This is all Kenny Chesney's fault. No really! His song "Better as a Memory than as Your Man" is probably the best Introspective!Jim song I've ever heard. That said, I have no idea how Introspective!Jim turned into Smutty!Jim. The world may never know.
So, there are three things you need to know before you read this fic:
I have never written slash.
I have never written smut.
This fic contains both. As well as het, threesomes, non con, and one night stands. Wow, when I try something for the first time, I seem to go all out, don't I?
Oops? Anyway, I'm pretty nervous about this, so be kind, please. Lol Oh and as always, I own nothing. Believe me, if I did, several of these characters would be in my bed as opposed to Jim's.
..............
Five people Jim could walk away from after screwing...
Nyota
They have never spoken of it, and likely never will.
It happened nearly a full year into Jim's term at the Academy. When he got the anonymous message on his PADD with nothing but the name of a rather disreputable bar and a time, he'd immediately traced the comm back to the source as he always did. Instead of the name of some random Cadet too shy to admit they wanted him, or even that of said Cadet's really furious significant other, he'd read the one name he'd never expected.
He'd been out the door to his dorm and heading to that out of the way locale in mere minutes. It was quite out of the way actually; he didn't think he'd even been there before, which, considering the long-term city-wide pub crawl he and Bones made a Friday night tradition, was saying quite a bit about the reputation (and safety) of that establishment. Jim hadn't flinched at the sight of the ratty building; he'd just paid the shifty man at the door and headed in. He'd barely glanced at the other people inside, only pausing long enough to note that no, no one he recognized from the Academy was there, and yes, the patrons were just as unwashed and likely hazardous as the bar itself.
She was on a stool at the end of the bar, a pair of shots in front of her. Though he'd known it was she who'd sent the message, the sight of her still shocked him, leaving him speechless. She hadn't spoken as she handed him a shot, tossing her's back with an ironic salute.
Nor did she speak when she'd dragged him purposefully away from the bar and into a grungy bathroom stall. Nor even when she shoved him roughly against the wall and proceeded to kiss the shit out of him. Nor when she'd set her teeth to his neck and thrust her hands down his pants. She was utterly silent, muffling even the moans and whimpers Jim was forcing out of her.
When they fucked, it was every bit as rough and filthy as Jim guessed she thought it would be. But it was in no way quick. Whatever she might have expected, Jim could not allow her to walk away thinking he was only good for a fast throw-away fuck.
No, he made her suffer his touch for hours: driving her wild first with his hands up her skirt and rough on her tits, and then with his mouth on her clit as she perched precariously on the back of the toilet, and finally with his cock filling her as he bent her over that same seat.
Before, during, and after, the thought ran through his mind that he was beyond screwed up in that fucking this woman who hated his guts was probably some of the hottest sex he would ever have. He took as long as he dared in that locked stall, knowing damn well he would never have her again.
When he finally finished, she turned to him and spoke, disgust vivid in her eyes despite, and probably because of, what she'd just allowed him to do to her.
"This never happened."
Chekov
When the Enterprise's navigator finally turned 18, Jim had fully expected to discover that Chekov and his helmsman had decided to lock themselves in one of their quarters for at least 48 hours straight. The fact that they didn't lost him a rather large amount of credits in the unofficial betting pool Scotty had set up, and he wasn't exactly pleased about it.
So, it was probalby because of his own aggravation at his lack of credits that Jim didn't notice right away that something was awry between the two younger men. It took stumbling (by accident of course) into the middle of a gossip session between Uhura, Nurse Chapel, and his own Yeoman for him to catch on to the tension that was fairly crackling between Chekov and Sulu. Though he didn't get a chance to tell the women, as the insults they threw him were rather distracting and stimulating all at once, he definitely agreed with their conclusion: for whatever reason, Chekov had yet to get laid, and Sulu was just nuts for not jumping the little Russian the first legal chance he'd gotten.
The insanity and sheer sexual frustration continued to simmer on his bridge for nearly a month before he finally decided to just Captain up and confront Sulu about what the hell he was thinking, and why the hell it was spilling over onto Jim's bridge, damn it! Thinking carefully about the risks involved (He discarded both the rec room and the botany lab as one equaled fencing which equaled possible sword injuries and the other contained pruning shears), he decided to corner Sulu just after his shift and drag him off to "discuss" the issue in Sulu's quarters.
Surprisingly, Sulu hadn't taken much convincing to talk. In fact, he'd all but blurted out the issue before Jim could open his mouth to start talking.
