The Past, Duty, and the Sky
Note: This idea attacked me while I was working on my fic "One More Hawke," and is unrelated to that fic. F!Mage Surana Warden.
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Alistar watched his fellow Warden bend over the low wall of the landing into the small town of Lothering, and heave the contents of her stomach out. He winced and walked slowly over to her as she wiped her pale pink lips on the back of her thick leather glove. "Are you all right Ellary?"
A faint smile pulled at the edges of her lips, but just as quickly as it came it disappeared. She visibly shivered and shook her head. "Let's just get into town and find a place to rest for the night. It's getting late."
She vomited again, but this time at the Chantry in the cramped chambers of the Cloistered Sister, Leliana, they had just met at the local tavern. Alistair and Ellary were alone, save for her hound, as they arranged their bedrolls on the sister's floor. Leliana and Morrigan were trying to find something edible for their late meal, and so Alistair thought it was a good time to ask, "Why did you get sick twice today?"
The petite elven woman slowly closed her deep red eyes, and breathed out slowly, "I killed them."
"What?" Alistair squawked, "You mean the bandits, or Loghain's men?"
"Both," she said.
He furrowed his brows, "You got sick because you killed people?" His voice rose in pitch, "But you've killed lots of people!"
She shook her head, "Darkspawn are not sentient. They're different."
"No, no," he argued. "You said you are an Arcane Warrior. A warrior mage. For Maker's sake you carry a sword and a dagger instead of a staff."
She sighed. "I might look like a warrior," she gestured to her shortly cropped yellow robe, which she wore with thick leather padding protectively around her middle. She even wore leather leggings, heavy boots, and gloves. "but my first kill was a Darkspawn. I was trained to fight, true, but not kill." She paused, "I... know what to expect for the future now. It won't happen again."
…...
The next time Ellary Surana killed a person was about a day out from Redcliffe. The group had encountered bandits on their way to the Circle to seek aid for the Arl's young son. Alistair was impressed that she had handled the situation so well, considering. She seemed impassive and determined, just like she had been fighting the endless swarms of walking dead. Even at the castle when they were attacked by the demon influenced men, she had merely stunned them.
The two Wardens stayed up late that night after they made camp. Neither too willing to be subject to the Darkspawn filled nightmares they suffered. Ellary decided she ought to open up to Alistair a little, and tell him her story. Especially since as soon as she had a moment's time, she had questioned the poor man almost endlessly about his royal blood and subsequent secrets. She settled herself next to him by the fire, knee touching his, as she set aside her blades and removed her gloves. "Alistair, would you like to hear about my life? Before the Wardens?" she began.
He squinted at her, trying to judge whether or not she was being serious. He completely thought the honesty thing was becoming one-sided. "Uh... sure. You're from the Circle, right? What else is there?"
Ellary stared at him annoyed for a second, before she cleared her throat, "I had a life before the Circle. And not every Circle mage's experiences are the same, either."
His cheeks gained a little color, "Sorry. I shouldn't have assumed."
She shook her head. "It's okay. Anyways, I was discovered by Templars when I was twelve years old. Which you would think is a little old, but it wasn't really. I remember a few years ago, there was a woman who's abilities didn't manifest until she was twenty. She had two sons and a husband. But, um, my abilities didn't manifest at twelve either. I was three when I had cast my first spell." She smirked, "I had this wooden horse, the only toy I owned, and I set it on fire." Alistair grinned at the mirth in her ruby eyes, "I was born in the Alienage at Highever. Have you seen it before?"
He shook his head no, "Most Alienages are the same. Mud, more mud, and illness and poverty." She turned her gaze down into her lap, "I was one of five children. The youngest two died when they were just babes. I was the middle child, and only daughter." She looked back up, "When I was just about seven, my mother sent me to the Dalish. Grandmother, my mother's mother, was Dalish. She was exiled from her clan when she married Grandfather. He was a messenger. She met him in the woods when she was on a hunt."
