I Do!
Author: Nova-chan
E-mail: quaggasaiyanbaby@aol.com
Series: Slayers
Rating: G
Summary: I've seen this storyline in a lot of fics before, but never one for Slayers, so I thought that I'd just kick back and write one. I hope it's one of my better fics. Here goes!
Lina, Zelgadis, Gourry, and Xelloss were all gathered at an inn, relaxing after a hard day's "work."
"You know," Gourry commented, "I've always wondered how they shrink the umbrellas to put 'em in your drink. I mean, just look! It's so little!" He gestured to his tropical drink, with a little umbrella and an orange slice.
Lina just groaned.
Zelgadis ignored him and continued drinking his coffee, and laying back in a big, cushy recliner.
Xelloss was currently trying to think of something to disturb the moment, when someone else did it for him.
**Knock, knock!!**
"Open up. F.B.I."
"I'll get it," Zelgadis muttered, going over to the door, abandoning his beloved coffee.
In another corner of the room, Gourry had found an old trunk. "OooOOOoooOOO!!" he exclaimed. "Costumes!"
When Zelgadis opened the door, he was met by an agent wearing a big trenchcoat. The agent had long, red hair that was tied down at the very end.
Zelgadis raised an eyebrow. "Gaav?"
The agent looked surprised. "Gaav? I know no Gaav!" he cried. "But, I must tell you that I, as a certified agent of the F.B.I.(that's Federal Bureau of Investigation), am here to tell you, if you are Zelgadis Greywers, that you are being deported."
The chimera gaped. "Deported?? Why?"
"Quite frankly, son, I don't know."
"What kind of a joke is this?" Zelgadis demanded. "Just what are you trying to pull, Gaav?"
"I told you! I am not Gaav! I have never heard that name in my life!!"
"Oh-kay, whatever." Zel rolled his eyes. "Now, why am I being deported?? And where to??"
"I do not know the why, although I really do, I'm just not liable to answer that. However, I do know where you'll be going," the agent answered.
"Oh-kay, then, where am I being deported to?"
"Siberia, of course."
"That frozen place?"
"Why, yes."
Lina walked over to the door. "What's going on Zel-GAAV???"
Xelloss popped up beside Lina. "Hi Gaav!"
A vein burst out of the agent's forehead. "FOR THE LAST TIME!! I AM NOT GAAV!!!"
Lina looked skeptical. "Then, who are you?"
"I am an agent of the F.B.I.," was the answer.
"And what are you doing here?"
"I am here to deport Mr. Greywers here. It's my job to deport people."
"Deport??" Lina gasped. "But you can't deport him!!"
"And why not?" the agent wondered, impatiently.
"Well." Lina thought for a moment. "Because.he's getting married!"
"Married?" the agent shrieked.
"MARRIED??" Zelgadis stared at Lina, unbelievingly.
"Yes," Lina answered, completely composed. "He's getting married a week from today. So, you can't deport him anywhere."
"Oh, wow, marriage! Who's the lucky girl??"
"Well.um."
"Hey guys!!" Gourry cried from behind them all.
Slowly, they turned to see the swordsman in a sailor suit.
"I'm Sailor Moon!"
Xelloss smiled an evil smile. "He's marrying her," he said, pointing to Gourry.
"WHAT!!" Lina yelled.
"Oh." Zelgadis moaned before passing out on the floor.
"What's the matter with him?" the emissary asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, um." Lina said nervously. "He's just excited and the sight of his lovely bride in a sailor suit just makes him giddy with delight!" She laughed, neurotically.
"And, who wouldn't?" Xelloss added. "Why, young Gourrina here is the picture of a perfect bride!"
"I see." The agent looked around at the group. "Well, I simply must come to the wedding.let's see.today's Wednesday.so next Wednesday, it is! I'll be there! What church is it?"
"Um." Lina mumbled, at a loss.
"It's at the only church in the city!" Xelloss answered for her. "The one that's.oh, you know, the only one in town."
"I'll be there!!" the agent, who looked a little too much like Gaav shouted, walking away.
"Hey guys!" Gourry called, as soon as Lina shut the door. "Who's Gourrina?"
"ARE YOU CRAZY???" Zelgadis screamed. He had woken up only moments before, in the same recliner he was in before. Upon remembering what had happened, he had immediately screamed at Lina, Xelloss, and Gourry.
"You!" he exclaimed, pointing at Lina. "You just had to say 'oh, he's getting married!' And you!" He pointed at Xelloss. "You just had to say that I was getting married to Gourry!!! I would have been better off if you had said that I was getting married to a one-eyed pony! And YOU!" He pointed at Gourry, who was now in his regular clothes. "You just had to show up wearing the absurd costume right when the guy wants to know who I'm getting married to! Sheesh.some friends.where's my coffee??"
"Listen Zel!" Lina piped up. "It's a heck of a lot better than getting deported! Now, we'll just work with what we've got! We'll fake a wedding. I'll be the bridesmaid, we can get Xelloss to be the best man-"
"But I wanted to be the preacher!" Xelloss whined.
Lina groaned. "Oh-kay, fine. Just don't do anything weird!"
"Gotcha!" Xelloss exclaimed, saluting her. Lina thought for a minute. "We could get Valgaav to be the ring bearer, and."
"We could use my puppet, Mrs. Crumpton, to be the flower girl!" Gourry shrieked.
"Gourry?"
"Yes, Lina?"
"Who's going to be working the puppet?"
"Gee.I dunno."
"Then, keep your dumb opinions to yourself."
"But, I don't like onions, Lina."
"Fireball!!"
"Thanks for agreeing to do this, Amelia," Lina said, to the buxom, young princess.
"No problem, Ms. Lina! I love weddings, and I've always wanted to be a flower girl! So, who's getting married?" Amelia asked.
Lina looked up at the ceiling. "Um.Gourry."
"Mr. Gourry?? Wow! Who's he marrying??"
Lina grumbled something.
"I didn't understand that, Ms. Lina," Amelia said, impatiently.
"He's marrying Zelgadis," Lina whispered, practically inaudible.
"WHAT!!!!" Amelia screamed.
She ran straight to Zelgadis' room at the inn and banged on his door.
"Mr. Zelgadis!! MR. ZELGADIS!!! TELL ME IT ISN'T TRUE!!! TELL ME!!" she cried.
Zelgadis opened the door. "It isn't true," he muttered, closing the door.
"Phew!" Amelia sighed. "That's a relief.waitaminute!! Mr. Zelgadis!! I don't think that you were telling me the truth and if you are on the side of the mighty and wonderful Justice, then you must always tell the truth, or are you on the other side, tell me you aren't on the other side of inJustice, because that's what you've led me to believe, what with this whole marrying Mr. Gourry business, Mr. Zelgadis, PLEASE!!!"
"Go away!"
"But Mr. Zelgadis!!"
"Hi Amelia!" Gourry exclaimed, from his room that was across from Zelgadis'.
"M-Mr. Gourry?" Amelia gaped.
Gourry was wearing a long, white wedding gown, covered in lacey tresses and little pink bows. His hair had been put up in a bun and tied with a yellow ribbon, to match his hair.
"What do you think of my masterpiece?" Xelloss asked, from behind Gourry.
"I-I.oh." Amelia fainted.
"Well." Gourry began.
"I think she liked it," Xelloss said.
"Ohh." Amelia groaned. She sat up in a bed at the inn, and looked around. "What happened?"
