Title: The Best Wingman

Summary: Chat tries to hook up Marinette and Ladybug. It goes better than expected.

Disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous Ladybug.

It's been happening for weeks now.

Every akuma fight, every patrol, every midnight conversation; every time Chat talks to Ladybug, Marinette pops up in the conversation.

"Did you see Marinette today? She was wearing a skirt, wasn't it cute?"

"Did you see her recent dress design?"

"Did you know Marinette adores you?"

(Yes, her legs looked amazing.)

(Actually, it was a shirt and skirt combo and it's a stunning design.)

(Yes, he distinctly remembers the bus ride where she fell asleep on him and asked Chat Noir to kiss her and made his brain shut down for a good two hours.)

As great as it is that Chat gets a chance to talk about Marinette, who he most definitely does not have a crush on (that's a lie), Chat is 9572395% convinced he is in the sweetest version of hell.

Because Ladybug has a crush on Marinette.

Chat doesn't know if Marinette like-likes Ladybug but honestly, he's pretty sure every youth in Paris has a crush on Ladybug. Who wouldn't? His partner is sweet and amazing and kicks ass (literally) every other day. Of course Marinette will have a crush on Ladybug.

And Marinette is a perfect match for Ladybug. His classmate is is a wonderful leader, ten different levels of sweet, amazing as hell, completely fearless, delightfully creative, gets praise from his father, never backs down from a challenge, wins said challenges, can make friends with anyone, always offers help to a friend in need...where was he going with this?

Right.

Ladybug + Marinette = Perfection

The fact that he's in love with Ladybug (and the crush on Marinette he totally doesn't have) is completely irrelevant in this situation. Ladybug likes Marinette and Ladybug deserves to be happy. So screw his feelings, he's going to make his best friend happy.

Which is why Chat is out way past his bedtime, roof hopping his way to Marinette's room.

Maybe he should be a little more worried about the late hour but he also knows Marinette has a tendency to stay up late working on projects. Or at least he knows she does if her muttered excuses for all her tardiness are to be believed. (Him remembering these little details is just because he's a good friend, really.)

Besides, he simply can't wait for a more reasonable hour. He's been working up his courage to do this all night. If he doesn't do it now, he's going to lose his nerve and like hell he's going to let his jealousy get in the way of his partner's happiness (again). So across the rooftops he goes, determination burning in his gut. He's gonna be the best damn wingman the world's ever seen, he's gonna get Ladybug her dream girl- Oh look there's Marinette's house-

He's five rooftops away from Marinette's house before he realizes he's running away. He screeches to a halt while cursing his cowardice, Marinette's bedroom windows bright blips in the corner of his eye.

Chat takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. This is his chance to be an amazing friend to Marinette and help his partner get the girl of everyone's dreams. So screw the funny things it does to his stomach, he's going to go get the damn girl for Ladybug. Even if it kills him.

(And given the way his chest is squeezing, it very well might.)

Chat very deliberately doesn't think as he vaults over to Marinette's house. He doesn't knock so much as pound on her window, the glass rattling along with his nerves. He focuses on breathing, reminding himself that it really is too late to run away now. Then the window is bursting open and oh that's headed straight for his head he better get away now, like five blocks away now, yes that's good idea leggo-

"Hey!"

A vice grip squeezes his tail and Chat does not yowl as he's yanked backwards, shoulder slamming into the window and his butt into the frame. Another firm tug (ow) sends him tumbling inside, neck craned painfully as he gets stuck on his head with his butt in the air and his knees by his ears.

"Jesus Princess, how much weight lifting do you do?" he grumbles, swinging his feet back over his head so he can sit upright and pout at his classmate.

Instead, he comes up to Marinette's face mere centimeters from where his head would be and a glare that could defrost a fridge.

You know, lounging sounds like a good idea right now.

Chat tries to wave and lean back on his elbows simultaneously (it doesn't have the smooth effect he intended, leaving him sprawled gracelessly along Marinette's floor and flopping like a fish). Marinette looks less than impressed.

Chat gulps. "Hi Marinette?"

Marinette's cheeks puff out adorably (could she please not look cute and murderous at the same time, it's doing funny things to his heart) and her stormy blue eyes narrow to slits. "What. Are you. Doing. Here."

