Okay, here's another longish blurb based on a prompt. It takes place not long after "Mustang Madness" but before "A Circle of Women". I hope you enjoy it and thanks for reading.
C.J. woke up and heard the rumble of thunder in the distance. She heard on the news last night that there had been rainstorms in the forecast but had hoped they would hold off until later that night. Beside her, the bed lay empty which meant that Matt must have already gotten up and headed into the kitchen to rustle up some breakfast. He had gotten in late last night from a business trip back to L.A. where he had received an update from Brody and the rest of his investigators on the status of his agency.
Now that he lived in Houston, he just gassed up his Lear Jet and flew out for a couple of days ever few months to catch up on what investigations were being conducted and to make sure everyone got paid. C.J. knew that handing off the daily operations of his dream job had been difficult but he had done that and built a new career for himself here. Still, she often wondered if he missed his old life, the one they had shared together until all hell broke loose about two years ago.
When he had arrived home last night, he had smiled when he had opened the door and saw her there in the living room reading some case depositions. She had been just as happy to see him and jumped up to embrace him tightly. He served himself some of the dinner she had saved for him and they settled on the couch to catch up with each others' lives before she took him to bed and welcomed him home.
She heard the clatter in the kitchen now and smiled to herself. He loved to make breakfast, his specialty being a mean Texas omelet whenever he got the chance. It also meant that the kitchen would look like it had been hit by a tornado in the process of perfecting that omelet.
Sure enough, Matt had set out ingredients in various stages of preparation out there lying amid pots and pans on the counter not to mention the stove.
"Need any help," she asked.
He looked up at her dressed in old sweats and a Rice University athletics shirt and she slipped easily into his arms, settling comfortably into his warmth. Looking at her, he stroked her hair off her face with his fingers while his mouth lit up into an easy smile.
"Not with the breakfast but with something else."
Her eyes sparkled, playing along.
"Like what?"
He kissed her on the lips as if he had been waiting a long time to do it. She felt her insides melt as she always did when he did that and she thought about calling in sick and spending the day here with him.
"I missed you so much," he said, "I hate these damn trips."
She put her hands on his chest.
"No you don't," she said, "You just don't like the traveling but you get to see your family and friends and you need that."
"I'd rather see you."
She smiled and this time she kissed him before they heard a sizzling noise. They both interrupted what they were doing to eye its source dubiously.
"I think that omelet's done," he said, moving over there to scoop it on a plate.
"Smells delicious," she said, "So what else is on your menu today?"
Matt poured the omelet mixture on the fryer to cook up the next one.
"Dan and I are meeting with a client," he said, "It could be a huge one."
"That'd be good for the company," she said, "Is it that new security system?"
Matt nodded, the one he had helped design and test, even though playing the role of the burglar breaking into the house protected by it had felt strange at first. But a dozen trial runs later, they felt like they had a successful product.
"What about you?"
She looked pensive as they moved their plates to the breakfast nook.
"I have to talk to Alisha again," she said, "before she goes into protective custody."
"Is it about the grand jury," he asked, "I didn't think they were ready to convene."
She chewed her food thoughtfully.
"They aren't yet…it depends on the federal prosecutor they assign to the case," C.J. said, "They're still trying to place her in a safe house but she's not been easy."
"Must be tough because she's pregnant."
C.J. nodded slowly. After all, it hadn't been long ago when Matt and she had found the young woman still in her teens locked inside a closet by an abusive drug dealer who had gotten one of his mules pregnant. She had gotten a tip on where to find her from an anonymous source and had asked Matt to help find her. After discovering the address, they had broken into the residence to find her after luring the dealer out through a ruse.
They had sat there for several hours slowly talked Alisha into coming out of the closet after Matt forced it open and gotten her out of the house before the dealer returned…straight into the custody of some DEA agents. The government had been trying to build a case against him primarily as leverage to get him to lead him to those who held positions in the higher rungs of the cartel.
But so far he hadn't talked, and neither had Alisha. Protecting the man who had abused her and the father of her baby at the same time.
C.J. knew she could reach the girl if she had some time to work with her because she felt that beneath it all, she understood her.
