Summary: You hate hatred most of all.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned.
You hate peanut butter. It tastes horrible and it makes you gag when you see other people eating it.
You hate it when they fight. You don't see the good of fighting, but they're both so damn stubborn and you know neither one is going to walk away. So you sigh, and then you plaster on as goofy grin and wrap your arms around them.
"Shane! Nate! Can't we just get along?"
They act annoyed, but they go along with it because you're their best friend.
You hate it when he talks like that. It scares you. You want him to just smile and be happy, but he has too much anger built up inside him. You catch him cutting himself again, and try to hide the disappointment from your eyes. It kills you that he can still it- that he'll remember that look you gave him the next time he does this. You know there will be a next time. You know he'll never stop. It doesn't stop you from wishing.
"Shane, you have to stop," you say.
"I will."
But you know it's a lie.
You hate Mitchie Torres almost as much as you hate the fact that you hate her so much. But you think she smiles too much and you know she's using Shane. You beg him to break up with her, but then he says she's the only good thing left in his life.
"Nate and I are here," you point out.
And then he grins at you. "Sorry, I mean one of the few good things left."
You also hate those conversations.
You hate how much he beats himself up. You hate hearing him talk about how bad of a friend he is or how much everyone hates him. Because you know the truth- everyone loves him. You hate his father for verbally abusing him, and making him this way- making him vulnerable and self-conscious.
You hate it because it reminds you of Shane, when he's hurting himself, and you're terrified Nate will go down that path too. You do your best though. You fake cheerfulness and struggle with encouragement over and over.
"I'm dumb."
"You're brilliant."
"No one likes me."
"Shane and I love you."
"Why can't I be nicer?"
"You're one of the nicest people I know!"
Eventually he'll sigh and say, "Thanks, man. I appreciated it."
As he heads toward the door you watch him go. "Nate." He turns around. "I care about you." He'll grin and then leave. You always wish he would say it back.
You hate your father for leaving your mom when you were a little kid. Sometimes you still cry over it at night. You don't know what you did that made him leave. You don't why he didn't love you or your mom enough to stay.
You want to meet him, but you're too scared. You're afraid he won't talk to you, or that he won't be the guy you imagined- the hero you wish he could be.
You hate that you're too much of a coward to go meet him.
You hate hatred most of all. You hate it when others hate others and you hate the fact that you hate so much.
You wish everyone could get along. You wish you could just be happy. You wish your friends would say what you need to hear when you need to hear it and you wish you were enough for them. But Shane needs Mitchie to keep loving him and Nate needs his father's approval.
So you pretend to smile and be happy. And you think no one sees through your charade.
You hate me. It kills me but I know it's true. You think I'm a bitch and that I ruin people's lives for the sole purpose of entertainment or to make myself more popular.
You don't know that I would stop it all if you would love me back. It's all I ever wanted, was someone to love me. But no one knows that. No one truly knows me. And you, Jason Warner, are the only person who would take the time to get to know me. Because you're so unselfish. Because you care. Because you're willing to look past everything to see the true person underneath it all.
You have no idea that I've seen past your mask of happiness and into the hatred and the pain.
But I'm Tess Tyler, and I'm not supposed to care about anyone but myself. So we'll both fake it.