Psh. I'm trash. This is trash.
"Uh, Garrus? Did you know that you have a cat curled up in your armor?"
The turian in question looks up from his omnitool, which had captured all of his attention up until that point.
He sighs. "Yes, I am more than aware of that, Joker. It's not my cat. It's Shepard's."
Joker looks confused. Well, that's what Garrus assumes that look means. He's really only gotten used to reading the commander, though in general he doesn't have a lot of problems reading human expressions anymore. It's harder with males, he's noticed.
"Shepard got a cat?" Joker asks.
Garrus leans into the table, the furry mass curled up near his neck stretching. Tiny claws catch on his armor and a mew of discomfort can be heard. As he reaches up to gently remove the claws, Garrus replies, "Yes. Evidently, she has."
There's a moment of silence.
"What did you get up to do, anyway?" Garrus asks.
"Shit, right," Joker says. "Bathroom. This seemed pretty important though."
And he hobbles away, leaving Garrus with the purring kitten at his neck. He sighs.
How in the world did he end up kitten-sitting?
/
Shepard has come back from the Citadel. Garrus isn't sure what she was doing, but the look Jacob gives him on the way past doesn't really inspire confidence in the mission. Thane, of course, looks like he couldn't care less and breezes past to his room. Shepard's the last one in, a box held to her hip.
"Hey, Commander," Garrus greets. "How'd things go?"
She grins. "Well enough. I found a pet shop."
"A… pet shop?" A feeling of understanding dawns on him. "More fish?"
Shepard shakes her head. "I'm as adept at keeping those poor things alive as I am at showing off some great moves on the dancefloor, Garrus. No, this is so much better."
The box makes a strange noise he's never heard before. It's something a human would probably call cute, but to him it sounds a bit desperate. Not miserable, but on its way there.
"So, another earth pet then?" he asks. "I wasn't aware Cerberus encouraged the idea of pets."
A shrug. The box moves and makes the sound again. "Cerberus can screw off," she says plaintively. "I got a bigger cabin for some reason, and this must be it."
"If you say so." He eyes the box uneasily, unknowingly placing his hand on his weapon. Shepard notices and laughs at the action.
"No need to be nervous. This little sweetie won't hurt you," she tells him, gesturing for him to follow her. Garrus does.
In the bar, Shepard slides the box onto a table, lifting the cardboard flaps. In one fluid movement, she lifts a tiny orange creature from the box, hands just under what looks like its front legs.
"Meet Chatika, earth kitten extraordinaire," she introduces, turning the animal to face Garrus. It stares at him with amber eyes, unblinking and huge. They honestly remind him a bit of a drell's eyes.
"You named it after Tali's drone?" Garrus asks.
Shepard scratches the top of it's head gently, letting the creature curl up against her armored chest. "Maybe she'll warm up to him more if he's connected to something familiar," she says. "Come to think of it, I have no idea how Tali feels about animals."
Garrus shrugs. "It's never come up."
She strokes her new pet in silence for a moment. "So, what do you think?"
"What do you mean?"
Shepard raises the kitten to his eye-level, her hands under his front legs. "Isn't he cute?"
"Cute is relative," Garrus says, eyeing the kitten. He can see tiny claws peaking out from his feets and almost feels apprehensive about the little thing.
"That's why I'm asking you, Garrus," she replies. "Come on, hold him."
"Thanks," he says. "But I'll pass."
Shepard looks like she'll press the issue, then she sighs and lowers the cat, pulling him to her chest again.
"I'll go show Tali," she says. "Maybe she'll have more appreciation for fluffy animals."
Shepard and the cat are gone in seconds, leaving Garrus in an empty room with a box that smells faintly of urine.
"What is it, though?"
It's Tali's voice. Garrus can tell despite the door between them.
"It's a cat. I don't get the question."
And there's Gabriella, one of the engineers down here. And it's pretty obvious what they're talking about.