She certainly had plenty of energy and resolve after having returned from a couple months spent living on a working ranch near Silver Lode, Colorado where she and Matt had helped the ranchers in the valley keep their land and the mustangs protected from unscrupulous developers and a flock of corrupt local players. Their stay there had ended happily enough with a huge wedding between her ex-boyfriend Jonathan and her friend, Rhonda.
The time spent there would always be remembered as among the most joyous of her life as she and Matt had finally gotten together. And he had left L.A. to come live with her in Houston enjoying his new work and the life they built together. She had returned to her work freshly energized and determined to make a difference.
"It must be hard for her," C.J. agreed, "I think she's very conflicted about the dealer even though he abused her. Maybe she bonded with him in some way but if she remains unprotected, they'll make sure she doesn't live long enough to testify."
Matt looked at her knowing how much Alisha and this case mattered to her. Maybe considering her own experiences, it hit a little close to home. She wouldn't rest until Alisha was safe and in a position to begin the arduous work of putting this nightmare behind her. But a tough road definitely lay ahead.
"Do they have a place for her," he asked.
"Yes they do," she said, "and Fran's found a good female therapist to help her through the foundation's program."
He nodded.
"Then it sounds like you're set…"
C.J. sighed.
Hardly," she said, "Not unless Alisha understands that we're here to help her and not hurt her."
That hurdle after all had not yet been crossed in any meaningful way and she hadn't figured out a way yet how to do it.
C.J. had showered and gotten dressed, stepping out into the light rain to her car to go to the office. Matt had already left but told her he would be getting off early that night. He would pick up some dinner for them on the way home and plenty of candles in case the power went out from incoming storms. They had already weathered a couple of storms together and had found ways to cope without electricity. Houston being built flat occasionally flooded but their neighborhood stood on higher ground. No, for them it would mean quiet time together under candlelight doing a little work and then playing. A time for the rest of their world to remain at bay while they spent some time together.
She parked her car in the garage of the federal building in downtown Houston. She spent as little time here as she could possibly get away with since the setting it provided proved to be nothing but intimidating to many of the women she worked with. She preferred her own rented space several blocks away but she had some business to conduct here first.
She showed the guard her pass and she proceeded through the metal detector towards the elevator. There waiting for it stood Simon Denton, a supervising FBI agent that she had met some time ago in another place and time.
"What brings you here," he asked, not in an unfriendly way.
"I've got to see Maxine," C.J. said, "Alisha's being brought in today and I don't think this is the place for it."
"It's the most secure," Simon said, "and that's what she needs most now."
C.J. felt exasperation fill her not for the first time.
"That's what you feds think she needs the most because that's what works for you," she said, "And yes, she does need to live long enough to testify against them but she needs to feel safe in other ways as well."
"She's had a shrink talking to her," he said, "on the federal dime."
C.J. picked up a note of hostility in the agent and frankly, his attitude pissed her off.
"She's a witness for the government against a multi-national drug operation," she said, "The therapist is doing her best to help her get where she can be effective on the stand."
"They could throw a whole slew of charges against her," he said, "aiding and abetting, conspiracy…trafficking drugs…"
She wanted to just smack him upside the head.
"If they did that they'd never get the kingpins," she said, "and since I'm aware that you know your job, that this debate of yours is simply academic."
He betrayed a slight smile.
"You're in fine form this morning," he said, "How's Matt handling you?"
She folded her arms and just shook her head back at him.
"I'll tell you what Maxine says."
Matt drove through the showery rain to the building which housed the company started by his friend, Dan who had once worked for the Houston Police Department before retiring. After Matt had promoted Chris to an executive position at Houston Enterprises, she had met Dan and they had eventually fallen in love and gotten married.
Now they awaited the birth of their long awaited and very much hoped for child. Chris had entered the second trimester and the couple had begun to breathe easier. She intended to work towards the end of her pregnancy before taking her maternity leave and she dropped off lunch to her husband and Matt on the slower work days.
This morning she had a few things to tell both men. Dan had gotten on the wrong foot with her by telling how cute she looked in her maternity garb. Chris hated the outfit but no one had designed a line of business suits for pregnant women that didn't make them look like cautionary advertisements for unprotected sex.
Dan had shaken his head at her tart response.
"She's been like this since the morning sickness faded," he said, "This is supposed to be the trimester with the heightened glow, the heightened energy level…the heightened…."
Chris smiled sweetly.
"You mean sex drive honey?"
