Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto. Kishimoto Masashi does…
"spoken"
-thought-
Valentine's what?
Hyuuga Hinata was staring at a certain door, it was a quite normal door but still the door seemed to radiate a horrible aura that insidiously sapped her willpower. It was her scary door, the door that led to the apartment of her long time crush, Uzumaki Naruto. And it was a door that she had been staring for more than two hours now, earning her several odd looks from passersby. Hinata was standing some three steps in front of the door, clutching a medium sized box to her chest and desperately trying to gather the courage to take those three steps, raise her hand and knock on the door. And the reason… well it was Valentine's day and even in Konohagakure no Sato, despite it being a ninja village and all that, this holiday had gained popularity.
Hinata was shy, so she wasn't nervous because it was her first time… simply because it wasn't. It was her sixth time to be exact. Twice she had stood in front of Naruto's door, or hidden behind trees, dumpsters and other such objects to stay hidden from his sight and tried to gather courage to walk up to him and present a box of honmei-choko to the blonde. Then, during Naruto's two and a half year training trip, she had spent three Valentine's days mentally preparing for his return… A mizu bunshin had taken the Naruto's place during these times as a practice target, and a few… many more times as a general target. The indigo haired girl sighed. -Fat lot of good that did to me… I'm so pathetic that I outright fainted when Naruto-kun saw me after he came back. Not to mention that I can't even deliver him these chocolates.-
Gathering her courage Hinata sighed, took a deep breath, raised her hand and took a tentative step forward… only to have the very door she was intent on knocking swing open to reveal none other than the blonde Hokage wannabe, Uzumaki Naruto. Hinata froze in midstep and blushed horribly while the boy just blinked several times before inquiring "Hinata?" in a confused tone.
The Hyuuga heiress' blush intensified even more as the boy closed the distance between them to a mere step… A ninja, even a shy one, notices these things subconsciously hence the intense blushing. Feeling a fainting spell approaching Hinata fervently pushed the box at the bewildered Naruto and stammered out. "Ano… Naruto-kun… for… Valentine's." Having done what she had set out to do the girl whirled around and took off at breakneck speed.
Naruto blinked several times while examining the box in his hands. He then sniffed it tentatively and nodded to himself while looking at the small, and rapidly shrinking, speck in the distance that was Hinata. "Wow… Hinata sure has gotten faster… and with a fever as high as she had." He then regarded the box again before snapping his fingers. "Oh I get it now… she was sick and wanted me to take this to that 'Valentine' person."
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The blonde jinchuuriki was in a foul mood, not only had he no luck in finding this elusive 'Valentine' but some of the damn villagers he'd asked had burst out laughing. Muttering profanities under his breath about 'Stupid villagers and their stupid prejudices' he finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel… It was Sakura and Ino, in middle of a heated argument about something. With a wave of his hand and a yell Naruto ran towards the two only to stop barely in time to keep from colliding with them. He then blinked as the two immediately focused on the ornately wrapped box of chocolates that he was carrying and squealed in eerie unison. "Kyaaah… looks like you got lucky Naruto."
The boy scratched the back of his head before giving the girls a foxy smile and saying. "Neh… I'm just doing Hinata a favour. She's sick or something and asked me to give this to someone named Valentine."
That earned him an instant bop on the head from Sakura who growled. "Hahaha… really funny Naruto. Like you wouldn't know that today is Valentine's day."
Naruto just blinked. -Valentine's day… wait… wait…- Something ticked the edges of his memory… something that had something to do with something in Jiraiya's books. -Oh yeah... it was in the Icha Icha Violence Vol. IV. Oh well if it was in Ero-sennin's books then it can't be important.-
Thusly encouraged the boy spoke his mind. "So… where is the guy then. I mean if it's his 'day' shouldn't he be somewhere around so I can give this stuff to him and all that."
