Lincoln woke with a start. Not even sleep could dampen his eagerness for today! He burst out of his room, ready for his birthday surprise-
"Wait, where is everyone?" Lincoln asked, before realizing it was still dark outside. "Dang it!"
Lincoln went back into his room.
"You might be wondering why I'm so excited today," Lincoln told the audience. "Well that's because it's my birthday! The thing is, my birthday party will be, during the day. So I'm going to try to get some sleep."
Lincoln somehow managed to fall back asleep and he woke up to a silent house.
"They must be getting ready for my birthday," Lincoln said. "Thirteen years is a big day for me! And even better, I don't have to wait in the bathroom line!"
When Lincoln was finished doing his business, he dashed downstairs to make a peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich. He knew he wasn't supposed to have it for breakfast, but today was a special occasion. Lincoln saw a flashing light on the phone, signaling that there was a voice message.
Curious, Lincoln picked up the phone and played the message.
"Hi, honey," Rita said. "There was a sale at the mall and we just couldn't wake you up in time. We'll be home soon, and don't eat peanut butter and sauerkraut for breakfast, I'll know!"
"Wow, they must have something really big planned!" Lincoln said to the viewers. "They're acting like they completely forgot about it!"
Soon enough, the day was almost gone, and Lincoln was on his twenty-third Sauerkraut sandwich. He was in front of the phone, making yet another call.
"Hey, it's Lincoln, it's getting pretty late, I might be in bed before you get home," Lincoln sighed.
When the phone rang, he jumped to answer it. "Hi honey, we're going to be out a little longer than expected. I got your message and I think that's a great idea! We'll see you tomorrow Lincoln, love you!"
Lincoln's heart fell and his hopes were dashed. It was already dark out and everyone knows birthday parties are for the day. They had probably forgotten about it.
He trudged up the stairs and went to sleep, hoping the disappointment wouldn't go into tomorrow.
"Lincoln," A monotonous voice called out to him, ripping him out of his sleep.
"Aaaahh!" Lincoln screamed.
It was Lucy who woke him up.
"Aw, Lucy, what time is it?"
"Can you help me- um- preform a nighttime séance?" Lucy asked, sounding like she was reading from script.
Lincoln, too sleepy to notice said, "Maybe next time, Lucy. I-,"
"Please?"
Lincoln sighed and got out of bed.
Lucy grabbed him by the hand and led him away, until suddenly, "Surprise!"
It was dark outside and everything was literally glowing.
"Since it's your thirteenth birthday and we literally didn't want Leni to spoil the surprise, we spent the entire day pre-preparing in the middle of the woods!" Lori responded. "With no service."
Lori shuddered the last part.
"It took five of us to keep her around," Lucy said monotonously.
"And a lot of rope!" Lana added.
"It was no piece of cake!" Luan giggled. "Get it?"
The rest of the family pulled Lincoln away and began unanimously talking to him.
"Aw, guys, don't bow, I still need to wrap this up!" The brunette continued.
"Luan!" Lola impatiently groaned.
"Well, party-on me, for trying to lighten the mood! You don't have to cele-berate me!" Luan laughed. "Come on, guys! Don't eat the cake without me!"
Luan dashed to the table.
"We'll go get the food and cutlery!" Lynn Sr. said, as he and Rita went back into the house.
Suddenly, everybody realized there was cake on the table. The siblings became so quiet that that you could hear a pin drop.
"This happens at every Loud birthday," Lincoln explains to the readers. "We have a huge fight and it never ends well."
"Well I think that I should get the first piece, because it's my birthday." Lincoln said.
"Negative, according to my calculations, your cut of the baked flour based confectionary is always vastly greater than the size of one of our own." Lisa said. "That is why I believe I should cut it and get the first slice for my troubles."
"Well, I'm the oldest, so I should get it!" Lori argued.
"Nuh-uh! I never get to eat that much sweets so I can keep this face beautiful and this tummy slim!" Lola shrieked.
"Poo-poo!" Lily said, before blowing a raspberry.
Soon, a huge brawl broke out between the siblings. Fists and feet were flying all over the place. Until suddenly, Luna shouted,
"Slow your roll dudes! Where's the cake?"
"See ya, suckers!" Luan shouted, inside a canon, wearing safety goggles and a helmet. The fuse was lit and almost gone.
"She has the cake!" Lana shouted.
Lynn jumped and snatched it from Luan's hands, landing with a roll.
"Dang it!" Luan said before being blasted into the sky, becoming nothing but a twinkle to the n*** eye.
The Loud siblings looked on until Leni screeched, "She's eating it with her hands!"
They looked at Lynn, their faces blood red. Lynn paused mid-chew.
"Attack!" Lincoln shouted.
The siblings chased Lynn around the house until,
"STOP!" It was Lynn Sr..
"We have replacement cake," Rita said.
The Loud siblings cheered and sat down at their plates, the parents now handling food distribution. Luan was nowhere to be seen.