"Well, upon seeing Gourry in his wedding gown, added to the fact that you freaked out about his and Zelgadis' wedding, you fainted," Xelloss answered from the shadows.
Amelia laid back down. "So, it wasn't a dream?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Why.what.Mr. Zelgadis, and Mr. Gourry??" Amelia cried.
"They're getting married a week from yesterday so that Zelgadis doesn't have to get deported," Xelloss told her.
"No! Mr. Zelgadis should have married me!!" Amelia whined.
"Well, you weren't around, so Gourry, or Gourrina, was the next best choice. You wouldn't have liked it if Lina had married him instead, would you?"
"Well.no.but it's inJust!!" the princess roared. "This can't be happening! I'll wake up anytime! You'll see!!"
"If you say so," Xelloss said, dissmissively, as he walked out of the room.
Amelia jumped out of bed and ran across the hall to Zelgadis' room and banged on the door again. "Mr. Zelgadis!! I demand to know what is going on here!!!!!"
Zelgadis opened the door to face Amelia. "Oh-kay, Gaav showed up, and said he was with the F.B.I.," he began. "He said that I was being deported to Siberia for no reason-"
"-and, so now we're going to fake the wedding so I can stay here," Zelgadis finished.
"Oh, why didn't Mr. Xelloss say so?" Amelia wondered.
"Well.because he's Xelloss," the chimera answered.
"I guess that's a good enough reason.all right, Mr. Zelgadis! I'll help you!!"
"Good. You know your part, right?"
"Yes! I'm going to be the flower girl who gets to walk down the aisle with the ring bearer, who will be played by baby Mr. Valgaav!" the energetic oujo said.
"He's not a baby. He's six years old."
"Well, do you want me to call him 'six year old Mr. Valgaav'??"
"No. Just call him Valgaav," Zelgadis told her, getting irritated.
"But, I have to be respectful, as a servant and messenger of Justice!! Therefore, I must use proper titles for everyone. Either Miss, Missus, or Mister!" Amelia cried.
"Oh-kay, whatever you say, 'Miss Amelia.'"
"All right, Gourry. We're gonna do the same thing we did last Wednesday, except this time, it's for real.err.fake. It's still fake, except it's the real.fake." Zelgadis stumbled, for lack of a better word.
"You're confusing me!!" Gourry exclaimed.
"Never mind," Zelgadis muttered, rubbing his forehead, "just go up to the room and let Xelloss help you get dressed. What am I saying?" He began to walk away.
"Oh-kay, Zel-chan!!" Gourry cried, running off to the changing room.
"Xelloss? Are you here?" Gourry whispered in the dark room.
The lights suddenly flickered on, to reveal Xelloss standing beside a dressmaker's dummy that was wearing the wedding dress.
"Are you ready to become Gourrina?" Xelloss asked, in anticipation.
"Don't you mean Mrs. Zelgadis Greywers?" Gourry asked, blushing.
"Um.whatever. Let's just do this!"
"Ready, Zelgadis?" Lina asked, straightening the chimera's tie.
"No."
"But, Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia whispered, "we don't wanna lose you."
"I'm not ever going to be ready for this, Amelia. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever marry Gourry," he went on. "It's like a nightmare."
"Well, at least you aren't marrying Amelia, right?" Lina whispered.
"I heard that, Miss Lina! And that is wrong and inJust! I can't believe that you would be so rude and mean as to say that Mr. Zelgadis would rather be with Mr. Gourry.or Miss Gourrina, which he wouldn't, isn't that right, Mr. Zelgadis??"
"Um.oh, look at the time! I'd better get over to the altar!!"
Amelia and Lina sweatdropped.
Zelgadis popped back beside them. "Say, Lina, who did you get to be the best man, if Xelloss is the minister?"
"Well."
"It's sure a pleasure to be in your wedding, Zelgadis," Phibbrizzo commented.
"Don't you have better things to do?" Zelgadis wondered. "You know, being Hellmaster and all?"
"Well.Lina caught me at a good time! So, I was free. No universal domination-type thingies today. Nope." Phibbrizzo shook his head.
"Please don't mess this up," Zel begged. "If Gaav, or that F.B.I. agent or whatever finds out that we're faking this, I'm doomed!"
"I know. I heard the whole story from Lina.and Amelia." He shuddered at the thought of the princess' Justice speeches.
"So, how'd she talk you into it?" the chimera wondered.
"Well.let's just say I have a bit of a sweet tooth."
"A sweet tooth?"
"Yeah.Lina said that if I came, she'd give me a chocolate bar," Phibbrizzo said, in a daze.
"A chocolate bar?" Zelgadis raised an eyebrow.
"Yes.I love cho-co-late."
"All right, Gourry.err, Gourrina," Xelloss said, about to leave the room, "I'll see you when you walk the walk o' doom!"
"Oh-kay! Bye Xelloss!" Gourry called out in a feminine voice.
Gourry had been dressed up as Gourrina once again in the white dress with the pink bows and long, lacey tresses. His hair was in the yellow ribbon, tied in a bun. He looked.gorgeous. ^.^
Xelloss, in a blue tuxedo, skipped over to stand in front of the altar.
"Namagomi!" someone shouted from in the benches.
Xelloss stuck out his tongue at Filia.
"Xelloss?" Zelgadis wondered.
"Yes, groom-to-be?" the mazoku returned.
"Why are you wearing a blue tux?"
".why not?"
"I'm wearing blue."
"Zel-chan, you are blue."
"Yes, but, you---fine! Fine. If it'll get us through this day without me getting deported, I'll go along with it," Zelgadis groaned, putting a hand over his face.
Xelloss looked to his left. "Hi Phibby!!" ^.^
"Hey Xelloss!!" ^_^
"Freaks," Zelgadis muttered.
Sitting by Filia, was Agent Gaav.
"It's nice to meet you, ma'am. How long have you known these fine people?" the agent asked.
"Too long," Filia answered, sprouting a tongue at Xelloss.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"So.do you.wanna go get dinner later?" Agent Gaav wondered.
Filia fumed. "With.YOU????" she shrieked.
"Well.of course!"
Filia's tail popped out of her dress.
"Woah.um.I gotta go! See ya!" he exclaimed, hopping onto a bench beside Milgasia.
"So.you come here often?"
Meanwhile, in the back of the church, Lina was standing with Gourry, Amelia, and Valgaav.
"All right, you guys, are you ready?" Lina asked.
Amelia and Valgaav nodded, while Gourry shifted his feet.
"What's the problem, 'Gourrina'?" Lina wondered, beginning to get a migraine.
"Well.I don't know.I think I'm getting cold feet." he said, blushing.
"All right, Gourry, we've worked too hard for you to screw this up now!" Lina roared. "You're going to marry Zelgadis whether you like it or not!!"
Geez, she thought to herself. I never thought I'd say that.
"Oh-kay, Six-year-old-baby Mr. Valgaav," Amelia began, "ready?"
"Um.yeah." he answered, staring at the princess.
The music began and Valgaav and Amelia walked down the aisle together, Amelia throwing little pink flower petals, and Valgaav holding a big pillow, with a tiny ring on it.
When the two got to the end of the aisle, they parted ways and stood behind the appropriate side.
"Oh-kay, Gourrina," Lina said, threateningly, "I'm the bridesmaid so I have to go next and leave you here, so you better come down the aisle like you're supposed to, got it??"
"Oh-kay!" Gourry replied, happily.