Dan coughed.
"Well darling I wasn't going to bring that up here."
She sighed.
"You try dealing with Murray and that chatterbox Myron for two hours this morning nonstop," she said, "They're both brilliant men and they've really done well for this company but they really need to take a chill pill."
Matt tried to hide a smile.
"Is she always like this these days?"
Dan smiled bemusedly.
"No, sometimes it's like she's on fire…"
She rolled her eyes.
"Remember you said that when you think about lighting my fire…"
Pregnancy had certainly brought out an unexpected and fiery side of Chris that Matt had never seen before, having been familiar with the cool-headed thinker and methodical planner who had really been an asset to him the years she worked for him not to mention in helping him find C.J. when she had gone missing.
"Just remember this whenever you and C.J. think about going down this road," Dan warned.
Chris shot Matt a look, knowing that had been a sensitive point for him, given that for once he hadn't been setting the pace in a relationship. When it came to love and romance or just pure physical attraction, Matt had always taken the lead there, but with C.J. he had let her proceed at the pace in which she felt comfortable. But he loved her fiercely and had made his decision about where he wanted his life to go and who to share it with, but C.J. still felt her way cautiously along, her journey taking a bit longer.
She knew C.J. loved him back as much but she still worked hard through the trauma that had ripped the fabric of her life. Matt had understood just how much she needed to do that for herself and had been patient, but sometimes his heart threatened to pull him a step or two ahead.
"We both are taking our time and enjoying it," Matt said.
Chris smiled at him.
"Nothing wrong with that," she said.
And silently Matt thanked her.
C.J. had spoken to Maxine who had shared her concern about producing an atmosphere where Alisha would feel both safe from outside harm and secure within herself.
"She seems to trust you," Maxine noted.
"Houston and I spent some hours with her," she said, "and it took a while and well Houston can talk anyone into anything given the chance, but she finally came out of that closet and out of the house."
Maxine jotted some notes. C.J. wondered if she would prove to be an asset or a hindrance to helping Alisha not just become the perfect star witness at say a federal grand jury proceeding but to begin to heal herself. She knew too well how important it was to pair the two together but how often instead, the two conflicted. Different people in various positions of authority wanting different things from their witnesses all at the same time. She had felt that pull in different directions and she knew Alisha did too.
"Well they're thinking of convening a grand jury soon," Maxine said, "and we'll need her ready to go then."
"This isn't a ball game," C.J. said, "This is one of the most difficult situations you can imagine."
She had her own experiences to remind her of that. One morning she had woken up, excited about her plans to fly back to L.A. to attend Matt's birthday bash held at his beach house. She had packed the night before including a special gift she had to give him.
Then the phone call came. Just when she had planned to dial up the cab to pick her up and take her to the airport. Instead, she had to sit and wait until a dark sedan picked her up at her house to transport her to Houston International for her to board a plane to a courthouse miles away. She sat on the federal jet alone with a couple of marshals to protect her against any attempts to stop her from testifying in the secretive proceeding.
So much so she couldn't even call Matt and tell him why she would be late.
Sitting in the hallway of an old courthouse for several hours waiting to go inside and rip herself apart all over again in the process of sharing her story. It had been everything she had been warned about and more as she felt the memories threaten to overwhelm her before her words could even begin to keep up with them, let alone capture what it had been like to be kidnapped for the purpose of sexual slavery.
She had testified while facing stark photos of herself for the first time. Photos of herself showing the more visible scars that had marked her body and the remnants of the tattoo seared into her shoulder. Her advocate had tried to prepare her but nothing could when the spotlight of the case had rested on her. Old ghosts reemerged in front of her as she testified about what they had done. Visions of herself shivering on a cold floor, bruised and battered, the scent of expensive cologne marking her as property of the man who had stripped her of more than her identity.
Graphic descriptions of each and every sexual act she had to perform, in a detached voice in front of a sea of faces listening avidly. Flashbacks marking each one, until the night she had escaped.
And her testimony about murdering her captor's second in command, Semour Piser.
By the end of the third hour on the witness stand, she had been drained of all of her words and finally she had been dismissed. If testifying in the hopes of criminal indictments being filed had been supposed to empower her, she hadn't felt that while she walked in the hallway towards the sedan which would be taking her to the airport.
