still looking at him like he holds the secrets of the universe.

They hadn't been on that many missions before—That Incident—so he really should be able to remember where the hell he is.

"Everything's fine," he says again, stupidly, and tries to assess his physical condition.

If it's chakra exhaustion—and this Sakura might have misdiagnosed him, hard as that is to reconcile with what he knows of her in the future—then he is well on his way to recovery. His disorientation was likely a combination of the extraordinary events that brought him here and a lack of adequate sustenance. His appetite is always the first thing to go when he's injured, ill, or emotionally affected in any way. He doesn't eat much.

"Naruto and Sasuke didn't come back last night," she whispers.

Calling himself ten kinds of fool for just lying here instead of doing literally anything remotely useful, Kakashi puts a hand on the wall and pulls himself to his feet, riding out the first wave of dizziness until he's sure he can stand unassisted.

Sakura, biting her lip in concern, hands him a crutch.

He hobbles into the next room, and finds Naruto stuffing his face at the table, manners even more appalling than he remembers. The pace is too much even more Naruto, and he turns to throw up noisily all over the floor, kicking off the same reaction in…

The air is thick with killing intent, suffocating, the Kyuubi, it's here, it's too soon, Kakashi isn't ready, he can barely stand…

Naruto's face, pasty white around the whisker marks on his cheeks and smeared with vomit, appears over the edge of the table.

Wait.

Naruto?

Then where's the Kyuubi?

Kakashi casts out with his senses, and oh, that's him generating that killing intent. Because there is Sasuke, frozen in his seat like a rabbit before a hawk, his round, boyish face transparently terrified.

He's never going to be able to keep his promise to Naruto if he can't even exist in the same room as Sasuke. Kakashi tries to rein himself in, he really does.

But all he can see is the chain of death and ruin that begins with Sasuke, and even the knowledge that it's monstrously unfair to claim it 'started' with Sasuke he can't help himself, picturing Sakura and Gai and little Hyuuga Hitaro who he'd never even seen…

There's an acrid smell in the air, someone—or several someones—has wet themselves.

Kakashi has to get out of here. Now.

"I have to check the perimeter," he says, his voice sounding odd in his own ears.

No one but Naruto is moving, paralyzed by their fear, and Naruto doesn't challenge him. Kakashi spins on his heel, almost falls, and pulls on the dregs of his chakra to keep upright and mobile as he puts as much distance between himself and Sasuke as possible.

He will keep his promise to Naruto. He gave his word, and he owes it Naruto, for his own failures and to support Naruto's dreams. He has to think of it as a mission, and break it down into steps.

Today he'll live in a world where Sasuke is alive, and he won't kill him.

It's the best he can do.

Kakashi passes out in the forest, having overstrained his limited chakra reserves, so Sasuke survives the night. He walks back to the house slowly, following the scent of his own trail because he was a little… disoriented… and didn't pay much attention to what direction he was going in.

He uses the crutch, not touching the tiny puddle of chakra he's managed to regenerate, because if Sakura and Naruto are as young and helpless as they looked, he is the only thing standing between them and danger. His missions always end up being a complete disaster, so there's no doubt that they will need him at some point.

The house is a decent size, the family must be reasonably well off, though they look to have fallen on hard times recently. The interior, what Kakashi remembers of it, was spotlessly clean, but the roof could use a re-patching, one of the shutters is broken, and there's a general air of dispirit and shabbiness that usually indicates poverty.

It's also on the coast, and through the dissipating morning mist Kakashi can see some kind of construction project. Looks like a bridge.

Kakashi leans against a tree so he can smack himself with both hands. He's going senile in his old age. This is obviously their first real mission together, where Naruto kept trying to murder their client and Kakashi got his ass thoroughly and embarrassingly kicked by Zabuza. And then the Kyuubi tried to break free of Naruto.

Fuck, they're babies, this is back when Sakura still cried in every fight and Naruto flew off the handle over every little thing.

He hastily picks up his crutch again and hurries back to the house, forgetting his resolve not to use his chakra. He can't believe he left them alone like that. Anything could have happened to them.

He throws open the door, almost knocking it out of the frame, and once again interrupting everyone at breakfast. It's basically the same story as yesterday, with less puking.

