Who am I really? – Xerxes
Some people call me two faced. But I prefer to think of it as two halves to make my true self. Firstly there's the half that everybody knows, Xerxes Break. The part of me that all cheerful, smiley, hardly every cross, constantly teasing, a great fighter, loyal and incredibly dangerous. This half of me is also very witty and earns me several snack each day from Sharon-sama. However I like that part of me the best. I live in my other half's shadow. Kevin's shadow. The other half of me that is very different to Break. I rarely speak of him. He's like a completely new and different person to who I am or should be now. He is Kevin Reginard. Formally loyal servant to the Sinclaire family. Kevin was more of a quiet person, a lonely soul who rarely saw any other person other than his master and his family. I vowed my legance to the Sinclaire's, a servants duty is to protect their master. However I couldn't even do that. I blame myself!
Kevin and Break are very different. Their personality would clash, luckily I'm mostly Break but if you squint really hard you may catch a glimpse of the old me. Kevin. It doesn't matter if Break and Kevin are the same person, alla me. They are two opposites, like chalk and cheese. For example Kevin had longer hair, different clothing sense and was closed off from everyone but his master. Wethers Break is warm and cheerful most of the time with witty remarks and a crooked smile, Break also has shorter hair than Kevin does. Kevin had two eyes. Break has one. Well I guess actually Break only has one because of Kevin. They are me after all. At least I think. During just what I thought was an ordinary day out with Lady sinclaire, turned out to be the worst day of my life. My master and the rest of his family except for Lady sinclaire who had been with me were mercilessly murdered. I blamed myself. "It's your fault Kevin…" Those voices echoed inside my head. "No SHUT UP!" I screamed. "Kevin couldn't protect them…" Nasty taunts… "SHUT UP!" "Kevin's breaking down…" I looked up. "Break… Breaking down?... Break" I finally sighed and left lady sinclaire on the doorstep of another nobel family. "Be good little miss…" Those sad eyes of hers… "Don't leave me Kevin…" Kevin? I'm not Kevin, I don't deserve a name, I don't deserve a life… It ends now. I walked away and took the cowards way out, only to be thrown into the abyss. I fell and fell broken pots, bricks, teddy's, flowers, everything floated past me until SMACK! I hit the floor. My vision went blurry but I could make out a distant giggling that became closer. "My, my we have a visitor Cheshire" The will of the abyss! I jumped up. "Stay away from me you…" "Me what?" she asked her white hair cascading down her back. "You…You thing!" She smiled. "Thing am I?" She lunged forwards and knocked me over. I fell to the ground. I got up again and looked around defensively for her. "Show yourself!" But as I turned round I felt a white hot searing pain from my left eye socket. The next second I couldn't see out of my left eye, I felt faint and as I covered my eye with my hand I realised… I was bleeding badly and… and… MY EYE! She'd taken it! "What have you done!" I screamed trying to stab at her with a sword I unhooked from my belt. "Kevin…" I stopped at my name. How did she know it? "Kevin changing the past why does it mean so much to you?" "How did you know what I was thinking?" Another crooked smile on that pale face of hers. "Well I just wondering you see I…" She jumped to the space in front of me and held my chin up tenderly stroking the skin around my now empty eye socket. "Do not wish to be lonely anymore" I pushed her away. "I can't help you" The will of the abyss merely shrugged and held the hem of her white dress. "You can, if I turn back time for you will you visit me again? Kevin?" I laughed. "Sure, sure I'll visit you" "Really!" she sounded delighted just like a little kid being given a ice cream or some sweets. "Yes…" "Great!" she cried pushing me over again and holding my forehead. "Hey! Get of what are you doing you stupid…" Blackness…
Transformations. My life changed. The sinclaire family were never murdered but they never knew who I was or that I even exsisted. They all just disappeared and were probably all just wiped out. Had I left time alone and never agreed to the deal with the will of the abyss then at least lady Sinclaire would have survived…
Transform. Change time. Forget. Struggle. Ignore the pain. Close off. Hate. Regret…
"Mommy is xeres nii-san going to be okay?" Sharon pressed her little hand against Break unconscious form currently lying outside the reignsworth manor in the front garden with Mistress Sheryl reignsworth by his side. "Yes he has just fainted, his memories are bothering him again…"
"Kevin don't leave me…" Those eyes… So small… "Don't leave me alone uncle Kevin…" I'm sorry…
"His hearts hurting isn't it mommy" Sharon told her mother her eyes round with concern for the servant lying on the grass. Sheryl glanced at Breaks peaceful face and sighed. "It seems so my dear, it seems so."
"Break don't sit with your feet on the table it's rude!" scolded Sharon threatening to hit the elder man with her fan. "Naw oujou-sama it's relaxing" Sharons aura wavered a dangerous shade of black. "Break…" "Yes my lady?" WHACK! "Owchie my lady is so mean today" Sharon folded her fan away and walked of shaking her head. Break sighed. "I am of no use to anyone…"
My smile fades every day. My memories hurt me.
"Break should quit being such a pain" Emily murmered to me, waving her arms wildly from her position on my shoulder. "Your one to talk huh Emily?" I questioned her taking the doll of my shoulder and holding her in my hands. Emily… Lady sinclaire had a doll like this…
"Do you like her Kevin?" asked Lady sinclaire holding up a badly stitched doll with a bell shaped body and a blue fabric stretched over it for skin and brown wool for hair. I smiled. "She's beautiful Lady sinclaire" The youngest member of the sinclaire family beamed up at me. "I'm glad you like her, she's for you" My heart stopped. Such a kind innocent heart. "Thank you I shall name her Emily…"
"Break quit staring at me with that expression on your face" an obvious annoyed Emily snapped me out of my daydream. "Ah! Sorry Emily" I placed the doll back on my shoulder and turned to face a mirror, wincing at my own reflection. "She gave you to me Emily" The blue dolls features stayed the same but you could see her eyes filled with Breaks own pain. "I know" came her small reply. Never forgotten. I looked at my reflection again in the tall mirror. "Who am I really Emily?" The doll didn't reply. "Am I Xeres Break? Kevin Reginard? Or…" Breaks eyes dropped to the floor. "Or just a child of misfortune…"