A Very Long Engagement

This is another Liarla fic I have been thinking about writing for sometime so I decided to just start writing it. It is also in the 1920's like my other fic "Paradise Palace"

She had said she would wait for him. That she understood he needed time to get over the death of his brother. She had promised her undying love and devotion to him forever. But before her were the words she had so long dreaded and never wanted to believe he could write. But she had know deep down that they were coming, but seeing them in ink scorched through her heart burning her to bits and pieces. She would not heal for all time.

Carla,

All we were is dead. I'm dead. You must marry another.

Liam

She can't even bare to look at it anymore. She must have read over a billion times and now the ink runs down the rudiments of the letter drenched in her tears. She places against her chest glancing at her dresser mirror and looking up at the helpless and broken creature staring back at her. It sickened her the way her eyes were puffy and that she looked an absolute mess. Her mother would surely stumble upon her soon demanding she reply to the other letter. Carla didn't even want to think about the other letter. She still couldn't wrap her head around Liam and fact that she still completely in love with him much less gather herself to give Tony Gordon the acceptance of his proposal with permission to speak to her father.

Carla wanted to know his reasons. How long did he know he couldn't be with her? How long did Liam know that he could never give her his heart completely? She knew he was fighting some demons, that he struggling to make sense of this world since his brother Paul's death, but she wanted to help him through that. She wanted him to be okay and too able to love him. She had written him so much and in the two years since he had been gone. Liam had stopped replying months ago but she hadn't cared. When he stopped sending letters she wrote the letters more for herself because she couldn't accept that he may have very well closed the door on the possibility of them forever. But then she received a letter from him out of the blue this very morning and she knew right away that something was wrong.

She pulled the parchment from her chest reading the words again

All we were is dead…

What did this mean? He had promised to love her forever. Was it all just words? Did he ever love her at all? Ever had any true caring for her? Or had the night his brother Paul died taking every feeling, everything that was human from him. He had never talked about it, all that he had seen watching the life being sucked away from someone so dear to him. Is this what he was now trying to make her understand, when he wrote those words? Was he trying to get her to experience that emptiness he felt? It was pointless to ask or to wonder the exact moment the Liam she knew ceased to exist. All that matter was he had truly left and when she asked if he was coming back and he so easily turned to her and utter "yes" he had lied. Liam was never coming back and so it was useless to wait anymore.

Carla is angry and it fit of rage she crumbles up the letter throwing it to the side and grabs for a cigarette lighting it quickly. She didn't care if her father smelt the smoke from down the hall and made a fuss, she didn't care about anything anymore. Her green eyes dart over the other letter and she grabs for it with such ferocity she almost tears it to shreds.

Carla,

I don't know how many more letters I can write to you or how I can express that you have utterly enchanted me since the moment we met. Perhaps you think me foolish and that my words are just words. But I swear on my life, I can make you happy. So I ask you again to be my wife and answer my letter. I want you for my own.

Tony Gordon

The words make her want to vomit. She does not reciprocate these feelings but her father wants her to say yes and is threatening to send her away if she disobeys him to live in a convent. It was annoying how everyone wanted to push and pull at her and tell her what to do. This morning she had made up her mind to say no to him, but with Liam's letter and the fact that he claimed to not love her anymore, well it changed things drastically. Glancing in up in the reflection of the mirror she sees her mother standing over her shoulder staring back with those same green eyes, although they are void of any true emotion or caring towards Carla. She is unaffected by her daughters puffy eyes and tears. How long had she been standing there?

"Now you know your father does not like for you to smoke," Carla's mother says grabbing the cigarette from Carla's lips with ease and putting it out in a nearby ashtray before glancing back at her daughter.

Carla slouched a little; she always did when in contact with her cold and unloving mother Sharon. She was very critical of every little thing Carla did and quick to point out all of her daughter's flaws. Sighing Sharon pulls out a handkerchief handing it to Carla indicating that the sight of tears is unbecoming for a lady of her age and she would do better to rid of them. Carla grabs it half heartily and brings it to her eyes dabbing at her face.

"I see you have received Mr. Gordon's letter?" says her mother raising an eyebrow, "What number is that now? I'm beginning to lose count."

"I don't know mother," says Carla choking back tears.

"Hmmm," says Sharon looking very disgusted with her daughters continued crying, "You shall reply to this one though. There is only so much waiting a gentleman can do."

"But I don't love him mother!" Carla cries. She thought she could hold it all in but the pain Liam had caused her was truly overtaking her every thought.

"And what would you do then? Wait for HIM instead?" Her mother Sharon says referring to Liam, "You're wasting your time! He is never coming back!"

Those words stun, especially the part about him never coming back. They were like a slap across the face and it angered her that her mother would dare say anything about Liam. She never liked him, she was probably very happy that her daughter was in pain having gone without him so long. But it hurt even more that her mother knew Liam would never be hers when her mother hadn't even read the letter he wrote. It infuriated her that her mother had been right all along.

"I will not marry Tony Gordon. He is nice and kind but he is not for me!"