She had given instructions to fly her to LAX because she had a party to attend. They looked at her as if she were crazy but the supervisor of the Marshal's office had approved the flight plan. She had brought her suitcase with her, to stop at the hotel to shower and change before heading to Matt's beach house.
Standing under the hot spray until every bit of the day had been rinsed off of her, she remembered back to when she had done that after Andre had left her alone and broken.
C.J. forced herself out of her own memories and back to what Maxine had been telling her about a potential convening of the grand jury to seek indictments against about a dozen drug cartel members including the man who had impregnated Alisha with his seed even as he had fed her condoms of heroin to smuggle across the border.
Alisha, the girl who had spent days locked inside a closet and still didn't talk very much, would soon be set to tell her story in front of a grand jury, but C.J. knew she still had to fight and struggle to find her voice.
"Can they…you get her ready," Maxine asked her again.
C.J. just looked at her before nodding slowly, and then she picked her things and left the room. She had been handed a job to do.
Matt viewed the specs for the meeting that had just ended between Dan, he and their new client. After an hour of selling their product, they now had their first major buyer. The president of a corporation that had expanded its operations and recently opened up a factory to manufacture a pharmaceutical drug. Something which clearly needed to be done in secured surroundings. After all, in that highly lucrative yet competitive industry until a drug was patented, anyway to acquire it first became fair game.
He left them an advance check and they gave him the estimated time it would take to set up their new technology.
"This is a great start Matt," Dan said, "I think we should go out and celebrate tonight."
Matt smiled.
"I think you have some ground to make up with your wife," he said, "and I have some quiet time I want to spend with my girlfriend."
"She gives you a hard time for these trips?"
Matt shook his head.
"It's like visiting the past," he said, "it's not where my life is anymore."
"You miss it much?"
Matt had thought about that question an awful lot, during times his life down here slowed down enough and while he had spent a couple of days here and there back in L.A. But while he had enjoyed the years spent living and working and building two entirely different companies in that great city, he had moved on towards another chapter of his life.
One to be spent with the most important person in it who had filled that life with more love and happiness than he could have ever thought. He woke up beside her in the morning excited about the day and slept next to her at night, filling up every moment in between whether together or apart so that they could share it.
Some of the first steps they had taken together had been slow, and deliberate. She still had a lot to overcome in the present and future but he had made the decision to stand by her through all of it. Just as he had been with her when she hadn't been able to go home two years earlier.
He knew what he wanted in his life and it was her. She knew that too but for her, that road had been a little longer and when she reached a roadblock, she allowed him in and they dealt with it together. In the process, the threads of their lives intertwined to create a stronger fabric built on their lifelong friendship which had deepened into love.
And with that, they traveled down their road together built on promises made. Just the realization of that had made him smile during the difficult times. He looked back over at his friend and he had his answer.
"I do…sometimes but it feels good to be home."
The rain had let up as C.J. pulled her car out of the fortified parking garage and headed down the dampened streets towards her office. She had rented the space and had tried to turn the coldly impersonal suite of rooms into something different, some place filled with warmth and a sanctuary of sorts for those who needed one.
Linda looked up at her as she entered the suite.
"You have a couple calls," she said, "and the team will be arriving here soon."
C.J. nodded and headed to her office. The team, meaning Alisha and her entourage of body guards who would be both riding inside the bullet proofed vehicle as well as several similar vehicles in front and behind the main transport. Several threats had been received against her safety and the feds had to act accordingly to protect their witness, the key one who would testify against some of the key players in running heroin into the country through Mexico. The main suppliers of the highly addictive drug to many of its customers in the western half of the country came from there.
She looked at her appointment book and saw that her schedule had been light on meetings this week which left her more time to spend on helping Alisha. The girl had been quite busy since she had been in federal custody, being physically screened including undergoing numerous toxicological tests. She hadn't been addicted to heroin herself or had suffered from its effects while smuggling it which meant one less complication to worry about but her pregnancy had been placed in a higher risk category due to malnutrition and dehydration not to mention a couple of recent beatings by the man who kept her locked up in between smuggling jaunts.
