Kay, I'm obsessed with Star Wars now. I watched all six movies over the summer ('07) and then I read like, up to book 14 in the Jedi Apprentice books about Obi-wan, and then I read a ton of fan-fics and stuff, so now I'm all hyped to write one of my own! Hopefully it's a one-shot, but it probably won't be... but I hope it is 'cause I suck at closure.
"You never should have interfered with our ways, Jedi," the man sneered, the look of terror on the Jedi's apprentice was hardly enough to feed his blood lust. There were plenty of Jedi there at the moment, so why him? Why her master? Padawan Obi-wan Kenobi and his master Qui-gon Jinn stood in the same restrained state as Aira, her black hair hanging in her face and tears leaking past her normally composed Jedi reserve. The large man was torturing her master, Jedi Knight Larkin Demir, but at the same time, it felt like he was torturing her. He had severed their mind link so that she would not feel his pain like it was her own, although the loss of mental contact was driving her to the brink of insanity; as though without this mental connection, she was lost. She constantly attempted to send messages to him, but to no avail. She only saw the butt of the gun come down repeatedly on her master's body. She was helpless, and even now, all her knowledge of the Force had left her, empty, dry; like being in a desert without water. Two large Togorians restrained each Jedi, and Aira continued to curse and curse her stupidity. If it weren't for her, she wouldn't even be in this mess, but now the reason all their lives were at risk, was her. The guilt that had mounted on her even before her Master had arrived with Qui-gon and Obi-wan to save her, and she knew nothing good would come of it. Her Force-sensitivity was like none ever measured, with mitochlorians that rivaled even Yoda's, but all of her training and years at the temple would hardly prepare her for what was about to occur, and she felt desperation creep up her spine like an invisible shadow that stalked her in the very deepest, darkest corner of her mind.
Padawan Aira Kamissa a humanoid Sorrusian and her human Master Demir, a large man with a whiskery beard, and smiling blue eyes, had arrived on Adari for a routine check on the system's shipping lanes, but the trip turned out to be anything but routine. It appeared the Adarian government, which was supposed to be trading peacefully within the Republic, was actually endorsing slave labor on a remote planet out of the range of the Republic's law, and therefore, breached their treaty of neutrality. Although the Jedi Council had sent aid to them, Aira was captured by one of the most notorious slave traders in the galaxy by the name of Krayn. Her master had come to rescue her, and another innocent Jedi and his Padawan had been entangled in her mess. And now they were here. Once more, she'd felt trapped and wanted a place to hide in her shame, but her boundless emotions got the better of her, and her fury against the injustice of slave traders ran like an animal without restraint. When she didn't fight it, her better judgment became a mere whisper in the back of her subconscious, but right now, no matter what she tried, she could not escape.
With one final sound; one that would ring in Aira's ears forever was that of the gun going off... again, and again and again into the chest of her Master, the man who'd been like a father to her since she was twelve, the man who'd taught her everything she knew about the Force, the Jedi, the world, herself. And now, blood was pooling beneath him, running down the incline of the sewer towards Aira's feet and only her deafening scream of anguish penetrated the moist stone of the ominous cavern and echoed through the tunnels like an eerie bell, bearing the news of an untimely murder. The events after became a blur in her memory, as gunshots once more filled the dark halls that entrapped her in this prison of masochism and pain. Back up had come, but only after Krayn had avoided custody and disappeared into the unknown blackness of the ground beneath their feet. This left only the Adarian police, the now dead Togorian guards, a master and his padawan, and a girl, now staring at the shattered remains of her former self through the unblinking eyes of a corpse, which gazed blatantly and without remorse. He was a good person, the girl Aira thought. He would find the Force when his soul left. Not like her. She could only hope that her soul would become one with the living Force after she died, but she knew better. After this, the Force would condemn her soul to an eternity of separation from redemption and release. Hell would no longer be invisible to her, for hell had come to earth. At this point, all Aira could see and feel was the dark.
"Aira? Can you hear me?" a soft voice found her asylum buried deep under her Force mind shields that she'd unconsciously constructed after her trauma.
"Aira, many people are worried about you. Do you know who I am?" The gentle voice of the older man once more probed her mind, which was steadily coming back to reality, the place where she most wanted to escape from.