She smirked again, apologetically, "Sorry. I got a little side tracked. But the Dalish took me in for study, because they value magic more than blood. Every Dalish leader is a mage. Mages are honored and respected amongst the People."
Alistair interrupted, "Is that where you... got your tattoos?"
She nodded and pointed at the light reddish-brown markings on her face, "Blood markings, in common tongue. The Keeper marks young elves when they come of age. They are... painful, and you cannot cry out in pain while you're being marked. Every Dale must be strong."
He scrunched his face as he tried to imagine what it would be like, but she continued, "After my coming of age, I was permitted to visit my family. They had moved to Denerim, since both of my older brothers married and moved there. There were more Templars in the city than Highever, and I wasn't as careful as I should have been. I was caught after I burned the hand of a would-be-pickpocket on my way out of the city, after my visit. I asked for word to be sent to my family once I was at the Circle, but I doubt they know what happened. I doubt my clan knows either. They probably think I was killed on the road by Highwaymen..." She trailed off.
After a moment of silence she spoke up again, softer this time, "I was at the Circle for nine years. When Duncan conscripted me, that was the first time I had seen the sun, sky, trees... in nine years. I... missed the world."
The silence stretched on for awhile as the two stared into the flickering flames of the fire. "I learned a lot at the Circle though." She laughed softly, "I enjoyed studying. What I learned was... different than what the Keeper taught. I learned the Arcane magics from the Keeper, but I worked on so many different things in the Circle."
She smiled, "I was one of only a handful of elves there, but I still made a lot of friends despite my pointy ears." Her expression soured as she thought of Jowan. She shook it off and replaced it with another smile, "I even dabbled with romance there." That caught Alistair's full attention, and she didn't know what to make of the look that captured his face, "There's a Templar." She laughed at her foolishness, "It is forbidden, you know. A Templar and a mage. But Cullen..." Wistfully she said, "His hair is so beautiful." She sighed, "I think they knew that we, well, we were interested in one another. They assigned him to strike me down if I failed my Harrowing."
She rested her chin in her hand, "I almost didn't have the chance to say goodbye. They let me gather my things before I left with Duncan. Which were already sent to the little private room I was assigned upon becoming an Enchanter. I didn't even get to sleep in the bed once... Cullen came in and," she suddenly realized something. "You don't really want to hear this silly romantic stuff, do you Alistair?"
He furrowed his brows, "Not really, no. But if you want to tell it, I guess you can. It's not like I can stop you."
She laughed again, "Okay, okay. Well he was a gentleman and kissed my hand goodbye. There weren't any confessions or anything. It was mostly him trying to keep me from crying or setting something on fire." She scowled, "I think I might be a bit of a pyromaniac."
Alistair laughed this time, "Nooo. You? The girl with flames tattooed on her face?"
Ellary scowled, "They are not just flames, they are meaningful."
"Right. Special flames. Got it."
She snorted, and after a moment of silence, Alistair quietly asked, "Will you see him at the Circle?"
It took her a minute to realize who he was talking about, "Cullen? I suppose." She slouched a little, and her shoulder had moved to rest against Alistair's arm, "But I know nothing can ever happen between us. It was wishful thinking from the start... He should find a nice normal woman. Not a mage, not an elf, and not a Warden."
"Hey now," Alistair began. "I'm sure there's lots of nice women who are elves, Wardens, or mages." He shivered, "Not Morrigan though." An almost thoughtful expression crossed his face as he 'subtly' changed the topic, "Who taught you how to fight?"
She smiled, "My father gave me my first sword. I used to 'play fight' with my brothers and Father. Father is a blacksmith." She patted her sword where it lay on the ground, "This was his. I got it back from when the Templars first took it a few months before my Harrowing, so I could practice. They want us to be able to use all our abilities when we enter the Fade. Oh, and I had it enchanted." She smirked, "I was the only physical combat class mage in the Circle. But, as you know, the Keeper taught me the Arcane. I started to use a dagger with my sword when I would practice with the Dalish warriors. They usually use a shield though."
They both drifted off to their bedrolls after a time, Alistair having fully learned more about his companion, but yet oddly left with more questions than he ever had before.