The two girls blinked in unison and muttered something that sounded like 'Baaa-ka' before Ino grabbed the boy and yelled. "Why? Why? WHYYYYY? Every time I think you've hit rock bottom with your stupidity you always manage to prove me wrong." Without bothering to wait for any replies she shook the startled boy and then unceremoniously dropped him on his rump before continuing in a menacing tone. "Now you listen, and listen good you baka. It's Valentine's day… A girl, namely Hinata, gave a guy, namely you, chocolate… This means, you dimwit, that because Hinata…"
Naruto was busy looking scared and awed as Sakura was going all Ga-Ga over the explanation and sighing with little hearts in her eyes. Using the slight pause in Ino's speech he interjected. "Ah I get it now… Thanks a ton. She wanted me to hold this chocolate for her till her fever runs over and… uhh… Sakura-chan, Ino-chan… you are both looking really scary."
The two kunoichi were indeed looking really scary, with bulging veins on their foreheads, twitching eyebrows and dangerously squinted eyes. In very eerie union the two turned their heads to face each other, nodded, and then turned their heads to face the boy… Naruto later swore that their heads turned a full circle backwards with the snapping sounds and that their teeth were pointy to boot. Sakura cracked her knuckles while Ino made a fist before they both yelled "Naruto-no-Baka" and began tearing him a new one.
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Tsunade was in a cheery mood, there was a nice lull in the whole 'Hokageish' duties so she could take a day off every so often. Not to mention that since it was Valentine's day she had managed to convince the amorous Jiraiya that a date wouldn't be nearly as nice as downing a few bottles of sake in the comfort of her office. He was bound to get a little grabby later on but she could always pound him flat and if everything else failed the buxom Hokage could always call on her guards to deal with the perverted Sannin. She took a sip of her sake, set her legs leisurely on the desk before thinking… -Yes… life is good.-
Her mood suddenly took a turn for the worse when the door to her office was opened and a certain aspiring young Hokage candidate peeked in. Normally seeing Naruto was nice enough but this time not only was he bruised, but he had that look that usually spelled trouble. With a sigh the blonde woman asked. "What is it brat… you are intruding on my sake… err private time. And just when your perverted mentor is paying for it too. Oh and what if I find out that you got beat up while trying to peek at the hot springs I'll castrate the both of you." Jiraiya's objections were ignored by both of the blondes as Naruto hefted a box of chocolates that were in pristine condition, an action that made Jiraiya scowl and Tsunade do a great impression of a little school girl. "Kyaaah Naruto-kun… I never knew you felt like that… all those chocolates for little old me…"
The blonde woman was ready to burst out in a fit of laughter had Naruto gotten flustered but the boy didn't quite react the way she was expecting. Instead he looked nonplussed as he waved the chocolates and said. "Yeah Obaa-chan… it's really weird. Hinata gave these to me and then Ino-chan and Sakura-chan beat me up because of that." Both of the Sannin in the room blinked as the boy continued. "They went all weird on me about this Valentine's day stuff. They kept on yelling that I was a thick headed idiot and that I was disrespecting Hinata and all that…."
The boy noticed that both Jiraiya and Tsunade were starting to develop twitches and hastily continued. "I swear I didn't do anything like that… I haven't even eaten any of these. I'll keep these safe until Hinata gets better… I give you my word as a ninja." The twitches had escalated to the point where two thirds of the Legendary Three were shaking… Naruto's keen ninja senses tingled and in a desperate act of self preservation he lunged for the door and vacated the room so quickly that he actually left a cloud of dust in his wake.
Tsunade and her former team mate both looked at the door and then shared a look before collapsing simultaneously on the floor in fits of laughter. The Godaime Hokage was laughing so hard that she had tears in her eyes before she managed to wheeze in between the gales of laughter. "Oh Kami-sama… if I ever tell anyone that the pupil of the 'Legendary Jiraiya'… or should I say the pupil of the infamous lecher and author of the 'Icha Icha' series doesn't even know the meaning of Valentine's day your reputation will be ruined forever."