"I can hear you Master Qui-gon Jinn," she responded monotonously, her luminous green eyes now dulled to a shimmer, and her normally pink face drained of color. Unlike normal humans, Aira was Sorrusian, and because of this, it decreased not only her intense unflinching reaction time, but also gave her mind blowing flexibility, and she enjoyed this aspect of her culture by cramming herself in small spaces when she was scared or feeling particular melancholy.
"Come on Aira, you cannot let fear control you. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate-"
"-leads to the Dark Side, yes I know master," Aira chimed in response to one of Yoda's ultimate tomes. She had a good reason to be afraid. She'd been confronted by a notorious defected Jedi by the name of Xanatos, who had turned one of her best friends, Bruck Chun against the Jedi order, nearly killing a Jedi initiate named Bant, and assassinating Master Yoda.
"Perhaps you would like to meditate on this? Your idea of hiding is not becoming. What will you do when there's no place to hide?" Master Demir's voice became sterner as he chided his padawan gently.
"I'm not hiding! Hiding is for small children who cannot come to terms with their fears," Aira retorted, trying to defend herself. Even at fifteen, Aira was a formidable Jedi opponent who often did harsh training sessions with initiated knights, and found herself lifting objects as big as speeders and people when she was meditating. But the confrontation of Bruck's alleged fall to his death had her on the brink of sadness, because Jedi were supposed to have control of their emotions, and she would not let this facade slip.
"You have been a victim of a terrible accident Aira. Please let me calm you. Your friend's death will not vanish, for becoming one with the Force is inevitable for all Jedi," her Master spoke wisely, reaching out his hand to pull his padawan out from underneath the sleep couch.
"But master, what about Jedi like Xanatos? He was Qui-gon Jinn's apprentice, was he not? Will he become one with the Force because he has accepted the Dark Side? What then becomes of those who accept the Dark Side? Do we not believe as Jedi that people get second chances?" Aira spouted out all those questions that had been meaning to explode from her for sometime. She was curious as to where Bruck's soul had gone. He had joined Xanatos, a Jedi who had turned from the order and chaos had ensued him not matter where he tread. Bruch too, had embraced the Dark Side. Even though he sometimes bullied the other students like Obi-wan, Garen, Bant, he was still a Jedi... and a good person. She didn't want to see his life essence stranded forever without peace.
"My, my padawan, it seems your mind is teeming with questions. We will discuss this after our visit to the Council." Aira's dark expression of her dwelling on death became that of curiosity.
"Where are we going master?" she sounded a bit stronger, her voice filled with exuberance at the mention of the council.
"Another mission, but this one will be fun. We're going to Naboo for a few days. Something about teaching you the history of peace," Larkin smirked down at his apprentice, who smiled eagerly back at him, all traces of distresses seemingly gone.
"Is it like a vacation then?"
"Come now Aira! Jedi don't take vacations!"
Right now, the only thing surrounding her was the emptiness of a space that once felt secure. She was hiding under her Master's sleep couch, curled up in an unnatural Sorrusian position. Qui-gon was trying in vain to reach her mind which was guarded by multitudes of frantic emotion that Aira did not try to quell. Instead, she tried calling out to her own Master, and only received a hollow feeling in return.
"Master?... Master?...Master?" her voice echoed in the empty void that was once filled with her master's glowing warmth.
"Aira, please come with me to the infirmary. After you will proceed to the Council chambers."
"I will follow," she responded once more, her voice toneless and lacking in emotions. Although she much would have liked to remain wallowing in her own misery, a Jedi Master had given her an order, and she was required to oblige.
"I know this must be hard for you, Aira, but at one point or another, all master's leave their apprentices-"
"Or are torn ruthlessly from their padawan's grasp by vicious murderers who didn't even give their life a second thought," Aira added fittingly. While only the idea of vengeance pulsed through her veins, she could feel the actuality of the death creeping up on her, and as she walked through the lively hallways of the Jedi temple where bustling initiatives ran to their next classes, and padawans of various ages scurried to reunited with their masters, the realization became apparent and tears rolled unconventionally down Aira's already sullen face as she and Qui-gon stood amid that vast hallway, filled with life and spirit. Unlike her. Qui-gon immediately sensed the breaking point of Demir's padawan and reached gently out to her with his own mental connection. Unfortunately for him, her mind was so well guarded that the instant his essence breached her own, a jolt of repulsion and disgust found its way into Qui-gon. He never imagined the girl would feel so much unrelenting self-hatred, over a situation that, although caused death, wasn't her fault in the least. Along with her emotions came an unwanted and unintentional blast of some of Aira's unbridled Force sensitivity that sent Qui-gon's mind reeling with pain. Upon realizing what she'd done, Aira decided to make herself disappear. She only caused suffering, and now, she had to get away from this phantom she'd become. And to do so, she ran, fast and furiously down the hallway, causing young, unwitting initiates to be blown aside by Aira's pain and torment, which had given way to an emotional melt down. She made her way to the room of a Thousand Fountains where she collapsed near one of the glittering pools and dug her nails into the dirt, begging some unknown entity for unrequited forgiveness.