"Sensei!" Sakura exclaims, with obvious relief. "We thought you'd found Zabuza again!"

Kakashi starts to frown, then remembers that he'd told them he was going to patrol. Right. "Well, you know…" he stalls. He can't tell them he was alone and unconscious for almost twenty-four hours, abandoning them on such a dangerous mission.

Naruto groans dramatically. "Not another of your ridiculous excuses, sensei!" he whines.

Well, this might be the first time that particular personality quirk has actually helped him. Kakashi attempts a smile, which quickly falls away when he remembers his last encounter with Obito, when his fr—when his enemy had accused him of being a poor copy of the other boy.

Kakashi will never think of him as his friend again, the titles of best friend and rival belong to someone else, someone who deserved much better than Kakashi.

The silence is getting a little awkward. Kakashi makes a neutral sort of noise, hoping it comes across as cool and aloof, and Sakura and Naruto both relax and smile at him. Sakura scoots over and pats the bench beside her.

Sasuke doesn't look convinced, but that could also be because Kakashi is treating him like an enemy combatant. He's managed to keep the killing intent tamped down, but he's hyperaware of Sasuke, and Sasuke has enough training to know that.

Kakashi considers the bench, but he's not sure he trusts himself to be in arm's reach of Sasuke just yet.

"I'm done," Sasuke says, putting his half-finished bowl down. "I'm going to train."

Kakashi watches him the entire way out the door, and judging by the tense set of his shoulders Sasuke knows it.

"You should eat something, sensei," Sakura says. "You need to regain your strength."

"Yeah!" Naruto says, and he actually deigns to put a tiny portion of his egg in Kakashi's bowl.

Kakashi is warmed by the support of his comrades, before he remembers that these aren't the comrades he remembers, not yet (not ever), but he's already sitting and he does need to eat so whatever, it's fine. Maybe he scared them yesterday.

He hopes not.

He's so preoccupied that he forgets his mask is on and ends up spilling rice in his lap.

Naruto laughs.

Sakura looks a little bit concerned.

Right. Kakashi hadn't bothered with his mask after the fight where Sakura… where Sakura died, because it was ruined and he didn't have a spare, and he really wasn't worrying about much of anything at that point except to keep breathing.

Fortunately he doesn't actually use a jutsu to eat, because he doesn't think he could manage a substitution jutsu right now, let alone anything more substantial. His little tricks are all sleight of hand and distraction.

Naruto is still laughing, almost falling off the bench in his innocent, whole-hearted mirth, and it's the work of a moment to kick Sakura, then look innocently preoccupied with his meal.

"Naruto!" she shouts, and lunges across the table to grab him.

Kakashi manages a few bites while they're distracted, and Naruto and Sakura are both comically dismayed.

It's agony. All he can think of is Naruto, the other Naruto, on the night he asked Kakashi to go back instead of him.

I just want to be happy…

Kakashi hadn't really understood the burden he was taking on when he made that promise. Not that it would have changed his answer. But he doesn't know how much of this carefree happiness he can bear… or what he'll do if it ever stops.

Naruto's face pinches in concern, and Kakashi is terrified that his gloomy thoughts have somehow ruined everything already.

"Hey, hey, sensei," Naruto says, in a whisper that projects clearly through the whole house. "Sorry for making a mess yesterday."

Kakashi is totally confused.

"And for wasting food," Sakura hisses, just as loudly as Naruto.

"Oh, right, and for wasting food when they don't have much and they still shared it with us. I bought some more," Naruto says.

Wait. They think his little display yesterday was because Naruto was puking on the floor? That was obviously rude, but…

Kakashi reminds himself that these little children only had their first encounter with killing intent a few days ago, and Zabuza was mostly just fucking around.

"Ah, it's fine, Naruto," he says, when they start to look really worried. "You apologized, and—" He pauses. Naruto can't have much money, and food must be horrendously expensive here. It was a generous and selfless thing of him to give up his own food money for this family.

Kakashi will never forgive himself for having ignored him for so long. He's such a good person he's almost unsuited for the life of a shinobi. Would be unsuited, if he weren't so determined to change the nature of shinobi to fit his own ideals.