Penciled in next month had been an evidentiary hearing for a defendant in the human trafficking case involving her though she suspected that it would be postponed once again upon request of the defense counsel needing more time to prepare. Having worked in criminal law herself, she recognized that as a tactic done merely to buy more time and to gain a tactical advantage in the trial proceedings. She hadn't heard yet whether she would be needed to testify or whether that could wait until trial. The continuous delays and postponements left her feeling frustrated that she would never reach the closure she hoped a trial and verdict would deliver yet she also felt some relief at putting off her testimony a bit further in the future.
Even at this point, she still didn't know if she were ready to take the stand not just to tell her story again in minute detail but to be cross-examined by the defense for the first time.
She sighed as she reached for a folder to review before meeting with Alisha. Whenever her trial would take place was at some point in the future and what she needed to do was to focus on the here and now.
And the young woman who would be arriving soon who she had been left to whip into shape for the grand jury stage of addressing her own nightmare.
Matt fingered the business card of their new client in his hand as he sipped his coffee. He looked over at the rain streaming down the window of his office.
Stefan Kostas.
A name he thought he had run across before probably through reading about the successful business man somewhere. He had been born in an island off the coast of Greece which had been habituated by a wealthy family of importers who also dabbled in the olive oil industry on the side. He had grown up with his parents and grandparents on the island, swimming and boating in the vast Mediterranean Sea and then sent away to attend the most expensive schools, including stints at Princeton University in the United States and both Harvard's Business School and the University of Cambridge in England.
But Kostas family had originally hailed from Eastern Europe in what had formerly been the Soviet Union and he had based his operations there as well as other major cities around the globe. Successful at many a different business venture, Kostas had only recently gone into the pharmaceutical trade. Matt had no doubt he'd make a killing there.
The man had entered into a prearranged marriage which merged his family with another prominent Greek family and had fathered two young children. His family lived on a huge estate in the island that raised him which included its own air strip and series of beach front villas not to mention an exotic animal collection which rivaled the world's best including an impressive selection of large felines.
Still rumors circulated in the gossip rags that he had engaged in multiple affairs with women throughout Europe.
Another reason he would need to surround himself with the top of the line security provided by Dan's company.
Matt threw the folder down and went to talk to Dan who looked up at him as he walked in.
"I finished the dossier on Kostas," Matt said, "Very impressive but with a few holes here and there."
"Meaning…"
"That I have a feeling that he's not been reporting on all of his business ventures," he said, "He's got some unreported income coming through some factories in the Ukraine and Russia."
"Do you think that's going to create a problem?"
Matt sat down in the chair.
"Maybe if he's made any enemies in these business ventures," he said, "And that's a given if the money's being laundered."
"Do you think that's what is happening?"
Matt shrugged.
"It's probably nothing illegal, at least what I can see at this point. Everything appears legit but it could create some security issues for him and us to discuss at some point."
Dan fidgeted with his pen.
"Well we can do that," he said, "and make it clear to him that it's just to provide him with the best security system because we have to know what threats lie out there and how determined and capable they are at breaching any weaknesses."
"Still…didn't the SEC take a look at him too some months ago?"
Dan sighed.
"We could check on that," he said, "Depending on what we find out our client, he could wind up making us earn all that money he'll be giving us."
Matt nodded ruefully but then felt the hairs prickle on the back of his neck anyway.
C.J. looked up from the sofa that she had been sitting in while reading through some documents and saw the young girl with the long dark hair standing in the doorway. Looking a damn sight better than she had when C.J. had first seen her a month ago dressed in a maternity dress and wearing her hair up back in a thick ponytail. The bruises on her face and arms had faded with time and the cuts that she had now formed silver lines that appeared to be barely visible. Alisha rested her hands on her swollen abdomen and just looked at her without saying anything. She didn't have to, because judging by her rapidly moving eyes and her tense posture; she looked ready to bolt at any moment.
C.J. smiled at her and gestured for her to come and sit down. Alisha looked back at the two men who stood just behind her and slowly walked towards C.J. She didn't join her on the sofa but picked out a comfortable chair nearby and gingerly sat down.
"Would you like anything to eat or drink," C.J. asked.
"Just some water please…"
C.J. nodded and went to the mini frig to get bottles for both of them.
"It's hot out there," she said, "you would think with all this rain…but it's Houston after all."
She handed Alisha her bottle and then sat down again.
"It's good to see you again," she said, "You look much better."
Alisha sipped her water.
"I've been eating a lot," she said, "The doctor said I need to…for the baby."