Jiraiya, who was yet to bring himself under control, continued to laugh heartily for a moment before he managed to answer. "Well it would be almost worth it. I mean… Hahaha…" The two drank some more sake before the white haired man snapped his fingers and began laughing again. "I just got a great idea… let's follow the little runt. He's bound to run into some more mishaps over this." The self proclaimed 'super-pervert' began to rub his hands. "And after he gets beaten and all that we'll take pity on him and tell him what the chocolate means… and then he'll be all over the luscious Hinata-chan and…" Jiraiya then began to chuckle as he pulled out his trusty pencil and 'research' notebook.
A rather powerful blow to the head brought the Gama-Sennin back to the present as Tsunade flatly said. "No…" Waving her hand to stop any complaints she continued. "If we follow him we'd have to leave the office and all the sake… but I have better idea." With that she began to rummage through her desk and finally pulled out a small crystal ball. "Ahh… and now I'll do the Tōmegane no Jutsu and we'll be able to follow the brat from the comfort of this office."
Jiraiya's cackle and a slight sound of a chair being moved were the only replies.
------
Naruto was leaning against a fence and breathing heavily. The whole Valentine's day business was getting really old and really fast in his opinion. First he'd been beaten up by Sakura and Ino, then he'd barely escaped before getting beaten again, this time by the Hokage and Jiraiya. -Man this has to be pretty serious stuff if it got Ero-Sennin riled up like that too… does he think I'm dishonouring Hinata or something too, not that he's ever really been 'honourable' in his life.-
Someone yelling his name shook him out of his thoughts. Noticing the source of the noise he took a deep breath of relief… finally someone who he could talk to. Waving his hand he bellowed "Kiba… Akamaru… Shino. Boy am I glad to see you guys." Seeing the questioning looks he was about to present the box of chocolates before he noticed that Kiba was carrying one too. Pointing a finger at it he yelled. "Ah Kiba you got chocolate… from who?"
Kiba blinked before responding. "Hinata gave me and Shino a some chocolates… you know since it's Valentine's day and all that." He then gave Naruto a feral grin. "I bet you didn't get any…" There was a slight pause as the Inuzuka boy regarded Naruto. "Say isn't that box… is that from our Hinata?" His eyebrow twitched a little, not that he really was jealous about Hinata in general but the fact that he only got chocolates from his teammate, where as in about everyone else got some from girls who liked them pissed him off… heck even Shino got some from a girl in his clan.
Naruto took a step back from Kiba as Shino suddenly said. "I spoke to the others… you remembered everyone else by name but me… therefore it is obvious that you forgot about me during your training…" To the blonde this was his cue to make a hasty retreat.
He ran full four blocks before slowing down again and finding a suitable spot to catch his breath when a lazy "Yo… Naruto." almost made him leap out from his skin. He almost began sobbing in relief, there was no way he'd get threatened, beaten or even scowled at this time… The boy who'd spoken to him would consider it too troublesome to do. Shikamaru blinked and said. "Hey man… you alright you look sort of distressed." That's when the lazy genius noticed a box of chocolates that Naruto was trying to hide and gave slight smile. "Man I feel your pain… trust me I do."
In answer to Naruto's question the Shikamaru simply waved a box of his own and said. "This Valentine's day is way too troublesome." Naruto nodded in agreement as the other boy continued. "And it gets worse come White Day… then the troublesome girls really go crazy."
At this grim prediction the blonde went white and began to shake before managing to croak out. "It gets worse? I've been beaten once already and nearly escaped with my life twice. And all because Hinata gave me..."
Shikamaru considered for a moment before saying. "Well if it was Hinata… I don't think she's going to do anything drastic. It's not like she's a crazy, psychotic or bossy woman… unlike someone else I could name…"
The Chuunin might have said something more but an icy "Is that so?" cut him off. As the two boys slowly and fearfully turned around they came face to face with somewhat steamed looking Temari who hefted her giant fan and screamed. "Who's bossy? Crazy? PSYCHOTIC? You lazy bastard… you're going to die!"
