A Spy's Perspective
Disclaimer: Hey, know what? I own nothing! Nada! Zip! Zero! Isn't that sad?
This is a one shot, may become a two-shot, (whatever) that all depends.
[One shot]
She was difficult from the very beginning. I really hadn't known what to expect after leaving her with Irene. I should have known that Irene would leave her off as a thinker. Thinkers are good, I admit that, but she thought too much. I noticed from the start that she had her doubts. Heh, what could be expected, she did have them in her head. I doubted much of it though. I didn't understand then the length of her powers; that she could sense they meant her no harm, and she did.
Watching her at school was frustrating at times. She ate lunch with the other BOM boys, but she was always facing somewhat away, always somewhat distant. I don't think they liked her much either though. I guess that didn't help in making her stay. They'd get frustrated when she wouldn't agree that the X-men were loosers, or geeks. She wouldn't say anything when they spoke that way. It was unnerving.
What was especially unnerving was her infatuation with Scott Summers. That's one thing I wasn't expecting. The other boys were pretty easy to predict; it was easy to see where they would go, but not with Rogue. Like I said, Irene made her a thinker, and therefore unpredictable. You never knew what was going on in her mind, I never knew, and I always tried to figure it out. I was almost always wrong too.
When Mr. Dukes came, it was even more frustrating. Miss Jean Grey decided to make nicetices with the boy and therefore won his affection. She obviously hadn't known what she had gotten herself into. I didn't think much of this, I didn't get much of a chance to. The day of his arrivel, and the day of his short-lived infatuation, I had to deal with Rogue. Summers was making dates with her to practice for a school project. You'd think they gave enough time in class for that.
It wasn't just practise though, I know that. I knew it then. He just wanted to talk her away from the Brother Hood, talk her away from me. I don't understand why they cared so much. Out of all those boys, what made her so special? What made them try and turn her rather then none of the others? There was effort with Fred, I know that, but other then that, there was none.
It was obvious that their attempts with Mr. Dukes weren't going to work. His temper completely clashed with the X-men ideals, whereas it was perfect for the Brother Hood. Not to mention Grey must have become afraid after he kidnapped her.
I still don't understand today why Rogue saved her. Summers liked her and Rogue wouldn't like that, didn't like that. As a matter of fact I think she hated it, and therefore hated Grey for it. Yet she did it, and in the process received another dosage of Summer's mind.
Returning home that night hadn't been pleasant. Fred had been furious. Especially when he found out that she was another member. The way she reacted to his temper didn't help either.
After that moment, she pretty much confirmed her distance with the boys. They were upset at her for what she'd done, but because of me, didn't do much about it.
I'm sure then the seperation got to her. And I wasn't much help. I was the only other girl in the house, and although I admit I held a grudge, I should have done something, something to make her feel at home. I was too convinced she wouldn't be able to leave though. I was convinced she wouldn't be able to go to Xavier's Institute. Maybe she wouldn't have, I guess I'll never know.
I finally took the intitative one-day to stop this. She was drifting too far and refused to help in a short fight the Brother Hood had with the X- men. She had claimed that, 'This wasn't her fight' but it was more hers then any other of the boys. She had been the one to cause the trouble, by sending Mr. Wagner into what I was told was called, "Middleverse." She had had the weapon in the first place, and when retreiving it she refused to have anything to do with. That woke me up, but it woke me up perhaps too late.
I was irrational, I must admit. I believe I approached the situation a little too dramatically. Rogue had a liking for Summers and I was angry. I set about to kill him. The plan backfired. She freaked out after I sent him over the cliff and took my hand. It was bare, and I can only think now of the consequences of that breif touch. Allowing her to absorb me ruined everything. I'd manipulated her; I'd done it for her, but she couldn't see that. All she saw was the lie.
I have a horrible temper, I know that. When I get mad, I can't think. Even now I cannot believe that I actually tried to attack her. Perhaps it was Summers, I can't really remember now. I attacked though, and I think that was the end right there.