"You don't have very long to go do you," C.J. said, "Another couple of months?"
"Three," Alisha said, "The baby's due just before Christmas."
C.J. watched her face and saw a combination of so many different emotions, fear being one but there had been a sense of wonder too when she had mentioned the timing of her baby's birth with the holiday season. She wondered what kind of Christmases Alisha had experienced even before she had been smuggling for the cartel.
"My mama used to make Christmas special for us," Alisha said, fingering her dress, "She didn't make much as a seamstress and my dad, he left her so we didn't have much, just a little tree and some decorations."
"That sounds she cared about you," C.J. said, "She died several years ago."
Just before Alisha had hooked up with the drug dealers and gotten involved in the trade. Clearly the girl had been seeking something, another family to make up for the one she lost. C.J. didn't know much about her background but after her mother had passed from some illness, Alisha's siblings had been taken into foster care.
Alisa had just packed up a few things and ran away.
"Maybe…but she'd hate me now…"
C.J. heard the vehemence in the younger girl's voice and she recognized its source. She had gone through that period when she hated what she had become, what someone else had done to her but that she had believed to be her own fault. As if she could have stopped it from happening. That conviction had permeated into corners of her mind where it had to be rooted out.
"She'd be concerned about you," she said, "because she loved you."
Alisha just sighed and looked away again.
"So you got some names for your baby yet?"
The girl glared at her suddenly.
"I'm probably not going to keep it anyway," she said, "So why name it?"
Her eyes flashed with anger and her voice, with contempt but her hands had reflexively caressed and embraced the part of her that sheltered the new life, born from anything but love at least the healthy kind.
"What are your plans," C.J. asked, "You've got your whole life ahead of you."
Alisha certainly didn't look like she believed her but C.J. knew her mind had frozen in the here and now and seeing anything behind either, she couldn't grasp yet. All she knew were the four walls that surrounded her, the three square meals a day and that she had clothing to wear. C.J. knew that she would expand her horizons in time through a series of baby steps and plenty of them backward. But she had to decide to take those steps.
No one could do it for her.
"I didn't want this baby anyway," Alisha said suddenly, "I still don't want it."
She sat there, her hands clenched at her sides, her lips trembling as if waiting for C.J. to tell her how wrong she was to think that way about the innocent life growing inside her, that she should embrace the consequences of her decisions by doing the right thing. But C.J. had no desire to sell her any of those platitudes. She just listened as Alisha unleashed some words about the baby and the events which led up to its conception.
"I didn't even want to sleep with him," she said, "I tried to tell him to leave me alone but he wouldn't…he kept telling me how lucky I was to have a guy like him taking care of me…feeding me, buying me nice clothes even while he told me to swallow the damn heroin…"
"Did he force you…"
Alisha just blinked at her, looking again as if she might bolt out of there.
"I…just wanted someone who would love me…"
"And he told you that if you did what he wanted, he would give you that love?"
She nodded slowly, not really looking up.
"So did you feel that love," C.J. asked.
She didn't know if Alisha would answer, the girl seemed to have retreated back into herself but finally she heard a soft voice.
"Sometimes…when he bought me nice things…when he held onto me and told me I was special," Alisha said, "but when he made me swallow the heroin…he put it in condoms to protect it but when he…he refused to wear one."
So not surprisingly Alisha had wound up pregnant with a baby who would serve as a permanent reminder of the trauma she had lived through from a man who loved her by hurting her and using her to promote his drug enterprise.
Anything but love but Alisha had to learn the difference between being loved and being used herself.
"I know it's difficult…"
Alisha turned on her with incredulous eyes.
"How…how could you possibly know?"
C.J. swallowed noisily.
"I told you what happened to me…when we were talking back at the house…"
"When I was in the closet," Alisha finished nodding, "You told me about the man who took you away and raped you until you could get away."
C.J. nodded.
"But what I didn't tell you was that when I got away, I thought I might be pregnant."
Alisha narrowed her eyes.
"You mean from that man."
"I had nearly died from getting away from him," C.J. said, "and I didn't feel very well for a while anyway but I was so scared that I was pregnant and I had to know the truth..."
"What did you do, go get tested?"
"I couldn't go to the doctor…too many questions because I was in hiding…but I finally went to a store and bought one from a nice woman who didn't ask questions."