Lina sweatdropped, and on cue, began to walk down the aisle, in a yellow dress with a big pink bow in the back.
She came to a stop on the "bride's" side with Amelia.
The music cued for Gourry and he began walking down the aisle slowly as the congregation stood in reverence.
Agent Gaav watched all of this with awe and enthusiasm.
When Gourry reached the end of the walkway, Xellos began: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered in this church to join Zelgadis and Gourry-"
Zelgadis shot him an evil look.
"-na," he continued, unscathed, "in the ties of holy wedlock and sacramental loving binds. May these two engaged join hands and face each other?"
Zelgadis made a "cut-throat" gesture and Xelloss shrugged.
"Obviously the bride and groom-to-be don't wish to join hands in the ties of holy wedlock and sacramental-"
"Oh-kay, oh-kay," Zelgadis grumbled, taking Gourry's hands limply.
Unfortunately for him, Gourry grasped back in a death grip.
Zelgadis' eyes watered, as he felt his hands swelling in pain. "Gourry." he whispered. "My hands can't breathe."
"Oop. Sorry!" Gourry exclaimed, excitedly letting go of Zel's hands and waving to Agent Gaav.
"IF I COULD CONTINUE," Xelloss said, loudly, gathering everyone's attention.
"You stupid namagomi!!"
"I'll ignore that," the mazoku said, irritably. "Now, where was I? Oh-kay. Do you, Zelgadis Greywers take Gourrina.um.Gabriev to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold and have sex with-"
"Xelloss!!!" Zelgadis cried.
"-in sickening health, and even if she turns out to be a horrible husband- beater, and a French model begs you to elope with her, you'll never ever part with Gourrina until you die!??!"
"Um." Zelgadis froze, a little afraid of what Xelloss had just exaggerated. "I-" He glanced at Agent Gaav. "I do."
Xelloss turned to Gourry. "And do you, Gourrina Gabriev.wow!! That's a great name.it would make a great song."
"Xelloss!" Zelgadis exclaimed, warningly.
Xelloss paid him no mind. "I'm a Gourry girl, in my Gourry world! Made of jelly, love the deli! You can see my sword, until you get bored-"
"NAMAGOMI!!"
"Oh-kay, oh-kay, watch your temper, mace-girl!" Xelloss exclaimed. "Do you Gourrina Gabriev take Zelgadis Greywers to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold in chimera-ness, and in chimera-ness-" Xelloss waited.
"." Zelgadis stared at him.
"Aren't you gonna interrupt?" the mazoku priest wondered, expectantly.
"No."
"Oh-kay," he continued, "until you both kick the bucket?"
"Yeah!" Gourry exclaimed.
"You have to say 'I do' for it to be legal," Xelloss prompted.
"Shut up!" Zelgadis growled.
"I do!!" Gourry cried.
"May we have the rings?" Xelloss asked.
Lina gave a ring to Gourry and Valgaav gave a ring to Zelgadis.
"Repeat after me," the priest beckoned to Zelgadis. "Look at me! I'm a freak!"
"Look at me! I-XELLOSS!!!" Zelgadis yelled, about ready to kill the monster.
"Sorry. I couldn't help myself!" Xelloss exclaimed, about to go into a fit of giggles. "Oh-kay, repeat this: with this ring, I thee wed."
Zelgadis groaned. "With this ring, I thee wed," he grumbled. Then, he began to slide the ring onto Gourry's finger. When it got to the swordsman's knuckle, it stopped moving.
"Umm.problem?" Xelloss wondered.
"No," Zelgadis gritted through his teeth, trying to jam the ring on Gourry's finger.
"Ow!" Gourry cried, as the ring finally slipped onto the upper part of his finger. He looked at it sadly, as it began throbbing.
"Oh-kay, then," the priest began again, "Gourrina, repeat after me: Rikki Tikki Tavi!!"
"Rikki Tikki Tavi!" Gourry exclaimed.
"Xelloss, what in the world is 'Rikki Tikki Tavi'?" Zelgadis asked, about to just let the wedding become a disaster.
"Oh, it's from a book," Xelloss explained. "You see, Rikki Tikki Tavi is a mongoose, who-"
"Never mind, just get on with it," Zel begged.
"Oh-kay. Gourrina? Say, 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"
"With this thing, I see red," Gourry said.
"No, no," Xelloss said, shaking his head. "With this ring, I thee wed."
"Without a dream, I'd be dead."
"No. Look! Say, 'with.'"
"With."
"This."
"This."
"Ring."
"Ring.
"I."
"Thy."
"No, I."
"No, I."
"No! Just say 'I'!"
"No! Just say-"
"I thee wed!!!!" the monster yelled, about to go into hysterics.
"I thee wed!!!!" Gourry cried, with a little too much enthusiasm, as he quickly slammed the ring onto Zelgadis' thumb.
"Gourrina?"
"Yes, Zel-chan?"
"That's probably never going to come off."
Gourry laughed. "Yay!"
"Has anyone any words that would prevent these two from getting married?" Xelloss asked. "Say so, or forever hold your piece of pie!"
"Pie, where??" Gourry exclaimed, looking around.
"After this is over, Gourry," Zelgadis whispered.
"Has no one any words?" Silence. "Then, by the power vested in me by-" Xelloss stopped, as his eyes got sparkly, "-my wonderful and perfect master, Beastmaster Zelas, who made me and gave me my pretty staff and who makes me cookies and buys me toys and-"
Zelgadis shot him a death glare.
"I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!! Kiss him, Gourrina!!!!" the mazoku cried.
At which point, Zelgadis fainted, upon seeing Gourry's bulging lips, painted crimson with lipstick.
Later, at the reception, Zelgadis was beginning to wake up.
"Mr. Zelgadis!!"
"Zel-chan!"
"Zel!"
"Wake up, lover boy!"
Zelgadis opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Gourry in drag, and immediately his brain wanted him to pass out again, until it remembered what was going on.
"Is it over? Did we do it?" he asked, rubbing his head.
"Well." Lina began.
"We did it, Zel-chan!" Gourry exclaimed. "But Gaav's still here!"
"You're kidding," Zelgadis groaned.
"Nope. See he's standing right there, hitting on Filia."
Indeed, Agent Gaav was standing beside the punch bowl, talking to Filia, whose tail was threatening to pop out any second. He spotted the awakened Zelgadis and walked over.
"Hello! Congratulations!" Agent Gaav exclaimed, shaking Gourry's and Zelgadis' hands. "I'm happy to see that the both of you are now married!"
"So, you won't be deporting him?" Lina wondered.
"Of course not! Why, if thing's keep going this smoothly between them, there'll be no problem whatsoever!"
Zelgadis gave a fake grin. "Well, I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than Gourrina here!" he exclaimed, putting a hand loosely on Gourry's shoulder.
"Well, that's great!" Agent Gaav shouted. "Of course, you won't mind that I have my camera following you?"
"Your what?" Zelgadis asked, caught totally off-guard.
"Well, my camera! You see, it's F.B.I. regulations!"
"So, how long does the camera have to follow us?" Gourry wondered.
"For one week," Agent Gaav answered. "And if all goes smoothly, then you're off the hook, and there will be no deportation!"
"Great," Zelgadis muttered.
"Listen Zelgadis!!" Lina yelled, trying to push the chimera into a little cottage. "You've GOT to do this!! Just stay in there for a week and be nice to Gourry! When it's over, I'll buy you a swimming-pool full of coffee. Does that make you feel better?"