"Well, what does it do?" the quarian aks, voice distorted by her suit.
"It acts cute and falls asleep on things it shouldn't," Gabriella replies. "Sometimes it destroys furniture. Don't you, sweetie?"
"What's the point of it then?" Tali asks. Garrus has paused outside the door, listening intently to the conversation.
"I guess there isn't a point to him," the other woman says. "Besides companionship."
"But Shepard already has me and Garrus," Tali protests, muffled by the door. This causes Garrus to pause in a different way.
That's right. Shepard has the two of them. So why does she need an annoying feline?
"Pets are just nice to keep, I guess. I don't know, I've never had one," Gabriella clarifies. "Plus you don't make out with a cat, do you?"
The silence is the only response Tali gives the human woman.
"Who knows what you humans get up to?" she jokes at last. Gabriella laughs.
"Where's Chatika?"
Garrus turns to face Shepard at the door to the battery, a worried note in her voice. She's got a tint of red to her skin and is panting as though she's been running around.
This is the first time the cat has been brought up since that first day she got him. Since then, the orange mess of fur has escaped her cabin more times than anyone on the crew can remember. Quite frankly, Garrus is surprised he hasn't been eaten by Grunt yet. It's almost a miracle.
He approaches her, putting an arm on her shoulder. "It's okay Shepard, he's right here," he assures her, leaning down for her to see past the ridge of armor around his neck. There the tiny beast sits, asleep and warm against the turian's skin. He hasn't stirred in almost an hour.
Shepard looks relieved, her face and tense shoulders dropping to a more relaxed position. She reaches a hand out to stroke the kitten's head, grinning up at the turian.
"I thought you didn't like him," states Shepard.
"I don't. But I'd hate for him to become a krogan meal," Garrus tells her, staying in his awkward bent position in order for her to get at her cat. She keeps smiling despite his denial.
"Well, thanks," she says. "I've got some things to do, so I'll count on you to keep him out of trouble until I get back. Sound good?"
Garrus shrugs. "Why the hell not?" he asks.
He's in the mess hall when Tali comes up behind him, a hand reaching up to pat his ridge.
"Hey, you," she greets. "Heard about your kitten problems from Shepard. How's it going?"
"He's been here for hours." Garrus leans back into her, letting her get a glimpse of the widely awake cat current curled up against his neck. "It's getting warm and itchy."
"Poor baby," Tali coos teasingly. "I'll take him if you want. I'm sure he could use some exercise."
He shrugs and she reaches into his armor, pulling the kitten out gently. "How have you been dealing with the claws?" he asks.
Tali lifts the cat up for him to see, displaying the claws with a thumb and finger pressed into his paw. On the tips of his claws, he sees little yellow pieces of plastic.
"They cover up his claws so he doesn't puncture my suit," she explains. "Shepard mentioned something about declawing, but apparently that isn't good for felines. She says she might dull his claws when he's older."
"Oh," Garrus replies. Come to think of it, there has been a significant lack of neck scratches lately. "Smart move."
Tali nods in agreement, hugging the cat to her chest. He mewls and rubs the top of his head against the edge of her facepiece. Garrus can just imagine her smiling at that. It's unfortunate he can't actually see it.
"You've taken a shine to him," Garrus says.
Tali nods. "Yeah. I didn't get it at first, and then he took a nap on my feet one day. I gave in after that."
"That probably made Shepard happy," he replies.
"Yeah," she agrees absently. "Glad to see you're warming up to him, too."
"It's more a matter of convenience than anything else," he tells her. It's obvious she doesn't believe him.
"Well, I guess I'll go play with our furry friend for you. Shepard should be back from her mission soon," she says, lifting the kitten's paw to wave at Garrus. "Say bye bye to the moody turian, Chatika."
When she's gone, Jack leans in from her seat and whispers, "You're so fucking ridiculous."
Garrus ignores her and swallows down the last of his food.
"Shepard!"