"But you weren't pregnant…"
"No I wasn't Alisha but I was so scared that I was and that I wouldn't know what to do or where to turn," C.J. "or how to deal with carrying a child that came from rape, which is the furthest place from love."
Alisha digested it.
"if you had been, would you have killed it?"
A fair enough question, C.J. thought and one that had plagued her so much even after the test had come back negative. She never thought she could want to kill her own baby before it drew breath but she hadn't known where she would have found the strength to go through with the pregnancy. To allow the baby the access to her body's resources that its father had stolen from her, let alone to give birth to it and raise it. She had no choice in the forcible act of hatred that would have led to its conception but she would have the choice to determine its fate. Because if there had ever been life born out of rape, then it hadn't survived the rigors of her escape and the infection that nearly took her life.
"I struggled with that issue even after I found out that I would never have to make that choice," C.J. said, "I honestly don't know what decision I would have made. I had nearly died and I was hiding out under a different name, one step ahead of men trying to hunt me down."
Men that ultimately had caught up with her but not before Matt had found her. She had told him about her fears of pregnancy while they had been out riding on the ranch and she had watched his face carefully to see how he would respond but he had just held her in his arms, thanking for sharing that painful piece of her life with him.
"But I know your situation's much different than mine," C.J. said, "What you decide about your baby is your choice. I just want you to know that there are people who care about you and will support that decision and giving you the best environment to make it."
Alisha looked at her doubtfully.
"All they want is the perfect little witness for the grand jury and I'm hardly that."
C.J. sighed.
"That's their job," she said, "but I'm here if you need me at any time you need someone to talk with who's in your corner."
"You barely know me…"
C.J. just smiled at her and Alisha's posture softened and C.J. couldn't be sure but she thought she saw a trace of a smile from her. Some progress made.
Oh but I do know you, she thought silently.
Matt had driven home in the steady rain thinking about what he had learned about their new client Kostas. Dan had probably been right in that the man had built and ran a reputable empire with a world-wide reputation for its success. Still, the holes in the dossier he had created utilizing his well-honed investigative skills rankled at him.
But he put it aside for now because the day had ended and he wanted nothing more to go home before the anticipated thunderstorm hit. There, he and C.J. could ride it out and even if the power went out, find plenty to do to occupy the hours.
Especially if the power went out, Matt thought with a smile.
He had picked up some barbecue takeout and the promised candles before continuing on home, turning off the main thoroughfare onto the smaller street which led to their neighborhood. He and C.J. had been talking a lot lately about buying some property to start a ranch on outside the city limits. Real estate in the rural area was plentiful and fairly cheap. After they purchased their spread, they could renovate a house or even build one from scratch. A nice one with plenty of room for office space, recreational space and of course, future space for children because after all, he found the woman to have them with a year or so down the line.
Now he just had to convince her to see that too.
He drove into the driveway parking in the garage alongside her own vehicle which meant that she had gotten home before he did. He picked up his briefcase and the food and candles, dashing into the house while the rain fell around him. The sky flashed with lightning and the rumbling sound came closer and as he stepped inside the living room, he thought he had made it just in time.
The sight which met him convinced him of that as well.
The two of them dove into the delicious barbecue on the living room which remained lit up with candles after true to form, the power had gone out. Neither of them had been too upset by that because they had found other ways to occupy their time. Clothes piled up on the floor next to the couch where they had wrapped themselves up in a comforter as they enjoyed their reunion as the storm roared outside.
Now wearing robes, they sat on the floor covered in comforters and knocked off their favorite dishes capped off by some fine wine that C.J. had found in the cupboard.
"You worked up quite an appetite, "Matt noted.
C.J. tossed him a knowing look.
"And you of course had nothing to do with that," she said, "But this is delicious. Not as good as yours of course but it's too wet outside to barbecue."
"Today I'd rather have someone else do the cooking and focus my energy on other things."
She smiled.
"I love stormy nights…as long as we're together and one of us isn't miles away in some hotel…"
Matt knew that although she loved her work as he did his, the traveling kept them apart more than either liked. But it also made them treasure their moments together even more.
His brows waggled.
"There's plenty of time left for strip poker," he said.
She chuckled.
"I think we've already accomplished the stripping part," she said, "I wish you had at least let me finished my strip tease."
