I'm the only one who came to Yoongi's basketball game tonight. The other five are busy with something else or not interested and I'm delighted to have this opportunity to go and watch it on my own. No one will notice if I spend too much time staring at Yoongi instead of following the match. From up there in the bleachers, I can watch him without being seen too much and I can focus all my attention on him instead of having to chit-chat with the boys. I love seeing him run and throw the ball with such dexterity. Basketball, another thing he's really good at. Every time I think I know everything about him, he amazes me by showing me another one of his talents. I'm always in awe, thinking how talented he is at everything. Whether it's rapping, dancing, composing music, playing the piano or basketball, he can do it all. And I'm completely in love.

Not just because of his multiple talents, but also because of the kindness he always shows toward everyone around him: his family, the other members, the staff, our fans. He is such a kind and sweet person. He loves to be alone at times but can also be the goofiest of us all, making me laugh so hard during our long dance practice sessions. Obviously, the fact that he's also absolutely gorgeous doesn't help my feelings for him. I've always found him attractive from our first meeting in the dorms but he became even sexier with time, as his confidence grew. Now that he's feeling more secure about his body and about his musical capacities, it shines on his face, and it makes him sexier every day. Which makes my life more difficult because I don't know how to focus anymore. As soon as he's around me, I can't help it, my eyes are on him, devouring him and imagining all the things I would like to say and do to him. And when he's not here, I obsess about the reason of his absence, torturing myself with jealousy, imagining him with someone else. Who is he with? Could he be with a girl? With our large fan base, I know how easy it would be for him to get laid if he wanted. But it's hard to know what Yoongi wants or likes. I've never heard him say anything about having a girlfriend or one night stands since our debuts. Nevertheless, I can't help being jealous and creating the craziest scenarios in my head as soon as Yoongi is away for the night.

But tonight I know where he is and I'm so thrilled to have this time alone with him. Well, alone, with the rest of the basketball teams and the public but when I'm watching Yoongi play it seems like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I can only see him, his naked calves (thank god for basketball shorts!), his enchanting eyes and his mouth. His mouth that always seems to be calling for me, with his tongue perpetually coming out to lick his lips (and torture me). Especially when he's dancing or playing sports like now. It drives me insane! I don't think he realizes that every time his tongue is out like this I get distracted, thinking of what he could do with a tongue like that! Maybe that's why I don't see how the accident happens. It's so quick! The ball hits Yoongi's face in a second and from where I am, I can't see how serious it is. The referee blows his whistle to allow Yoongi to leave the basketball court but Yoongi signs that it's nothing and that it's not worth him leaving the match. Hopefully, there are only five minutes left to the game so as soon as it's all over I walk down the stairs to reach him and check how he's feeling. His left cheek is red but he dismisses it right away, reassuring me that it's nothing and that it's just a scratch. I'm not entirely convinced but I choose to believe him. I'm so happy to see his big smile after his team's victory that his cheerfulness quickly chases my worries away. We stay a few minutes among Yoongi's teammates, talking about the game and making jokes. I listen to the people around me focusing just enough so I can answer them if they talk to me, but all my attention is on Yoongi's smile. I know he's enjoying the thrill of the after-game right now. I live for those moments when he smiles so wide that we can see his gums and that his eyes are shining with pride and happiness. When he leaves to take his shower, I tell him that I'll go grab us some dinner and that we'll meet at the hotel after. He nods, grabs his black PUMA bag on the bench and runs off to the changing rooms with his mates.