Shepard shoots Garrus a look from the other side of the bed and stands up to answer the piercing scream at her door. The urgent knocking would have been more than enough.
"Miranda," she says as Garrus turns to look at the two women. Before Miranda's interruption, they had been talking lazily. Sometimes they wouldn't even say anything. It was nice. For a while.
"I would be ever so grateful if you kept your cat out of my quarters," the angry brunette says, shoving a familiar mass of orange into Shepard's hands. "I woke up to him chewing on my hair and knocking over absolutely everything."
Garrus holds back a snort as Shepard takes her cat, stroking his ruffled fur. He struggles from her arms and leaps into the room, trotting to his water as though nothing has happened. Garrus is beginning to learn this is normal cat behavior and it's actually pretty funny. He can't imagine why anyone would want to keep a cat, though. Shepard must be a special case.
"Cats do these things sometimes," Shepard tells Miranda who is still livid. "But I'll make sure to watch him more carefully now."
"Good," is Miranda's final word on the subject before she turns and marches away, pulling her messy hair back over her ear.
The cat leaps onto Shepard's bed as the Commander closes her door, making ehr way back to the bed herself. Garrus holds out a hand for the kitten to sniff. He rubs his orange face against it as Shepard curls up next to him, fingers scratching the base of his tail.
"You are so spoiled, cat," Garrus states. From Shepard's grin, he can tell she agrees.
Garrus is surprised when Mordin shows up at the battery. He's never shared many words with the solarian, and never has he visited him in the med bay. It's equally as surprising to see him carrying Chatika in his hands gingerly, like he's holding a bomb.
"Garrus. The turian I was looking for. Here," he holds out the kitten, who mewls and squirms in his grasp. Quickly, Garrus scoops him up, letting him climb up his armor and into his cowl.
"Has he been giving you problems?" Garrus asks.
"Problems. Something of an understatement," Mordin corrects, shifting anxiously. "A spill or two could be remedied. Cannot work with this distraction, no matter how cute."
"I'll talk to Shepard," he assures the solarian. "If he gives you anymore trouble, bring him to me."
"Yes. Good. Your assistance in the matter is appreciated," Mordin says. "Any other time, cat would not be a problem. Not exactly fond of animals in the workplace."
"Whatever you say," Garrus agrees, a tail tip twitching against his mandible. "Good luck with whatever you're working on, Professor."
Mordin dismisses this. "Appreciated. Carry on."
Garrus is left with a kitten, a sense of confusion, and more than one conversation to have with Shepard.
Garrus enters Shepard's cabin only to see Tali waving a string. She's standing on the bed, with Chatika on the floor. As she sweeps the string past him, he leaps to catch it, landing back on his feet no matter what. Garrus didn't even know spines could work that way.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
Tali glances over to him, yanking the string up into the air. "This is how you play with cats," she replies. "Apparently they aren't fond of leashes so this is how they get their exercise."
"That's… alright then," Garrus says for lack of anything better to reply with. Tali turns her attention back to the cat, who bats at the string over the edge of the bed. "Shepard appointed me official cat fun operator," she tells him. "You got emergency babysitter."
"I never agreed to this."
She shrugs. "Not like you mind."
Garrus couldn't argue with that.
"So the little guy has really settled in," Garrus says as a way to change the subject, sitting down in Shepard's desk chair and watching Tali play with the kitten through the display glass of the model ships Shepard simply can't get enough of. He seriously doesn't understand that.
"Yes,'" Tali agrees. "Even Grunt and Jack have gotten used to him. Though Jack doesn't seem fond of the fur he gets on her clothes.
"What clothes?" Garrus asks. Tali snickers, dragging the string along the floor. Haunches raised, the orange kitten stares intently at it before pouncing.
"I'm glad Shepard got him," Tali says.
Garrus watches as the cat gets his claws stuck in the bed and stands to help Tali get him unstuck. "Yeah," he agrees quietly. "Me too."
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