"Coffee good for Zelgadis."
"I thought so."
Amelia, Lina, and Xelloss stood outside the cottage, after they had gotten Gourry and Zelgadis to go in.
"I think it's beautiful," Amelia said, in a squeakier-than-normal voice. Tears began to stream down her face.
"What's the matter, Amelia?" Xelloss asked.
"I always cry at weddings," she whimpered. "I was just too busy earlier." At that, the princess burst into huge, flowing tears that spattered both Lina and Xelloss.
The two pulled out umbrellas from nowhere to save themselves from getting soaked.
"Oh-kay Gourry," Zelgadis said, inside the cabin, "I know you may not be having fun, but I'm not either, so-"
"My, dear, Zel-chan! I don't know what you're talking about! I love being with you!" Gourry shrieked, in his feminine voice.
"Gourry, what are you doing?" Zelgadis asked.
Gourry pointed to the hovering spherical camera.
"You know, I can't help my affection from bursting out!" Gourry exclaimed, winking.
"Oh.uhh.me too!" Zelgadis agreed, silently thanking God that Gourry had remembered the camera.
"Well.it's time for bed!" Gourry shouted.
"Yes, it is," Zelgadis complied, turning to the camera. "Gourrina and I always sleep at 3:00 p.m."
"Yeah, so, if you'll excuse us, we're gonna go.sleep!" Gourry waved, as he and Zelgadis ran into another room and shut the door.
"Oh-kay, Gourry," Zelgadis whispered, "just be quiet, and we won't cause any suspicion."
"Oh-kay!"
Day 1:
Zelgadis had decided to sleep on the couch and let Gourry have the bed, since Gourry had yelled, "Ladies sleep on the bed!!"
He was having a nice dream that didn't involve marriage in any form, fashion, or way, when suddenly, "Wake up, my wonderful husband, Zel-chan! I made waffles!"
Zelgadis shot up in bed, looking around, frantically.
"What? Who?" he asked.
"I made your breakfast!" Gourry exclaimed, in a pink housecoat. "It's ready!"
"Oh, whatever Gourry," the chimera mumbled.
Gourry cleared his throat and tossed his head toward the mobile camera.
Zelgadis looked shocked. "I'd love to have breakfast, especially if you made it, dear!" he cried, enthusiastically.
"Well, it's in here on the table. I made some fresh coffee." Gourry smiled, perkily.
"Coffee!!!" Zelgadis yelled, practically teleporting to the table. He grabbed the mug and gulped down the contents as quickly as possible, before spitting it out, disgusted. "Gourrina!! What did you put in that??"
"Um." He thought for a minute. "I made it from mushed up blackberries."
Zelgadis stared at him for a very long time.
Finally, he said, "You can mess with a lot of things, but when you mess with my coffee, especially in the morning, it's personal."
"Oh, you're so silly, Zel-chan! You know that's how you like it!" Gourry exclaimed, tilting his head towards the camera.
Zelgadis threw his hands in the air in agony.
"Oh-kay. I remember now. I always like the way you make coffee out of blackberries," he said, in a drone voice.
"Goodie!" Gourry shrieked, clasping his hands together. "Because I made your waffles out of venison!"
Zelgadis suddenly felt sick for some reason, and decided that he didn't want any breakfast. "I'm gonna go out and.uh.plant a garden," he said, making up any excuse to get away from Gourry and the camera.
"Oh-kay, honey!" the swordsman in the flowery housecoat called. "Be back in time for lunch! I'm making spinach, your favorite!"
Zelgadis resisted the urge to heave as he grabbed a shovel and headed outside.
Once there, he dropped the shovel and decided to go for a walk.
What has my life come to? he asked himself.
Back in the cottage, Gourry was getting around to the housework: ironing Zelgadis' socks, cleaning out a fish bowl that didn't have a fish in it, baking all sorts of cakes and pies, and polishing their toothbrushes.
"Ahh!" he sighed. "Now that I've gotten that done, I'll start lunch!"
The camera followed him into the kitchen, where he began to cook a giant pot full of spinach.
An hour later, Zelgadis arrived back at the cottage. He was met by an irate Gourry, wearing a skirt-suit and an apron.
"Just where have you been?" Gourry demanded, shaking a finger at Zelgadis. "I have been so worried about you! You never call, you never tell me where you are, or what you're doing! I just don't feel like I'm a part of your life anymore." He sobbed, hysterically.
Zelgadis eyed the camera and tried to comfort his "wife."
"Oh, listen, Gourrina!" he said. "Without you.I wouldn't have a life. And, ease up with this act," he warned, under his breath.
"Got it, sugar!" He winked. "Now, come in and get your lunch! It's getting cold!"
Day 2:
Zelgadis woke up before Gourry and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
"Ohhh." he sighed, sadly. "I never thought I'd see the day when I was married to Gourry. If I'd known this would happen, I would've shot myself when I had the chance. This is probably all Xelloss' fault."
"Did someone call me?" a voice said from the other side of the shower curtain.
"AAAH!!!" Zelgadis screamed. He peeked on the other side. "XELLOSS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE???"
"I just wanted to check in on my favorite couple!" Xelloss cried.
"Well-go check on Gourry! Get out of my shower!" Zelgadis yelled.
"Well, technically, for me to get out of your shower, I have to get in it, so-"
"GO AWAY!!!!"
"Someone's in the kitchen with me-e! Someone's in the kitchen with me-e-e! Someone's in the kitchen with me-e! Helpin' me make cookies!" Gourry sang, as he danced around in the kitchen, baking cookies in a long, yellow dress.
Xelloss sat at the table, trying out the first batch with a glass of milk.
"Hey! These are pretty good!" the mazoku exclaimed, after eating a dozen or so.
"Why thank you, Xelloss!" Gourry smiled, happily. "It's always good to see you!"
"So, how are you and Zelgadis doing?"
"Oh, perfectly!"
"Really?"
"Really!"
"He's not crabby?"
"Crabby? My Zelgadis? Never!"
"GOURRINA!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE TOWELS???" Zelgadis yelled.
"Oh my!" the swordsman exclaimed. "I have to go! You know the way out, Xelloss!!"
He ran into the next room, the camera following him, closely.
"Bye, bye!" Xelloss called, teleporting away.
Day 3:
"Zel-chan! Don't yell at me!!" Gourry defended himself.
"You're getting on my nerves! I'm tired of you, Gourry!!" Zelgadis screamed. He turned to the camera. "Listen, Agent whatever!!! This was all staged! Gourry is a man!! I was never engaged to him! We just did this so I wouldn't get deported! But, now I don't care!! Deport me! Do anything! Just get me AWAY from HIM!!!"
Gaav phased in. He smirked at Zelgadis, bent over close to him, and whispered, "April fool."
Zelgadis' eyes grew wide. "WHAT!!!!"
Xelloss phased in beside him. "April fools, Zel-chan!!"
Phibbrizzo popped in behind both of them. "April fools!!!"
Zelgadis looked at Gourry. "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS???"
Gourry smiled. "Nope!"
Zelgadis sat down on the floor and closed his eyes. Then, he screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"Aw, don't worry, Zel! At least now you won't have to eat my cooking."
"Elmekia Lance!!!!"
"Ow."