"Dear Force, forgive me for all the things I've done, please! I'm not a bad person I promise! I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" she repeated like a mantra to the silent waters that rippled discontinuously to the beach. Qui-gon had alerted the Council immediately of Padawan Kamissa's mental state and had advised caution. He'd ordered his own padawan, Obi-wan to wait for him in their quarters because of the delicate nature of Aira's being at the moment. Soon, Jedi presences filled Aira's Force awareness and she proceeded to crawl up in a ball, what she was prone to do in states of fear.
"Fear leads to anger, anger to hate, hate to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark side..." she repeated, tears flowing freely now, blurring her vision and, although her powers were no longer in her control, she couldn't help but scream, frustrated at her helplessness. A shudder of discomfort rang out in the Light Force and caused the water of the fountains to stop... the water flowed back into its source and over flooded the pools. Not long after, Aira's still form was surrounded by water. An eighteen year old with as much Force power as Aira packed a pretty mean punch when her emotions ran unchecked.
"Unpredictable, her emotions have become. Caution we must proceed with," Yoda, the small, wrinkled master whispered to the three Jedi who had accompanied him. Adi Gallia, Qui-gon, and Mace Windu, the only Jedi other than himself who Aira was close to.
"Aira, it's me, Adi. Siri is worried about you. Please don't do this to yourself," the master coaxed, her chocolately smooth voice wrung in Aira's ears as she stood up, wiped the tears from her eyes, released the water back into the fountains, and wrung out her hair.
"M-my apologies masters. Perhaps I should meditate on the extremity and unconventionality of my mental state-" Aira began to stutter but was interrupted by Yoda.
"Meditate on this, you will not. Find your master in the Force you must. Closure, you must receive from this."
"Yes Master," Aira agreed, then looked guiltily up into the face of Qui-gon, who she had unintentionally attacked with her mental connection.
"If I may apologize first to Master Jinn, whom I may have inadvertently injured with my-"
"Apology not necessary Padawan Kamissa. Now I suggest you return to your room and consider what Master Yoda has said."
"I'm afraid I can no longer be called a Padawan, for I am without a master," Aira laughed, wrapping her cloak around her as she headed for the room that she'd shared with her master for five years. There, she entered the 'fresher and cleansed herself before reaching out to her master as instructed.
"I am lost Master, please guide me," Aira pleaded, reaching out into the Force and searching vainly for her master's presence.
"I am here Aira. Why have you returned to me?"
"Do you still love me after all I've done to you? Will I become one with the Force when I die, as you have Master?" Her master's voice sounded so far away, and her eyes began to tear in her meditation.
"These same questions again, my apprentice?" Larkin Demir laughed at her child-like curiosity.
"Yes, But I must know!" Aira pleaded helplessly, feeling her master's essence fading quickly.
"All you need to know is that I am at peace, and as your master, I am ordering you to free yourself of this guilt I feel that you've unrightfully bestowed upon you. It is not your burden my padawan, so do not carry it so heavily," Demir's voice faded farther and farther until it was only the Force that filled Aira and she was left wanting.
"Obi-wan, you were close to Padawan Kamissa, were you not?" Qui-gon inquired of his padawan the day after the cremation as they strode through the Temple gardens, discussing Aira and her unfortunate, undecided fate. It had been two weeks since the murder and Aira seemed to be returning to normal, well, as normal as she could be after what happened.
"We never had classes together. Her Force sensitivity placed her with students more advanced, not to mention she's older than me to begin with. Why do you ask master?" Qui-gon contemplated how best to phrase his response, hoping that Obi-wan would WANT to reach out to this distressed girl only a year older than himself.
"She has told the Council that she is at peace with her master's passing, but I can feel her unrest. She is anxious on what the Council will decide to do with her." Qui-gon began stroking his beard, a nervous habit he'd picked up from Aira's master... when he still had a beard.