Chat's face freezes in a grimace. "Saying hi to a dear friend?"

Marinette's brow arches. "We've only spoken twice."

Chat flinches. "Three times," he mutters.

Marinette sighs, her hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Fine, three times, whatever." She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "Why are you here so late Chat? Are you alright?"

"I'm fi-ine!"

Chat's cheeks flush, his ears feeling hot after his voice just cracked. Marinette's lips press together, her eyes crinkling as she tried to hide her smile.

(Making her smile was good right? Get her in a good mood, which is probably better than grumpy to get her to agree with a date with Ladybug, and- oh wow look at that smile…)

Chat coughs, his blush traveling down the back of his neck. He shakes his head and pats the floor right in front of him. "Sorry for stopping by so late Princess. No worries, it's not an emergency, it's just that I have a little secret you need to know."

Marinette's eyebrows disappear in her hairline, though she doesn't hesitate to plop down in front of him. Chat hastens to mirror her, casually leaning back on his hands, their knees touching. "Okay you silly cat," she says, her lips curling mischievously as she leans forward to prop her chin on her hands. "What's the secret?"

(Her mischievous grin does not make his heart race nope, no sirree, bad heart.)

Chat mirrors her grin. "Well, I happen to know that someone has a little crush on you."

Marinette's eyes brighten, corners crinkling as her grin grows. "Oh?"

Chat nods.

Marinette leans closer. "And who might this someone be, hmm?"

Chat leans over, his lips by Marinette's ear, her breath hot on his cheek and his heart thudding. "A certain Ladybug."

A beat.

Marinette jerks back. "What?!"

"Shhhhh you'll wake your parents!"

Marinette snorts. "They sleep like the dead and won't be able to hear past their snoring. Clearly you haven't realize how loud you 'knock'." Marinette slaps Chat's thigh with a scowl. "And excuse you, you better start explaining. What do you mean, 'Ladybug has a crush on you'?!"

Chat cocks his head to the side. "I mean...Ladybug has a crush on you?"

"But…" Marinette waves her hands as she sputters. "But...how?"

Chat blinks. "What?"

What do you mean 'how'?

"How can she-" Marinette bites her tongue, frustration stamped across her face. She waves her hands.

Chat blinks again.

Marinette scowls at him. "How do you know?"

The demand takes a minute to register. "Huh?"

Marinette looks ten seconds from throwing him out the window, and Chat eyes her biceps warily. "How do you know Ladybug has a crush on me?!"

Chat smiles at Marinette. "Oh easy. She thinks you're cute, she never stops talking about you, she-"

Marinette cut him off with a growl. "But that...that doesn't mean anything."

"Yes it does!"

Marinette frowns. "No it doesn't. You can't be sure unless she explicitly tells you."

"Well she did!"

Marinette blinks at him. She opens and closes her mouth silently, looking a bit like a fish, before swallowing and giving him this look. "Did she now?" she asks, disbelief dripping from every word.

Chat holds back his flinch. He isn't really lying, he's just stating the obvious. Like, 'in between the lines' sort of stuff. It's not like it's not true. Surely the two girls will forgive him for this itty-bitty white lie after they get together, right?

(His stomach curls funnily at the thought. Chat tries not to think about it too much.)

Marinette's eyebrows are getting higher with each passing second and Chat straightens. "Yes, she did. She told me exactly how she feels about you. Ladybug really really really likes you and wants to date you."

For some reason, Marinette looks more frustrated than satisfied.

Chat frowns. Okay, so...what does the wingman do next?

Chat drums his fingers as he thinks. He hadn't exactly planned for Marinette reacting with anything other than joy (honestly, it's not like there's any other sensible reaction to learning that Ladybug has a crush on you) but like hell he's going to let that stop him. Even if he's not sure why Marinette refuses to believe him.

Maybe she's in shock?

"I can tell you don't believe me."

Marinette gives him a deadpan stare. "No."

Chat pouts at the sarcasm. "Why not? Ladybug honestly does have a crush on you. She pays attention to what designs you make, she likes your sense of humor, and she thinks you're beautiful."

