Dreaming of Being the Best
I sat on the chair in the front of the class. I had only been in this classroom for about a week, and it was the teacher's plan on introducing all the students to each other to have one student sit in the front. All the other students were given a paper, and were told to write what they knew, didn't know, wanted to know, liked, and didn't like about the chosen student. Being a newer teacher, the students in his first-grade class humored him. I had been switched into this class last week, because of the other teachers didn't like me. So, my newest teacher, the fifth one in two months, decided that I would be the main attraction today. But no one else likes me here.
"Great, I'm a freaking sideshow monster in this class," I thought. "Why did he have to pick me? To humiliate me, like the rest of the teachers when they bothered to talk to me?"
The boy closest to me, my newest rival in this class, was glaring at me. We are rivals because he always acts like he is better, when I know he isn't, and everyone likes him. I could see his paper from where I sat. The lines for where he was supposed to write what he liked about me and what he wanted to know were completely blank.
"Great, just great," I thought again. "I bet everyone else's is the same as his."
I didn't have any friends in the school. Not that I was mean, or a bad kid, but because all the grown-ups would seem to….for a better word, telepathically tell the other students to avoid me. Their behavior towards me was different, cold, distant. I couldn't remember ever doing anything to get this kind of treatment. But it happens, and rubs off on the students. This new teacher though, didn't seem to treat me like the others did. Maybe he hasn't been here long enough to hear from the other teachers that there was something wrong with me. This has been the way it is at school, since I started pre-school.
"Well students! It's time to hand in your papers and gather your things. It is almost time for the dismissal bell," the teacher said. "I hope you enjoyed today's assignment. When class starts on Monday, we will pick one of the girls!"
"Yeah!" cheered most of the girls. Almost all of them in this class are crazy. They won't talk to me unless they have to, and when they do, they don't have anything nice to say.
"Line up and wait for the bell," Sensei said. "Your parents are waiting on the playground."
"All but mine," said a voice I could barely hear. The rest of the class filed out. Me and my rival were the only ones left in the room. I could see the playground from the window, where the other students were being greeted, hugged, and fussed over.
"Ah, yes, well then, you two will come with me to the office. One of the teachers will be able to walk you home," said the teacher.
"Two of us?" I thought. My rival and I walked to the teacher. "Well, maybe his parents are at work, or on a mission or something."
We walked along to the office. I was lost in thought, as was my rival. We went into the teacher's lounge, to await our assigned teacher. No one is allowed to walk home alone from school until they are in third grade. Everyone younger than that must be picked up. Since there is nobody to pick me up, a teacher walks me home. Every one of the teachers that do so always tell me that they wish I didn't go to their school, so they wouldn't have to go anywhere with me.
"Hey!" came a voice from the door. One of my girl classmates stood there, with her mom. "Mom says it's okay for us to walk you home if you want," she said to my rival.
The teacher looked at her mom, then at the other teachers in the room, who nodded. "Ok, if you are sure it won't be a problem," he said.
"No, of course not. His home is on the way to ours, so I really don't mind," said the mother.
"All right, then. Thank you." The teacher looked somewhat relieved at not having to worry about two students, just me.
"What about me?" I asked. "I'm on the way too, I have seen you walking only a couple streets over from my house." I figured it would be helpful to the teacher, who probably had teacher things to do, to get myself home too.
"Um, no, sorry, I really can't. These two are going to be hard enough," said the mother, with a strained and horrified look on her face. I could tell she was trying to hide it, but she kept edging away from me, so I knew she was one of them. The ones who hate me for some reason.
"Oh," was all I could say. "Great, another one. What did I do? Something I can't remember, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't ask myself about it."
"Well then. Have a nice day, and I will see you Monday," Sensei said to my classmates. Then he turned to me. " I will walk you home myself, since I have noticed how the others act, and how they treat you."
That surprised me. No one ever mentioned the way they behaved. "Wow. This guy is definitely different from the rest."
"Shall we go?"
"Oh, of course, I live this way. I hope it's not too far out of your way," I said to Sensei. He just smiled and shook his head.
We walked along the street in silence, until the school was out of sight, and there were no more happy families going home. I cheered up a little at this. I was lonely, after all. And seeing something I didn't and couldn't have made me sad.
"Do you like your new class so far?" Sensei looked at me, studying my face, as if I might answer with a lie. I just smiled.
"It is different. None of the other teachers even act like I'm in the classroom. So to be put up front is strange to me. it's the first time in my entire life I can remember someone forcing the others to pay attention to me. Of course, that assignment isn't going to make me or you happy. Most of the pages will be blank,' I said, voicing my sadness and fear. Sensei jus looked at me. "Well, here's my place," I said quickly, as we approached my stairs. "I'll see you Monday, I guess." "I can't believe I had said all of that!"
"Well, I don't know about those papers, but I think you are one interesting kid. Keep up the good work, and one day everyone will realize just how great you are." Sensei smiled again, making me wonder what was wrong with him.
"Have you lived here long?" I asked.
"All my life, although I just started as a teacher."
"Well, then, you must not know me. I know I will never amount to anything, cause no one wants me to. Everyone in the village hates me, not jus the teachers. You saw her mom, she hated me too. And I have never actually met her!" I shouted. "Why would you tell me lies? We were taught lying is bad, yet everyone lies to me! I know they all wish I would just disappear, go away, but they all act like they don't wish it at all!"
Sensei looked surprised. I guess I shocked him enough. I waited for him to just walk away, like everyone else did when I got upset. But he still stood there.
"Don't you want to be anything, do anything? If you let what people, who don't like you, influence you, you don't deserve anything more than wanting to disappear. But if you , at least, believe in yourself, you can do whatever you want. I think you could do whatever you want, if you tried. You have to believe you amount to something, first though. Don't you have anything you want?"
I stared. Then I thought about it. "I do have something I want to be when I grow up."
"What is that?" he asked, showing actual interest.
"I want to be the best."
"Well, believe you can, then I'm sure one day, you will. Goodnight, see you Monday." He walked away.
I went inside my dingy apartment, and smiled. I finally had someone on my side. Finally. I mattered to someone. I wasn't completely invisible, like everyone made me believe, till now.
"Monday is going to be a good day."
My eyes open. I am in a run-down little hovel. Awaiting orders for my mission, My teammates are nearby. Here is my rival, and the girl from that day in the lounge. Not quite friends, but getting there. We are patiently awaiting the return of our new Sensei, who has gone to scout the area. We are miles and miles from that little village we live in. I reflect upon the dream I just had. Smiling, I think of my first-grade sensei, who made me who I am. Then I think of the day he had to leave on an important mission, and never came back. We got a new teacher, then we moved on through the years, and I met another Sensei, a lot like the first, who protected me. Then I think of the Sensei I have now. And all the friends I have made, since that day in the chair in front of the class. I smile again.
"I did it, Sensei, I am on my way, just like you said. I believe in myself, even when it seems like no one else does. After all, I matter to myself, right?"
Smiling still, I go back to sleep, to dream more of my happier times, people who I have met, things I have accomplished. Not as many nightmares since that fateful Friday in first-grade, anyway.