"You wish me to confront her about this?" the young padwan asked, hoping that was not his master's intention. He knew Aira had been friends with Bruck, and he of course, had witnessed Bruck's fall from that terrible height and could still hear the snapping of his neck from all those years ago.
"Not at all Obi-wan. I ask you only to converse with her. Loneliness is not what she needs at this dark hour, and any solace she might find in a friendship with you would be comforting, to me at least," Qui-gon added, resting a hand on his padawan's shoulder for motivation.
"I will speak with her," Obi-wan agreed begrudgingly. He'd heard rumors about what she did in the room of a Thousand Fountains, and had accidentally seen the mental blow she'd inflicted upon his master in her time of stress and began to regard the meeting of the unbalanced Aira with reverence and wariness.
When Obi-wan knocked on Aira's door a few hours later, he heard the blow of a tissue and the washing of hands before a scramble could be heard to get to the door.
"Oh! Kenobi! I did not expect any visitors," Aira began. Obi-wan could tell from her appearance that she looked disheveled and had clearly been in tears only moments before he'd arrived.
"Please call me Obi-wan, and I'm sorry for interrupting. Are you certain you're all right?"
"Oh, yes, thank you for asking. Everyone's been constantly checking on my well being, and it's gotten annoying to say the least. But I'm glad you came. It was thoughtful." Obi-wan nodded absent-mindedly and walked into the room which had been previously filled with clutter of notes and data pads from missions, and from lessons, as well as the unmistakable presence of a man. Now it appeared more like a museum; spotless, void of the quirky, natural litter that made it seem more human. Not to be racist, Obi-wan thought, but it seems almost alien. It was clear Aira had discarded very quickly anything that would bring about her master's memory.
"Obi-wan, have a seat. What is it you came to talk to me about?" she wondered briefly. Obi-wan was almost surprised at her almost hospitable etiquette. Normally he'd regarded Aira as a cold and calculating, flexible and undoubtedly adequate opponent, but now she seemed almost cheerful. It was disconcerting, to say the least.
"My master and I were wondering, since your status has been postponed if you would accompany us on a mission-"
"Excuse me for interrupting Obi-wan, but my status is unfrozen. As of tomorrow, I'm to be transported off of Coruscant back to my home world of Sorrus. There is nothing to be done," she stated, and Obi-wan had a hard time deciphering the emotion she felt towards the Council at this point.
"I know what you are thinking, and no, I am not in any way displeased with the Council's request," Aira continued, sitting down beside Obi-wan and casting her eerie glowing green eyes at him.
"Request? You mean they asked you to leave?" Obi-wan asked in disbelief. Although he'd never admit it aloud, he'd always admired Aira for being one of the most formidable apprentices he'd seen, and often adhered to her with respect. Why in the world would the Jedi ask her to leave? Stranger still, why did she agree?
"Going back to Sorrus would be best, you must believe that. If I were to stay here, I would have to become a knight, which is unlikely. I will take my master's memories to Sorrus and rebuild my life in the capital. At this point, no other master could be chosen for me, and I feel my training is not yet complete," Aira answered, responding to Obi-wan's question, but leaving him unsatisfied.
"But why not stay here? Receive instructions from the teachers, or work in the creche-" Obi-wan began. He couldn't imagine giving up his Jedi life for anything, especially if it was his choice. He'd nearly not been chosen to become a Jedi, and if not for some unpredicted circumstances that helped him gain the trust of Qui-gon Jinn, (who was still feeling the undeniable sting of betrayal from his old apprentice, Xanatos) he would not be a Jedi at all.
"Those lives are not for me. If I cannot become a Jedi knight, then it is no longer worth the effort," Aira said definitely, hoping Obi-wan would not pry further.
"Surely there is something to be done?"
"Obi-wan, I do not mean disrespect, but when you have happen to you what happened to me, I'll listen to you tell me that you would rather stay. But for me, being here brings to many memories to the surface and in truth, I could never love or feel the same about any other like I did my master. Never again will I feel this deep attraction that is rooted in the Force. Perhaps one day... no... definitely one day you will know how I feel, but until that day comes, I will hear no more of this talk about remaining here at the Temple. My decision won't change," Aira reiterated. Obi-wan only nodded. He remembered how broken up she'd been after the death, and now, she was making a huge decision, and of course Obi-wan couldn't change it, but that didn't mean he had to accept it.
"Whatever you feel is best Kamissa," he replied softly, standing up and heading out of her quarters.
"Come now Obi-wan. Please call me Aira."