Speaking of…

"What are you two supposed to be doing right now?"

"I'm learning to climb trees!" Naruto shouts immediately. "I've almost got it!"

"Last time we, um, went to guard the bridge," Sakura says.

Before Kakashi decided to take a vacation mid-mission. "Right, then. It should be too soon for Zabuza to be recovered, but that's no reason to relax our vigilance. More missions go wrong for lack of information than anything else. Naruto and Sakura, you're with me." He stands.

Neither of them do. They're just staring at him.

Kakashi fights not to sigh. Now what?

"Sensei, is something wrong?" Sakura asks.

Besides everything?

"It's just… you don't usually tell us this much. Or anything at all, really."

As if Kakashi really needed the reminder of how inadequate he was as a sensei. It's probably not worth trying to smile, in his current mood. "This is a real mission," he says, "so you need to take on some of the responsibility."

"Um, okay," Sakura says, still not convinced.

Naruto cheers, pumping the air before dashing out the door. "What are we waiting for? Hurry up, Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan, old man Tazuna, let's go!"

Sakura lingers beside Kakashi, matching his slow pace. "What about Sasuke?"

Kakashi's definitely making progress, his face barely twitches at the name. "He's further along than Naruto, so he should be fine practicing on his own."

She bites her lip but doesn't comment further.

Kakashi settles on one of the bridge struts gratefully. His legs are trembling, and it's a small miracle that he doesn't fall on the way here.

"Okay, you two," he says, looking at their bright and eager faces and trying not to cringe too visibly. Let's see, at this age Sakura's greatest weaknesses were her insecurity and the fact that she didn't know anything besides the basic Academy techniques. Naruto's problem was control, both of chakra and self.

"Sakura, you did very well with the tree-walking exercise the other day," he says, watching her face flush with pride. "That's due to your precise chakra control. The next step is water-walking. Normally I would wait a little longer before teaching this technique, but, well, we're on a bridge." He gestures at the water surrounding them, and she smiles and nods. "The main difference is, a tree is static. The discharge of chakra is constant. But water is always moving, always changing, and you need to vary your chakra output to compensate. It's not easy; this technique normally isn't taught until genin are being considered for the chuunin exam. But I think you have the necessary control, and with practice, you can learn it."

She flushes, but gives a determined nod. "Okay, I'll try!"

She sensibly goes in close to the shore, a fair distance from the bridge but still within sight.

"Now, Naruto," Kakashi says. "It seems to me like you're having trouble regulating the amount of chakra you use. That's why the tree keeps exploding. So we're going to work on your chakra control. This won't just help you with tree-walking, but it will improve all your jutsu."

Naruto nods vigorously. "Gotcha!"

He only does that when he doesn't understand at all. Kakashi reminds himself of the great man Naruto will become, and patiently explains the theory behind chakra discharge. Again.

It's not a good night.

Sakura is too easily discouraged, and when she doesn't pick up the water-walking as quickly as she did tree-walking, she's convinced that she can't do it. And she can't, if she doesn't put some effort into it. That's what training is for.

Naruto destroyed a few key sections of the bridge before he was banished to practice on the trees along the shore. He just doesn't understand the most basic principles of chakra theory, and none of Kakashi's efforts have made a dent in that ignorance. He's not even sure Naruto was actually listening.

And then there was Sasuke. He was pissed when he learned that the others got one-on-one training today, and took their lack of progress as a sign that that training was wasted on anyone who wasn't him. Kakashi had to take a few moments so he didn't smack that arrogant sneer right off his face, and by that time Sakura was moping in her room and the boys were venting their feelings with punches.

Kakashi can't watch the fight, wants to dive in and save Naruto before Sasuke can do anything permanent or fatal, but he has just enough perspective to realize that that response would be inappropriate to the current situation. He goes to bed instead, determined to analyze where he went wrong and do better tomorrow.

He doesn't.

The day finally comes that Zabuza is supposed to attack, and it's a relief. Kakashi knew he was a shitty teacher, but he hadn't realized he was this bad. It still takes Naruto just as long to learn the technique, and Sasuke still does it better despite having no assistance at all from Kakashi. As a bonus, Sakura is totally discouraged and her doubt has even affected her tree-walking to a certain extent.

