LIFE, DEATH AND TRUTH
Lisbon was just leaving the CBI for the day when her phone buzzed from the passenger seat. Looking over at the Caller ID, she saw it was Jane. "Odd for him to call after he'd left for the day", she thought as she picked up the phone.
"Hey", she said.
"Lisbon can you come over to Dr. Steiner's…."
"Dr. Steiner's? Jane, why?"
"Lisbon, just please come. And hurry."
He sounded sincere but there was something he wasn't telling her.
"Is there a problem?"
"I'll tell you when you get here. OK?"
"Just tell me now." She bit her tongue. She really hoped she didn't come across too exasperated.
"I can't. There's something you need to see."
"OK. Text me the address", she sighed.
"Thank you", Jane said softly and hung up.
Ten minutes later she was knocking on Dr. Steiner's door.
Jane answered the door. The look on his face told her that there was something very wrong. She hated to admit it, but she just seemed to melt when he was honest with her. When he showed her a rare glimpse of his human vulnerability. Like now.
"Come in", Jane said as he opened the door and stepped aside for her to enter.
Lisbon immediately noticed a motionless Dr. Steiner sitting on the couch.
"Jane?", she said quietly, her voice and face showing concern as she looked back at Jane again.
"He's dead."
"Dead? How? Are you sure?"
"Sure. Come in the kitchen and I'll tell you what happened. Want some tea?"
"No. Just tell me what happened."
"I will. I promise. Please just come sit and have some tea with me while I tell you."
She acquiesced and he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the small kitchen table. He poured them tea as he began to recount the events of the last hour.
Hearing the story, she couldn't help but be moved. She was thinking how sad that it had come to the point that Steiner would rather take his own life than suffer what was to come. And she understood the reasons why he wouldn't want to have an autopsy performed on himself.
She was also thinking what a beautiful man was sitting before her. Not just his looks, but his soul. His true soul. And what a beautiful thing he had done for Steiner. Overcoming his own fear and reluctance to help another human being. She was also vaguely aware that that same beautiful man had just asked her something. Problem was, she just wasn't sure what he asked.
"Teresa?"
"Oh God", Lisbon thought. She knew she was a bit of a blubbering mess on the inside but the idea that Jane had been reading her every thought, well, now she felt her cheeks grow warm. And why did he have to use her first name? She was lucky there were no tears.
Lisbon quickly looked away and then just as quickly schooled her features and, as nonchalantly as possible, looked back at Jane and asked him what he had said.
But he didn't answer her. Instead, he reached out his hand and gently rested it on top of her hands which were resting, one on top of the other, on the table. "Hey, it's OK to show deep emotion, you know. In fact, you ought to try it more often. It becomes you", he said.
Well, if she wasn't inexplicably nervous enough, she now just laughed out loud and replied, "Yeah, right".
Needing to get herself out of this emotional hole she had dug for herself, she got up from the table and took her cup to the sink to wash it out. "Now what were you asking?" she asked as she focused on washing the teacup.
Jane got up and came to stand beside her at the sink, looking directly at her thus forcing her to turn and look at him. "I was asking if what Steiner said was true. Am I close enough to being a law enforcement officer that the authorities won't conduct an autopsy on him?"
"Um, I think so. Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know."
"Well, which is it?" he asked, amused.
"Shush!" Relieved that the mood had suddenly lightened, swung back to normal, she replied with an honest shrug. "Really, I should call LaRoche and ask."
"No. Please don't, Lisbon. I want to honor Steiner's wishes and also, I don't want LaRoche to think I had anything to do with Steiner's death."
"Well, you did", Lisbon said with a hint of honest accusation.
"That's not what I meant", Jane said with a little bit of afront.
Realizing she was letting her mood pendulum swing too far the other way now, Lisbon looked at him and simply said "I know. I'm sorry."
Their eyes locked for a few seconds.
Finally, Jane asked, "so?".
Lisbon replied while slowly nodding her head, "I'm thinking. I'm thinking that I'll just say I was here too, and that he just collapsed while we were talking. That will solve both potential problems."