"I couldn't," he said, "I really tried but I've never been patient at unwrapping presents either."
She arched a brow.
"True…but you're very patient in other ways and I love you for that."
He sipped his wine reading her face, the one he had been kissing earlier.
"C.J…this has been the best time of my life," he said, "Whatever road we took to get here, it's the one we needed to take."
She nodded, her dark hair framing her face. When the candle light reflected off of it, he could see its highlights.
"Mine too…I guess I was thinking about Alisha," she said, "I hope I made some inroads with her today…we tackled a very difficult subject."
"She's been through a lot," Matt said, "but if anyone can understand her and what it's done to her, it's you and the difference is you want to help her."
She sighed.
"She feels guilty because she doesn't love her baby."
Matt's brows shot up.
"She said that to you?"
"No…but she did say she doesn't want it."
Matt thought about that.
"It's still early," he said, "and if she doesn't want to raise it, she can put it up for adoption."
C.J. nodded.
"That's an option," she said, "but her baby's only part of the problem. She hates herself for its conception and I understand that better than she thinks."
Matt heard the trace of a past time in her voice when she had thought that she might have been pregnant. She had told him about it at some point in the journey she had tentatively decided to take with him when they decided that they wanted to take that chance and explore a relationship with each other. The words had been delivered slowly and her eyes had never left his but when she told him her story, he had accepted it because he loved her.
"She'll have to come to terms with that herself I think," he said, "but she'll have your help to do that and that will make a difference."
"It's so personal…the decision to carry life inside you because of something special you share with another person," she said, "but for her and me, that decision was taken away from us."
"You mean he forced her hand."
"Not in the same way Andre did with me," she said, "but in a way more powerful, than sheer force or even through threatening to harm someone else. She really believed that it was his way of loving her and that's tough to break."
Matt knew that the dealer who had abused Alisha hadn't loved her but just used her as a means to an his end, but he also realized that Alisha didn't have the experience or the tools to know the difference.
"What do you think she'll do," he asked.
C.J. thought about it, with a long sip of her wine.
"I think she'll give the baby up," she said, "and maybe that's the best choice for the child to not know its own origins."
That would be a difficult choice for Alisha to make but underneath it all, Matt sensed that she could make a good one if she had the belief and support in her to do that.
"I told her what happened to me," C.J. continued, "and she asked me if I would have killed my baby and I didn't know what to tell her."
"Not an easy question to answer including hypothetically."
"It's one I've struggled with even when not faced with that choice," she said, "because the answer tells me something about myself and maybe not something I'd like."
Matt sighed and he reached for her, pulling her closer. She let him because right now, she wanted him to hold her tightly and whisper something soft in her ear.
"C.J. whatever you would have chosen to do," he said, "I would have been there for you and I never would have judged you for it."
She smiled at that, nestling closer into his warmth.
"If I killed my baby," she said, "Would I deserved a chance at another?"
He rubbed her back as he tried to find the words in the right order to answer a question that had ridden in on a cyclone of emotions. She had not had to choose between life or death for a baby but the idea of what could have been still haunted her.
"C.J. you are going to make one hell of a mother someday," he said, "Look at how you've helped children like Butterfly and Alisha who have suffered horribly and yet you help them feel whole again."'
She digested that.
"And Vince's kids, they adored you," she said, "And Butterfly still calls you up all the time for advice."
C.J. smiled again.
"She's got another boyfriend already," she said, "Though this one's not pierced and doesn't ride a motorcycle but thanks for saying that."
He stroked her hair.
"You've got to have faith that whatever choice you would have had to make doesn't make you a better or worse person," he said, "and that life offers more than one opportunity without casting judgment."
She did realize that but had spent a lot of energy judging herself.
"I do want a family some day," she said, "to fill a home with children running around getting into everything."
"I do too," he said, "and I have this perfect woman all picked out already."
She arched a brow again.
"Oh you do, do you," she said, "Do I know her?"
He shrugged, still holding her tightly.
"Oh I think you've met…"
Later, as the rain pelted the house with a staccato drumbeat and the thunder began to fade, they lay asleep wrapped up in each other, secure in the future that they had begun, baby step by baby step to build together.
The morning would no doubt bring sunshine with it and another day of challenges in both their lives but for now, peace and tranquility reigned including in their dreams.