I do not own Rick and Morty or Artemis Fowl. They are both really amazing though.
"So what is the plan Artemis?" Captain Holly Short asked the young Artemis Fowl who was next to Mulch Diggums and Butler. They were inside a small vehicle underground, trying to stop the dastardly Opel Koboi's plans to cause inter species war between humans and fairies.
Right before Artemis could answer, a green portal appeared and an old man and child walked out. Butler quickly ran over to protect Artemis, if this man turned out to be a threat.
"Rick where are we this time? Looks like a small tank or something." The child said in a nervous tone.
The old man the young child called Rick, started looking around and looked confused until he saw Holly, Artemis, and the rest.
"Well Morty, looks like we ended up at a freak show. ZING!" said Rick.
"Excuse me, how did you get onto our craft? Are you with Koboi?" asked Artemis.
"No, we are not with Obi-Wan-Kenobi. Is this *URP* comic-con or something?" Rick asked.
"Oooo, is this a comic-con in some other dimension or something Rick?!" Morty asked excitedly. Quickly making the Vulcan gesture and saying, "Live long and prosper."
"Morty, if they're Star Wars fans why did you just use a Star Trek phrase on them? You probably just pissed them off Morty." Rick said.
"Artemis, I don't think they know what's going on. We must get rid of them somehow." Holly whispered to Artemis.
"I heard that, and I was going to leave this train wreck, but I think I'll stay awhile. What do you think Morty?"
"I-I-I don't know R-r-r-r-ick, t-t-t-hey seem b-b-busy." Morty replied, but Rick already settled himself down one of the chairs near a control panel and took out his alcohol flask.
"It seems we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Artemis Fowl, this lady is Holly Short, the large man over there is Butler, and the short man is Mulch." Artemis greeted, as he introduced everyone to Rick and Morty.
"I already know who you losers are. I'm Rick Sanchez and that is my idiot grandson Morty." Rick said before taking a sip from his flask.
"Wait…..Rick, you know these guys?! And I'm not an idiot!"
"Yeah, Morty. I know these *****s because they tried to erase my memory after *URP* I found out about the fairy race."
"Wait, what?! I don't know you!" Holly shouted. "I've never heard of you before!"
"You're Holly Short, fairy member of the LEP. A group of bureaucratic fairy police dip****s who think they can stop humans and fairies from meeting. *URP* Morty, they also think that humans will exterminate the fairy race, which would be true if I was leading it." Rick took another sip before starting again. "That guy is Artemis Fowl, a human egotistical prick who is over reliant on magic and crappy gadgets to get stuff done. *URP* Then his bulky, much more awesome butler named Butler. That short guy that smells like **** and probably eats **** is the dwarf criminal Mulch Diggums."
"You done?" Artemis asked in a calm controlled voice.
"No, not really. I was about to save you ***holes some time." Rick replied. Slouching on the chair.
"How could you save us time, you're not even a scientist." Scoffed Artemis.
"Are you ****ing kidding me?! I came out of a ****ing green portal into your underground drill thing, and pretty much summed all of you up." Rick shouted.
"R-r-r-rick please, we should leave." Morty stuttered.
"You know what Morty? I'm just going to tell them what happens."
Rick took a long drink from his flask.
"You all stop Obi Wan Kenobi, Holly will then resign from the LEP to create a ****y unsuccessful private investigations office *URP* then, then crawl back to the LEP. You all find a demon and travel through time. Mostly Artemis and Holly, and miss like three years of your lives. *URP* Eyes get switched or something. Then Artemis will accidentally give his mom magic AIDs, they go back in time to save an extinct monkey from his past self to save his mom. Then Holly and Artemis make out. Mom gets possessed by Obi Wan Kenobi, the demon helps you defeat her, Artemis is a punk *** ***** and gets a mental disorder. Something something Atlantis complex and the actual Atlantis. Kenobi is on the dark side and almost destroys the entire universe. Artemis and Holly make out again before saying goodbye forever when Artemis sacrifices himself to the fairy spirt portal like the plot of a Doom game, but not as cool. Then respawns."
Rick took a sip before continuing, "Do you know what Doom is Morty? The game where you shoot demons with shotguns and BFGs? Well this was nothing like that."
Artemis looked like he was about to burst, which was unusual for Artemis. Even when he was actually angry, he always managed to appear calm.
"I think it's time for you to leave Mr. Sanchez." Butler said, cracking his knuckles.
"Oh right, saving the world and all of that crap." Rick said, rolling his eyes. "Have fun almost dying on multiple occasions."
"R-r-rick, don't we do that too?" Morty asked as Rick got up from the chair, and took out his portal device.
"Yeah we do Morty, except we actually try new things instead of relying on 'rules' or 'magic'." Rick answered as he opened a new portal.
"Good day to you Mr. Sanchez." Artemis said in an agitated voice. Rick responded by putting up his middle finger right before the portal closed.
"Well, back to business shall we?" said Artemis, returning to his calm voice. Although with little hints of irritation still in his voice.
"What the heck just happened?" Mulch asked.
"D'arvit Mulch, we don't have time. To worry about crazy old men." Holly snapped.
*Meanwhile through the portal*
The portal Rick and Morty went through took them to Blips and Chitz.
"So Rick, how did you know those fairy people?" Morty asked Rick as they walked through the arcade.
"When I wandered into their universe, I found fairies and attempted to study their magic as a possible super weapon. Well, the LEP tired their mind erasing crap on me. Let's just say that all their records on me all got, displaced." Rick replied.
"And the Artemis Fowl dude?"
"Bumped into an older version of himself, he is exactly the same as that irritating ***** we met earlier."
"And why did you stay anyway?"
"I wanted to be the first person in history to possibly get him physically mad. I think I achieved my goal."
"Do Artemis and Holly really hook up?" Morty asked.
"Why do you ask?" Rick asked.
"Because…..well she was hot, and you did put Artemis in a bad mood. I was kinda hoping you changed history or something."
"**** It Morty, you missed the chance to use a bad pun, secondly, you never would've been able to get with Short. Your chances are zero Morty."