Jane's face broke into a grateful grin, the kind that reached his eyes and made them sparkle. And then he hugged her. That big bear hug kind of hug that he was prone to do. "Oh no! Not the hug! No, not after that smile. This has to end. Now!", she thought. And with that, she broke from the hug. "Thank you.", Jane said sincerely and still smiling. Lisbon smiled awkwardly as she took a few steps back and turned to the side to take her phone out of her pocket.
All business-like again, Lisbon called the paramedics to come get Steiner's body.
After she hung up, she said "so who's the next of kin? We need to let them know".
And Jane shook his head. "I don't know."
With that they started looking through Dr. Steiner's things. No names or photos of family. Or any photos really, save one Jane found. It was very old. One with a young Steiner standing next to a pretty young woman. They were smiling and holding hands, her head leaning on his shoulder. Obviously, a lost love. Jane took the photo from the frame and turned it over. No names. No date. Only a heart drawn around the words "A S + J L 4-ever". "Sad. Sweet. Why didn't he find someone else? Maybe he couldn't.", Jane thought as he put the picture back in its frame.
"Who's that with Steiner?", Lisbon asked, indicating the photo, as she came to stand next to him.
"I don't know. Just initials. Her last not the same as his so not a wife or a relative. Guessing a girlfriend."
They heard a knock on the door. "Must be the paramedics.", Lisbon said.
"Mm.", was Jane's simple acknowledgement. He was still looking at Dr. Steiner's old photo.
About 45 minutes later, Lisbon signed off on her report to the paramedics and they left with Dr. Steiner's body. The building's landlord had arrived a little before that and Lisbon filled her in. Lisbon took the apartment key off the key ring she had found and handed it to the landlord, telling her that barring them finding any next of kin, the contents of the apartment were hers to do with as she liked.
"Jane,", Lisbon called, "let's go."
Jane rose from the little kitchen table where he had retreated during all the official business and silently followed Lisbon out the door.
Noticing Jane's somber mood, she was hesitant to let him go his own way.
"Hungry?", she asked. "I could go for a burger. There's a little place around the corner that…"
"No.", was Jane's curt reply, sending an unbidden wave of worry through Lisbon's entire body.
Then he looked at her apologetically and said "I mean yes, I'm hungry. But not a burger. It's not appropriate."
"A burger is not appropriate?" Lisbon replied with amused curiosity.
"No. We should honor Dr. Steiner".
Now Lisbon was really confused and more than a bit curious. The change in Jane's attitude towards the late Dr. Steiner was fascinating to her.
Lisbon spoke slowly, "OK. You want to honor Dr. Steiner?"
"Yes. Let's go to Napa. Some of the vineyards have lovely little restaurants.", Jane said hopefully.
"Napa? Jane, it's getting a little late."
"Oh yes, there's the Teresa Lisbon hesitancy with doing anything out of the ordinary. Even when it's not about work."
"So, what if we get a case? I'd hate to explain to LaRoche that I was in Napa…"
Jane cut her off, "Lisbon, you're off duty. LaRoche doesn't care what you do in your off time."
"But he'll be suspicious."
"Suspicious?", Jane asked, incredulously.
"You know."
Totally without a clue now, Jane lifted his palms in the air in a half shrug and gave a slight shake of his head and said, "I don't."
Lisbon mirrored his hand position in response and said, "You know. It will take me an hour to get to the office. He'll call you too, if there's a case, then it will take you an hour..." She paused. "and then, you know…" Lisbon trailed off sheepishly, circling her hands in an outward motion, dipping her head and looking at him as if willing him to understand.
"Aha!", Jane thought to himself. He knew exactly why she was getting flustered and his mood immediately lightened. This was going to be fun.
"Lisbon, what are you talking about?" Jane gave her his most sincere innocent stare.
Lisbon took a deep breath and contemplated what to say next. And then it just came kind of tumbling out while her cheeks slightly warmed. "Well, he'll think that we, that you and I, well, you know… that we were together."
"Oh, and this is a problem? We work together all the time."
Now, somewhat composed, Lisbon replied matter-of-factly, "We do. But, LaRoche is kind of creepy. He'll think….."
Jane, feigning bewilderment, took a couple of steps closer to her. "He'll think what, Teresa?"
And, BAM! There it was. Lisbon's cheeks went full on fire engine red. So, he continued in a sultry voice, "That we were on a date, that I had perhaps seduced you over a meal?"