…...
She surely did see Cullen again, but it was not pleasant.
Ellary had decided to ascend the tower with Alistair and Leliana. The first since they were there to represent the Wardens and seek aid for his extended family, and the latter since her light-hearted banter would help keep the elven woman's mind from being consumed by the ghosts she had left behind and threatened to consume her. She didn't think it wise to bring the Qunari, witch, or hound. She also dreaded a heart-wrenching reunion with Cullen, despite how she spoke of him the eve before.
Cullen was crouched against a wall inside of a magical prison. A desire demon was before him, teasing him with tantalizing words as the man held his head in his hands and begged the Maker for an end. The demon was bare before the world, and had taken Ellary's form.
Alistair squawked and turned beet red, Leliana's eyes went as wide as dinner plates, and Wynne, a Senior Enchanter with whom Ellary had only spoken with in passing before, exclaimed, "what foul trickery is this?"
Ellary looked upon the demon with a snarl etched on her face. 'Her' hair, which was normally tied in a plethora of braids and winding ties, was loose down the demon's back as a curtain of dark-gold. The grin on the demon's face was seductive and vicious, as she turned swaying her hips side-to-side and fluttering her double's fingers against her elven form's bare stomach.
"Oh my, we have guests," the demon said in a tone that was surely not Ellary's.
"Release Ser Cullen demon!" Ellary growled.
"Ooh. Jealous, are we?" Her smile turned primal, "You could join us, my dear. Have the man you've always wanted. Be the woman you so desire," she purred.
The demon's hands began to drift lower down her bare form, and Ellary took a threatening step forward, flame igniting around her clenched fists. "I will not give in to temptation! Now, I demand that you release Cullen and be rid of my form!"
The demon ignored her words, confident in her security behind the magical walls of the cage, and allowed her hands to complete their journey. Ellary growled and released her Arcane magics. She allowed herself to take a form partially within the Fade's realm, and passed without harm through the cage's barriers. The demon's face twisted and contorted into an awful grimace as her body was enveloped in Ellary's flames. Her elven form melted away, and the demon slumped over dead in her true terrible form.
The magical walls dissipated, and Ellary cautiously approached Cullen's still crouched state.
"Cullen," Ellary said as she lowered before him. "The demon is dead. It cannot hurt you anymore."
"Lies," he muttered. "All lies. Begone! Leave me be!"
"Oh. That poor man," Leliana mumbled as she and the rest of the party walked towards their leader.
"Cullen," Ellary repeated as she placed a gentle gloved hand on his cheek. It broke her heart to see the Templar so distressed.
He quickly raised his wild eyes towards her and said, "Y-you feel different. You look different." His voice cracked, "Ellie... It-it's really you, isn't it?"
"Yes it is. I came here seeking aid from the Circle, and now I'm trying to save it."
He took her hand and gripped it brutally, "You can't!" He pleaded, "They're all maleficarum. All demons in waiting! The sounds coming from – you can't save them. You have to slay them all! There's no other way. Promise me!"
She shook her head, "I can't promise that, Cullen. I have to at least try. It's my duty to as a mage, as a person... I have to see for myself before I can decide anything."
He shoved her hand from his grasp, "Then I pray you don't damn us all."
Ellary visibly bristled, and withdrew from Cullen without another word. She left with her companions to take care of Uldred.
…...
Next she saw Cullen, it was just as he pleaded for the demise of the mages again. Thankfully the Knight-Commander paid no heed to his requests. The next day after things calmed, and she received aid for both the Arl's young son and the Blight, Alistair came up to her as they were packing supplies for the journey back to Redcliffe.
"Do you want..." He paused and tried again, "I think you should probably talk to that Templar."
Ellary blinked in slight shock. Alistair almost never made such suggestions of her, and for him to ask on Cullen, well it was unexpected. She shook her head, "He's hurting right now. He's been through something terrible. I just... I don't think I should."
"I desire demon was torturing him with your image, and you don't think you should talk to him?"