She didn't come back that night. I don't know when she got her stuff. The next time I saw her though she was with the X-men. She was distant, even with them, but not in the way she had been with the boys. They didn't resent her, and I still don't completely understand that. Perhaps they felt they owed her for helping Jean, but I'm sure they could have managed that on their own.
I only lost one member really and her actions as of late has shown just how crutial that loss was. Her outbreak may not have been controlled, but given a direction and work... the potential seems endless.
I'm getting ahead of myself. And perhaps that's just what I want. To not have to go through all this reckless thinking. Where will it get me anyway? I know why I'm going through this, and I have an idea what my action shall be, but I feel that this time, to do it right, I must think it through better then I have any of my other actions with her. Considering that this may be the most cridical of them all. Yet, it could be what puts the torn pieces together.
I must admit that my mascarade as Risty might have been a bit much, but what else was I suppose to do?! I do care about her. It took me a while to allow myself to feel it, but I do, and I did, and I wanted to do something about it! I wanted to have some part in her life, even if she couldn't know it was me.
Yet even as Risty I used her. It wasn't that I wanted to, it was just that I always could. Having some connection to her always gave me an advantage, always gave me something to work with. I don't even only mean her. Becoming her friend gave me access to the other students. I couldn't turn it down. It's become my nature. I'm a spy, and a remarkable one at that. Not only given to me by my mutation. So, it was second nature to do what I did.
One of the worst things I did during my ploy as Risty though was severing her bond with the other X-girls. She'd gotten close to them and had begun to do fewer things with me. In her isolated state she had, in an unspoken and hardly unseen way, become dependent on me. Risty yes, but still me. I had liked that. When she got close to the girls, I was jealous. I was incredibly jealous. I refused to let her drift away from me, when perhaps that would have been the best thing for me to have done.
I ended it though. I ended her work as a vigilante, and that was the only thing keeping her bonded very well to those girls. It had been what I wanted, but now I realize just how much that may have hurt her. I keep telling myself it was bound to happen, and I know it would have, but it's just that now the guilt is lain on me. Yes, I do feel guilt, more then anyone cares to believe.
I'm the easy person to blame really. They say I'm messed up in the head, and maybe that's true. I'd like to believe that's not. But I've messed up on countless occasions. I'm decietful, like I said, it's in my nature. It's hard to believe that decietful people have emotions, feelings. Well, other then anger, and sometimes fear I guess. Yet we do, we're just trained to hide them. We're trained to act. Therefore, it's easy to lay blame on an emotionless person.
In some cases though, I do believe they know, they know that we're not completely stoic. That I'm not completely stoic. Sometimes that's why they do it.
I probably shouldn't have come back after mutants were discovered. Yet what Irene had told me, I couldn't ignore. She'd told me that Rogue's death was neigh unless something was done. I couldn't lay back. I guess I should have known Charles Xavier wouldn't just let her die. Yet I couldn't leave that up to him, I had to do something.
Doing something blew my cover. Doing something ruined any chance of me being a part of Rogue's life. One accidental touch and everything went wrong. She found out who Risty really was, and she found out everything I did as Risty. I knew I'd lost her then, but still I didn't give up. Mentioning that she was my daughter probably made the situation worse; I don't know.
All I do know now is that she isn't dead, that she's recovered from her outburst, and now I have to make a choice. A choice that could determine the rest of our lives so dramatically I can't even imagine the consequences of either choice.
I can hand her over now to the mutant Mesmero and gain favor in Apocalypse's gaze. This would involve more deciet toward her though. Am I willing to do that? I may have to.
[To continue? Or not to continue?]
There's my attempt to get inside Mystique's head. If you want more actions, less words, the beginning of my story Tragedy's Touch has quite a bit of Mystique and her initial raising of her kids. You should check it out just to make me happy. lol :P
R& don't forget to Review! Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase? lol
byes