--Gee.um.what can I say? That's Nova-chan, for ya! I hope it was enjoyed very, very much! Gimme your reviews & requests & I'll see ya next time!!! 3 Nova-chan
Author: Nova-chan
E-mail: quaggasaiyanbaby@aol.com
Series: Slayers
Rating: G
Summary: I've seen this storyline in a lot of fics before, but never one for Slayers, so I thought that I'd just kick back and write one. I hope it's one of my better fics. Here goes!
Lina, Zelgadis, Gourry, and Xelloss were all gathered at an inn, relaxing after a hard day's "work."
"You know," Gourry commented, "I've always wondered how they shrink the umbrellas to put 'em in your drink. I mean, just look! It's so little!" He gestured to his tropical drink, with a little umbrella and an orange slice.
Lina just groaned.
Zelgadis ignored him and continued drinking his coffee, and laying back in a big, cushy recliner.
Xelloss was currently trying to think of something to disturb the moment, when someone else did it for him.
**Knock, knock!!**
"Open up. F.B.I."
"I'll get it," Zelgadis muttered, going over to the door, abandoning his beloved coffee.
In another corner of the room, Gourry had found an old trunk. "OooOOOoooOOO!!" he exclaimed. "Costumes!"
When Zelgadis opened the door, he was met by an agent wearing a big trenchcoat. The agent had long, red hair that was tied down at the very end.
Zelgadis raised an eyebrow. "Gaav?"
The agent looked surprised. "Gaav? I know no Gaav!" he cried. "But, I must tell you that I, as a certified agent of the F.B.I.(that's Federal Bureau of Investigation), am here to tell you, if you are Zelgadis Greywers, that you are being deported."
The chimera gaped. "Deported?? Why?"
"Quite frankly, son, I don't know."
"What kind of a joke is this?" Zelgadis demanded. "Just what are you trying to pull, Gaav?"
"I told you! I am not Gaav! I have never heard that name in my life!!"
"Oh-kay, whatever." Zel rolled his eyes. "Now, why am I being deported?? And where to??"
"I do not know the why, although I really do, I'm just not liable to answer that. However, I do know where you'll be going," the agent answered.
"Oh-kay, then, where am I being deported to?"
"Siberia, of course."
"That frozen place?"
"Why, yes."
Lina walked over to the door. "What's going on Zel-GAAV???"
Xelloss popped up beside Lina. "Hi Gaav!"
A vein burst out of the agent's forehead. "FOR THE LAST TIME!! I AM NOT GAAV!!!"
Lina looked skeptical. "Then, who are you?"
"I am an agent of the F.B.I.," was the answer.
"And what are you doing here?"
"I am here to deport Mr. Greywers here. It's my job to deport people."
"Deport??" Lina gasped. "But you can't deport him!!"
"And why not?" the agent wondered, impatiently.
"Well." Lina thought for a moment. "Because.he's getting married!"
"Married?" the agent shrieked.
"MARRIED??" Zelgadis stared at Lina, unbelievingly.
"Yes," Lina answered, completely composed. "He's getting married a week from today. So, you can't deport him anywhere."
"Oh, wow, marriage! Who's the lucky girl??"
"Well.um."
"Hey guys!!" Gourry cried from behind them all.
Slowly, they turned to see the swordsman in a sailor suit.
"I'm Sailor Moon!"
Xelloss smiled an evil smile. "He's marrying her," he said, pointing to Gourry.
"WHAT!!" Lina yelled.
"Oh." Zelgadis moaned before passing out on the floor.
"What's the matter with him?" the emissary asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, um." Lina said nervously. "He's just excited and the sight of his lovely bride in a sailor suit just makes him giddy with delight!" She laughed, neurotically.
"And, who wouldn't?" Xelloss added. "Why, young Gourrina here is the picture of a perfect bride!"
"I see." The agent looked around at the group. "Well, I simply must come to the wedding.let's see.today's Wednesday.so next Wednesday, it is! I'll be there! What church is it?"
"Um." Lina mumbled, at a loss.
"It's at the only church in the city!" Xelloss answered for her. "The one that's.oh, you know, the only one in town."
"I'll be there!!" the agent, who looked a little too much like Gaav shouted, walking away.
"Hey guys!" Gourry called, as soon as Lina shut the door. "Who's Gourrina?"
"ARE YOU CRAZY???" Zelgadis screamed. He had woken up only moments before, in the same recliner he was in before. Upon remembering what had happened, he had immediately screamed at Lina, Xelloss, and Gourry.
"You!" he exclaimed, pointing at Lina. "You just had to say 'oh, he's getting married!' And you!" He pointed at Xelloss. "You just had to say that I was getting married to Gourry!!! I would have been better off if you had said that I was getting married to a one-eyed pony! And YOU!" He pointed at Gourry, who was now in his regular clothes. "You just had to show up wearing the absurd costume right when the guy wants to know who I'm getting married to! Sheesh.some friends.where's my coffee??"
"Listen Zel!" Lina piped up. "It's a heck of a lot better than getting deported! Now, we'll just work with what we've got! We'll fake a wedding. I'll be the bridesmaid, we can get Xelloss to be the best man-"
"But I wanted to be the preacher!" Xelloss whined.
Lina groaned. "Oh-kay, fine. Just don't do anything weird!"
"Gotcha!" Xelloss exclaimed, saluting her. Lina thought for a minute. "We could get Valgaav to be the ring bearer, and."
"We could use my puppet, Mrs. Crumpton, to be the flower girl!" Gourry shrieked.
"Gourry?"
"Yes, Lina?"
"Who's going to be working the puppet?"
"Gee.I dunno."
"Then, keep your dumb opinions to yourself."
"But, I don't like onions, Lina."
"Fireball!!"
"Thanks for agreeing to do this, Amelia," Lina said, to the buxom, young princess.
"No problem, Ms. Lina! I love weddings, and I've always wanted to be a flower girl! So, who's getting married?" Amelia asked.
Lina looked up at the ceiling. "Um.Gourry."
"Mr. Gourry?? Wow! Who's he marrying??"
Lina grumbled something.
"I didn't understand that, Ms. Lina," Amelia said, impatiently.
"He's marrying Zelgadis," Lina whispered, practically inaudible.
"WHAT!!!!" Amelia screamed.
She ran straight to Zelgadis' room at the inn and banged on his door.
"Mr. Zelgadis!! MR. ZELGADIS!!! TELL ME IT ISN'T TRUE!!! TELL ME!!" she cried.
Zelgadis opened the door. "It isn't true," he muttered, closing the door.
"Phew!" Amelia sighed. "That's a relief.waitaminute!! Mr. Zelgadis!! I don't think that you were telling me the truth and if you are on the side of the mighty and wonderful Justice, then you must always tell the truth, or are you on the other side, tell me you aren't on the other side of inJustice, because that's what you've led me to believe, what with this whole marrying Mr. Gourry business, Mr. Zelgadis, PLEASE!!!"
"Go away!"
"But Mr. Zelgadis!!"
"Hi Amelia!" Gourry exclaimed, from his room that was across from Zelgadis'.
"M-Mr. Gourry?" Amelia gaped.
Gourry was wearing a long, white wedding gown, covered in lacey tresses and little pink bows. His hair had been put up in a bun and tied with a yellow ribbon, to match his hair.
"What do you think of my masterpiece?" Xelloss asked, from behind Gourry.
"I-I.oh." Amelia fainted.
"Well." Gourry began.
"I think she liked it," Xelloss said.
"Ohh." Amelia groaned. She sat up in a bed at the inn, and looked around. "What happened?"