"He's a virgin." Jim blinked. Well, that wasn't... totally unexpected. He scratched his head trying to figure out what exactly Sulu, who was now hiding his beet red face in his hands, wanted him to say. It wasn't like Chekov was a 40 year old virgin or anything really extreme. He just... hadn't had sex. Jim took a moment to boggle over the thought of what it would have been like for him not having sex by the time he'd turn 18. OK, so maybe it was pretty extreme.
"So...." Jim began. Sulu broke in suddenly, as if Jim's voice had flipped the babble switch to 'On.'
"I've never been with a guy, either. I don't know... If I hurt him..." Somewhere in the back of Jim's mind, he noted that, yes, a situation that could break through even Sulu's impressive batch of unflappable did in fact exist, and was apparently occurring right in front of him. His dark eyes frantic, Sulu sank down on his bed, still muttering under his breath.
"I can help, if you want." Jim just about bit his own tongue in half and squeezed his eyes shut tight in horror. What had possibly possessed him to offer that? Not that he wasn't fully capable of that particular task. And it wasn't like he hadn't been with guys before, so he had the necessary experience. Despite the fact that he would probably look like jail bait for the rest of his life, Chekov was pretty hot. Jim struggled to force that thought all the way to the back of his head before his mind decided he should blurt that out too. Oh yeah, it was official. His pilot was going to kill him. He was sure of it.
"You're serious?" Was that actually relief in the other man's voice? Jim couldn't believe it; he cautiously opened an eye to peer at Sulu. The expression he saw was one of relief mixed with confusion and hope and concern and was that desire? Well, this was unexpected.
It didn't take long for them to work out a plan of action to present to their young navigator. Much to Jim's bemusement, Pavel had turned out to be rather excited about the whole thing. So, while Hikaru watched with a nearly pained expression on his face and Chekov moaned out strings of Russian phrases that were incomprehensibly sinful, Jim skillfully relieved the teen of his virginity.
Really, the things a Captain did for his crew.
Sulu
It took less than a week of Chekov beaming like a little curly headed Russian puppy and Sulu alternating between beaming back and trying not to glare jealously over at his Captain for Jim to realize that he'd forgotten to factor in one possible complication in his scheme.
No problem: that was easily fixed.
Pavel, as it turned out, was quite the closet voyeur, and had no objections what so ever to watching Jim fuck his Hikaru. Jim decided it was a hell of a fun way to balance the scales for the new couple.
Gaila
If Jim Kirk knew all the names of the Orion Mother Goddess, he's fairly sure he'd be happy to light a candle and sing her praises each morning, just for bringing him to Gaila's enthusiastic attention.
If, of course, he was the kind of man to actually do that sort of thing. In any case, he's damned sure that Gaila is one of, if not the most perfect woman he has ever had the pleasure of sleeping with. She is every bit as randy and rarin' to go as Jim ever was, and even on occasion, more so. She'd been up for any and all brands of kink: S&M and bondage, to cross-dressing and role-playing, to toys in various orifices, to new and exciting public locales. Jim often thought that he'd gotten to fuck a new Gaila every other day as they tried out more positions and scenarios than most people would ever think were even possible, let alone really, really pleasurable.
She is just a delight, in and out of bed.
Jim's fairly certain that was half the reason they never ended up exclusive. Frankly, the fact that there are people out there who haven't wanted or been given the opportunity to sleep with his sexy green goddess just astounds him and brings him to a very honest pity. He thinks that everyone in the world should get a chance to have their own Gaila moment, at least just once. She is just that much fun.
The other half of the reason was one he'd never bothered trying to explain to anyone but Gaila herself, and, of course, Bones who'd tried to pretend he wasn't interested. The truth of the matter is that he loves Gaila just as much as she loves him. And no, it's not the "I want to marry you and 2.5 children and a tribble" kind of love. It's a strange, but wholly satisfying "Friends with really awesome benefits who make sure no one else will fuck with each other" kind of love. She introduces him to some of his best lays ever and teaches him how to perform a traditional Orion dance that had Bones in stitches the first time he saw it, though Jim still insists is sexy even if he is a guy; in return, Jim explains a variety of confusing human customs and happily beats the shit out of anyone who tries to treat her like the slave she'd been before Starfleet.
Later, once he is Captain of a very fine ship and she is one of the few Cadet survivors from the Farragut, he all but falls over himself to make sure she's assigned to his ship. There are more than a few lewd remarks from the Admiralty about the lone Orion being assigned to the playboy's ship, but he doesn't give a flying fuck.