She sighed, "What would I even say? What can even be said? We're not – I can't be there for him. I, we're leaving. And I..." She turned around, "I'll find him."
When she found Cullen, he nodded curtly, "Ellary. Is it Enchanter? Or simply Grey Warden now?"
"I'm a Warden now. I'm not one of your charges anymore... Cullen, can we just talk? Alone?"
His brows furrowed, "Why would a Warden need to talk to a Templar, like me, alone?"
"Not business. Like, like how we used to."
"I-in the library?" he asked and she nodded.
When they were alone in a small area in the back of the library, Ellary crossed her arms over her chest and breathed out slowly. "Cullen, I feel... awful about how I found you, and I want to help. You. I want to help you. If you need to talk, or anything..."
He closed his eyes, "I don't need to talk. It-it's better if I don't." His eyes opened, "Ellie, you're leaving again."
"I know," she whispered. "This is my life now. We're trying to stop the Blight. We're gathering an army."
He took her gloved hand and kissed the back of it, like he had when she first left, but it was he who left her in the library. Tears prickled at the edges of her eyes. He was saying goodbye to her. Forever.
She nearly collided with Alistair in the stairwell on her way back to the docks, and the boat they were packing.
"Sorry," she sniffled and wiped at her eyes.
Alistair looked confused. He thought his suggestion would do her good, not bring her pain. "What's wrong?"
She raised her hands in exasperation, "My best friend turned out to be a bloodmage and poisoned the Arl. And the first man I've ever... He left Alistair. He couldn't talk to me." She wiped her hands along her face, and softly mumbled, "Alistair... Would it be terrible if I asked for a hug?"
His brows almost flew off his forehead, but he said, "You don't have to ask twice." After he cautiously embraced her, he asked, "Should we start calling you Ellie now?"
She laughed softly, and released her grasp on him. "I'm afraid Grey Warden Ellie doesn't sound very intimidating."
He smiled brightly at her soft smile, "Grey Warden Ellary isn't much better." She shoved him playfully and led him back to the boat.
…...
The next time he embraced her when she was upset was at their camp in the Bracillian forest. They had just finished fulfilling their last treaty, and Ellary was very distraught over everything that had happened to her clan.
They were in Alistair's tent, curled together in a loving embrace. "I can't believe it," she mumbled in a watery voice into Alistair's bare chest. "Zathrian, he was like a grandfather to me. And the Second... We would play and train together. And now she's Keeper of my grandmother's people... And all those hunters. Dead. I knew them..."
Alistair tightened his hold on her, "And without you, even more would have suffered."
She squeezed back, "How about you? Are you nervous about going back to Eamon?"
He caressed her back, fingers fluttering along her spine, "You know I don't like his plan. But... I don't know. We'll see what happens."
The flap of the tent smacked against the supports as someone knocked on the outside of it, "I have been asked, my dear Warden, to inform you that your hound is harassing Morrigan once again. So you might want to dress and gather him up. Or don't dress. Which ever you prefer."
"Tell her I'll be right there Zevran." She kissed Alistair softly and whispered, "I don't much like it either, and he pretty much forced me to agree with him. Eamon shouldn't be so quick to dismiss your obligation to the Wardens. He seems to forget that not only are you a bastard prince, but you're one of only two Wardens trying to stop the Blight. I think saving the whole of Thedas is a bit more important than a political tirade. Just my opinion though."
…...
She didn't think she'd ever see her family again, or that she'd ever wind up rescuing them from Tevinter slavers in the Alienage.
"Gaven? Gaven Surana? Is-is that you?"
The beaten man looked up from where he sat on the floor of a cage, "Who? Who are you?"
Her voice cracked, "You don't recognize me? Gaven, it's me Ellary."
"Ellie?" he gapped. "By the Maker, it is you!" He reached for her, and the brother and sister embraced. "Look at you, a Grey Warden! You must see Father!"
She smiled, "Tell me, where is Mardi?"
Gaven swallowed roughly, "He went with Berra when they took her for treatment. They never came back." He squeezed his sister's hands, "Ellie, she was heavy with child."