Lisbon's mouth fell open as she turned her head to look away. She was speechless. Then she heard him say in his normal voice, "Come on, Lisbon. I remember telling you that I would never do that."
They were still standing close to each other so she took a few steps away before turning back to him. "Good." She said with a small nod of approval.
She wasn't so sure she was hungry any more. God, he had made her blush so easily.
"Now that we have that cleared up, can we please go up to Napa? I'm starving."
"OK", she thought. She just couldn't run for home now. Then he would know just how much he had affected her. God, she knew he already knew. And he had teased her. No, she couldn't run. Because there wasn't actually anything to run from. Right?
"Sure. I'll follow you up there. Just text me the address in case we get separated."
Jane smiled. "You don't have to drive up there. I'll drive us. Leave your car here and I'll bring you back to pick it up."
She gave him a wary look.
Trying to convince her, "LaRoche won't think anything. I promise. If he does, I'll hypnotize him."
Horrified, Lisbon responded, "Don't you dare! He'll have both our heads!"
"Well, how would he know if he was hypnotized if he was hypnotized? Unless, of course, you tell him." And with that, Jane motioned Lisbon towards his car.
Reluctantly sighing, Lisbon headed toward his car. Jane smiled as he thought to himself, "God, this woman is so difficult!".
Once they were on the highway, Lisbon asked, "So why Napa, Jane? Why drive all the way up there tonight?"
"Because, Lisbon, the serenity."
She saw the truth in that assessment and simply nodded, resigned. It was beautiful in Napa.
They spent the drive talking about the things that had transpired with Todd Johnson, Hightower and LaRoche. This led to Jane recounting the case of the murdered gold prospector with Hightower. He actually gave Lisbon a brief history of the California Gold Rush and elaborated on how thrilling it must be to actually find gold, or any treasure, for that matter. And with that they turned onto the long winding drive to the Bellissima Vineyards and Restaurant which sat at the top of the hill in front of the vineyards. It was just sunset and the scattered clouds were turning fabulous shades of pink and purple and the sky was fading from a brilliant turquoise in the west to an inky dark blue towards the east. Jane parked the car and they started to make their way up the winding path to the restaurant.
Halfway up, Jane stopped. "Beautiful, isn't it?", Jane asked Lisbon, making a grand gesture to the horizon. "It's a Maxfield Parrish kind of sky tonight, Lisbon."
"Maxfield Parrish?", she asked, gazing up at the sky.
"He was a very successful American painter and illustrator in the first half of the 20th century. He's known for his distinctive saturated hues and idealized neo-classical imagery. And skies like this. He would have painted this, Lisbon."
"Oh.", she nodded with a smile. She marveled, as she sometimes did but would never admit, at his depth and breadth of knowledge.
They entered the building and were escorted to a courtyard dining area that opened up to a rose garden and a view of the vineyards to the east. There was a large tree in the center with branches that covered the entire courtyard. Simple white lights were strung throughout the branches that seemed to mimic the stars, and large white candles surrounded by fresh pink hydrangea rings sat in the middle of each lavender cloth-covered table.
Jane smiled. "See, Lisbon? Serenity."
She was moved by the beautiful, romantic setting. No wonder they had weddings here. She had noticed the wedding services brochures on the table near the entry way. Her thoughts were interrupted by the hostess informing them to follow her to their table.
After they had ordered dinner and the waiter had poured their wine, Jane raised his glass, "To Dr. Steiner."
"To Dr. Steiner." Lisbon replied as they clinked their glasses.
After the toast, she asked "So, Jane, what changed? I mean with you and Dr. Steiner? I thought he always annoyed you."
"Not always. Not really. He was fun to tease."
"Relentlessly.", Lisbon supplied.
Jane dipped his head and lifted his glass a little in acknowledgment. "Maybe a little.", Jane said with a wink and grinned in fond remembrance.
"So… what changed?"
"Well, he was sick…."
"He was sick? So, you decided to be nice to him because he was sick.," Lisbon said in that slightly disapproving tone that he had heard so often from her.
"No. I mean, yeah. But not like that. He was a good man, Lisbon. I always knew that. Like I said, just fun to tease. But when I found out he was sick and he asked me if he could help on the case, I knew he was more than sick."