"Well, upon seeing Gourry in his wedding gown, added to the fact that you freaked out about his and Zelgadis' wedding, you fainted," Xelloss answered from the shadows.
Amelia laid back down. "So, it wasn't a dream?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Why.what.Mr. Zelgadis, and Mr. Gourry??" Amelia cried.
"They're getting married a week from yesterday so that Zelgadis doesn't have to get deported," Xelloss told her.
"No! Mr. Zelgadis should have married me!!" Amelia whined.
"Well, you weren't around, so Gourry, or Gourrina, was the next best choice. You wouldn't have liked it if Lina had married him instead, would you?"
"Well.no.but it's inJust!!" the princess roared. "This can't be happening! I'll wake up anytime! You'll see!!"
"If you say so," Xelloss said, dissmissively, as he walked out of the room.
Amelia jumped out of bed and ran across the hall to Zelgadis' room and banged on the door again. "Mr. Zelgadis!! I demand to know what is going on here!!!!!"
Zelgadis opened the door to face Amelia. "Oh-kay, Gaav showed up, and said he was with the F.B.I.," he began. "He said that I was being deported to Siberia for no reason-"
"-and, so now we're going to fake the wedding so I can stay here," Zelgadis finished.
"Oh, why didn't Mr. Xelloss say so?" Amelia wondered.
"Well.because he's Xelloss," the chimera answered.
"I guess that's a good enough reason.all right, Mr. Zelgadis! I'll help you!!"
"Good. You know your part, right?"
"Yes! I'm going to be the flower girl who gets to walk down the aisle with the ring bearer, who will be played by baby Mr. Valgaav!" the energetic oujo said.
"He's not a baby. He's six years old."
"Well, do you want me to call him 'six year old Mr. Valgaav'??"
"No. Just call him Valgaav," Zelgadis told her, getting irritated.
"But, I have to be respectful, as a servant and messenger of Justice!! Therefore, I must use proper titles for everyone. Either Miss, Missus, or Mister!" Amelia cried.
"Oh-kay, whatever you say, 'Miss Amelia.'"
"All right, Gourry. We're gonna do the same thing we did last Wednesday, except this time, it's for real.err.fake. It's still fake, except it's the real.fake." Zelgadis stumbled, for lack of a better word.
"You're confusing me!!" Gourry exclaimed.
"Never mind," Zelgadis muttered, rubbing his forehead, "just go up to the room and let Xelloss help you get dressed. What am I saying?" He began to walk away.
"Oh-kay, Zel-chan!!" Gourry cried, running off to the changing room.
"Xelloss? Are you here?" Gourry whispered in the dark room.
The lights suddenly flickered on, to reveal Xelloss standing beside a dressmaker's dummy that was wearing the wedding dress.
"Are you ready to become Gourrina?" Xelloss asked, in anticipation.
"Don't you mean Mrs. Zelgadis Greywers?" Gourry asked, blushing.
"Um.whatever. Let's just do this!"
"Ready, Zelgadis?" Lina asked, straightening the chimera's tie.
"No."
"But, Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia whispered, "we don't wanna lose you."
"I'm not ever going to be ready for this, Amelia. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever marry Gourry," he went on. "It's like a nightmare."
"Well, at least you aren't marrying Amelia, right?" Lina whispered.
"I heard that, Miss Lina! And that is wrong and inJust! I can't believe that you would be so rude and mean as to say that Mr. Zelgadis would rather be with Mr. Gourry.or Miss Gourrina, which he wouldn't, isn't that right, Mr. Zelgadis??"
"Um.oh, look at the time! I'd better get over to the altar!!"
Amelia and Lina sweatdropped.
Zelgadis popped back beside them. "Say, Lina, who did you get to be the best man, if Xelloss is the minister?"
"Well."
"It's sure a pleasure to be in your wedding, Zelgadis," Phibbrizzo commented.
"Don't you have better things to do?" Zelgadis wondered. "You know, being Hellmaster and all?"
"Well.Lina caught me at a good time! So, I was free. No universal domination-type thingies today. Nope." Phibbrizzo shook his head.
"Please don't mess this up," Zel begged. "If Gaav, or that F.B.I. agent or whatever finds out that we're faking this, I'm doomed!"
"I know. I heard the whole story from Lina.and Amelia." He shuddered at the thought of the princess' Justice speeches.
"So, how'd she talk you into it?" the chimera wondered.
"Well.let's just say I have a bit of a sweet tooth."
"A sweet tooth?"
"Yeah.Lina said that if I came, she'd give me a chocolate bar," Phibbrizzo said, in a daze.
"A chocolate bar?" Zelgadis raised an eyebrow.
"Yes.I love cho-co-late."
"All right, Gourry.err, Gourrina," Xelloss said, about to leave the room, "I'll see you when you walk the walk o' doom!"
"Oh-kay! Bye Xelloss!" Gourry called out in a feminine voice.
Gourry had been dressed up as Gourrina once again in the white dress with the pink bows and long, lacey tresses. His hair was in the yellow ribbon, tied in a bun. He looked.gorgeous. ^.^
Xelloss, in a blue tuxedo, skipped over to stand in front of the altar.
"Namagomi!" someone shouted from in the benches.
Xelloss stuck out his tongue at Filia.
"Xelloss?" Zelgadis wondered.
"Yes, groom-to-be?" the mazoku returned.
"Why are you wearing a blue tux?"
".why not?"
"I'm wearing blue."
"Zel-chan, you are blue."
"Yes, but, you---fine! Fine. If it'll get us through this day without me getting deported, I'll go along with it," Zelgadis groaned, putting a hand over his face.
Xelloss looked to his left. "Hi Phibby!!" ^.^
"Hey Xelloss!!" ^_^
"Freaks," Zelgadis muttered.
Sitting by Filia, was Agent Gaav.
"It's nice to meet you, ma'am. How long have you known these fine people?" the agent asked.
"Too long," Filia answered, sprouting a tongue at Xelloss.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"So.do you.wanna go get dinner later?" Agent Gaav wondered.
Filia fumed. "With.YOU????" she shrieked.
"Well.of course!"
Filia's tail popped out of her dress.
"Woah.um.I gotta go! See ya!" he exclaimed, hopping onto a bench beside Milgasia.
"So.you come here often?"
Meanwhile, in the back of the church, Lina was standing with Gourry, Amelia, and Valgaav.
"All right, you guys, are you ready?" Lina asked.
Amelia and Valgaav nodded, while Gourry shifted his feet.
"What's the problem, 'Gourrina'?" Lina wondered, beginning to get a migraine.
"Well.I don't know.I think I'm getting cold feet." he said, blushing.
"All right, Gourry, we've worked too hard for you to screw this up now!" Lina roared. "You're going to marry Zelgadis whether you like it or not!!"
Geez, she thought to herself. I never thought I'd say that.
"Oh-kay, Six-year-old-baby Mr. Valgaav," Amelia began, "ready?"
"Um.yeah." he answered, staring at the princess.
The music began and Valgaav and Amelia walked down the aisle together, Amelia throwing little pink flower petals, and Valgaav holding a big pillow, with a tiny ring on it.
When the two got to the end of the aisle, they parted ways and stood behind the appropriate side.
"Oh-kay, Gourrina," Lina said, threateningly, "I'm the bridesmaid so I have to go next and leave you here, so you better come down the aisle like you're supposed to, got it??"
"Oh-kay!" Gourry replied, happily.