If they did so much better with him essentially ignoring them, how much better would they do if he wasn't here?

He stops himself before he can dwell on that train of thought for too long. He owes it to Naruto and Sakura, to Neji and Gaara, to rest of the world, to hold it together until their future is secured. It's the same story as before he traveled back, but that surcease from pain is a little further away than he'd anticipated.

He just has to hold out until then. He'll make a world where Naruto's dream of long and happy lives for everyone is a reality, a promise that conveniently frees him of the obligation to live in it.

He leaves for the bridge a little later than he meant to, because Naruto exhausted himself practicing and was nearly comatose with chakra depletion, and there's no way Kakashi is leaving him alone in such a state. He eventually elects to carry him, but Naruto wakes up partway there so it all works out.

The civilian workers are slumped on the ground, caught in a genjutsu, when they arrive, so at least something is going right.

Zabuza sets himself against Kakashi, but doesn't attack, just keeps him from interfering with his apprentice. Kakashi vaguely remembers this, but the exact cause of the close call with the Kyuubi is frustratingly elusive. Honestly, it wasn't even that long ago.

The apprentice has a bloodline limit, that much he remembers, something to do with ice.

"There's no way those brats can defeat Haku," Zabuza says.

Kakashi smiles, not letting any of his panic show in his voice or his body language. They beat Haku before, and he'll just have to trust that they can do it again. "Perhaps he could take them one on one, perhaps not. But in Konoha we learn to work as a team, to rely on our comrades. And Haku is no match for Team—work."

Zabuza is too busy scoffing to notice his hesitation at the end. Of course, Kakashi has not been putting any particular emphasis on teamwork lately. He can't figure out how to do so while still excluding Sasuke, and he doesn't want the others to become too attached just in case Sasuke is beyond saving. If his promise to give Naruto his happy ending and the promise to save Sasuke come into conflict, Kakashi knows which one he's choosing. The other Naruto would see it as a betrayal, but Kakashi has already accepted that burden on his conscience. What's one more drop to the ocean, really?

He does notice that Sakura is hesitating on the fringes of the fight.

"Support your comrades, Sakura!" he calls. "If both our enemies are occupied, the bridge builder is in no danger." Besides, Kakashi wouldn't hesitate for an instant to sacrifice him if it saved his kids.

"Way to announce your strategy," Zabuza says, laughing.

"And what exactly are you doing?" Kakashi asks. Zabuza's easy confidence in Haku is unnerving him. Didn't Naruto arrive late to this fight before? Could that affect the outcome somehow?

Sakura almost becomes a human pincushion, but Naruto shoulders her out of the way just in time, taking the senbon in his own arm. It's not enough to overcome the Kyuubi's healing factor, but Kakashi feels the cold knot of panic in his gut growing stronger. Only long familiarity with having to fight with this weight on him keeps him from leaping to their rescue and damn the bridge builder.

Zabuza is eyeing him a little strangely, so some of his inner conflict must be evident. Kakashi tries to exercise a little discipline.

Naruto is enraged, more at the threat to Sakura than the damage to himself, and attacks Haku with unexpected speed and ferocity.

Kakashi tenses a little, but there's no sign of the Kyuubi yet. Just the normal human reaction to a bond being threatened.

Sasuke backs Naruto up, actually working with him, and Haku is starting to look slightly inconvenienced.

How in the hell had they beaten this guy? This is about the best Naruto and Sasuke have to offer at this time. Was it all down to the Kyuubi?

Haku makes a handsign, and Kakashi walks right into Zabuza's sword, the need to go to their aid is so reflexive. A one-handed handsign. The last time he'd seen that had been Itachi.

"Nuh-uh," Zabuza says. "Your fight is with me."

Standing against the blunt side, Kakashi could make it to the boys before Zabuza could get his giant sword into a useful attack position. He knows it, and he knows that Zabuza knows it, too.

The mist in the air condense, then freezes into a maze of ice mirrors, encasing Haku and the boys.

Now that he sees it, Kakashi remembers this. So things aren't completely off track, then. He relaxes just the tiniest bit.

Now Zabuza is definitely looking at him like he's crazy.

Kakashi is sure that he said something cool the first time he lived through this, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.