It's love; it's Gaila; it's where she needs to be. There really doesn't need to be reason.
Spock
Jim froze, his mind refusing to process what his First Officer had just told him. Surely, for the first time in history, Spock was mistaken. The natives gathered around them with very sharp weaponry in hand could not have possibly have said what Spock told him they did. Spock's expression remained unchanged, though Jim was fairly sure the other man's body was tensing up by the second. Jim mentally cursed the transporters that were offline, again. He further cursed the planet they were standing on, the natives threatening bodily harm, and Cupcake, just for good measure. His frustration momentarily used up, he hailed the Enterprise.
"Lieutenant Uhura, open a private comm line."
"Yes, Captain." There was a moment of silence, and then his Comm Officer was heard again. "Private comm established, Captain. What's going on?"
Jim opened his mouth to reply and then shut it again, look at Spock with growing horror. How the fuck was he supposed to explain their current predicament to Uhura, hell to Spock's wife of all people? Spock seemed to understand his captain's hesitation, and chose to respond.
"It appears that this society's religious devotion to their sexually provocative goddess goes further than it appeared."
"Oh don't tell me that Kirk-"
"I am the one who has offended their sensibilities, Nyota." There was a rather pointed silence, and Jim could just imagine the look on her face as she tried to wrest some comprehension from that statement.
"Long story short, monogamy equals heresy here, Uhura. And Spock mentioned his bondmate, singular. They're fucking pissy about that. Like, liable to skewer us any second, pissy."
"And the transporters are down. Typical." Both Spock and Jim pretended not to hear the string of curse words in various languages she muttered.
"Nyota, they have said that there is a ritual that will... cleanse me of the perceived heresy, but it is not one that you or I will find acceptable." Jim actually tittered nervously at just how much of an understatement that was liable to be. He held his breath as she asked the expected question.
"What kind of ritual exactly?" Spock hesitated, and Jim realized he was at a loss for words, probably for the first time as far as Jim knew. Jim let out a slow breath.
"He has to, uh, actively prove that he believes in their Goddess's teachings. While all these delightful folk watch."
"Actively... What?!" Both Jim and Spock winced at the shriek over their comms. Jim imagined it was probably far, far worse for those sitting near her on the bridge.
"Captain, Commander. I'm moving into the briefing room. I'll be back on in 20 seconds." Jim winced again for his friend. Calling her bondmate by his rank had to be at least as bad as the full name. They wanted that short span of time, Jim nodding and waving a little at the circle of natives and in general trying to look nonchalant.
"Alright, so let me get this straight..." Uhura's voice wasn't nearly as welcome as it should have been, in Jim's opinion. "Because Spock let is slip that we're exclusive, he's going to have to fuck someone else, or they'll kill him."
"Both of us, actually. As I apparently should have been responsible for the so called heinous marriage practices of my crew." She let out a laugh that was just slightly tinged with hysteria.
"Oh well… of course, they would think it was your fault as for once that makes no sense what so ever."
"Thanks... I think." Spock broke in before our nervous banter could carry any farther.
"Nyota, I am sorry. I did not intend to this to happen..."
"No, no of course not, Spock. How could you?" Her voice was quiet and resigned. "Captain... Jim. Will you..." Her voice suddenly grew firm and resolute. "It should be you, Jim. Better you than a stranger. Can you do that for me?"
Jim's eyes had grown wide and almost panic stricken. He'd been very careful to avoid thoughts of that particular outcome to the mess they were in. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to his First Officer. Hell, the image of Spock's pale skin pressed up against the dark hue of Nyota's was one Jim had enjoyed more than once in the shower. But that was precisely why he'd been fairly sure he was not going to go there. Bad enough that Uhura hadn't really forgiven him after their single encounter; she was likely to rip Jim's dick off if he hit on her man, Captain or not. And that was assuming Spock wouldn't do so first.
"Jim..."
"Jim?"
It took both voices to drag him out of his thoughts and back to the present situation.
"Uh, yeah." He swallowed and finally answered Nyota. "Yeah, I can do that."
Much to his chagrin, Nyota actually followed his acceptance up with a rush of instructions, of all insulting things. Really, did she think Jim didn't know how this worked? But then again, she was the only human he knew personally who'd actually slept with a Vulcan. He shook his head and listened more intently. Avoid skin to skin contact, as much as possible, especially his hands. That made sense. She finally trailed off, apparently out of words, and Jim took that to be their cue.