Lina sweatdropped, and on cue, began to walk down the aisle, in a yellow dress with a big pink bow in the back.
She came to a stop on the "bride's" side with Amelia.
The music cued for Gourry and he began walking down the aisle slowly as the congregation stood in reverence.
Agent Gaav watched all of this with awe and enthusiasm.
When Gourry reached the end of the walkway, Xellos began: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered in this church to join Zelgadis and Gourry-"
Zelgadis shot him an evil look.
"-na," he continued, unscathed, "in the ties of holy wedlock and sacramental loving binds. May these two engaged join hands and face each other?"
Zelgadis made a "cut-throat" gesture and Xelloss shrugged.
"Obviously the bride and groom-to-be don't wish to join hands in the ties of holy wedlock and sacramental-"
"Oh-kay, oh-kay," Zelgadis grumbled, taking Gourry's hands limply.
Unfortunately for him, Gourry grasped back in a death grip.
Zelgadis' eyes watered, as he felt his hands swelling in pain. "Gourry." he whispered. "My hands can't breathe."
"Oop. Sorry!" Gourry exclaimed, excitedly letting go of Zel's hands and waving to Agent Gaav.
"IF I COULD CONTINUE," Xelloss said, loudly, gathering everyone's attention.
"You stupid namagomi!!"
"I'll ignore that," the mazoku said, irritably. "Now, where was I? Oh-kay. Do you, Zelgadis Greywers take Gourrina.um.Gabriev to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold and have sex with-"
"Xelloss!!!" Zelgadis cried.
"-in sickening health, and even if she turns out to be a horrible husband- beater, and a French model begs you to elope with her, you'll never ever part with Gourrina until you die!??!"
"Um." Zelgadis froze, a little afraid of what Xelloss had just exaggerated. "I-" He glanced at Agent Gaav. "I do."
Xelloss turned to Gourry. "And do you, Gourrina Gabriev.wow!! That's a great name.it would make a great song."
"Xelloss!" Zelgadis exclaimed, warningly.
Xelloss paid him no mind. "I'm a Gourry girl, in my Gourry world! Made of jelly, love the deli! You can see my sword, until you get bored-"
"NAMAGOMI!!"
"Oh-kay, oh-kay, watch your temper, mace-girl!" Xelloss exclaimed. "Do you Gourrina Gabriev take Zelgadis Greywers to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold in chimera-ness, and in chimera-ness-" Xelloss waited.
"." Zelgadis stared at him.
"Aren't you gonna interrupt?" the mazoku priest wondered, expectantly.
"No."
"Oh-kay," he continued, "until you both kick the bucket?"
"Yeah!" Gourry exclaimed.
"You have to say 'I do' for it to be legal," Xelloss prompted.
"Shut up!" Zelgadis growled.
"I do!!" Gourry cried.
"May we have the rings?" Xelloss asked.
Lina gave a ring to Gourry and Valgaav gave a ring to Zelgadis.
"Repeat after me," the priest beckoned to Zelgadis. "Look at me! I'm a freak!"
"Look at me! I-XELLOSS!!!" Zelgadis yelled, about ready to kill the monster.
"Sorry. I couldn't help myself!" Xelloss exclaimed, about to go into a fit of giggles. "Oh-kay, repeat this: with this ring, I thee wed."
Zelgadis groaned. "With this ring, I thee wed," he grumbled. Then, he began to slide the ring onto Gourry's finger. When it got to the swordsman's knuckle, it stopped moving.
"Umm.problem?" Xelloss wondered.
"No," Zelgadis gritted through his teeth, trying to jam the ring on Gourry's finger.
"Ow!" Gourry cried, as the ring finally slipped onto the upper part of his finger. He looked at it sadly, as it began throbbing.
"Oh-kay, then," the priest began again, "Gourrina, repeat after me: Rikki Tikki Tavi!!"
"Rikki Tikki Tavi!" Gourry exclaimed.
"Xelloss, what in the world is 'Rikki Tikki Tavi'?" Zelgadis asked, about to just let the wedding become a disaster.
"Oh, it's from a book," Xelloss explained. "You see, Rikki Tikki Tavi is a mongoose, who-"
"Never mind, just get on with it," Zel begged.
"Oh-kay. Gourrina? Say, 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"
"With this thing, I see red," Gourry said.
"No, no," Xelloss said, shaking his head. "With this ring, I thee wed."
"Without a dream, I'd be dead."
"No. Look! Say, 'with.'"
"With."
"This."
"This."
"Ring."
"Ring.
"I."
"Thy."
"No, I."
"No, I."
"No! Just say 'I'!"
"No! Just say-"
"I thee wed!!!!" the monster yelled, about to go into hysterics.
"I thee wed!!!!" Gourry cried, with a little too much enthusiasm, as he quickly slammed the ring onto Zelgadis' thumb.
"Gourrina?"
"Yes, Zel-chan?"
"That's probably never going to come off."
Gourry laughed. "Yay!"
"Has anyone any words that would prevent these two from getting married?" Xelloss asked. "Say so, or forever hold your piece of pie!"
"Pie, where??" Gourry exclaimed, looking around.
"After this is over, Gourry," Zelgadis whispered.
"Has no one any words?" Silence. "Then, by the power vested in me by-" Xelloss stopped, as his eyes got sparkly, "-my wonderful and perfect master, Beastmaster Zelas, who made me and gave me my pretty staff and who makes me cookies and buys me toys and-"
Zelgadis shot him a death glare.
"I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!! Kiss him, Gourrina!!!!" the mazoku cried.
At which point, Zelgadis fainted, upon seeing Gourry's bulging lips, painted crimson with lipstick.
Later, at the reception, Zelgadis was beginning to wake up.
"Mr. Zelgadis!!"
"Zel-chan!"
"Zel!"
"Wake up, lover boy!"
Zelgadis opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Gourry in drag, and immediately his brain wanted him to pass out again, until it remembered what was going on.
"Is it over? Did we do it?" he asked, rubbing his head.
"Well." Lina began.
"We did it, Zel-chan!" Gourry exclaimed. "But Gaav's still here!"
"You're kidding," Zelgadis groaned.
"Nope. See he's standing right there, hitting on Filia."
Indeed, Agent Gaav was standing beside the punch bowl, talking to Filia, whose tail was threatening to pop out any second. He spotted the awakened Zelgadis and walked over.
"Hello! Congratulations!" Agent Gaav exclaimed, shaking Gourry's and Zelgadis' hands. "I'm happy to see that the both of you are now married!"
"So, you won't be deporting him?" Lina wondered.
"Of course not! Why, if thing's keep going this smoothly between them, there'll be no problem whatsoever!"
Zelgadis gave a fake grin. "Well, I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than Gourrina here!" he exclaimed, putting a hand loosely on Gourry's shoulder.
"Well, that's great!" Agent Gaav shouted. "Of course, you won't mind that I have my camera following you?"
"Your what?" Zelgadis asked, caught totally off-guard.
"Well, my camera! You see, it's F.B.I. regulations!"
"So, how long does the camera have to follow us?" Gourry wondered.
"For one week," Agent Gaav answered. "And if all goes smoothly, then you're off the hook, and there will be no deportation!"
"Great," Zelgadis muttered.
"Listen Zelgadis!!" Lina yelled, trying to push the chimera into a little cottage. "You've GOT to do this!! Just stay in there for a week and be nice to Gourry! When it's over, I'll buy you a swimming-pool full of coffee. Does that make you feel better?"