Another excruciatingly long minute goes by, and then he hears Naruto's agonized scream.

"Sasuke!"

Kakashi's feet move without any input from the rest of him. He's at the mirrors before Zabuza has time to react, and only years of instinct keep him from being stabbed in the back when he reaches them.

"I said not to interfere!" Zabuza says, and his eyes are smug, superior.

The only thought in Kakashi's head is 'what has Sasuke done now?' His entire body is vibrating with the need to get to Naruto, to save him, and Zabuza is in his way.

He kicks the sword, moving inside Zabuza's guard with a kunai headed for his heart.

Zabuza leaps back with a curse.

That's fine, now Kakashi has some room to maneuver. Zabuza might have been a concern when Kakashi was actually this age, but he's learned a few new tricks, and he has more reason to fight now.

"What, no Sharingan this time?" Zabuza taunts.

Kakashi freezes. He's forgotten something very critical.

The last time he tried to fight, in his own subjective timeline, he fell the fuck apart.

Frantically, he reaches for that quiet space in his mind, but he can't focus, the panic is so sudden and all-encompassing. He can't breathe, can't think, can't do anything because he's fucking useless.

Obito's eye. Somehow he's let himself forget about it, but it's right there, it's tainting him, what if he becomes like Obito, what if instead of his pathetic inadequacy he actually, actively tries to destroy the people who trust him most, hell he's already cold-bloodedly considered killing Sasuke and decided that he could, how much bigger a step is it from 'could' to 'would'?

He doesn't need any help, he's already there, already the monster.

His body moves without his conscious control, blocking Zabuza's over-sized sword with crossed kunai, leaping back, dodging to the side, and he needs the Sharingan for this fight but he can't, he just can't.

He remembers now, he killed Zabuza, or was it Haku, someone, he killed them with his Chidori, and he can use the Chidori without the Sharingan, it's not like the jutsu will fail, and he couldn't possibly disappoint sensei more than he already has so breaking his word on this one small point hardly matters and as long as Naruto and Sakura survive, it will be okay, Gaara and Neji are here, too, they'd probably do better without Kakashi anyway, it seems like everyone does, the ones he doesn't kill anyway…

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Zabuza demands, because he's not so stupid as to realize that this fight is shaping up very differently than their last.

Kakashi forms the signs for his Chidori, and as the sound of chirping birds fills his ears, Rin's dying smile fills his vision.

"No, fuck, not now!" he shouts, swiping his hand in front of his face and losing control of his technique. It's been years since that's happened, why does he always fail exactly when he is most needed, whywhywhy….

Zabuza is an elite ninja, a missing nin. He knows what breaking looks like when it's shoved right in his face.

He stops attacking, his guard up warily, but the instinctive avoidance of deadly blows is the only skill of Kakashi's that's actually working right now. He just stands there shaking and trying to do fucking anything at all.

Zabuza chuckles nastily, then turns his back on Kakashi, the ultimate insult, and runs for the bridge builder.

Sakura, her knees shaking so much they knock together, moves into a defensive position in front of the client.

Kakashi's vision whites out.

The next thing he's aware of is pain.

Pain, and screaming.

Sakura in pain? No, Sakura is screaming. The pain is his.

Zabuza's sword is buried deep in his shoulder, almost cutting off his arm.

It got caught on the leather strap he wears under his uniform, the strap for a tanto he can no longer bear to carry. It's also the only reason he's still alive.

He coughs, spitting blood all over Sakura's white, terrified face.

"I won't let anything happen to you," he says. "I promise. I will protect you. I will." He can't use the Sharingan, can't get his jutsu to work, is probably going to bleed out right on top of her (oh, the irony), but as long as he is alive he will do whatever he can, even if it's just shielding her body with his own.

Zabuza yanks out the sword, and Kakashi almost faints.

He does collapse, it was the only thing holding him up, and he leaves a long and probably disgusting blood trail down Sakura's nice dress.

"Sorry," he slurs.

Zabuza is still standing, so he's not done yet, can't rest yet, Sakura is still in danger, Naruto might already be dead.

He tries to stand, can barely lift his head. His hand slips in his own blood.

His blood.

With the last of his strength, he summons his pack.