I leave the sports hall still a bit concerned about his injury but also so happy to have this evening all alone with the man of my dreams that I quickly put my worries aside. As I walk down the street, I try to focus on our dinner and stop by a nearby restaurant to get us some of our favorite noodles and some drinks to go with. Our hotel is just a ten-minutes walk away and soon I'm back in the room we're sharing for those few days stay. I was so ecstatic when I learned that I would be sharing the room with him this time! Our room has twin beds but still, sleeping in the same room was going to be thrilling! Or, as I'm just now realizing in the dark street, it could be the hardest thing ever for me. I haven't thought about it before, but how was I going to resist staring at Yoongi's gorgeous lips and sexy eyes while being so close to him in the room? And seeing him leave the shower half naked was going to be pure torture, wasn't it? It's not like I haven't seen him half-naked before of course, but sharing the same bathroom and sleeping so close to each other felt different. We will be all alone, at night, and this felt way more intimate than the times I had to share a room with Jin or Hoseok. It meant I would have to be really strong and not stare at his body. At least not too much. I'm in love but I can't risk ruining our friendship by showing my feelings and attraction when I'm not sure how this would end. I was always hoping that Yoongi may be feeling the same for me but often I thought it was just wishful thinking. We had shared so many moments that seemed to mean more than simple friendship over the years but I have always been too scared to ask him or to try anything. I thought it was too dangerous exposing the truth if Yoongi didn't feel the same way about me.

Once in our room, I set the takeaway bags on our big table and go to wash up quickly before his return. I'm still in the bathroom drying myself off when I hear the main door close and Yoongi mumbles "I'm back!" behind the bathroom door. Even after all those years knowing him I can't help myself smiling at the thought of seeing him again in a few seconds.
"I'm coming-" I hang my towel on the hook and hurry to dress in a clean tee shirt and grey sweatpants. We won't go out again now so it will be enough to stay in and sleep.
Before opening the bathroom door, I stop for a brief moment to try to recompose myself. I've been thinking about Yoongi non-stop since I'd left him so now I'm feeling very hot. I'll have to remember not to think of his naked body in the shower when I'm sharing a room with him. Still a bit red on the cheeks, I tell myself to get a grip and take a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

Yoongi is already checking the food on the table, taking everything out of the bags so we can start eating right away. He's wearing those very loose short pants that drive me crazy because I know he's always wearing those with no underwear. Don't think about it, don't think about it...

"Hey! I hope you like it, I took your favorites and some sodas. Are you ready to eat?"
I approach the table just as he's turning to face me.

"Yeah, I'm starving! Everything looks great thanks Jimin-" He stops mid-sentence to look at me, a bit worried. "Are you ok? You're all red?" Shit, he noticed!
"Oh yeah, it's...mm...it's the shower, the water was very hot..." This answer seems to be enough because he simply nods and mumbles "Oh ok." But as he's turning his face back to the table, this time it's my turn to notice something. His left cheek is all bruised and a bit swollen.
"Hyung, you're hurt!" I don't wait for an answer and reach to touch his cheek with my right hand. As soon as my fingers touch Yoongi's skin, I see him winced. "Oh no, sorry. Is it painful?" I take my hand away quickly, afraid I've hurt him. I didn't think the accident had hurt him that much but seeing his reaction to the touch of my fingers on it, it must have been bad. "No it's ok, it's nothing, don't worry," Yoongi replies, his eyes on the floor, trying to escape the conversation. I know he doesn't like when the focus is on him too much or when people worry about him. I've heard him say that since he's older than me, I shouldn't have to worry about him. But his logic never made sense to me because anything Yoongi does is important and if he gets hurt it matters to me.

I take a step forward to examine the bruise closer and raise my right hand to his cheek once more, this time approaching slowly. The last thing I want is to hurt the man I love. I touch his milky skin again, very gently, just around the bruised part, more like a caress. "Are you sure?" I whisper. "It's very red and more swollen than I thought." I don't know why but whispering seems to be the only way to speak now that I'm so close to him. So close that I can feel his breath on my wrist. Almost unconsciously I move a little bit closer as I ask him "Do you want me to put something on it? Maybe we can ring the hotel and get some ice..."
I have been so focused on observing his bruise, that I haven't realized that Yoongi has tensed since I started touching him. With no answer from him and an absolute silence between us, I finally see that something is a bit different in his behavior. He's being very quiet and seems to stand very still under my touch. What's going on? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt him? Why is he acting like this?