"We will see what your father has to say about that!" says Sharon not backing down looking ready to drag Carla from her seat and slap her into submission.

"You can't make me," Carla says feebly but she knows deep down she is no match for her mother or father.

She was a daddy's little girl at heart, but her father had a way of being stern when the situation required it. She had no doubt he would send her off to some remote convent to spend the summer or how ever long it took to break her into obedience. Carla didn't want to be away from all her friends.

"Don't be foolish girl. I don't understand you Carla! You are so very beautiful and have all the opportunities and traits to have a happy life. Mr. Gordon is an excellent match. You deserve the best. Liam cannot give you that, he is not been himself since the death of his brother."

Carla says nothing and continues to mope.

In frustration her mother sighs, "He has been gone for two years! His mind is elsewhere. Do you really want to be with such a person who cannot love you so completely as Tony Gordon? I am certain Mr. Gordon can make you happy and buy you the finest things. He loves you."

"He doesn't know me," says Carla, "How can he love me?"

"He knew from the moment he saw you, that you were a true beauty. You awakened his heart and he can't stand the possibility of a life without you. He is besotted with you and he is very handsome and his father and mother of equal standing! You could do much worse. You will accept!"

"Mother—"

"I will get your father girl—"

"FINE!" snaps Carla. She felt so frustrated and truly helpless in this situation.

There was nothing truly wrong with the gentleman Tony Gordon. In fact in the few times they had been in each other's company he was rather nice and caring. But she hadn't allowed for her heart to be opened to the possibly of them being more than friends, because she had been waiting for Liam to return to her. She had been struck with the harsh reality that this was no longer going to be the case. Carla had known all along that the time would come when she have to make a choice and now the moment was upon her. But it wasn't much her choice as it was the choice Liam had made for her. He had been the one to decide they had no future together. She wanted to know how he had arrived at such a decision. Why it was only his choice to make.

Carla's eyes watch as her mother grabs a piece of parchment and a pen placing it in front of her.

"You write Tony Gordon at once and tell him your answer. I trust your answer will be yes, if you know what's good for you daughter. I shall be back within half hour and when I return your reply shall be finished and sealed. And no tricks girl!"

Sharon leaves the room in a huff leaving Carla alone with her thoughts and all these sad emotions again. She didn't want to put pen to paper, because it seemed to convey that she was accepting the fate of a loveless marriage. It made everything more final and much more real. Liam didn't love her anymore…

Why hadn't he written sooner? Why couldn't he have saved her the heartbreak and limbo of waiting on his indecisiveness? And where had his travels taken him now? Probably further and further away from her by the day, and was that what Liam had intended all along? Was it just a moment of sadness? Maybe he regretted it as soon as he had scribbled down the words. Perhaps another letter would arrive tomorrow and he would say it was all just a big misunderstanding. It is foolish to dream this though; Paul's death had truly changed something inside of him and taken him away.

Carla sighed picking up the pen and clenching it in her fingers. She let it hover over the piece of blank stationary for a second before pounding it onto the paper. It broke her heart that Liam couldn't even respect her enough to let her make her own decision on whether or not she wanted to be with him.

But I love you…

She writes, that's all she can write before she feels the tears coming again. Was what he was suffering truly so dark that he couldn't bare face his fears with anyone? She didn't even know why she had even bothered to write him for the past two years, or love him, or wait for him.

Obviously didn't a mean a thing. What about all Carla had suffered, didn't that count for something? There was no point in asking these questions just as there was no point in writing these letters anymore. It was foolish to think that someday she get an answer. Her pen hovers over the words again

But I love you Liam. And I know I have nowhere in which to send this letter or any reason to believe that you wish to receive it. But I need to write it, if not for you then for myself. I still cling hopelessly to the idea that maybe one day I will get a real answer…

She stares at her words for a while longer before the anger overtakes her again and then the sadness. Then there is the feeling she gets sometimes when she feels like she drowning and being cut off from air. It was feeling she got when she knew the fight was futile and that her parents would be relentless in controlling her path in life.

He said they were dead, that he was dead. What other choice did she have then? He would never be capable of loving her as he once did, or so aptly he had convinced himself. It didn't make any sense for her to wait around on him, hoping he would come back to this place. He probably never wanted to come back again after Paul and she guessed she couldn't blame him for that. And even if he did come back, it probably wouldn't change his feelings about them. None of this changed the fact that he had destroyed her heart and ripped in two. She grabs for another piece of stationary and starts writing before she has a chance to think or change her mind.

Mr. Antony Gordon,

I give you permission to speak with my father. I will accept your proposal at once.

Carla Donovan

He said they were dead, that he was dead….

"Well I'm dead too Liam," she whispers, " And you killed me."

He truly had killed her with that letter and the bluntness of his words. Could she ever trust herself to love anyone now? She was so angry and so hurt at his betrayal and what she had been forced to agree to now. And now what did she have to look forward to? She only hoped with this whole debacle with the gentleman Tony Gordon that God would grant by her the time necessary to escape. She prayed it would be a very long engagement.