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NEW Author's Note: I am JRR Tolkien, I have been reincarnated as a short Canadian girl with an obsession for old music. Therefor all these characters are mine. Mine mine MINE!
Much better. More fun and more interesting. But, I do have to tell you that by no stretch of the imagination do I own Tom Jones. sigh.
About this "fic": I enjoy re-writing the words to songs. That should be enough explanation, along with the fact that I am completely obsessed with LotR. To all purist-type people who don't enjoy things like this (but why would you be reading this then?) I am going to do non-parody stuff. Just let me get my brain together. I lost it somewhere. PS: there's at least one more where this came from.
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--(We see Gollum sneaking up behind Frodo at Mt.Doom. With every move we can see his need for secrecy. He is stalking his prey, and must not be heard. But, we (with the power of the boom mic.) can hear him hissing to himself. We can't quiet make out the words, but then, suddenly, he jumps up on to a rock and somehow there is a spotlight on him. He starts to sing, while dancing with some very odd pelvic thrust movements)--
(the Orc Band starts up, jumping out from behind a rock starring Shagrat and Gorbag* on trumpets!)
It's not unusual to be possessed by a ring.
It's not unusual to obsessed by a ring.
But if anyone ever stole my precious thing,
It's not unusual to hear me cry
"You're gonna die."
--(Frodo and Sam start clapping a long with Gollum and the Orc Band)--
It's not unusual to seek for the Precious
It's not unusual to sneak for the Precious
If I should ever want to find that Baggins,
It's not unusual to track him all the day
No matter what they say
You'll find me following the whole time
He will never do
What I want him to
Why can't that precious thing be mine?
--(During the musical interlude Frodo and Gollum start dancing on the edge of the Crack of Doom. Wild crazy dancing! Look at those guys go! Twirling and whiling each other. Meanwhile, Sam runs up to the band and taps Shagrat on the shoulder. Shagrat smiles and hands Sam his trumpet. Sam plays the instrumental solo.)--
It's not unusual to try to save the little ring
It's not unusual, look what I gave for the ring
And now I've got my little Precious for all time,
It's not unusual to find I'm falling into Doom…
--(Gollum and Frodo's dancing got a bit too wild, on the triple lutz Gollum lost his grip on Frodo's hand and falls into the Crackssss of Doom, bringing the ring with him.)--
Whoa whoa whoa whoa…………!
Play it again Sam! (sorry, couldn't resist that one!)
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*I know they're long gone by now, but give me a break. I didn't feel like creating some orcs. J