Hands trembling and with a forced sneer at their audience, Jim unfastened his pants and dropped them and his briefs down to his ankles. Without meeting Spock's eyes, he reached back and slid his fingers inside himself carefully, trying his best to ready himself for what was about to happen and wishing like hell for a single thing of lube. Spock's hands coming down on his still clad shoulders, and Jim steeled himself, leaning over slightly to accommodate the other man. Then, without a word, Spock slid himself in, and Jim found out just what the problem was with skin-to-skin contact.
It was painful, both physically and emotionally. Despite the rumors of his exploits, Jim hadn't been on the receiving end very often, and as dry as he was, it fucking hurt. He gritted his teeth as Spock stroked in and out. Far worse was the knowledge that in a very real sense, this was rape. For both of them.
Jim was grateful he couldn't hear Spock's thoughts, but he couldn't escape the emotions sliding under his skin. Disgust and shame rivaled by a growing anger and lust shot through him by turns, making it even hard to relax. Spock's movements were even rougher now, his control slipping from him the longer the coupling continued. Jim began to fear that neither of them would survive the damage this single act would do to both of them.
At that moment, he felt something change. It was something like a whisper or a secret, as if he and someone else were catching glimpses of each other through the window that was Spock. The whisper eased around him comforting and soothing, and he somehow knew Spock was being similarly affected. The pace between them slowed, gentled. Wrapping itself around both men tightly, the whisper led them carefully up a slow glide to release.
….........
When the planet shimmered out of sight and the transporter room appeared around them, Jim was not surprised to see Uhura and Bones, a scowl firmly etched into his best friend's face, waiting for them. Nor was he surprised when she all but lunged at Spock, her hands gliding over her lover's face as he stood stoically before her.
Jim was surprised, however when Uhura turned to him and asked softly, "Are you alright?" Instead of the grudging respect he'd grown accustomed to, her eyes held only concern and gratitude. Unable to speak past the lump that had suddenly showed up in his throat, Jim just nodded. He was surprised again when she took his face in both hands and pulled him down to place a whisper-soft kiss on his forehead.
"Thank you."
...and one who was just too stubborn to let him leave.
The weeks and months after The Incident (As Jim privately thought of it in his head, and had set it as classified as Captainly possible... for Spock's sake, more than his own) went by fairly typically. Jim and his crew explored new worlds, caused 3 diplomatic incidents, stopped 5 rebellions, and in general were kept busy. There were, however, no mishaps of quite the emotional magnitude, so Jim thought they'd come out fairly ahead.
He was even on pretty good terms with most of his crew. Sulu and Chekov had eased past the hero-worship they'd had toward him prior to Chekov's deflowering, and had begun to simply see him as a friend, someone they could just relax around.
Gaila, of course, was Gaila, and while they hadn't slept together recently (as Kirk had a feeling she was getting cozier than normal with his eccentric head engineer), just having her on board was almost an instant morale boost. Thrilled with the Enterprise, she almost never stopped smiling, and her smiles were totally contagious.
To the surprise of a great many of the crew, he and Uhura had stopped bickering practically overnight. There was an ease between them finally; Jim might still flirt with her, but it was clear that he had the utmost respect for his Communications Officer, and she made it clear that she reciprocated. The banter remained, but it lost all of the vicious barbs.
And Spock? Rather than driving an awkward rift between the two men, what they'd been forced to do had all but bound them together, thanks in no small part to Uhura's saving grace. They'd survived the shame, and now knew they could survive anything as a team. There were even times that Jim swore he could still feel the other man's emotions, hidden though they were under Vulcan stoicism, and he was fairly sure Spock could sense his, too. That connection made them even more unstoppable, as they could each gauge the other's motivations during a crisis, and then reacted as needed. In the end, The Incident was not an experience they would ever repeat, but in the long run, Jim couldn't help but be glad the whole mess had happened.
Really, things were going pretty damn well. That probably should have been Jim's clue that his world was about to get turned upside down again. After all, Murphy hated him. Still, even Jim couldn't have guessed it would be a wedding that ended up being a totally fucking fiasco, literally.
One of Bones's nurses, a Betazoid who's telepathic gifts made her absolutely brilliant at anticipating the CMO's orders in a crisis, invited her boss and the Captain to see her wed. Jim had been all for the chance to see a completely naked marriage. Supposedly it had to do with "representing the love and joy of such a union," but Jim figured Betazoids just liked being naked in public. And really, in his opinion, why the hell not?
