Love Me Like You Do ~ Part One
There were tears within her eyes, silent tears which fell slowly down her cheeks. 'You're everything to me, Carla.' He said, his voice soft with a hint of desperation about his tone. It wasn't the first time she'd heard these particular words escape his lips tonight. 'Please.' Nick simply uttered, taking a single step towards her yet despite now being physically closer to her she still felt so out of reach. 'Carla.' He softly sighed her name to fill her silence as she simply gazed back at him. A soft sigh escaped Carla's own lips, her eyes briefly falling closed which in itself released a fresh wave of her silent tears. The only words she needed to say to him were the only ones which wouldn't come. 'Give us another chance.' Nick pleaded with her, his eyes begging her so much more than his words ever could. 'I love you.' He said with the sad smile of a man on the edge of losing the love of his life.
Carla swiftly moved a shaking hand towards her mouth to cover the soft gasp which escaped her lips upon Nick's admission of loving her. She knew she didn't deserve his love but at the same time she knew she could never be without it. She could never be without him. He was everything to her just as she, by his own admission, was everything to him. Carla was so conflicted she could only stand twisting her hands before him, vulnerable and unable to either walk away or reach out to him. Ever since she'd told him that she couldn't marry him she'd been searching for the words to explain her decision but she'd found nothing. Instead she'd simply told him that she didn't deserve him, and with it spared him the sordid truth of why that was so. 'I don't love you.' Carla said, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop them. As she spoke she turned her head from him, her eyes downcast to the floor. It was the only way she could ever say those words.
Lightly Nick shook his head, unable to believe her words. 'No.' He simply whispered in disbelief as Carla closed her eyes, unable to bear his reaction. 'You could at least say it like you mean it.' Nick bit back as Carla remained silent, hurt that she was still resolute in pushing him away. He'd told her everything he could. He loved her; she was his life. There was nothing more he could say than rephrase the same words in the hope that he would, somehow, get through to her just how much she meant to him. Carla lightly sighed to herself as Nick spoke. She'd known even before she'd said she didn't love him that she wouldn't be able to say it with enough conviction for him to believe her. Slowly Nick's hand became apparent beneath her chin, his curled fingers gently drawing her to look up at him. There was something in her eyes, which were unable to meet his, that told him her words weren't true but if they were he needed to know. If she truly didn't love him he would have to let her go.
His fingers were light against her chin, his thumb gently catching her tears as they fell. 'Carla.' He softly said to catch her attention, needing her to look at him and not somewhere behind him as she currently was. Slowly Carla drew her eyes to meet Nick's, noticing for the first time the tears in his eyes. 'Look me in the eye.' Nick began, pausing to hold back the tears which threatened to fall. 'And tell me you don't love me.' He finished, his voice breaking such that his words ended up as nothing more than a whisper. Shaking her head Carla closed her eyes, a ragged sigh escaping her lips before she quickly stumbled away from Nick. As she stumbled Carla wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself as her tears began to fall. Those words would never fall from her lips again. A relieved sigh teamed with tears of relief escaped Nick as he ran his hand through his hair. At least if Carla couldn't say she didn't love him they might still have a chance.
Brushing his tears away with the back of his hand Nick watched Carla, her face now buried into her shaking hands. 'You can't say it, can you?' He softly asked Carla who lowered her hands to look back at him before wrapping her arms around her to hug herself. 'I could say it, Nick, but, I could never mean it.' Carla slowly replied, her words every so often catching in her throat, forcing her to pause in order to compose herself. 'You know I love you.' Carla said with a gentle sigh, letting her eyes meet his. As she spoke of loving him Carla noticed a light sigh escape Nick's lips and returned the sad half smile he gave her. 'I love you more than I ever imagined I could.' Carla said before placing her hand against her month. Breaking her gaze away from Nick's, Carla gently shrugged, moving her hand to wipe away her tears. 'But I don't deserve you.' She told him with a gentle shake of her head, pausing a little before continuing. 'And you don't deserve this.' She said, slowly returning her eyes back to meet his as she spoke, her words falling to a whisper.
For a moment the pair simply stared at each other, Carla's words hanging in the silence between them. He'd heard it all before. Barely a day went by without Carla telling Nick she didn't deserve him, especially since she'd forgotten his birthday and disappeared following a stupid row the very next day. Their goodnight kisses were now followed only by silence, their usual fun between the sheets seeming like a distant memory. They slept beside each other but miles apart, Carla curled away from Nick who could only watch her struggling through. The coldness she showed him by day felt magnified by night when it was just the two of them, the fun they'd so often shared replaced by distance. It was distance which Carla herself pushed between them, unable to allow herself to get close to Nick after what she'd done. Oblivious to the inner guilt which was currently destroying his fiancée, Nick could only put her coldness towards him down to her confusion over Johnny's revelation.
Slowly Nick stepped a little closer to Carla who remained still, not moving away from him yet not moving closer. 'I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Carla.' He said with a gentle shake of his head as he approached her. As he spoke Carla looked away from Nick, glad that he couldn't see her through her own guilt ridden eyes. When Carla turned away from him, Nick reached out to her, once again catching his fingers beneath her chin. Just as they had been before his fingers were light against her, gently drawing her back to face him. Carla's ragged breath fell over his fingers as her eyes met his, a gentle sigh escaping her lips as she placed her hand against his. Her intention had been to push him away but as soon as her hand had touched his she couldn't. Instead Carla curled her hand around Nick's as he gently pulled their hands away from her face, lightly curling his hand around her fingertips.
Surrounded by silence they stood with their hands tightly held between them, their gazes locked above their hands. It was the closest Nick had felt to Carla since before everything had changed at New Year's. Her fingernails lightly dug into the palm of his hand as she clung to him but he barely noticed. With her hand holding his she finally felt within his reach, he just had to keep hold of her and not let her slip away. Breaking his gaze away from Carla's beautiful tear stained face Nick glanced down at their hands. Upon her finger the engagement ring he'd given her just six weeks previously shone back up at him, the diamond catching within the light. Slowly Carla followed Nick's eyes down to their hands where he drew his thumb back across her fingers before running his thumb over her ring. As Nick played with the ring he'd given her Carla recalled that day when, following her proposal the night before, Nick had surprised her within the bistro and got down on one knee.