"That doesn't...that's not…" Marinette blew out a frustrated scream, narrowing her eyes at him. "That's not just crush behavior!"

Chat raises his eyebrows and gives her a flat stare.

Marinette waves her hands fruitlessly. "Alya does that for me and she doesn't have a crush on me!"

Yes she does. How could you not notice?

Chat raises his eyebrows higher.

Marinette scowls at him. "It's just good friend behavior!"

Well...that's news. Chat leans forward. "You and Ladybug are good friends?"

Marinette blinks, looking rather like a stunned fish. "I don't...I...uh…"

Chat cocks his head to the side. "Or you aren't?"

Marinette stutters more before finally huffing in frustration. "Okay fine, so we aren't great friends, but we do sort of know each other."

"And? Knowing little details and paying attention to you and thinking you're cute is just good acquaintance behavior?"

Marinette hmphs and glares at him. "It still doesn't mean Ladybug has a crush on me."

Chat sighs. This is so much harder than he had expected. Why is she so stubborn and oblivious?

"I told you Princess, Ladybug told me she has a crush on you."

"Yeah well, I don't believe you."

Chat flinches and gives her a betrayed look. "Why not? What have I done to make you not trust me?"

Marinette looks like someone slapped her. She gapes at him, her hands fluttering uselessly around her. Chat just stares at her for a solid minute before Marinette finally cracks.

"I do trust you."

Chat snorts.

"I do," Marinette insists. "It's just really hard to believe that Ladybug has a crush on me."

Chat's mouth drops. "Why not?"

Marinette gives him a self-depreciating smile and gestures towards herself as though that explains all of it. "Well, Ladybug's Ladybug and I'm just...me."

"So funny, creative, awesome, kind, friendly, and a bunch of other stuff I can't list because I'll run out of fingers too soon?"

Marinette looks flustered, and Chat wonders if they're good enough friends that he could feel her cheek to see if she's blushing. Marinette leans back on her hands, giving him this look that's a cross between scrutinizing and awed, and Chat figures it's probably best not to touch her right now.

Dammit.

"You-you really think that about me?"

Duh.

Marinette presses her lips together and looks down at her lap. She keeps sneaking peeks at him from underneath her lashes, looking adorable and making his heart race. Chat clears his throat.

Right.

Back to the mission.

"You know who else thinks that about you? Ladybug."

Marinette groans. "Chat!"

Dammit why is she so stubborn.

"It's true! She really does care for you." Chat frowns at her, concern bubbling in his gut. "Why are you so reluctant to believe that?"

"That doesn't. That's not…" Marinette hrumphs. "Fine. So we say she has a crush on me."

Chat flinches at her tone, hackles rising. "Jesus Princess, no need to make it sound like an accusation."

Marinette growls. "It's just so hard to believe! And it's not like we could date anyways."

Chat blinks. "What."

Marinette snacks his knee. "Come on Chat! She's a superhero, she's busy saving Paris in her free time. And it'd be dangerous for her to date me! What if Hawkmoth uses me against her?"

"Well that's...actually a pretty good argument. Huh."

Marinette nods emphatically. "It'd be horrible for me to be used against Ladybug, or even worse my friends and family. So really, I can't date Ladybug."

Chat sticks out his lower lip. "But you guys both deserve to be happy."

"I can be happy without Ladybug as my girlfriend," Marinette snorts.

"Yes." Chat nudges her knee with his. "But you would like a girlfriend?"

Marinette opens her mouth to refute it but stops in the face of his flat stare. He remembers the conversations at school, how Marinette talks about getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Admittedly, he mostly hears about them through Alya but still. She definitely doesn't need a boyfriend or a girlfriend but he knows she wants one.

Surely there's someway he can help…

"I GOT IT!"

Marinette startles, eyes wide. "What?"

Chat leans forward, buzzing with excitement, and gathers her hands in his. "With my help, surely you and Ladybug can secretly date!"

"I...wha?"

"Yeah!" His stomach curls violently, feeling like the world's most twisted pretzel. Chat aggressively ignores it. "Like, I'll run interference and be your watchdog while you meet up with her. We can arrange secret meetups with you and then one of us can take you to one of mine or Ladybug's secret hideaways and that way you guys can go on dates!"