But time seems to slow down as soon as Yoongi finally speaks this simple word "Stop!". His voice is now like a whisper too, lost between us. "Please stop," he repeats, a bit breathless this time. And suddenly I'm scared that I've finally done the irreparable and showed too much of my feelings. Did I scare him away and ruin our friendship? I see that my fingers start to tremble just a bit but still I can't take my hand off Yoongi's cheek. I can't explain why but it feels really important that I keep it here, no matter what he asked me. And that's when I realize that even though he asked me to stop touching him, he hasn't moved away from me. Actually, he hasn't moved at all and has only closed his eyes as he's repeating those words "Stop Jimin, stop it..." But his voice is not scared or annoyed. It's soft and shaking, full of hesitation and emotions. Even with the fear of revealing too much, I can't shake my gut feeling that's telling him to leave my hand there. I don't think he actually wants me to stop touching him. Finally, after all those years, I dare to hope. Finally, I dare to be brave and I move my thumb again softly over Yoongi's cheek. I swallow, as some sort of ritual that would give me strength and I finally ask, my face now a bit closer to Yoongi's "Why? Is it painful or-" He doesn't let me finish and answers me in one breath, his eyes still closed. "Because when you're so close I can't focus. Because when you touch me like this I feel like I'm going to lose my mind." Those words feel like a confession and as he puts his hand on mine, he reopens his eyes and finishes wrecking me with those last words "Because when your lips are that close to me, I don't want to resist anymore. I want to kiss you so badly-" He reopened his eyes just as he said those last words. His eyes are on my lips before searching for mine, looking for a silent answer. Kiss. I can't resist. Lose my mind. Those words keep repeating themselves in my head as I look at him. All my attention is now focused on watching his face intensely like it's somehow capital that I don't lose one piece of this precious moment. Like I have to look at him to make sure I'm hearing this declaration properly, that I'm not daydreaming this time. Yoongi wants to kiss me? I try to think clearly, to think of what to do, what to say. What are you supposed to do when the thing you've been dreaming about for years finally comes true? And like an idiot, I see that I hesitated a second too much between talking and kissing him directly and that my answer must have been taking too long because Yoongi is now misreading my silence. He's taking a step back and quickly says "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that...I'm-" Those words wake me up from my daze. Oh no, I can see him start to panic. Is he regretting his words or is he just worried that I don't feel the same way about him? I don't care, it's too late now, I'm not going to let my chance slip, I have to be brave and go for it directly. I just say "kiss me" with as much passion as I can in my voice before grabbing him by the neck to bring him closer to me. He only has time to lift his eyes to me and suddenly we're kissing. Finally! I've always imagined what it would feel like to kiss him, especially after longing for him for so long but I could never have imagined something that powerful. It starts slowly, with soft quick kisses but quickly we are more devouring each other than kissing, both of us wanting to taste, lick and bite the other's lips as much as possible. Our hands are constantly moving from the nape of our necks to our waist, our backs...It's like my body has a mind of their own and is determined to show him how badly I have longed for this to happen. And to my utter amazement, he's doing the same. Between two intense kisses, I push him against the hotel room wall and breathless I confess "Oh you have no idea how long I've wanted this..." I stop kissing him for a second to see his reaction and to let my hands grab him by the waist before sliding down to feel his ass. I hear him gasp a bit at this but he takes a deep breath and answers me "Oh me too...Oh Jimin, I've been wanting you since we've met."
"Really? But you never said anything, I didn't know-" I'm speechless!
"Because I was scared to tell you. I didn't think you were serious when you were flirting, I didn't dare to hope."
My hands still on him and I let my head drop on his shoulder, suddenly so relieved and happy. There are no words to describe the joy I'm feeling at those words.
All those years we've been dreaming of the same thing, but were both simply too scared and too insecure to show the other our true feelings.
But it doesn't matter how long we've lost, I want to enjoy this moment and focus on what's to come. I want to focus on the kisses, hugs, and nights we will have together. And as I think about our future ahead finally I dare to say it "Yoongi, I love you."
"I love you too Jimin."

* To be continued*

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