Why? Because it ended up far more awkward than he'd guessed. Granted, everyone was naked so the embarrassment factor should have been rather low, but he hadn't figured in the fact that most Betazoids would be fairly used to the whole thing. So his rather painful erection, while totally understandable, was also one of only a few in the audience. Also awkward was the fact that sitting next to him, equally erect and far more pissed off about it, was his best friend, a man he'd forced himself to never, ever check out as he seemed mostly hetero, and besides Jim really didn't want to fuck up the one friendship he'd managed to keep this long.
Now, though, he really didn't have a way to avoid it. There Bones sat in all his glory, leaving Jim even more horny and wondering how the fuck did the man stay in that kind of shape? Jim knew the doc barely had time to sleep on a good day, so he'd never guessed the McCoy would manage to find time to work out too. But it was pretty fucking obvious that he did, and by the size of his arms and pecs (not that Jim was staring), did so pretty damn often.
This was so, totally, a really bad place to be. Jim managed to keep his hands to himself and his raging libido in check throughout the ceremony itself. After it ended though, he stayed back as the other guests filed off the patio and inside, as he highly doubted he'd be able to walk with his dick as hard as it was, and he figured once everyone was gone, it would be easier to just step over to the nearby trees and relieve the issue once and for all. Only, when he reached the trees, he found that he'd been followed.
He had barely a moment to recognize the dark hair and hazel eyes, before Bones was pushing him back against a tree and leaning in to kiss him fiercely. That long fit body he'd been admiring only minutes before was pressed up against the full length of Jim, and if he'd had any thought to end this before it went too far, the feel of skin to skin shoved it completely out of his head. His mind finally caught up with Bones's mouth, and reached out to grab a fistful of the other man's dark hair, pulling him even closer, tongues battling for dominance. His free hand roamed, exploring the muscles he'd tried to hard not to touch during the wedding. His hand slid down, and Bones let out a long growl of his name.
"Dammit Jim." Now the older man's hands shot down to grip Jim hard, those skillful fucking hands stroking him to a fever. He was close, close enough to hear Bones growl at him again. "Hell no. This is not going to end that fast."
The hand moved, and Jim fought back a whimper with everything in him. Then, Bones was pulling him down to the forest floor to shift his body behind Jim's, and Jim forgot that he'd felt deprived. There was a brief fumble as they aligned themselves, and Jim moaned as Bones slipped wet fingers into his ass. Then Bones was sliding his full cock slowly into him, his mouth fixed to Jim's neck, one hand around his waist, and the other returning to the job it hadn't finished. Bones pumped in and out of him, his hand matching his cock stroke for stroke. Jim felt surrounded, engulfed; fuck, he was drowning in the feel of his friend's body.
This, Jim thought, this is what I've been avoiding? What the FUCK was I thinking? Bones was moving faster now, driving Jim relentlessly to his release. With a strangle shout, only barely recognizable as Bones's name, Jim came hard and long and shuddering. Bones was only a few strokes behind him, slamming into him one last time with a low groan of "Fuck, Jim."
…..
It probably would have surprised anyone who'd know Jim "fucks anything with orifices" Kirk to see him now, all but hiding in his attempt to avoid his CMO. Betazed and the subsequent sex had been incredible, but he and Bones had barely spoken after. He'd been too, dare he say it, nervous about the other man's reaction, and Bones had been in his usual mid-shuttle aviophobia attack, which apparently was horrific enough to block out even Kirk-induced afterglow.
They'd arrived to find one of the oh-so typical "We have a crisis" messaged from Starfleet Command, and both Jim and Bones had been swept along by their respect duties. That crisis had led to another and so on and so forth, with Jim conveniently finding reasons to stay out of Sick Bay, and by then nearly a week had passed without a single moment of privacy between them. Bones had finally sent a message asking to speak with his illusive Captain, but so far, Jim had managed to avoid being roped into the "We're just friends and this never happened speech" that he had no doubt Bones had probably rehearsed. He just wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep dodging Bones before the man finally used his CMO override to break into his quarters.
Jim was in mid-sneak through Deck 6 when he all but staggered into the newly-wedded nurse who'd been the cause of this whole mess in the first place. He was all set to simply walk past her when she'd latched onto his arm and dragged him down a side hall, a worried look on her face.