Naruto fled as Shikamaru's groan of "Traitor!" was drowned out by screams of outrage and the general sounds of flesh being mutilated with a giant battle fan.
------
As the boy ran for his life he unintentionally entered even more dangerous place, an error that became apparent as his 'Ninja sense' flared just in time to give him the opportunity to avoid several dozen shuriken, kunai and other sharp and pointy thrown objects that came speeding his way. There was only a moment of doubt before the horrible conclusion set in. -Oh dear Kami in heaven… not them!-
His conclusion was proven correct as the blonde was forced to duck a green blur that impacted against a nearby tree with a loud 'Thud' before smashing through the unfortunate tree. Naruto had only the time to scream silently -I Hate you god!- before the blur then continued to ricochet from the trees around the clearing before coalescing into the ever youthful Rock Lee who landed in a perfectly balanced crouch just before Naruto.
The spandex clad youth smiled at his blonde friend before pumping his fist into the air and yelling. "Yosh Naruto-kun… your flames of youth burn as bright as ever. To think that you evaded Tenten-san's attacks and then managed to avoid my youthful greeting with ease is a clear indication of your burning passion!"
Naruto just swallowed. -Tenten… oh no! If the whole team is here then that means that…-
That was when a cool voice broke the silence. "Seriously Tenten… I still don't understand how you let them talk you into ambushing Naruto."
Had he not been about as rigid as a petrified plank of wood Naruto might have frozen in fright. -Neji… ImgonnadieImgonnadieImgonnadie…- Was the only thought that went through Naruto's mind until a girly squeal broke through his litany of resignation. "Aaahh… Naruto. Who's your Valentine?"
Realizing that he might not get killed with some fast talking Naruto was about to say something when Lee, again youthfully, pumped his fist out and yelled. "Yosh… Naruto-kun, I see Hinata-san managed to get a hold of you earlier today. Your flames of burning youth have surely been noticed by the young flower of the Hyuuga clan… You are so lucky!"
Naruto's world, dreams of future and the hopes of avoiding a grizzly death crumbled with the declaration while Gai was heard cheering in the background. His misery was brought to an abrupt halt as he was suddenly being grabbed by the front of his jacket and brought an eye to a pupilless eye with Hyuuga Neji himself. In a rather emotionless voice the Hyuuga prodigy declared. "If you dishonour Hinata-sama… no one will even find your corpse."
Naruto blinked. -This is it? Just a death threat… no actual beating or anything… wow…-
This was when Tenten shook Neji off Naruto and rushed to his defence. "Oh Naruto wouldn't do anything like that…" She then regarded the boy for a moment before adding most to herself. "Although I heard that he spent the last few years training with that lecher Jiraiya…" The weapon mistress then began to twirl a senbon in her fingers while absently talking to herself. "Well if he did something to Hinata then I'd have to…" The rest were lost in a mutter before she suddenly pressed the needle against Naruto's jugular vein and screamed. "You're not going to take advantage of Hinata are you?"
Naruto carefully shook his head, mindful of the razor-sharp needle that was pressed against his rather strained jugular at the moment. As the pressure eased he used the slight distraction of a small scuffle between Gai and Lee to create a Kage Bunshin and then replaced himself with the clone before bolting in terror.
It should be noted that it took two Jonin, namely Neji and Gai, and the two Chuunin, Lee and Tenten respectively, some five minutes to notice the switch… and that was done by accident as Lee applauded Naruto's youthfulness somewhat physically and slapped the clone across the back hard enough to dispel it. The next morning entire team Gai was doing 100 motivational laps around the entire greater Konoha area…
------
Naruto sat in the park… he was seriously harbouring ideas about releasing the demon, slitting his wrists and defecting to Orochimaru. Well, he did discard the last one since there were several rather ugly rumours about 'doctor' experiments, Orochimaru and little boys. Before he could put much thought to any of these ideas he noticed Hatake Kakashi trying to look inconspicuous behind an issue of the 'Konoha Gazette'. The Jonin paled noticeably when Naruto yelled "Oi Kakashi-sensei… can I ask you something?"
