Something N Sane This Way Comes

Note: I reused assets from a Crash fanfic I previously attempted to get this chapter started. I find it easier to write stand-alone one-shots than a multi-chapter arc in a lot of cases. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Phoning It In

The Time Twister orb crackled into being, depositing Coco Bandicoot in the streets of a city in the Saudi Arabia of old. The brainy marsupial girl flicked her blonde ponytail back, shifted the weight of her bright pink laptop so that it rested comfortably under her arm and started off down the street. Fortunately, she had appeared in a less-travelled alley behind a building, so her sudden arrival hadn't attracted unwanted attention. Speaking of unwanted attention, it now occurred to her that a tank top and overalls might not have been the best choice for this time period, especially amidst Arabian culture.

"How does Crash manage to blend in half the time?" Coco murmured to herself. "He doesn't even wear a shirt, let alone a disguise!"

Making her way to the top of a nearby building through a series of flips and jumps, the bandicoot girl could see that the city was already plagued with Lab Assistants in their moronic disguises, trying to blend in by means of equally moronic actions as they searched for the Power Crystal that originated from this time period. One of the big-nosed robotic men was patrolling the wooden footbridge up ahead, swinging a scimitar about as though he had something to prove as he marched back and forth in a turban and cloak, round glasses glinting in the midday sunlight.

Coco shook her head sadly. "This is why you can't depend on technology," she mused, a sly smirk playing at the corners of her mouth as the Lab Assistant turned away, having failed to notice her as of yet. She walked up behind him quietly and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me," she said politely, giving a friendly smile as the hapless minion turned to look at her, "Could you tell me the fastest way to send you screaming into the street below?" Then her gaze turned fierce. "How about with a SPINNING KICK?!" she cried, lashing out with that very move, sending the Lab Assistant stumbling to the edge of the bridge. He wobbled precariously on the edge and Coco pursed her lips, blowing a little whoosh of air in his direction, making the robot lose his balance and careen down out of sight, his scream echoing. He landed with a clattering smash down below, his limbs breaking apart to reveal their metallic nature, crackling with electricity. Coco chuckled, placing her hand on her hip. "Oh, boy!" she exclaimed, shaking her head in amusement. "Whatever Cortex pays for the materials to make these guys, he's getting ripped off. Either that, or he just can't build good robots. 'Oh, look, I have a mask helping me, too'. Well, the more things change, the more they stay-"

Coco stopped talking abruptly when she suddenly became alerted to an odd warbling noise behind her. She whirled around with an alarmed gasp. While she had been making mockery of Cortex's integrity, another of his Lab Assistants had managed to sneak up behind her! This one was dressed as a genie in white robes, complete with a magic carpet that he was riding upon, hovering in midair. Before Coco even had time to react, the fiend raised his arms, grinning maliciously. The marsupial girl was lifted off the ground magically, twirling around and around as she floated up. A large brown ceramic jar appeared beneath her and she began to rotate faster as she rapidly shrunk, descending helplessly into the container. She barely had time to cry out her brother's name in panicked desperation before a lid was slammed onto the jar, bathing her in complete darkness and an unnatural silence...

Crash was laughing his head off.

"It's not funny!" Coco insisted, watching her brother roll around on the living room floor, doubled over with mirth. The brainy bandicoot's spin-happy sibling hadn't stopped chortling since Coco had returned to the present time, having managed to get herself out of her admittedly embarrassing predicament...

...After about seven hours of waiting.

A young boy clad in a turban and tattered garments, accompanied by his pet monkey, had finally heard her cries for help and let her out. He had thought Coco was a genie and had asked if he could have a wish or three. Not wanting to argue lest she might find herself facing more trouble at the hands of any Lab Assistants in the area, Coco had wildly handed the boy her bright pink smartphone, telling him that it was a magical device that would serve him well. She had left him playing Angry Birds as she escaped into the night, soon returning to her own time period without a Crystal, Gem or Relic to show for herself. Crash, who had woken up from a lazy slumber in time to see the aftermath of Coco's predicament on the Time Twister's monitor, found the whole ordeal hilarious, not least because the Arabian boy's first action with the phone had been to unintentionally take a selfie of himself, becoming momentarily blinded by the flash and stumbing back, somehow managing to fall headfirst into the jar, his legs flailing about wildly until Coco pulled him out. The monkey, displeased at the misfortune Coco had brought upon its master, had then thrown... something unpleasant at Coco, which had splattered all over her face. Back in the present, Coco had just stepped out of the shower, having cleaned herself of the monkey's 'unpleasantness' and then some.

"Are you telling me that you haven't stopped laughing the whole time I was in the shower?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips, immediately regretting it as the azure blue towel draped around her started to slide down. The brainy bandicoot quickly hoisted it up to keep her chest covered and proceeded to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Crash managed to finally pull himself together after a few more moments, the shirtless hero putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he headed off towards the kitchen in search of snacks. Coco had told him not to spoil his dinner, for the pair were heading straight back to the Time Twister after eating, but Crash was Crash, and Crash never could say no to a veritable truckload of Wumpa fruit between meals. It was a wonder he was as skinny as he was.

Coco got dressed in some clean clothes, making sure her tank top hung down to her navel and that the straps of her light blue overalls rested comfortably on her shoulders. She sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled on her pink sneakers, tying the laces in decidedly exquisite bows. She then went to the mirror that overlooked her dresser drawer and brushed her blonde hair, wondering if she ought to let it hang down just to be different. Deciding against it, she tied her hair back into its usual ponytail, attaching her flower decoration smartly. She then pulled the topmost drawer out of the dresser and grabbed her spare smartphone, feeling no concern for her previous one. That Arabian boy's phone would no doubt have run out of power by now, not least because that was several hundred years ago from Coco's current perspective. The device would've been discarded or forgotten, lost amidst decades worth of museum-worthy trinkets and the like.

Coco pressed a button on the phone she now held and it beeped. She smiled before holding it up, pulling the silliest face she could muster with her tongue lolling out, and snapping a selfie. She then immediately took a step back, tripped over something that rested on the floor behind her and fell, landing on her bottom with a slight grunt of pain.

"Wow, that flash really is bright, isn't it?" she mused aloud, reaching behind her to pick up Crash's bazooka. Coco scoffed. "Typical. Leaves it lying around, loaded and everything. And what's it doing in my room?"

Earlier…

"I don't think we should be playing around with Coco's spare phone, Crash," Aku Aku said as he watched the spin-happy bandicoot hold the phone up in one hand, his bazooka propped up on his shoulder. He snapped a photo of himself, the flash startling him into firing the bazooka. A Wumpa fruit flew at mach speed across Coco's bedroom and smashed through the window. Mortified, Crash hurried over, drew the curtains across to conceal the damaged glass and quickly left the room, whistling nonchalantly.

I know selfie jokes are not very imaginative, but after seeing Coco pull that face in-game, I just had to incorporate it into a fanfic.

Stay tuned for more one-shots, including some that focus on the villains!

Oh, and just a head's up: When I use the term 'bandicoot' in lowercase, I'm referring to the species as a whole. When I spell it with a capital B, I'm referring to one of the Bandicoot siblings by surname.