"Captain, I'm so very sorry to accost you like this, but I just returned, and I have something rather distressing to apologize for." Her dark eyes were distressed as she continued, explaining that apparently her husband had been suffering from the early stages of something called Zanthi fever. "The symptoms are so slight at first that we didn't realize it. Most of our people were unaffected, but from what we could tell, most of the human guests were." Jim was rather confused by what this had to do with him and said so, and if possible, the pretty nurse looked even more contrite. "Zanthi fever causes one to... project empathically. My husband was projecting all of his emotions upon the guests throughout the ceremony itself..." She trailed off at the look of dawning horror grew upon Jim's face. "I am so, so sorry for any harm that may have been caused. I've already informed Dr. McCoy of the circumstances, and I was on my way to inform you and the other guests now." She didn't seem to know what else to say, and when Jim didn't respond, she turned and slipped away.
Jim barely noticed her leaving, too frantic in the knowledge that what had happened between them, that absolutely mind-blowing encounter that Bones had initiated, had been because of someone else. Because of someone else getting a damn disease for fuck's sake. His mind stuttered to a stop as he ran through the last thing the nurse had told him. Bones knew. Bones already knew. Jim was now even more determined to avoid his friend. Preferably for as long as it took for both of them to become senile and forget about the whole thing. With that goal in mind, he steeled himself and continued down the hall, ever-wary of the chance approach of CMO.
He managed to keep out of Bones's sight for another 3 days. By that time, most of the bridge crew has noticed Jim retreating into himself. The camaraderie that he'd been so proud of bare weeks before was shuffled to the side, a casualty of the tension he'd admit he felt. In light of his behavior, his friends and crew mates made a joint decision. When Bones managed to finally corner Jim, it was only due to the conniving of the others.
"This shit won't fly, Jim." The unexpected voice in his office sent Jim's heart sinking to his knees. He'd been so sure he'd set the Captain's lock on the door; Bones should never have been able to enter. He kept his eyes down, pretending to focus on the PADD in his hands. "Not with me." He didn't have to see the other man's face; the deep voice was rough with anger, his slight drawl exaggerated with the heightened emotion. He decided to play dumb hoping Bones would get the hint that this really didn't need to be hashed out. Maybe then they could go back to being friends.
"What shit?" He gestured vaguely to the PADD in his hand, voice forced into some semblance of casual. "The paperwork? I know I haven't signed off on your requisition list yet, but I-" With a curse that was exceedingly vicious, even for him, Bones grabbed the offending PADD out of Jim's hand and threw it across the room. In two quick strides, he was around the desk and forcing Jim's face up to look at him.
"I said that bullshit won't fly." Jim was mortified to know that his eyes were obviously wide and panicked, but he couldn't help it. What had once been his best friend was towering over him and, he was sure, preparing to complete shatter the heart Jim had only barely realized he had. Bones leaned over him, eyes searching his face for something Jim couldn't name. After a moment, Bones let out a long exasperated breath and spoke. "You stupid shit."
Despite the fact that the words were spoken fondly, Jim felt himself growing angry at the words, at the situation, hell at himself for being foolish enough to sleep with Bones in the first place. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to drive Bones out of the room once and for all.
He never managed to say a word; Bones didn't let him. Instead, the older man swooped down to silence him with a rough wet kiss, every bit as hot and demanding as the first one they'd shared. The kiss went on for a long while, Jim still sitting in his chair, helpless against the onslaught. Slowly, Bones gentled, drawing Jim to stand pressed against him. Bones drew back, studying Jim's face again solemnly.
"I know what you're thinkin' Jim, but you're wrong." Jim opened his mouth to try to speak again, but was shushed by the lift of an eyebrow. "Wait your turn, dammit. I'm not finished. The Zanthi fever: it's not why this happened, Jim. Granted, it is probably what pushed us in that direction at that moment, 'cause hell if I'd imagined fucking you for the first time in broad daylight on some alien planet..." He trailed off, smiling wryly. Jim swallowed and searched for words. Finally, he latched on to the most important part of what Bones had said.
"You, uh, you imagined fucking me for a first time?" His mouth went dry, as he waited for Bones response. Bones just chuckled, the sound rich with lust.
"Damn right." In a flash, he'd backed Jim up against his desk, his mouth hovering over the other man's. "But I'd figured it'd probably be here first."
Jim felt something inside him go light and utterly giddy. He stretched his mouth in a wicked grin as he finally allowed himself to wrap his arms around his lover. Just to be safe, though he didn't doubt Bones had set his own override upon entering, he called out the command to lock the doors. No interruptions.
"Well, we can always pretend it's the first."
Note: Only Bones could turn "You stupid shit" into a term of endearment. Gotta love him for it!
Soooooooo, good, bad, satisfying? Whichever: review and let me know please. Like I said, I'm a little nervous posting this!