Naruto just blinked as the lazy Jonin zoomed past him with a whisper of "You never saw me… got it?" before vanishing into the nearby thicket.
Only a moment later Naruto was again frozen in fright, a common occurrence for the night, as the crazy proctor Jonin from his previous Chuunin exam, Mitarashi Anko suddenly grabbed him. "You brat… You are Uzumaki Naruto right? You know… that Naruto?" When Naruto nervously nodded the woman shook her some more. "Where's your sensei?"
The blonde finally managed to find his linguistic abilities as he said brightly. "Uh… Ero-Sennin was with Tsunade-baachan just a few hours ago."
This earned him a rather vigorous shaking. "Don't play with me… where's my little Valentine? … Where's Kakashi-kun?" Naruto just blinked several times as the Jonin continued. "I went through all the trouble to get several litres of 'paint on chocolate' just that that ungrateful, lazy, good for nothing bastard could come and lick it off my writhing body as I moan in pleasure. And what does he do… the spineless loser runs away… but I'll find him. NOW WHERE DID HE GO?"
The boy floundered for a moment before pointing at the thicket that Kakashi had just vanished into. As Anko dove into the said bush Naruto simply thought. –Geeze Kakashi-sensei… I hope you were crafty enough to escape into the opposite direction… because I'm not sure as hell taking the drop for you…- The boy paused for a moment to think what the 'Crazy Snake Woman' had said. -Ugh… 'paint on chocolate'… I mean if Ero-sennin had been Hokage for the last three years I might even understand all this but sheesh.-
The blonde jinchuuriki sat down on the bench with a sigh and began to wonder if he would live to be the Hokage after all. -Right… I'm not going to survive. Forget about Sasuke, Orochimaru and the Akatsuki. If, and only if, I survive Sakura and Ino and Tenten and… well let's hope that Temari is satisfied with killing Shikamaru… Neji is going to cream me for sure anyway…-
All these interesting musings were cut short by a short figure dashing by, coming to a screeching halt and yelling. "Yoabun, hide me!" As the figure, known to others as Konohamaru, noticed that Naruto was too shocked to react he quickly dove into the nearby dumpster and yelled. "You never saw me and I'll do whatever you ever want."
The blonde was still trying to process the current events when a certain orange haired Genin suddenly entered the scene. She pointed Naruto and practically begged. "Ah Naruto-Yoabun have you seen my Konohamaru-kun?"
Naruto, again, blinked in confusion before he pointed his hand at a random direction and said in a deadpan voice. "I think he went that way… He was riding a horse though so he might get pretty far." Moegi nodded and yelled something along the lines of 'Thanks' before taking off to the direction pointed by the blonde.
Naruto just blinked several times as Konohamaru climbed from his hideout and said. "Thanks Oyabun… you are the greatest. If she had gotten to me I'd be done for…" He then spied the box of chocolates Naruto had. "Oyabun… do tell me that you got those from a team mate." As Naruto shook his head Konohamaru began cry. "Noooo… I've lost him to a girl."
