-Forgive me…please forgive me. I want…to change…EVERYTHING-

"Reavor, I love you…"

BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

"GAH !" I woke startled, cold sweat is soaking my body, again.

"Ugh…not again." I said as my palm reaching for my face and then rubbing it, trying to calm both my mind and my feeling down.

That dream, is coming again, corrupting my time and affecting my emotion, that dream is trying to overpowering me, filling me full with the feeling of guilty and regret. Almost a year after my time from prison, I have paid for the act what I've done, but, the wound is still inside, it's widening and become more excruciating especially when I have that dream again, it's so hard to forget a bitter past, it's so hard to forgive myself…absolutely a very hard thing to do for me.

After a quick rinse and some preparations, I'm ready for work, lucky there is a company which is still want to accepting an ex-prisoner like me, though it's not a good position, at least, they pay daily. Actually, I still can do my job as a bodyguard, but, I don't want to, no, too much memories, I don't want to reminiscing my bitter past, it will just making the wound go deeper and deeper, it's really painful.

"Hey, I heard another corruptor from the Intern Department finally caught."

"Really ? Wow, I heard that that man have properties worth of sixty-seven million yen ! It's impossible ! Only the Emperor who can have wealth like that !"

"Yeah, the new Prime Minister is much better than his predecessor…remember Judge Yuuichi ? He is the second one of him."

I stops my step, I'm startled, did he just said Yuuichi ? Hasegawa Yuuichi ? No…not again, they will come back, please no, those memories, I don't want to remember any of it. Yuuichi…Yuuichi…

No. I continues my walk, walking as quickly as I can, trying to ignore and especially, forget the name I just heard a while ago, but, damn, my heart starts to feel hurt, it's become painful and more painful, I can feel my heart being ripped apart just from hearing that name again, shit, I'm about to cry.

My steps becomes quicker and quicker, I can feel my tears swelling in my eyes, ready to burst. No, why ?

"Hey ! Watch your step !" I heard someone yelling at me, I don't care, I don't care if I'm accidentally hitting people when I'm walking, I don't care with my surrounding right now. I just keeps walking, going to my workplace in full speed.

After arrived, my first destination just changed, I need to go to the restroom first, to clear this feeling, to make this feeling fading away as soon as possible.

I sits down on the floor in one of the rooms, burying my face into my forearms, my teeth are gritting, my palm firming and punching the floor repeatedly, I can't keep this feeling anymore, I give up and crying at last.

Those memories really manipulating me, it's like a parasite which is slowly damaging you bit by bit, those memories trying to damage me with the feeling of guilty and regret, I'm not like this before, but, since that time, everything in me had changed.

Yuuichi. Actually, I don't want to forget him, but, remembering him also hurting me in the same time, it's complicated. But, it's also hard to deny that Yuuichi once have become the most important person in my life, he has a strong principle, gentle and kind, he is my treasure which I've promised to him that I will protect him and never let any harm to touch him, but, I couldn't. I've failed.

TO BE CONTINUED