Marinette's face twists oddly. "One of your...aren't those hideaways special to you?"

Chat blinks, his various hideaways flashing through his head. "Huh?"

Marinette gulps oddly, her face curling even more.

(Were faces even supposed to move like that? Chat hadn't thought it physically possible.)

(Well, then again. Leave it up to Marinette to do the impossible.)

Marinette's brow twitches. "You'd just...let me and Ladybug...go on dates in your special places?"

His lungs contract violently as he thinks of Marinette and Ladybug curled up happily in all the nooks and crannies around Paris he loves to frequent when he needs to escape. Chat takes a shaky breath and pastes on his model smile, focusing on how happy his friends would be sharing those special little places. "Of course! You'll love them, especially if you share them with Ladybug!"

(Are hearts supposed to feel this way? All hard and burning and squeezing?)

Chat's smile turns into a beam.

Marinette and Ladybug will be so happy together.

(He ignores the little voice in his head asking about his happiness.)

(Thank goodness he has so much practice.)

Marinette stares at him, her face twitching through a series of odd expressions. She opens her mouth, eyes flickering with...something before she shakes her head.

"A lot of things can go wrong with that plan."

For some reason, Chat doesn't think that's what she originally planned to say.

"We'll be extra careful," Chat promises.

Marinette squints at him. "It's still a risk. I could become a liability against you."

"Yeah, but I think you and Ladybug could be real happy together. Isn't a chance at happiness always worth the risk?"

Marinette looks thoughtful, as though she might actually go through with this.

His stomach hardens to lead and a vice squeezes his heart. Chat continues to ignore it.

"Fine."

Chat beams as his stomach plummets.

"You'll go out with Ladybug?!"

Marinette looks ready to throw herself out her window. Chat mentally resets and nope, she still looks that way.

Why is she not excited?

Chat blinks and gently shakes his head. "Okay so how about I set up the first date and I'll let you and Ladybug know all the details? Less stress for both of you, right?"

(He's not imposing, he's not, he's being a good friend this is a thing good friends do for each other.)

(...Right?)

Marinette agrees with a smile and then shoos him out of her bedroom.

"It's too early for visits I have to sleep sometime mo-Chat!"

Chat pouts at her from her windowsill, his lips twitching as Marinette mimes pushing him off the ledge with a grin.

"Goodbye Marinette," he says with a chuckle and a small wave. "I'll tell you the date plans next time I see you."

Marinette rolls her eyes. "Goodbye Kitty," she says, making more shoo motions. A soft smile graces her face and she grabs his hand before he jumps away. "Chat I…"

Marinette gulps and smiles again. "Thank you. For being such a wonderful friend."

His stomach clenches like he just got sucker punched and a wave of shame washes over him. Being a good friend is a good thing goddammit.

His smile never falters. "Of course Princess. Anything for my best friend and her girl." He lets go of Marinette's hand and pushes off with a wave, refusing to look back as he glides along the rooftops. His stomach is heavy and his heart won't stop beating erratically, but Chat pushes it out of his mind with forced determination.

After all, he has a date to plan.

Bonus:

"What do I do what do I do what do I-"

"Marinette."

Her chosen doesn't hear her, still pacing and anxiously pulling at her hair. Marinette's pigtails have long since unraveled and her hair is three pulls away from becoming frizzy.

Tikki sighs, idly wishing she had fingers to snap. "Marinette!"

"Tikki!" Marinette whirls on her heel, eyes wide and frantic and showing no indication of having heard Tikki at all. "I'm gonna have to reject myself I can't date me but how do I explain to Chat without giving everything away what do-"

"MARINETTE!"

Tikki mentally winces as Marinette snaps to attention, her mouthing slamming shut with an audible click. She didn't mean to snap but honestly, even thousands of years old gods have their breaking points and Tikki passed her twenty minutes ago.

Panic is still brewing in Marinette's wide eyes and Tikki sighs again. "Why didn't you just say you don't have a crush on Ladybug?"

Marinette's jaw drops.

Closes.

A blink.

"GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!"

AN: Someone save me from these idiots.

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