"Coffee good for Zelgadis."
"I thought so."
Amelia, Lina, and Xelloss stood outside the cottage, after they had gotten Gourry and Zelgadis to go in.
"I think it's beautiful," Amelia said, in a squeakier-than-normal voice. Tears began to stream down her face.
"What's the matter, Amelia?" Xelloss asked.
"I always cry at weddings," she whimpered. "I was just too busy earlier." At that, the princess burst into huge, flowing tears that spattered both Lina and Xelloss.
The two pulled out umbrellas from nowhere to save themselves from getting soaked.
"Oh-kay Gourry," Zelgadis said, inside the cabin, "I know you may not be having fun, but I'm not either, so-"
"My, dear, Zel-chan! I don't know what you're talking about! I love being with you!" Gourry shrieked, in his feminine voice.
"Gourry, what are you doing?" Zelgadis asked.
Gourry pointed to the hovering spherical camera.
"You know, I can't help my affection from bursting out!" Gourry exclaimed, winking.
"Oh.uhh.me too!" Zelgadis agreed, silently thanking God that Gourry had remembered the camera.
"Well.it's time for bed!" Gourry shouted.
"Yes, it is," Zelgadis complied, turning to the camera. "Gourrina and I always sleep at 3:00 p.m."
"Yeah, so, if you'll excuse us, we're gonna go.sleep!" Gourry waved, as he and Zelgadis ran into another room and shut the door.
"Oh-kay, Gourry," Zelgadis whispered, "just be quiet, and we won't cause any suspicion."
"Oh-kay!"
Day 1:
Zelgadis had decided to sleep on the couch and let Gourry have the bed, since Gourry had yelled, "Ladies sleep on the bed!!"
He was having a nice dream that didn't involve marriage in any form, fashion, or way, when suddenly, "Wake up, my wonderful husband, Zel-chan! I made waffles!"
Zelgadis shot up in bed, looking around, frantically.
"What? Who?" he asked.
"I made your breakfast!" Gourry exclaimed, in a pink housecoat. "It's ready!"
"Oh, whatever Gourry," the chimera mumbled.
Gourry cleared his throat and tossed his head toward the mobile camera.
Zelgadis looked shocked. "I'd love to have breakfast, especially if you made it, dear!" he cried, enthusiastically.
"Well, it's in here on the table. I made some fresh coffee." Gourry smiled, perkily.
"Coffee!!!" Zelgadis yelled, practically teleporting to the table. He grabbed the mug and gulped down the contents as quickly as possible, before spitting it out, disgusted. "Gourrina!! What did you put in that??"
"Um." He thought for a minute. "I made it from mushed up blackberries."
Zelgadis stared at him for a very long time.
Finally, he said, "You can mess with a lot of things, but when you mess with my coffee, especially in the morning, it's personal."
"Oh, you're so silly, Zel-chan! You know that's how you like it!" Gourry exclaimed, tilting his head towards the camera.
Zelgadis threw his hands in the air in agony.
"Oh-kay. I remember now. I always like the way you make coffee out of blackberries," he said, in a drone voice.
"Goodie!" Gourry shrieked, clasping his hands together. "Because I made your waffles out of venison!"
Zelgadis suddenly felt sick for some reason, and decided that he didn't want any breakfast. "I'm gonna go out and.uh.plant a garden," he said, making up any excuse to get away from Gourry and the camera.
"Oh-kay, honey!" the swordsman in the flowery housecoat called. "Be back in time for lunch! I'm making spinach, your favorite!"
Zelgadis resisted the urge to heave as he grabbed a shovel and headed outside.
Once there, he dropped the shovel and decided to go for a walk.
What has my life come to? he asked himself.
Back in the cottage, Gourry was getting around to the housework: ironing Zelgadis' socks, cleaning out a fish bowl that didn't have a fish in it, baking all sorts of cakes and pies, and polishing their toothbrushes.
"Ahh!" he sighed. "Now that I've gotten that done, I'll start lunch!"
The camera followed him into the kitchen, where he began to cook a giant pot full of spinach.
An hour later, Zelgadis arrived back at the cottage. He was met by an irate Gourry, wearing a skirt-suit and an apron.
"Just where have you been?" Gourry demanded, shaking a finger at Zelgadis. "I have been so worried about you! You never call, you never tell me where you are, or what you're doing! I just don't feel like I'm a part of your life anymore." He sobbed, hysterically.
Zelgadis eyed the camera and tried to comfort his "wife."
"Oh, listen, Gourrina!" he said. "Without you.I wouldn't have a life. And, ease up with this act," he warned, under his breath.
"Got it, sugar!" He winked. "Now, come in and get your lunch! It's getting cold!"
Day 2:
Zelgadis woke up before Gourry and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
"Ohhh." he sighed, sadly. "I never thought I'd see the day when I was married to Gourry. If I'd known this would happen, I would've shot myself when I had the chance. This is probably all Xelloss' fault."
"Did someone call me?" a voice said from the other side of the shower curtain.
"AAAH!!!" Zelgadis screamed. He peeked on the other side. "XELLOSS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE???"
"I just wanted to check in on my favorite couple!" Xelloss cried.
"Well-go check on Gourry! Get out of my shower!" Zelgadis yelled.
"Well, technically, for me to get out of your shower, I have to get in it, so-"
"GO AWAY!!!!"
"Someone's in the kitchen with me-e! Someone's in the kitchen with me-e-e! Someone's in the kitchen with me-e! Helpin' me make cookies!" Gourry sang, as he danced around in the kitchen, baking cookies in a long, yellow dress.
Xelloss sat at the table, trying out the first batch with a glass of milk.
"Hey! These are pretty good!" the mazoku exclaimed, after eating a dozen or so.
"Why thank you, Xelloss!" Gourry smiled, happily. "It's always good to see you!"
"So, how are you and Zelgadis doing?"
"Oh, perfectly!"
"Really?"
"Really!"
"He's not crabby?"
"Crabby? My Zelgadis? Never!"
"GOURRINA!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE TOWELS???" Zelgadis yelled.
"Oh my!" the swordsman exclaimed. "I have to go! You know the way out, Xelloss!!"
He ran into the next room, the camera following him, closely.
"Bye, bye!" Xelloss called, teleporting away.
Day 3:
"Zel-chan! Don't yell at me!!" Gourry defended himself.
"You're getting on my nerves! I'm tired of you, Gourry!!" Zelgadis screamed. He turned to the camera. "Listen, Agent whatever!!! This was all staged! Gourry is a man!! I was never engaged to him! We just did this so I wouldn't get deported! But, now I don't care!! Deport me! Do anything! Just get me AWAY from HIM!!!"
Gaav phased in. He smirked at Zelgadis, bent over close to him, and whispered, "April fool."
Zelgadis' eyes grew wide. "WHAT!!!!"
Xelloss phased in beside him. "April fools, Zel-chan!!"
Phibbrizzo popped in behind both of them. "April fools!!!"
Zelgadis looked at Gourry. "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS???"
Gourry smiled. "Nope!"
Zelgadis sat down on the floor and closed his eyes. Then, he screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"Aw, don't worry, Zel! At least now you won't have to eat my cooking."
"Elmekia Lance!!!!"
"Ow."
--Gee.um.what can I say? That's Nova-chan, for ya! I hope it was enjoyed very, very much! Gimme your reviews & requests & I'll see ya next time!!! 3 Nova-chan