The waiter interrupted with their entrees and then Jane continued, "It was kind of the least I could do to let him help."
"Well, he seemed to enjoy helping.", Lisbon acknowledged.
"That he did. He had fun. He told me so.", Jane raised his eyebrows and nodded.
"You're a good man, Patrick Jane.", Lisbon smiled.
"Yeah, well most people don't think so."
"Only because you have a terrible habit of aggravating them.", she pointed out.
"Mmmmm. This pasta is really fabulous.", Jane said, changing the subject.
Rather than persist, Lisbon agreed that the food was really delicious. She wondered why he couldn't see the goodness that she saw in him.
They ate in companionable silence for a while. Each enjoying their food and contemplating their own thoughts. Then Jane broke the silence by asking the waiter to refill their wine glasses.
After the waiter left, Jane remarked dejectedly, "I almost didn't."
Lisbon looked up to see him hang his head.
He lifted his head and they held each other's gaze for a moment before Jane turned his gaze towards the vineyard.
He took a deep breath and turned back to look at Lisbon. "I almost didn't stay with him, Lisbon. I didn't, I didn't know if I could actually watch him die. I guess it didn't seem right to me that he wanted to take his own life."
With compassion, Lisbon gently replied, "but you did stay, Jane. Look, anybody would have a hard time sitting by while someone purposefully took his own life."
"Mm", Jane sighed. He took another deep breath and took another few bites of his dinner. Then he said, "It was so peaceful." And he was silent again.
After he didn't elaborate, Lisbon asked, "What was peaceful?" She knew the answer because he had already told her back at Steiner's place, but she hoped he would want to talk about it some more.
"Well, obviously, you know his actual death was peaceful. But he was peaceful… before." He looked up into the tree, "I don't know. He was just committed to his decision." He looked back at Lisbon, "His apartment was peaceful too. It was strange, really." He took a sip of his wine and continued, "And that picture of him and his lady friend. He was obviously very happy at one point, but he died alone."
"He didn't die alone, Jane. You were there. I think that counts.", Lisbon said softly.
"Maybe."
Lisbon had stopped eating and was sipping her wine. She remained quiet, she understood.
Then his countenance grew dark, "I'll die alone. But I won't go quietly, Lisbon. I'll die a violent death. I deserve it."
Surprised by his sudden change in demeanor, Lisbon said, "You won't. You don't." She was desperate to convince him, but she couldn't immediately come up with anything else to say.
Jane countered, "I will and I do. You know my past. I've done terrible things."
"But you've done really good things too, Jane. And since you're not really a psychic, you can't predict how you will die." Then an awful thought crossed Lisbon's mind. "Unless you plan on…."
Seeing the fear and pain in her eyes, Jane moved quickly to calm her. "No, I won't do that, Lisbon. I promise you that." And he realized that he actually meant it.
"I hope not, Jane.", she said with a trembling voice.
"I won't.", he assured her.
Lisbon nodded in acceptance of his words.
At that, Jane motioned to the waiter to bring the check.
There was no conversation for the first fifteen minutes of the drive back.
It was Jane who chose to break the silence.
"What's wrong, Lisbon? I promise I won't do it."
Lisbon, who had been looking out her window this time replied, "I believe you, Jane.", without turning to look at him.
"Ask your question."
"I don't have a question, Jane. You don't know everything." And with that, she crossed her arms.
"No, I don't. And no need for you to be petulant. I know you want to talk about something."
Lisbon finally let down her guard, "OK, I do. And I will, but you have to promise me you'll talk to me. Honestly."
"Honestly? Really? Why do you have to take the fun out of everything?"
"Fine. We're done."
"Come on, Lisbon. I was kidding."
"Well, don't."
"Promise. I'll be serious. Ask your question.", Jane responded.
Lisbon was satisfied that he meant it and she began hesitantly, "Do you really want to die violently?"
Jane sighed, "Honestly, I would prefer to die peacefully. I'm just not sure that will be an option. As you pointed out, I can't predict how I will die."
"OK. Then what will you do after Red John is in prison?"
"Or dead."
"Or dead.", she repeated.