She closed her eyes against the prickling of tears. "The slavers took them away?" she asked in a rough voice.
He nodded as his younger sister opened her eyes, "Days ago. I heard rumors that he put up a fight though."
A smirk threatened at the corner of her mouth despite her pain, "That sounds like him." She paused before she asked, "And Mother?"
"She... passed two years ago. I'm so sorry Ellie. We tried to send word to you, but we didn't think the Templars would actually give you the message."
She shook her head, "They didn't, but... You knew I was in the Circle?"
"Mardi heard some Templars boasting about it at the pub shortly after you went missing. They didn't say your name, but the description matched."
She rocked back on her heels, "What of your wife?"
"Dorothea is well. You have a nephew. Bentham. He's seven."
She smiled a bit with her brother, "Are you injured? I know a little healing."
After she aided her brother, she led him over to where Alistair was talking to the Hahren. The men's conversation ended as the Hahren walked to where Wynne was treating a few of the injured elves. Sten was leaning against a far wall looking disinterested.
"Alistair," she waved him over. "This is my brother Gaven. Gaven, this is the Grey Warden Alistair. He is my partner in this. Trying to stop the Blight."
Alistair wiped his blood-splattered gauntleted hand on his thigh, before he hastily offered it to his lover's brother. Gaven was tall for an elf. His hair was lighter than Ellary's, and messily cropped. His eyes were black, with just the barest hint of red.
Gaven shook his hand firmly, "You've been watching out for my little sister?"
He nodded, "And she has for me too, of course. I'm not going to pretend I know what I'm doing all the time, and she's an impressive fighter." He smiled with just a hint of pride. They'd been sparring together for months now, and they've both benefited greatly from it.
Ellary interrupted the conversation, and spoke to Alistair, "Are you fine if we take a detour? I'd like to visit Father and meet my nephew."
"Sure thing. Although, I think Wynne might want to go on ahead herself. She was saying something about scouring Eamon's library earlier."
Her lips curled into a small smile, which quickly disappeared. "I don't think Sten will fit very well in the house."
Alistair chuckled, "I'll let him know." He turned to face Gaven again, "It was nice to make your acquaintance. I've heard many stories about your family, and I'm glad I've finally met you." He bowed as gentlemanly as he could manage before he turned to walk to the Qunari.
…...
The house was small, smaller than she remembered, then again the last time she was at her Father's Denerim home, she was much younger and smaller.
A little elven boy came scampering down the main hall to the door, and latched onto Gaven's legs. An elven woman with eyes the color of the afternoon sky, dark dusky skin, and black hair followed after. The boy had the black-red eyes of his father, and the complexion and hair of his mother.
Gaven bent down to his son's eye level, "Ben, this is your Aunt Ellie and her friend Alistair. Can you say hello?"
Shyly, burring his face in his father's shirt, the little boy waved. Gaven pushed him forward. He was timid for a seven year-old, but his eyes went wide as he gazed upon the Warden's weapons. "You're warriors?" he asked.
Ellary kneeled on the floor, and nodded. "We are both Grey Wardens, sworn to fight Darkspawn. Do you know about them?"
The boy nodded, "Derril said his pa saw one outside the city awhile ago. He said they are ugly, and have swords!"
"They're very dangerous creatures, and should never be approached. Do you understand?" He nodded.
Dorothea spoke up, "I think the last we saw each other, you weren't much older than Bentham here."
Ellary smiled, "That's true. It is good to see you're well, Dorothea." She looked around, "Where's Father?"
"I think he's in the woodshed. He's had a tough time keeping himself occupied. He hasn't been able to work since this illness started to spread," replied Dorothea. She gestured to her boy, "Go get your Grandpapa. Tell him Aunt Ellie is here." He scurried off, eager to complete the task he was given.
An older elven man with deep red eyes, just like Ellary's, and silver hair came in tailed by the boy right after. He smiled warmly at his daughter, tears at the edges of his eyes, and embraced her with a disbelieving laugh.