This, needles to say, sounded very bad to Naruto, whose thin lines of sanity were already frayed by the days events. Seeing his idol's discomfort the younger boy eagerly supplied. "Yeah if you got those chocolates from someone other than your teammate it means you got to give them anything they want on White Day." Naruto blinked, it wasn't as bad as he though… or it wasn't until his protégé continued. "And then you got to marry them…"
------
Konohamaru never quite understood why Naruto took off screaming but for the blonde in question it was the worst possible thing in universe. He was actually rocking himself in a secluded part of the park while muttering to himself. "I'm dead… I'm dead… Neji is going to kill me, Obaachan is going to kill me… and Ero-sennin is… I'm dead. And Hinata's dad." His rocking escalated as he began to wail. "Oh why…. WhyYyyyyYYyyy did I take that chocolate? I only meant to keep it safe. I'm too young to die…"
His wail was interrupted when a small pebble hit his head with considerable force. It was Sakura's voice that then asked him. "What the hell are you crying about now you baka…" No sooner than did the blonde hear the words, did he prostate himself before the pink haired Kunoichi and began to beg for mercy. Both Ino and Sakura blinked and the latter inquired. "Naruto-baka… what did you do this time?"
Naruto continued his fervent begging gestures before saying. "Sakura-chan I swear I'm not going to dishonour Hinata. Honestly I'll forever keep this box of chocolates safe from all harm until she is well enough to take it back."
The two kunoichi just blinked before bursting out in gales of laughter while the blonde boy just stared in amazement. It was Ino who managed to get some hold of herself. "Gasp… Hahaha… You mean that… hahaa… you actually don't have a clue about Valentine's day?"
Sakura just laughed harder when Naruto said with a worried face. "Well according to Konohamaru I'm Hinata's slave now, Kakashi-sensei is being forced to lick chocolate off that crazy snake woman and Shikamaru was probably beaten to death by Temari-san. Oh yeah and Neji is going to kill me."
It took some fifteen minutes of explanations, after the fifteen minutes it took the two girls to compose themselves, to get Naruto up to speed with the whole idea behind Valentine's day. Another fifteen minutes of convincing him that apparently Hinata had a 'thing' for him and yet another fifteen minutes, laced with threats and such, to convince him that the whole 'White Day' was there for a real reason.
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Kiba was staring in horror at the two kunai that were embedded into the tree on both sides of his face. All he had done was laugh out loud when Naruto had come to their training grounds and began stammering, blushing and acting just like Hinata did whenever in his presence. The thing that truly frightened him was that only one of the kunai was thrown by Kurenai, the other was thrown by Hinata who was sporting an unhealthy shade of red on her face. This was about the time when Shino decided that grilling Naruto further on his lack of facial memory was not a good idea.
In retrospect Uzumaki Naruto had to admit that Valentine's day wasn't all that bad. If you discounted the trouble he went through just to find out that Hinata was actually looking at him in that 'special' way.
Not that their first date was a complete success… Well… She only fainted once but… Naruto still couldn't help but to wonder if a bouquet of flowers, dinner reservation, violin music and a ring with a diamond were somewhat overblown gifts for the first date. And he was yet to figure why Hinata's dad insisted that he call him 'Father' after Hinata took to wearing the ring.'
In the end the boy just shrugged. At least Neji had given him a nod of consent after giving him a lecture about acceptable behaviour…
The End
Author's rant:
According to Wikipedia honmei-choco is given to the one you love as opposed to giri-choco that the girls give to their co-workers (Shino and Kiba in this case) and tomo-choco that girls give to their (girl)friends.
Mkay… this one was a real rush job. A girl at my school gave me, you read that right…me , a rose because it was Valentine's day and I was like "Huh? What the FUCK?" It took me a few moments to realize that it was indeed Valentine's and all that but hey… what can I do if the chicks dig my manly visage. Or something… also the girl was rather visibly agitated by my… uhhh… tactful behaviour. Anyway to compensate, not to mention she was so adorably cute, just like Hinata-chan, I decided to do this one story and dedicate it for her.
So this story is dedicated to that weird girl with thick glasses who gave me a rose today and blushed like mad.
Uh yeah… I hope this on the spot comedy had most of the chars in their respective characters, excluding Anko who seems like a nutjob… but I love her anyway and would like to state for the record that I would gladly lick some chocolate off her!!!
Oh and review please…