Jane continued, "Well, I always supposed that he would kill me or I'd go to prison for life. If it's the former, I won't have to worry about anything anymore and if it's the latter, I'd hope you would visit me."
He cast a glance her way to catch no reaction from her. So he added, "Look on the bright side, you'd always know where I was 24/7."
She snorted, "You'd probably escape."
"Probably.", Jane agreed.
Lisbon continued her interrogation, "So what if you didn't die or you didn't go to prison?"
"Well, I'd probably leave. Go somewhere nice for a while. Somewhere away from all the death and drama that the CBI seems to be so enthralled with."
"Like to the beach or the mountains?", she asked and then added, "And, by the way, we're not enthralled, it's our job." To which Jane rolled his eyes.
"No. Farther.", he replied. "Like an island somewhere would be nice. I could get a boat, a sailboat. I think that `would be lovely. And I could learn to surf and snorkel..."
That made Lisbon laugh. "You? Surfing and snorkeling? Yeah, right."
"I'm serious. I've always wanted to do those things."
That was encouraging. She was glad to hear there were things he would like that were indicative to living. To moving on.
"So, would you come back? To the CBI I mean?"
"I don't know. I don't think I would. My purpose for being there would be complete."
Lisbon turned to look out her window again, thankful for the darkness. "You're good at what you do, Jane. You close cases. And besides, the team would miss you.", she said, still staring out the window.
"That may be, but that doesn't mean that's what I'd want to do with the rest of my life. And, obviously, I'd miss the team, too."
They could see the glow from the Sacramento lights now and Lisbon thought she should probably ask before they got back to her car and she lost her nerve. "I know this is extremely personal, but do you think, you know, you'd ever…. I mean would you want to live alone the rest of your life? You know, if you stayed on your island or whatever?"
"Ahh, well, uh, Lisbon, I don't envision a deserted island. Food, shelter, electricity, running water are pretty desirable. I'd maybe want to find something to do.", Jane answered.
"Like a job?"
"Maybe. Or a hobby."
Lisbon was curious, "But wouldn't you need money?"
Jane turned his head to look out his window and smiled. "Well, there's always bartering, Lisbon."
"Bartering?"
Jane looked straight ahead, "Yes, the art of trading between two people one thing for another…"
"I KNOW what bartering is, Jane.", Lisbon replied.
Jane couldn't help laughing. She was so fun and easy to rile up. He would, indeed, miss that.
By now they had reached the city limits and Jane said, "Well, look at that. It's 11:15 and no case, no call from LaRoche looking for us tonight. Although that may be because I called him and told him you and I wouldn't be available tonight."
Lisbon gasped before realizing Jane was teasing her.
"Gotcha!", he exclaimed pointing his finger at her.
"Very funny.", she replied with mock annoyance.
"We should go to Dr. Steiner's funeral.", Jane announced with sincerity.
"We should."
Jane pulled up beside Lisbon's car. "Thank you.", he told her.
"For what?" She looked at him innocently. She loved to pretend she didn't know the reason when she actually did, just so he would tell her.
"For agreeing to go to Napa with me this evening. It was nice."
"It was, but you really didn't have to pay for mine…"
"Lisbon, I was the one who dragged you up there. It was the least I could do."
"You didn't drag me.", she smiled.
She moved to get out of the car.
"Good night, Lisbon."
"Good night, Jane."
Once Lisbon was safely in her car, Jane left, thoughts of the day's events on his mind. And he was immensely thankful that their trip had come to an end. He didn't want to think about the answers to Lisbon's questions. She was digging too deep. And he really didn't like how that affected him. On the one hand he felt like he wanted to tell her everything, but on the other, he knew he couldn't. At least, not yet.
Lisbon sat in her car, thinking about the day's events and watching until Jane's tail lights disappeared from view. She was immensely grateful to gain a little more insight into Patrick Jane, the man. However, she had sensed his nervousness at her questioning. She was getting too close and he deflected. Barely noticeable. And she had let his misdirect get past her. But he was a master at taking conversations where he wanted to take them, which was anywhere but the truth he was hiding deep down inside his soul. He wasn't ready to tell her. And maybe, just maybe, she really didn't want to know what that truth was, at least not yet.
THE END