Days go by and I can't help but think about him. I believed him His lies and truths. His smile and frown. He made me both happy and sad. But above all the thing that stood out was that he made me believe.
Because of him I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than acts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief.
But above all I believe love is stronger than death.
He was never just my boyfriend he was my best friend. He was inspiring and perhaps one of the biggest influences on my life. But the day he left was the day I died.
He told me he'd be back, he told me our love would always triumph but that promise was broken.
I sit and wonder what it would be like right now if he were sitting next to me as I type this. He'd probably be leaning over my shoulder laughing at each word I type. In fact in the distance I can hear his soft, gentle laugh in my ear and I can feel his arms wrapped around my waist.
Instead of sitting here going on and on about him we'd be outside goofing off and living life. We wouldn't use our knowledge we'd imagine. We'd imagine all the things we could ever want in the world and all our dreams. Everything about us would be perfect.
But he believed that dreams are more powerful than acts and he went with his dream. Something I believed I shouldn't hold him back from. I just wish sometimes he would have kept my dream in mind. My dream to be with him forever. But he broke that dream, he broke it with an act. He acted as if I wasn't good enough for his new world and that he was moving on.
Who was I kidding? We were fifteen when he left I couldn't crush his dreams. I believe we were in love but I don't believe he thought that. I haven't spoken in weeks and I haven't talked to him in months. Sure love triumphs over death but that was the death of me when he left I could no longer love.
But through all of this something tells me that love will triumph over this and we'll be together again soon. But who am I kidding since he left everything has changed. Experience is triumphing and I don't know how to stop it.
I hope that he'll come back, I wish he were here to make me laugh through the hard times, why is it so hard to believe with out him?
Its been five months since I've seen him and I'm dying. There's still a part of me that wants to hope but its getting smaller each and every day.
I try to sleep like every other night. I toss and turn for what seems like forever and take a glance at the clock. It only reads 8 P.M.
I get up and make my way out of my door and down the stairs to my back door grabbing my iPod in the process.
I place the iPod in the speakers and turn it on high and jump up to the trampoline. And for the next hour I do what I do best drain out the world and do flips.
I'm just about to land my best flip something I haven't done since he left when the music shuts off and causes me to fall and land on my arm. It hurts a bit but I shrug it off and jump down from the trampoline muttering a few curse words under my breath as I hit play again.
As I turn around and begin walking back I hear the song switch to a familiar sweet voice and arms embrace my stomach as the person starts to sing.
Is he real or am I seeing things? I ask myself
"I'm so sorry baby." He says and hugs me tighter
"I wrote you a song. Will you hear it later?"
I shake my head and look down.
"I know I screwed up but I'm back baby. I'm back and if I have to leave again you're coming with me. You're my dream baby."
I look at him with tears in my eyes. He leans n just as is starts to rain and then our lips collide. It was the perfect kiss.
"I believe." I whisper
He smiles and kisses my forehead.
"Love is stronger than death Maya. Don't you ever die on me."
"The only time I died was when you left. I had hope through it all Justin."
That night we lay in each others arms embracing the love again. And he kept that promise when he left I came too. All because of what we believed.
So at this moment I stand, arm hooked with my father's waiting to reach my fait as Mrs. Bieber. It's the perfect day, the perfect wedding, and at the end of the aisle is the perfect man ready to stand by my side and believe.
"Mommy I love that story!" my little boy Christian says.
Even at four Christian walks, talks, looks, and acts just like his father.
"I know sweetie. Now get some sleep you have a big day tomorrow." I smile turning off the light and turning to walk out of his room.
"Mommy?" he says
"Yes?"
"I love you." I smile
"I love you too."
I walk down the hallway and into the master bedroom. I take a seat on the bed and look around. All of Justin's stuff is still in the exact same place.
"Why Justin? Why did you leave me alone?" I whisper as tears fall.
I lay down in bed and drift to sleep when I feel a hand on my face.
I open my eyes.
"Mommy?" Christian asks a teddy bear in one arm looking at me with those deep chocolate brown eyes.
"Yes baby?" I ask sitting up and pulling him up in between my legs.
" I want to know more about daddy. What was he like? What did he look like?"
I smile through tears, "Well Christian your daddy was a lot like you. He looked just like you and he even acted just like you. If you go get that blue book downstairs you know the one you've never seen I'll show you each picture and tell you about daddy in each picture."
He grins ear to ear and takes off down the steps almost falling in the process.
He's back moments later and I start telling him about all the pictures from the time he was born to the last picture taken of me sitting by his hospital bedside crying as his heart collapsed from the nasty car wreck.
In the end Christian and I are sitting wrapped in each others arms crying and all he does is say one thing.
"Mommy I want to be just like daddy."
I look over to the side of the room my eyes barely open and I extend my hand. My son still at the young age of sixteen jumps up and runs over to me.
"Mom." He whispers.
"Baby listen to me." I choke out.
He nods, "Baby I want you to know I love you, live your life to the fullest and Aunt Melody will take good care of you. And baby your father would be so proud of all you've done. You're following in his foot steps and I'd love being alongside you everyday as you live your dream but its time for me to go. I'm finally going to be with your dad again baby. Always remember we'll be watching over you live your dream baby. I know it'll be hard with out me but do you remember the saying under that picture of your father and I you have in your bunk on the bus," he nods, " Always remember that baby. Always. I love you so much and daddy and I will be waiting."
"I love you mom!" is the last thing I hear him cry out and I see tears fall down his face. Its identical to his fathers when we were sixteen. I brush my hand across his face and everything goes white.
Girl I love Girl I love you. You're my one love my one heart my one life for sure let me tell you one time girl I love girl I love you imma tell you one time girl I love girl I love you.
I sit up slowly and look around I'm laying on a beach in a bathing suit. One of my favorite places to be. I hear the familiar singing and realize there's arms wrapped around my waist.
I turn around and look to see Justin, but he's 18.
"Justin." I whisper.
"Hey baby." He grins and leans into kiss me.
Our lips collide and it feels so right. Its been years since I've seen him, heard him sing, felt his arms around me.
"How Justin? You're eighteen."
"So are you baby."
I looked down to myself and see the familiar bikini. I wore this on our trip to Australia. It was my and Justin's favorite spot and the place that little Christian first entered our lives.
"Here you're the age that was your happiest in the real world. So when Christian comes he'll be 16 baby."
I smiled and laid back on Justin enjoying the view, the breeze, the sun, and his company.
"I love you babygirl." He said with a smile.
"I love you too Justin."
"Love triumphed baby I always told you it would. Not even death can keep you from the one you love and soon we'll be a family again. He's beautiful baby."
"He sure is just like his daddy." I said as we looked out into the distance at Christian sitting in the hospital room still by my bedside completely frozen.
Tears rolled down his cheeks and they rolled down mine too.
"Because of him I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than acts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief. But above all I believe love is stronger than death. I love you Chris always remember that." I whispered
His head shot up as I spoke it in a whisper and Justin and him both joined in.
"I love you mom. I love you dad. I'll make you proud. I've almost conquered your success dad. I'll be with you soon. I believe I always will."