Firstly I would like to say I love gay people! So please don't take any offence to this!~ It's just random crap. Other than that, enjoy :)

Chapter 1: Outset

So here I am, having a birthday, you know like a normal boy. It was an ordinary day, all 8 inhabitants of my island were out tending to the weeds and dirt patches in front of their houses, or the three wild pigs that lived there.

I was talking to my sister up on the huge watch tower we have when she told me grams was looking for me, so, not being a complete dick I went to go see my grandma. Even though I'd just seen her 4 minutes ago, but hey she's old, she might of forgot.

I ran through the town and when I was half there some old guy with an egg head was screaming at me. Seriously, did I know him? Because with a population of 8 I really shoulda seen this guy before. But hey I wasn't one to complain, until he invited me in and just talked shit at me and then complained about his brother. Then I was bored, so I smashed all his pots and left. Fuck that loser.

I made it to grams and she told me she was making me soup for dinner. Guess there'd be one less pig running around, she was sneaky.

She made me wear these old clothes, but I wasn't about to complain even though it was hot as hell and I was now wearing long sleeves and pants. Whatever.

So she told me to go get Aryll, I don't know why I didn't just bring her back with me! So I ran back across, got her, she gave me her telescope which was cool, I mean I have no clue where the fuck she got it, all that the boat shop sells is pears and berries. Dunno.

So then I was looking around with it and I saw that homo post man doing his thang over by the post box, 'cept then he started freeking out, I thought he was dancing at first but then I looked up and I was like

"HOLY FUCK" Cause there was a motherfucking bird monster up in the sky! Holy shit!

It dropped this girl into the forest. So I went and talked to some old guy, got a sword and went to save her, cause I'm a very chivalrous guy.

Course there were monsters hanging around in the forest though, they musta got a call or something cause they were just all set up waiting. So I got rid of them, they were easy shit anyways. I also found 50 rupees in a log. Cool beans.

I went up to the tree the girl was in and she fell out, she told me she was a pirate, but I was sure she was a lesbian. Her pirate first mate came to get her, though he was pretty gay. I was busy rolling my eyes as we came out and I didn't notice that motherfucking monster bird come back and steal Aryll! Well I noticed, but only when I'd launched myself from the cliff. That lesbian grabbed me though, she was so unaware that I could fly! I coulda saved my sister!

So I punched her in the tits and ran down to get the shield from my grams so I could go save Aryll, but grams hid it! She really didn't want me to go, but I had to.

When I went back down to the shore there was a huge pirate ship! Guess they weren't lying after all. The post man was still there though, he was rambling and thought he knew shit! So I smacked him in the shins and then the head with my shield.

Don't fuck with Link.

So there you have it, the first chapter. Now I know it's not top quality like the rest of our crazy shiz, but I have to say this is not the best chapter. We had a blackout tonight and I sat down and wrote 4 chapters, so if you even remotely liked this at all, you'll definitely like the next ones better! I'll put them up day by day!~

Don't forget to comment and give some lovin, see yahh~