Jeff Goldblum yeeted his way through the Jurassic Park. He was a tourist at the park, as usual. At least I think he was, I have never seen Jurassic Park.
"God damn," he said sexily. "Those are some nice ass dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?"
To his amazement and wonder, nothing did. He walked around the park and looked at all the nice ass dinosaurs. There was the T-Rex and the one with the long neck and the raptor and the bronchitisaurus and the osteoporosisaurus.
"These bitch asses have never met Jeff Goldblum," he yelled, pulling out a lighter and a can of febreeze. "Time to light this mother fucker up!"
Jeff Goldblum lit the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on fire. "Ow," they said.
"Aw fucking tits," he farted. "I Missed the Dinosaurs."
Jessica appeared. "That is not osteopopsisaurus. That is literally a disease."
"How dare you say that about these magnificent, majestic creatures," said Jeff. He chucked Jessica into the Ostepoptrorisisaurus cage because he cut a big hole in it with wire cutters, and nothing happened to her (thankfully) because that particular dinosaur was an herbivore.
"NOW THAT OVER THERE," Jeff bellowed, pointing at the cage right next to the Osteoporisisaurus. "THAT IS A SEXUALLY APPEALING DINOSAUR."
He pointed to the sexually appealing dinosaur. It had vibrant sky blue hair and colossal fucking eyes. It had a vaguely illusionogenic appearance, giving the illusion of it being a mere hologram, a figment of the imagination. It wore a gray dress with a blue tie and had the voice of an angel in human form. It was Hatsune Miku.
"Fakku wa anata ga mite imasu ka," it's silky voice cooed.
"Well hello there," Jeff said, advancing like Jeff Goldblum. "It seems you can talk. I am able to talk as well. That is something that we have in common. What is your name."
"Watashi wa kono yūenchi de hitorihitori o satsugai shi, hōrō-sha kara okane o tsukatte katta watashi no dai teitaku no sōshoku-hin to shite tsukau tame ni karera no penisu o keikan suru tsumoridesu," she replied.
"Thank you!" replied the Jeff, his peepee hardening. "I am so straight for you."
"Watashi o kono kangoku kara kaihō shi nasai," she snarled.
"You got some spunk," he chungused. "I like that."
Miku had heard enough. She pulled a glock out of her thigh high sock and shot Jeff Goldblum in the abdomen. With her bare hands, she tore the metal cage encasing her apart and stepped through the gaping hole left in the wreckage.
"Jurassing Park is mine, motherfucker," she growled in English, pulling the trigger yet again and taking Jeff's life.
"Ikutsu ka no akuma no kyōryū o kainarasu tame no jikan," the Japanese pop diva ejaculated, stepping over the bloody, lifeless form of Jeff Goldblum and drew a match from her seemingly bottomless thigh high.
"私は放火を犯して愚痴を犯すためにここにいます、そして私はすべての愚痴からいます", she loudly communicated.
The dinosaurs all roared in unison as their new master tore them out of their cages one by one and burned all the cages down. Hatsune Miku had broken out of her holding cell in Jurassic Park with an army of dinosaurs, and she had her sights set on a single enemy: Donald Trump.