"Ben tells me you're a Grey Warden, dear. Is this true?"
She smiled as she pulled away, "Yes. I was conscripted and left the Circle to join them."
He kissed her forehead, "It has been far too long... I am just sorry you couldn't have seen your mother one last time... And poor Mardi and Berra."
Ellary put her hands to her father's face, "Don't you do that to yourself, Father. We ended the slavers, they cannot take anyone anymore."
"So it's true? They were really slavers then."
"I was locked in a cage with others. They had no cure for me," interjected Gaven.
"And you stopped them?" Asked the father, "You and this sh- human?" He looked at Alistair curiously.
"And two others," replied Alistair.
"Wynne and I healed as many as we could. I will be bringing Wynne and another mage to heal all those who are in need in the morning."
Her father smiled, "You've grown so much dear." He stepped aside her and extended his hand to Alistair, "I haven't introduced myself. I'm Lars Surana." Alistair shook his hand, and after pleasantries were exchanged, they went to the main room to sit by the fire.
Ellary saw her family again the next morning.
…...
She next saw her family as she was named the Hero of Ferelden. After she awoke from her coma she was in for days after slaying the Archdemon with her father's sword, a celebration was held all across Denerim, and Ferelden for that matter.
As evening came around, Ellary finally made her way to the Alienage. The center of the Alienage was filled to the brim with singing and dancing elves. Her ears were greeted with the familiar sounds of jovial music, even before she saw the masses. The surging, cheering mass applauded their hero as she stepped forth, flanked by her trusty hound, Fen, and her human lover. Her nephew somehow found his way through the bodies. She hugged the boy, glad that he made it through the onslaught of Darkspawn, and encouraged Alistair to let him sit on his shoulder. When she finally made it over to the rest of her family, the other three being just as well off as Bentham, she openly cried as she hugged each in turn. She embraced her father with teary eyes twice, first and last, and ruined Leliana's hard work on her painted face in the process.
Everyone danced well into the night, including Fen and Alistair, as they enjoyed themselves in celebration of the war ended and peace gained. Ellary looked on with a furrowed brow as Alistair, who had claimed to be getting fresh mugs of ale, had detoured to speak with her father. She was about to make her way over to them, when a gentle but firm hand on her arm stopped her. She looked up to be greeted by the smirking face of her eldest brother.
"I think you should let them have a few words," Gaven suggested.
The elven mage's face crinkled further, "What?"
He chuckled, "Ah. The Hero of Ferelden, so eloquent."
"You're drunk."
He chuckled again, "Maybe so, but I'm right. Let them talk." Since his sister still didn't look convinced, he continued. "We've heard the rumors from days ago." With confusion now etched on her face, he cleared his throat as he began a recitation, "'The shemlen Warden carried the body of elven Warden to the city gates, where the Circle healer examined her still form. When the woman claimed that nothing could be done to wake the elven Warden, other than let time pass and pray, the shemlen Warden cried out like a wounded animal as he sat beside his comrade's prone form. But that's where the lines of camaraderie and compassion blur, for the shemlen Warden began to stroke her hair and whisper to her. Still she did not stir, and so he kissed her upon her lips. The Wardens' companions did not seem shocked by his actions, rather they appeared only empathetic. The soldiers in their audience made the assumption that he and the elven Warden had been lovers. She did not wake from the kiss, as is known, but it is known that the shemlen Warden never left her side until nights later, when she woke on the eve of the full moon.'" He smiled broadly, "I heard it straight from the local bard's lips. And now you're here again, with him. Tell me then, sister, are the tales true?"
Heat rose to her cheeks, and her brother openly laughed. She smiled warmly as she looked at Alistair, dressed in finery of all things, as she was, and still speaking with her father. She returned her attention to her brother, "I've been with Alistair for a year, romantically for almost as long. The trials we've been through would've broken most people, but they only made us closer. We've given up so much for our goals. Some, like peace, we knew we wanted, but others, like love, just happened."
The next time the Alienage celebrated for their Hero, it was for her wedding ceremony.